Ahh, the Slammy Awards. First introduced in 1986 in a mockumentary-style of the prestigious Grammy Awards all to promote the Rockin’ Wrestling conjunction WWF Wrestling Album, Vince McMahon rode that wave of world wide domination success and made his own damn awards show for his Superstars. While most of the show was of course scripted and meant to entertain much like the matches themselves, there was some seriousness to it which became more-so later on in the following years where getting a Slammy was indeed, a great honor in the sport. But, yeah- it didn’t really start out that way and I got the receipts to prove it.

I could stop right here but that isn’t any fun now is it?

Despite being billed as the “37th Annual Slammy Awards“, the program returned on December 16th, 1987 with hosts “Mean Gene” Okerlund and Jesse “The Body” Ventura in a perfect nuance of entertainment announcing while the likes of McMahon (above), Jimmy Hart, and of course, the Honkey Tonk Man performed (or lip synced rather) some umm.. original musical hits. Ending on a “high note” with the entire roster in attendance clapping and singing to their new hit, “If You Only Knew”. Again, all in the name of promotional purposes for the entertainment giant’s second sophomore album (I can’t believe I just said that) “Piledriver”.

The Fink led us into this wild ride with wrestlers showing up in ambulances, motorcycles, dressed to the nine for the all-inclusive Black Tie Spandex Event. Well, except for the Ultimate Warrior; ask him to put on a tux and you’ll essentially just get him in his bicycle ribbons and underwear.

Awards like the Best Performance by an Animal, Best Manager (heh), and Best Ring Apparel were pretty much spoofs and set ups for some comedy entertainment. However, awards like the Hulk Hogan Real American Award presented to Superstar Billy Graham and The Woman of The Year that went to Miss Elizabeth (albeit the setup for that was comedy gold as well), were actually heartfelt and well deserved pat on the backs for these sports stars.

But let’s talk about the real stars of the show here: Hacksaw Jim Duggen and King Harley Race. With the award for Best Ring Attire up for grabs, Duggen was at the podium announcing the nominees along with presenting the award. Now, of course, upon opening the envelope to see his long-time feuding opponent Race has won, has Duggen a bit underwhelmed and doesn’t even want to say his name; forcing the stage-hand co-presenter to mutter the words of the winner. Accompanying the “King” onstage to accept is manager, Bobby Heenan, he ridicules Duggen and proposes the “peon” bow to his superior. Well, we all know we have a better chance of seeing Hacksaw straightening his lazy eye out than watching him bow to the likes of this fucker; so the brawl begins and last throughout the entire damn program.

Starting on the stage and making their way all around the building, the pair throw everything they have at each other, including LIVE CHICKENS and a giant fish. Heh. Still to this day hearing Gorilla Monsoon say, “OH BIG FISH RIGHT IN THE KISSER!” is the celebrated commentator’s Magnum Opus.

Also, why the hell was there just a random donkey hanging out backstage?

Good times.

Watch the entire ham and cheese program, especially if you need a good laugh today, right here with a big shout out to Scott’s Wrestling Collection Youtube channel for uploading this masterpiece.