Horror Heroes: 5 Fun Facts You May Not Know About the Crypt Keeper

I remember quite distinctly the first time an eight-year-old version of myself, had snuck into the hallway of my childhood home upon hearing some hauntingly delightful music blaring from the television well past my bedtime. Being the nosy little fucker I am, I ninja-ed my way out my bedroom door and into our hallway where I peeked around a corner that held a slightly obstructed, yet palatable view of our living room- but most importantly here, the television set. In which I had a great view of in my little corner of secrecy. I spotted my parents snuggled up on our Roseanne-esque sofa, eyes fixed at our beastly Sony TV that sat heavily on the shag carpet where visions of thunder, lightning, an obvious haunted house, and cackling laughter filled the screen. And that’s when I caught my first glimpse of one of THEE most important staples of any ’90s kid’s childhood- The Crypt Keeper.

 

Of course, I wasn’t the greatest sneakster, so I was spotted pretty quickly during the first few minutes of the program. Although, much to my delight and having the coolest dad ever, he invited me to join in to watch alongside and thus begun a Saturday night ritual of tits, gore, and the most awfully awesome puns from the Crypt Keeper that I repeated to friends the following Monday before the school bell rang. Parenting at it’s finest, am I right?! I guess I was pretty lucky to have the sort of father who had no shame in lying to my mother saying he was taking me to the movies to see Lady and the Tramp when what he really meant to say was he was taking his ten-year-old daughter to the cinema to watch The Exorcist III, (and yes, I loved every second of being scared shitless from the articulate Gemini Killer.) Anyway, twenty some odd years later and episodes via Tales From the Crypt remains a beloved staple in my rotation slot, as I’m sure with many of you boils and ghouls as well. On that note, I figured I’d tip my hat to the putrid host with the most and drop a few HAXILERATING fun facts about the gangly little puppet we all fell in love with his first appearance back in 1989.

 

5. Jeepers Keeper, Where’d You Get Those Eyes?

chucky

Yep, if you ever thought to yourself, “Hey self, ole’ Crypty boy’s eyes look a tad familiar,” then you are right about that young padawan.  Infamous creature designer Kevin Yagher used a clear pair of his previous creation’s baby blues’ Chucky, as part of the design for the animatronic Crypt Keeper. Also, much like with the little Lake Shore Strangler, it also took a skilled team of six people to operate the Keeper’s animatronics.

 

5. The Crypt Keeper Actually Has an Origins Story

lower berth

In case it has been some time since you’ve revisited the series or perhaps missed this one entirely, season two intentionally gave us a surprise origin story of our favorite undead master of bad puns and shock tales. Episode 14 appropriately titled Lower Berth brings us to Feeley’s Fantastic Fairway of Freaks, where we meet a rather sensitive two-headed mutant corpse named Enoch who has a boner for an ancient mummy named Myrna. Enoch escapes the freak show and the hands of his abusive owner with Myrna and they have an ummm, interesting night in a dank cave before they are discovered a year later and taken back to the carnival prison. That is, however, not before a hellish offspring is birthed by Myrna- the Crypt Keeper. And he’s totally kind of cute! In the post discussion of the story with the Keeper, he states his parents are still at the carnival today, 80 years later. So, I suppose that makes the Keeper 80 years old at the time of the tale.

 

3. There Are Two Versions Out There Of Each Episode

crpt keeper director

Robert Zemeckis and fellow producers knew they had syndication gold on their hands, so they wanted to plan ahead for Tales to maybe be eventually broadcast on other stations that weren’t so shall we say, lenient when it comes to sex, language, and gore. and that’s exactly what happened in the Summer of 1994 over at FOX as they picked up the series as part of their late-night programming. The episodes were re-edited with alternate scenes that cut out all the naughty fun stuff, and actors were instructed to loop those hilarious dubs of non-foul language into scenes while shooting. Fuckin’ became friggin’ and so on. It was nice for those who didn’t have a subscription to HBO or if you some serious uptight parents that allowed this version to be seen. There’s always a silver lining.

 

2. The Series Got Reworked As a Game Show

The 90’s were the prime era for kids and weirdly fun game shows. With gems like Legends of the Hidden Temple and Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?, why not base a kid-friendly game show on a series known for tits and blood?! Although it only lasted one season, Secrets of the Crypt Keeper’s Haunted House came to Universal Orlando and syndicated into CBS Saturday mornings in 1996 featuring John Kassir and his puppet alter ego. Two teams with team names of “scary creatures” of a pair of kiddies competed for the glorious and coveted prize of a brand new Apple computer by answering questions from a giant floating head and successfully completing obstacles such as Fireball Alley and The Swamp From Hell. All while CK is taunting them in the process, because hey, that’s what he does right? Even with just one season under their belt, the program did somehow get nominated for a Daytime Emmy in the Outstanding Game Show category. Of course, that win went to The Price is Right but it’s kind of cool it got some recognition!

