Cough, cough-in my very best Sophia Petrillo voice: Picture it- Las Vegas, Summer of 1989. It’s hot as balls outside in the desert sun, and even though I was a pretty tough hellion in my youth, some days in Vegas are meant for indoors. To hell with the eleven-foot deep swimming pool WITH a built-in slide in my backyard that landscapes the view outside my bedroom window. It’s too miserable to even bear. So I grab some Ecto-Cooler, a can of Planter’s Cheese Balls, and waste the day away on shag carpet with my beloved NES in the comforting air conditioning. The game of the Summer was FRIDAY THE 13TH, and you can imagine just how many times I threw my controller against the wall with that one. But it was Jason Voorhees and a game based on a fucking R-rated horror movie; a horror movie, mind you, every kid my age knew and secretly watched anytime one of the flicks was on television. So, based on that alone, I suffered through some preadolescent rage just to be the cool kid on the block who could take out Jason and save everyone at Camp Crystal Lake.
And not much has changed in the last 30 years. James Rolfe got this one right.
I still play these shitty games, but bless the NES Homebrews and people likeSteve McCall (8-Bit Slasher), who have taken their love for horror and NES glory and mashed them together into a holy matrimony of what we all should have had in an NES cartridge growing up.
“I’ve always had a love for horror movies, and the NES & I always wanted to see all of these horror icons have their own NES games. With my background of making simple old school horror games in the late 90s for PC where you could play as the slashers, and later learning how to program for the NES, demaking my old flash games for the system felt like a natural step.“
“It was only a matter of time before I made a brand new horror game. The problem was.. I didn’t know which slasher to pick… so I said to myself, “All of them.” Well, as many as I could fit anyway lol… and that’s how All Hell Unleashed was born.“
8-Bit’s latest venture is ALL HELL UNLEASHED, a horror game that takes every horror fan’s favorite icon and throws them into a game of structured chaos. Every icon is a boss to fight at the end of a stage, once you’ve collected all the orbs to progress to the boss stage, and whoever you fight depends on what world of horror you dared to enter, which includes Jason, Michael, Freddy, Candyman, Ghostface, Leatherface, Chucky, Pennywise, Pinhead, and the Killer Klowns From Outer Space.
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Also, you can fight Regan if you can find her secret hiding spot located in one of the horror icon’s stages. Hint: The window on the second-floor house blinks SIX TIMES! She was a pain in the ass, by the way…
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GAME STORYLINE: Amidst a realm where darkness reigns and evil lurks in every shadow, a sinister cult has unleashed chaos upon our world. Introducing ‘All Hell Unleashed,’ the NES game that pits YOU against the most infamous horror icons of all time.. Jason, Michael, Freddy, Candyman, Ghostface, Leatherface, Chucky, Pennywise, Pinhead and the Killer Klowns. As the world teeters on the brink of eternal fear, you must embark on a perilous journey to confront these iconic villains. But beware, time is of the essence, for the shattered fragments of a cursed amulet hold the key to sealing the dimensional rift and saving our world from eternal darkness. Can you rise to the challenge, gather the fragments, and stop the cult before it’s too late? The fate of humanity rests in your hands. ‘All Hell Unleashed’ Confront the terror… or let it claim your soul.
I went through every stage, and it is GLORIOUS. The little details in the game are pixel-perfect, and why, yes, I very much like to listen to the Dickies’ “Killer Klowns” theme while taking out Shorty. Watch out for those pies, boys.
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In the most recent upgraded version of ALL HELL UNLEASHED, THE V6.66 VERSION, you can play as 8-Bit machete-wielding Jason or Ash with his trusty chainsaw, with their own little mini-games included!
He-Man comes to life in 2026 in a way we could only dream of as kids.
I admit this is the movie I was most afraid to see this year. Simply because I was worried that somehow Hollywood would do what it’s known to do and take a beloved IP and entirely fuck it to Hell and back. Any of our long-time readers will know what a He-Man fanatic I am. It’s my favorite thing of all time, the one IP I collect in any form I can find (on that note, one of my favorite pieces in my collection is a stupid paper Birthday plate from the ‘80s), and I’ve written more about MOTU on here than anything else, with Godzilla being a close second. Naturally, this is the movie I wanted to see but was scared it would be nothing but another disappointment, and I think that’s why a lot of people aren’t giving it a chance. We’ve been burnt too many times before.