 

1. The Crypt Keeper Released a Christmas Album

Tales From the Crypt Christmas

Oh yes, we’re decking the halls with parts of Charlie with this pun-tastic holiday album featuring the Crypt Keeper! Released in 1994 by Warner Bros., the horror holiday affair with the late night ghoul of fright including such national treasure tracks as “We Wish You’d Bury The Missus”, “Twelve Days of Cryptmas”, and the all-important rap song featuring the horror icon! I mean, Freddy had the Fat Boys and Maniac Cop got into the rap game. It only seems appropriate for the king of wordplay to hop on that bandwagon and drop some sick rhymes too!

In Memorium: The Majesty of Bill Gold and the Movie Poster

As you may, or may not have heard, the legendary Bill Gold sadly passed away on May 20th, 2018 at the respectable age of 96. Some of you may be asking the obvious question, “Who the hell is Bill Gold?” Well, if you’re not balls deep into the cinematic world of art and film, it’s quite possible you may have never heard the name. However, I guarantee you’ve seen the man’s work and didn’t even realize it.

Born on January 3rd, 1921, American graphic designer William Gold is wildly known throughout the entertainment industry as the go-to-man for movie poster art to promote films. With a career spanning over 60 years in the business, Gold is responsible for the art of over 2,000 movie posters going all the way back to the golden year of 1942 with Yankee Doodle Dandy, ending with his final work for J. Edgar in 2011. With graduate schooling from the Pratt Institute, Gold poured his heart and soul into cinematic artwork for films that have imprinted their own legacy in the world of visual culture including the beloved horror genre. Movie posters such as The Exorcist, The Exorcist II: The Heretic The Funhouse, Alien, and Kubrick’s cinematic masterpiece A Clockwork Orange are directly from the mind of Bill Gold. In particular, with such an iconic black and white foggy visual that we all know from the 1973 massive achievement in horror, I think we all need to collectively give at least sixty seconds of silence to the man who without his talent, the art we associate these films with would have never been.

 

 

If you’d like to send your respects, the family asks donations be made to the Fisher Center for Alzheimer’s Research Foundation in honor of Bill Gold.

Netflix Releases First Look at She-Ra and the Princesses of Power Series!

Move Prince of Eternia. Adora, the true Princess of Power and He-Man’s female counterpart She-Ra is getting the modern makeover over at Netflix with a new animated series headed to the streaming later this year!

You go girl.

Netflix Releases First Look at She-Ra and the Princesses of Power Series!

In the early ’80s, He-Man and the Masters of the Universe was the goddamn jam for us kids. Based on the massive success of a toy line, He-Man and friends became an epic animated series that bears some heavy nostalgia for humanoids young and old of that era. As with any hot commodity, He-Man got a spin-off series catered more towards young girls to broaden their horizons and grow the Eternia Empire into something unstoppable. Well, that is until that 1987 featured film starring the wonderful Dolph Lundgren (he is a goddamn national treasure) hit the theater scene. Then, the stock of Greyskull plummeted faster than Skeletor could make some sarcastic comment.  Although realistically, I’m sure he was laughing his ass off.

Anywho, streaming giant Netflix announced some time ago that they were giving He-Man’s long-lost twin sister a series of her own, breathing life once again into the fictional planet of Etheria! According to reports, this new take on the cult classic follows orphan Adora, who leaves behind her former life in the evil Horde (. She then discovers a magical sword that can transform her into the warrior princess She-Ra, and unites a group of magical princesses “in the ultimate fight against evil.” Fans of the original series may remember Adora’s first appearance in the Filmation animated movie The Secret of the Sword, which was used to set up She-Ra’s backstory prior to The Princess of Power series. And also a cool way to get He-Man and She-Ra together to kick all the ass. So it looks as if they’re staying somewhat faithful to the original concept. However, there are no reports of He-Man making any appearances in your next binge-worthy series along with Madame Razz or Kowl (he was kind of annoying anyway). But who knows, the first episodes are set to premiere globally later in 2018, so anything can change before then.

The Princess of Power voice cast includes Aimee Carrero (Elena of Avalor) as Adora/She-Ra; Karen Fukuhara (Suicide Squad) as Glimmer; AJ Michalka (The Goldbergs) as Catra, Marcus Scribner (black-ish) as Bow; Reshma Shetty (Royal Pains) as Angella; and Lorraine Toussaint (Orange is the New Black) as Shadow Weaver.

She Ra Netflix Poster

Image via Netflix

For the First Time Ever, We’re Getting an AWESOME “Unsolved Mysteries” Vinyl From Terror Vision

I can say with absolute certainty no other announcement you’ll see on this momentous day that one day someone will write a song about, (or Hell, year even) is more important and glorious as this one. LP soundtrack and VHS converter specialist company Terror Vision is releasing an OFFICIAL soundtrack from the national treasure program THAT IS Unsolved Mysteries.

Upon learning this, I had to take a minute to get my shit together so I could help spread the wonderful gospel…

Related image

 

Yes, friends and fans of the nightmare-inducing late 80’s and 90’s weekly program full of ghosts, murders, and tales of good ole’ Nessie. Ryan Graveface (of Graveface Records) has made all of our horror soundtracks dreams come true with never before released tracks from the show! In collaboration with UM creator John Cosgrove, Graveface has put together an LP that any die-hard fan will treasure for years to come. Complete with five (5) Unsolved Mysteries theme songs/closing credits, ghost-related cue music and missing/wanted scores! It’s important to note this soundtrack has NEVER had a release before in any format. And now, we not only get to relive the soundtrack and themes that were, and still are, the stuff of pure nightmares, but a special bundle including a kick-ass tee shirt and enamel pin are being offered as well with an Unsolved LP single!

Per the site from Ryan Graveface:

Immediately after “inking the deal” with John Cosgrove (Unsolved Mysteries creator), I was sent several hundred DAT tapes of all the music for the show. So from February until a few weeks ago I would spend several hours a day making sense of everything. The single LP version features my personal favorite songs from the ghost related segments of Unsolved Mysteries whereas this triple LP set contains EVERYTHING written for the ghost segments. This version is very very limited as it’s really just meant for diehard fans.

The UNSOLVED MYSTERIES GHOSTS / HAUNTINGS / THE UNEXPLAINED 3XLP VERSION:

Triple LP version featuring 5 UM theme songs/closing credits, 120 (!!) ghost related cues and the missing/wanted music.

  • First time the score has been available on any format!
  • Audio pulled from original tapes / remastered
  • Triple Gatefold Stoughton packaging / 3 full-color inner sleeves
  • Liner notes from creator John Cosgrove, composer Gary Malkin & Ryan Graveface (me!)

Choose your vinyl colorway:

180 Gram Colored Wax

180 Gram Black as night

Also available with a Tee and enamel pin bundle package!

For the First Time Ever, We're Getting an AWESOME "Unsolved Mysteries" Vinyl From Terror Vision

 

UNSOLVED MYSTERIES: GHOSTS / HAUNTINGS / THE UNEXPLAINED SINGLE LP BUNDLE:

This bundle includes the single LP on your choice of black or colored vinyl, a tee with the “galaxy” logo and an enamel pin designed by Chloe Pinnock. The tee and pin will NOT be available outside of this bundle.

Single LP version featuring 3 UM theme songs, 29 ghost related cues and the missing/wanted music.

  • Audio pulled from original tapes / remastered

  • Gatefold packaging / full-color inner sleeve

Choose your vinyl colorway:

180 Gram retail/mailorder color (“Last Light” variant for those keeping track)

180 Gram Black as night

180 Gram Hand-Poured wax  (Terror Vision Subscribers only – join to receive)

 

As these are never-before-released tracks, I can only assume this will sell out fairly quickly. Join me, and click the links above to get your pre-order in with an expected arrival to your home date in July!

Netflix New Doc Series “Evil Genius” Drops New Evidence Over the Pizza Bomber Nightmare

As I laid idly in bed this Saturday morning at a ridiculously early time of 6:45 AM due to being awakened by the animated sounds of Pokemon blaring from my eight-year-old’s television (hey, I’m not mad-we all did that shit when we were kids on a lovely Saturday morning), I flipped on my own personal TV and tuned to Netflix as part of the morning waking process. Immediately, I was struck by a new featured series promotion on the top of the screen and in my half-dazed aura, flipped it on and holy shit guys. The brand new true-crime-doc series touching on the tragic and quite horrifying events in Erie, Pennsylvania that bestow a pizza delivery man back on August 28, 2003, is going to be your next binge obsession folks.

Netflix New Doc Series "Evil Genius" Drops New Evidence Over the Pizza Bomber Nightmare

I don’t believe it’s an understatement at all with the fact that we all have a fascination with the true crime genre. Going back to the days of the Manson murders, we have become fixated on high-profile cases and the more bizarre the scene, the further our curiosity peaks. I think it’s safe to say the strangely fatal scene involving Brian Wells robbing a bank with a collar bomb around his neck, and it actually detonating while in arrest mode certainly shocked the hell out of us all fifteen years ago; not to mention raising a ton of questions. Were there multiple people involved? And if so, who exactly?  Also, was Wells himself actually a conspirator? Well, Netflix’s four-part documentary Evil Genius brought to us by Jay and Mark (Creep, The League– Yes, THAT MARK) Duplass shines not just a light looking back onto the events surrounding the case, but actually unearthing some downright SHOCKING new evidence. Good work guys.

The doc centers on an investigation begun by Trey Borzillieri, who spent years examining the case while speaking with the core antagonist and convicted mastermind of the whole ordeal Marjorie Diehl-Armstrong. As we begin to go over the events concerning Brian Wells, things get really peculiar with additional crimes connected to the “Pizza Bomber” escapade. The series also touches on Armstrong’s background, mental health, further associates that may have been involved, and interviews from both sides of the law connecting the dots around this case. Unlike 2017’s massive obsession with Making a Murderer with an ending that just raises more questions and leaves us to make our own conclusion, Evil Genius wraps things up kind of nicely in the form of a  discovery of an unexpected confession.

I mean, I was totally mind-fucked by this whole series. I remember quite vividly seeing the news and horrific outcome regarding this story back in the Summer of ’03. But until today, I had forgotten completely about it. If you’re a true crime nut (and hey, most of us are), I would definitely check this out over the weekend before all the spoilers hit your newsfeed.

Eibon Press and the Future-Past of Horror Comics!

It’s time to crack open the forbidden tomes of Eibon, faithful followers. Here we bid a long farewell to our flesh. Beyond this point, there shall be no return. The mind will melt and the soul filleted as such oozing spectacles assault our vision from the Beyond.  Forsake ye all hopes for a restful grave at the sure ending of life, because a hideous power, one of wickedness and dread, this way quickly comes. Eibon has been reopened forthwith ushering us into fresh circles of Hell.

 

. . . The Book of Eibon, that strangest and rarest of occult forgotten volumes … is said to have come down through a series of manifold translations from a prehistoric original written in the lost language of Hyperborea.
—Clark Ashton Smith, “Ubbo-Sathla”

 

Eibon Press is proving themselves to be the unrelenting future of horror comics. With a lethal eye trained for macabre details, they are undoubtedly the undisputed masters of their craft. By blending gruesome art with fiendish tales they masterfully weave new layers of terror into some of our most cherished exploitation films and cult classics, thus ensuring their secured place in horror history.

 

EPFbP 1
image via Eibon Press Facebook Page

 

Horror naturally prospers in comic book form, mainly because the MPAA can’t step in with their bitchy attitudes and erase away any sight of blood, guts or sexuality that might make them blush with a bad case of the vapors. Many of our favorite horror franchises have suffered needlessly beneath the rigorous afflictions of uptight censorship, thus ruining some perfectly good horror movie opportunities in terms of those messy little meaty details. Friday the 13th, at least the later films, were systematically abused by the righteous endeavors of the MPAA. Luckily, the grimy halls of comic books are unspoiled by such convictions and their haunted halls are rife with maniacs who freely kick down our doors, raise their chipped hatchets and cleave our puny good sensibilities into a bloody and gurgling pulp.

 

Eipbon Press
image via Eibon Press

 

Now, if you’ve had a chance to read anything from Avatar Press – I’m thinking especially Wormwood, but especially Crossed – or just about anything by Garth Ennis, you’ll know immediately what I mean here. Comic books are not safe, and woe to any who thinks differently. No one who appears in such macabre volumes shall be spared. Their eyes will melt and their flesh decay, no one, not even our most beloved of heroes, are safe beneath the ink of those given to this expression of Art. These writers and artists will not hesitate to shove us down and kick our teeth in.  Oh no, horror comics are not safe, and they never should be.

 

EPFbP 4
image via Eibon Press Facebook Page

 

This is an unshakable fact Eibon Press knows about very, very well. In the hands of these master sadists, the Art has taken a new form in order to distribute the Evangelium of terror. To gross someone out is honestly not in the least bit complicated, and believe me, many have (failingly) attempted to gain an audience by simply defiling their readers’ eyes through shocking gross-outs. But to craft an engaging story, to make the Art come to life, to beget something that will continue in the minds of their audience long after the reader puts away the book is only a thing masters of the craft can accomplish.  It takes truly insidious talent to breathe something into existence that invades our normal everyday lives, plaguing us with visceral images and ghoulish scenes we won’t soon forget. Not just anybody can achieve this level of the Art. Junji Ito is able to do this effortlessly and has been my reigning favorite horror artist until I met with Eibon Press and witnessed what they have to offer.

Just like horror movies have many genres, the same is equally true of horror comics. In the case of Eibon Press, they’ve skillfully dominated the sodden field of exploitation experiences. Be it a grimy alleyway with dripping echoes of sweltering lust and shame, perhaps the humid gates of everlasting Hell, or a restless cemetery where the rotting dead rise out of the mire and mold – Eibon Press depicts some wonderfully dreadful landscapes you will traverse once you crack open their pages. Violence awaits and there will be no turning back once you enter. It is a horror fan’s paradise.

 

Eibon press
image via Eibon Press

 

They make gritty somehow beautiful. Ascetically brilliant, they make full use of color to accentuate the full volume of gore at hand. I can guarantee gore hounds will not be disappointed! And as for tone, well this is like the equivalent of your favorite death metal albums in illustrated form. There will be slaughter and lots of blood.

But all is not just blood, guts and eroticism. These guys are better than that and build upon plot and focus on the characters who must face all the horrors Hell has to offer. If you think this is just an-all out splatterfest…well, you’d be correct! It gets very sticky as you turn the pages, but I assure you it’s the stories they’ve released that will keep you turning those pages.

Eibon Press specializes in embellishing upon the beloved cult classics of Lucio Fulci, and I love them for that! I’ve always been a Fulci fan so I approached these comics with a critical eye. I was not disappointed, but very much the opposite. I was impressed by how much love and care they handled the material with. It didn’t take long to realize these guys love Fulci’s work as much as I do.

 

EPFbP
image via Eibon Press Facebook Page

 

I did say they embellish on the stories. For example, when reading Gates of Hell (City of the Living Dead) we get a lot more details of the evil priest who hangs himself at the beginning of the movie. With the use of some good narrative, the team gives us a fuller and broader story to the lores we already love and know. If you think you know everything there is to know about Zombi, think again. There is so much more to glean from that vicious story, and with the comic Zombie, Eibon proves this to be true. For example, you know how Zombi 2 ends? Well, Eibon extends the story and takes us right into the chaotic-strewn streets of the city. Put on your big boy pants because it just keeps getting more and more savage.

 

In case that’s already not enough to have you ready to order their entire line of comics, let me tempt you even further. In their epic Gates of Hell title, not only is Eibon giving us the hellish story of City of the Living Dead, but this is only the start of the Saga of the 7 Gates line. A series that begins with CotLD and will involve both The Beyond and House By the Cemetery, mummy! And I’m pretty sure Bob won’t be anywhere near as annoying in comic form as that little shit was in the movie. “Mummy, I see a girl in the window, Mummy! Mummy! Mummy! Mummy!”

Ok I got it out of my system. That fucking voice though! Screw you, Bob!

They have also adapted both Maniac and Laserblast into comic form. Laserblast, people! I never in my sickest fever dreams would have ever expected that to be a comic storyline! Oh, you’re uninitiated into the sillines of Laserblast. Here, check this out.

 

Isn’t that just glorious? Only diehard fans of horror would take the time to adapt a movie this spectacularly cheesy into an art form and share it so a new generation may discover it. And after a speaking with these guys, I know they are indeed fans of the genre.

 

As a bonus feature for both of these (Maniac and Laserblast) you can get a truly unique VHS sleeve. Oh, that’s another thing, not only are we treated to some of the best gore in comics today, but, just like any great DVD release, we are also given loads of bonus content with every comic purchase. Bookmarks, fliers, collectible cards and (in some cases) music tracks. Yeah, they give codes for exclusive music content relating to the comics. When’s the last time Marvel did that? These guys treat the fans!

I can’t kiss the publisher’s ass enough. And no, I didn’t get a special deal from them. I’m still paying full price plus shipping, and that’s fine by me. I’m just a fan who wants everyone else to know what they’ve been missing. So let’s hurry up and fix it.

 

The Dead Walk
image via The Dead Walk

 

Eibon also has a totally original run called Bottomfeeder which is as pretty as a truckstop outhouse. That’s not a criticism either. It’s a story set in the 80’s and features some all-time favorite cult faces who regularly make cameos throughout the story. You can call it detectivesploitation as our asshole anti-hero is set against Roger Corman’s Humanoids From the Deep. Holy shit! Just typing that line was exciting.

 

Eibon Press Facebook Page 2
image via Eibon Press Facebook Page

 

These guys go for the jugular and never apologize for it. These are wickedly dangerous comics and you’ll need your manliest pair of britches to get into them, but you will not regret it. Fair warning these are in no way safe for work or around kids. There is explicit nudity in them all. And if child death affects you I would advise you stay away. Like in any good Fulci film kids are known to get a bad case of dead here.

 

Eibon Press 2
image via Eibon Press

 

Out of all the horror comics to choose from out there these guys are my absolute favorite. You cannot find these titles in stores, however, so be sure to visit their website here and don’t be scared to buy. Already Zombie is in its third printing and sells out like mad. Pretty sure I’ll be doing a review of that run fairly soon.

I’ve been talking with Eibon on the possibility of there being a Madman comic, and the idea is out there. So fingers crossed.

This has been Manic Exorcism once again hoping you stay scared and dare to open these forbidden Gates and unleash a little Hell.

 

 

Classic Commercials: Discontinued Cereals That You May Have Forgot Actually Existed

If there be only one other thing that you associated school-less Saturday mornings’ with per our youth other than the glorious array of animated programming, it’s the sugary pellets drowned in 2% sitting on our metal character TV trays promptly sat in front of a beastly television box. Because let’s face facts, chances are you were up way earlier than everyone else in order to call all the dibs on either FOX KIDS or CBS Saturday Mornings, and the ritual wasn’t complete without the breakfast of champions. It was quick, easy, and satisfying- especially in regard to a fresh unopened box that held a crappy piece of sugary-coated plastic within. And who cares. It was yours, and you got to that toy first. That was the start of a perfect Saturday.

 

10 Discontinued Cereals' That You May Have Forgot Actually Existed

 

Anyway, through our youth and well into adulthood we’ve seen a shit-ton of limited edition and themed cereal associated with film and TV come and then disappear as fast as they came. Maybe you remember some of these, and maybe you had no clue these suckers actually existed. In any regard, let’s travel down slightly-soggy memory lane and take a look at a few retro kinds of cereal from our childhood!

 

 10. Mr. T

If you’ve never seen Pee Wee’s Big Adventure (and just what is wrong with you) then you might not even know about the infamous Mr. T cereal that debuted back in 1984. Developed by Quaker Oats, it sort of had a taste reminiscent of Cap’n Crunch. Also, I pity the fool that still doesn’t have their exclusive Mr. T stickers that came with a fresh box.

 

9. C-3PO’s

The force was totally located in your bowl with 1984’s Kelloggs cash-grab at the Star Wars franchise. I never had this one myself, but if you remember Alpha-Bits at all, many have said the Droid centered cereal tasted much like it. C-3PO’s usually carried some great prizes inside like masks from the films and plastic Rebel Rockets. However, I believe many were most stoked about the send away offers for the coveted Kenner action figures it offered.

 

8. Ghostbusters 

Who could forget the all-important Ghostbusters cereal, and even more so, the commercial that advertised an opportunity to visit the Ghostbusters’ headquarters and meet one in person!  Complete with marshmallow ghosts, fruity O’s, and glow in the dark Slimer marshmallows added later, the Ralston brand actually went through four different looks for the cereal: Two for each film, and two for the animated series one in which featuring Slimer. Whichever one you remember, it was a damn good cereal that turned your milk an excellent green. Speaking of excellence…

 

7. Bill and Ted

Well, clearly one of the most “awesome breakfast adventures” you’ll ever have is with the righteous Bill and Ted! Another Ralston creation, Bill and Ted’s Adventure cereal was a cinnamon-based flavored cereal with musical note marshmallows. If you remember this sugary gem, you might remember the box came with postcards depicting the pair’s trips through time. However, if you were really lucky, you snagged the cassette holder promotion that was encased on the outside of the box in celophane wrap. Now that, was a prize worthy of getting up at the ass-crack of dawn to beat your siblings to the pantry.

 

6. E.T.

Now as much as this little asshole alien scared the bejesus out of me when I was a youngling, that damn peanut butter and chocolate E and T shaped cereal were sure as shit delightful. Introduced in 1984 by General Mills, rumor has it the flavor choice of the cereal was based off ET’s fondness for Reeses Pieces as depicted in the movie. In any regard, if you’ve never had a taste of this retro treasure, just pick up a box of Reeses cereal and pretend to be munching like a kid again.

 

5. Cabbage Patch Kids 

Most likely the most healthy on this list is the Cabbage Patch Kids themed cereal brought to us by, who else, but Ralston in 1985. The promotional ads aimed at parents, in particular, boasting about how little sugar was actually in a serving- 3 grams according to a memorabilia site. Which may have attributed to that kind of stale taste, which is how I remember it. Also, the creepy as fuck fat smiling shaped faces that the breakfast consisted of. I only remember this due to the chances of winning an exclusive Cabbage Patch doll, which I didn’t. All that bland tasting, kind of wanting to be KIX but not quite cereal that I had to consume…. Blah.

 

4. Urkel-O’s

Urkel-ize with 1992 Urkel-O’s! Laura Winslow will be your pet in no time by just shoving this crap in her face. Ralston’s strawberry and banana flavored breakfast for fans of extremely high-waisted pant wearing nerds everywhere rolled this one out in 1991. Several versions of this cereal appeared in stores, however the most memorable featured Urkel in a red, white and blue Uncle Sam get-up beating a marching band bass drum with “Urkel For President” slammed on the front. This box, in particular, contained an “Urkel For President” campaign button and an entry form to win a trip to Washington D.C. Which was a way better way to sell the fruity O’s rather than the initial slogan, “a fun, circle-shaped product”.

 

3. Batman 

Listen, Batman was THEE jam when Michael Keaton and Tim Burton resurrected the caped crusader, so of course, a themed cereal HAD to follow.  The bat-shaped cereal had a honey-nut flavor to it and you not only bought this sucker because, duh, BATMAN, but because of the Batman Bank that was offered as a premium plastic shrink-wrapped to the box.

 

2. Addams Family

1991 was Addams Family madness and were even invading your morning breakfast ritual thanks to Ralston. I don’t remember the cereal being anything great but the flashlights promptly displayed in front of the box rather than inside in the form of members of the Addams clan reeled us in. I still have my Cousin ITT blinker, and it remains a treasured childhood relic with a slight scent of 20-year old sugar dust.

 

1. Gremlins

I couldn’t tell you if this cereal was ca-ca or yum-yum, but as a huge fan of the film, I had to include the cereal featuring the adorable Gizmo introduced by Ralston in 1984 to coincide with the film’s release. And that’s about as long as the cereal lasted, as it seemed to have disappeared faster than a gremster being hosed down with H2O. Exclusive stickers were packaged inside this bad-boy along with an offer of a cute little Gizmo plush for $9.95 plus two proofs of purchase. Might I add, if you own the cereal premium relic, I’m feeling all the peanut butter and jelly towards you at this moment.

 

 

 

 

 

Shudder Dishes Out Some Old School Scares In May!

Welcome back my little fiends, it’s your favorite freak show carnival host – Manic Exorcism! I’m back with some exciting news for you. Originally I was going to post a great big article covering my latest obsession. Oh yes, there is a magnanimously hideous power on the near horizon, one I just can’t hardly wait to share with you all. But I’m sad to say you have to wait just a teensy bit on that. So as I blue ball you all, let me fill in your time with some exciting news.

This may just prove that I have the attention span of a chipmunk, but as I sat down to do some editing I flipped on the Shudder app for a little background noise – because silence is disgusting sometimes. To my surprise, once Shudder opened up I was immediately treated to the one and only Reggie (Reggie Bannister) guitar pickin’ in the cult-classic Phantasm.

 

Boston Hassle
image via Boston Hassle

You see, Shudder always provides streaming movies that play around the clock. Technically you’d never have to choose a movie and just trust in Shudder TV to provide you scores of relentless entertainment. Wait a minute though! I must assume some of you may not know what the heck it is I’m talking about. Just in case you didn’t know – Shudder is the horror equivalent of Netflix and Hulu. They provide horror fans horror movies! In the past, they have included exploitation favorites such as Cannibal Holocaust and The Beyond. Who the Hell else does that?

 

bloody-disgusting
image via bloody-disgusting

 

Where else will you find New York Ripper and Maniac Cop together in the same place?

Not to mention now is a kick ass time to join in! I shit you not, this month they just added The Evil Dead (I’m talking about the all-time splatter classic here), Tobe Hooper’s Salem’s Lot, the original IT with all of that Tim Curry goodness, as well as Cat’s Eye! For God’s sake, they have Cat’s Eye on here! If you’ve not seen that Stephen King classic then stop reading this right now, go to Shudder and watch that movie! No King fan’s life is complete until they’ve seen BOTH Quitters Anonymous and The Lonesome Death of Jordy Verrill! Holy ol’ Jesus! What are ya’ll waiting for? We’re talking about meteor shit here for goodness sake! And just because Shudder loves us so very much, we can now watch BOTH because not only is Cat’s Eye on there now, but they’ve also included CREEPSHOW! I could die happy. Old school Stephen King favorites are only a click away.

 

house of tortured souls
image via House of Tortured Souls

 

So why wait? You know you’re just dying to see these nostalgic nightmares. Sleepaway Camp, Pieces, C.H.U.D, Prom Night 2: Hello Mary Lou, Night of the Creeps, Street Trash and The Gate are all here. We have the original Wicker Man, The Prowler, and not to mention Madman! Madman is here, people! When’s the last time you watched Don’t Go in the Woods? Or how about The Mutilator? And you know it’s vacation season, so what better time to rewatch Tourist Trap?

Asian horror films are here along with some amazing horror documentaries such as Crystal Lake Memories. For only $4:99 a month, it’s a steal!

Rare horror movies

International horror movies

Classic horror movies

Modern and original scares too

They’ve got it all.

 

rolling stone
image via Rolling Stone

 

Do you miss watching Tales From the Darkside? Get ready to sit back and treat yourself to some creepy fun way into the late hours of the night. They have plenty of good horror shows here too.

This is the stuff we thrive off of here at Nightmare Nostalgia. So head on over and see what all the fuss is about. Everyone else is celebrating warmer weather and the chance to get out, but you know we horror fans love to sit in front of the eerie glow of a TV and watch some bone-chilling terror. Shudder is dishing out the best horror this side of Blockbuster’s sad demise.

 

Get Your 80’s Goldblum Fix with Transylvania 6-5000

It seems these days the world is coming up Jeff Goldblum. That sexy salt and pepper sumbitch is everywhere and I don’t see a single person complaining. But Mr. Goldblum isn’t new to the party. He didn’t share himself with the world starting from Jurrasic Park. No…there is a movie before that in particular when I was first introduced to him before he was Dr. Ian Malcolm. I’m talking about Transylvania 6-5000 (1985).

This movie is a goddamn gem. It was written and directed by Rudy De Luca. It stars Jeff Goldblum as Jack Harrison and Ed Begley Jr. as Gil Turner. Both men star as tabloid journalists looking for a story to save their jobs. When a video is found showing a possible Frankenstein’s monster attacking tourists in Transylvania, their editor sends them on a trip to find the monster or find themselves a new gig. Stakes are high and the duo head to Transylvania to find the evidence.

Transylvania 6-5000

Immediately Jack gets a love interest in the form of Elizabeth (Teresa Ganzel) in all of her big eyed, high pitched glory. Gil is the bumbling dope of the two and immediately embarrasses them. At their hotel owned by Mayor Lepescu (Jeffrey Jones), they are greeted by the strangest butler, Fejos (Michael Richards) and over their visit meet a ragtag group of hilarious classic monster movie rip offs like Odette (Geena Davis) a “vampire,” Radu (John Byner) and his wife Lupi (Carol Kane) the hump-backed servants, a wolfman (Donald Gibb) and Dr. Malavaqua (Joseph Bologna) the mad scientist.

There’s a scene where Gil gets backed into a lake where he is knee deep in water. Out of the murky water rises a hand that immediately grabs his business casually dressed Begley dick. The reaction is perfection and is hands down one of the funniest scenes in the movie.

I have seen Transylvania 6-5000 at least a dozen times and it never gets old. Geena Davis is hilarious, Jeff Goldblum does his Goldblum thing, and Begley Jr. is a hot mess in the best sense of the word. See this movie…you’ll thank me for it.

Review: Arrow Video’s “Killer Klowns From Outer Space” Showcases Epic Never Before Seen Interviews and Features

In space, no one eats ice cream!

As we head into the official 30th anniversary of the Chiodo Bros.’ cult-clown-classic, the prestigious restoration of retro beloved titles Arrow Video has released a beautifully restored version of the film that made us question that cotton candy you acquired at the county circus and fair. Chock full of all-new special features including a never-before-seen 24-minute interview with all three Chiodo brothers that offers a glimpse into the filmmaker’s wild-imaginary world and the origin of their passions leading up to Killer Klowns From Outer Space.

With a brand new 4K restoration from the original 35mm camera negative opening with the Trans World Entertainment logo (BONUS), the differences in color and quality here are top-notch when compared to previous releases of the film. Perhaps the most predominant aspect of this brand-new visual look of the movie is the magnificent detail of the clown faces and suits you get to see now. So if you ever need a photo-still for those DIY Killer Klown Halloween costumes, this is the version you want as every last indent of each clown’s mug is seen as clear as Gordon Ramsay’s polished silverware.

Among the retrospective interview with the creators of killer popcorn kernels, the special features included with the 30th-anniversary disc are worth every damn penny you spend on this ultimate release of the cult-horror. A never-before-seen look at the auditioning process of the “klowns” is included with instructing the candidates in full-costume how to walk and move like a creepy as hell, vengeful alien clown, as seen below in a screen-shot I took from the excerpt.

I literally can’t believe I just wrote that last sentence. Jesus and JoJos, I love my job.

killer klowns audition

 

The circus of special features is only beginning as we move unto a new 11-minute interview with the original members of The Dickies, a tour of the Chiodos studios, and all-new interviews with stars Grant Cramer and Suzanne Snyder along with important members of the production cast. In Behind the Screams, we get a retro VHS style look at the behind the scenes action of the movie and we also, of course, have the beloved deleted scenes and a decent amount of bloopers from the movie. Because with a movie as silly and fun as Killer Klowns, you have to know there’s some gems from that cutting-room floor.

Even if you have one, two, or 6 copies of this movie already, THIS is the one you’ll definitely need in your collection. On that note, I’d like to personally thank Arrow Video for sending me a copy to review for this site, as it obviously didn’t disappoint. You can pick yours up by heading straight to Arrow’s website by clicking here.

killer klowns arrow

 

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