So everyone who knows me wanted my thoughts on this highly anticipated movie. After seeing the movie four times (three times the first three days of its release), I’ve finally let it digest enough where I could share my thoughts confidently. In short, I love this movie! It surpassed my expectations, delivered a genuine He-Man story, and brings a whole lot of heart to a movie that’s essentially a glorified Saturday morning cartoon brought to live-action life.
Before seeing it, I told friends I didn’t care really if the movie was subpar as long as it had good fights; I would try to like it regardless. My expectations weren’t all that high as you can imagine, so I wasn’t expecting to be hit right in the feels by a story that’s deeply heartfelt and, well, powerfully hopeful.
First impressions
Director Travis Knight made it clear right from the start they wanted to base this cinematic world’s look primarily on the toy line, a series of colorful characters and playsets with distinct looks, weapons, and traits. MOTU is also the first toy line to be released with its own lore backing it. A lore expanded over the years through mini-comics, cartoon shows across the decades, and epic comic storylines.
People readily recognize these characters, and Castle Grayskull is an icon among pop culture. Why mess with perfection? Luckily, Travis Knight proves to be a fan like the rest of us and faithfully brought us an Eternia we’ve been waiting forty years to see.
This is a movie full of big characters, bigger battles, and a badass return to the joy and simple pleasures of Saturday mornings when the cereal was sugary, and the floor was littered with our favorite toys. MOTU 2026 proudly plays right into the campy fun of the Filmation cartoon we grew up on, complete, I might add, with a valuable lesson learned once the movie ends.
That camp might discourage some who wanted a more serious-based He-Man film, but, for fuck’s sake, we already have a serious take on MOTU that was released nearly forty years ago (I feel old as fuck now), and despite it finding its cult following now, that movie was rejected by fans upon its initial release.
What about the controversies that surrounded the movie?
It’s ok to have fun at a movie, something many people have forgotten how to do, and the box office is showing that. Despite the praise from both critics and fans alike, the film is struggling at the box office, and that’s hard to admit. It has people asking how a movie so praised and loved can be struggling this badly. I don’t have an answer for that other than people are silly, spoiled, or stuck like a bump on a log. Some people are crossing their arms and refusing to go see it for one reason or another, and that’s not doing the box office any favors for sure. I read a lot of people already made up their minds not to see it, largely due to some controversies prior to the movie’s release. So let’s look at what all the fuss is over.
The Controversies
Jared Leto’s casting caused people to lose their minds. They foamed at the mouth, they pulled out their teeth, and they shoved whole pineapples up their asses when he was announced to be playing the greatest villain of all time, Skeletor. People thought he’d ruin the character and acted like his casting meant the world was going to explode. However, upon the film’s release, he’s since been called the best part about it. Skeletor steals the show! Anytime he’s on screen, he eats it up with his dastardly villainy and dramatic evil.
He’s larger than life and can go from pouting and pissed off to violent and dangerous in an instant. He insults his underlings and kills at a whim. He’s absolutely a threat and Eternia fears him. It shows why Eternia needs He-Man, the only one who has the power to combat someone as dangerous as Skeletor. I especially like how Skeletor hints that he comes from the darkest regions in the universe, making him both a mystic and cosmic threat. Plus he and He-Man have an amazing fight!
Earth was in it. We’re only on Earth for like fifteen minutes, so don’t let that be a reason to keep you away. Yeah, when people weren’t bitching about Jared Leto, they were shitting the pants over the Earth scenes…myself included. Some people said they’d refuse to see the movie altogether due to it. I repeat, though, please don’t let that be a reason to keep you away. The Earth scenes aren’t awful. In fact, they’re used as a fun way to stick in some Easter eggs for eagle-eyed fans. Earth is also directly linked to Queen Marlena, who, yes, comes from there and decides it’s an ideal place to hide Prince Adam from Skeletor. So Earth is grounded in the lore, and who can deny how much fun it was to see Beastman rampaging across a crowded highway?
Overpopulation. People also thought there were too many characters. Somehow, despite the many characters filling out this cinematic universe, everyone is given fair screen time, with the exception of a few of them given greater character arcs such as Man-at-Arms. I especially love the early on conflict set up between him and Trapjaw. In a silly movie made about toys, it has a ton of heart and human soul played out in the drama of these characters. It dares to tackle subjects like using power over violence, getting up when you’ve been kicked down, and overcoming failures and loss. Many action films today lose these elements.
It’s a He-Man movie! Leading up to the release, I heard plenty of YouTubers saying this was going to be Teela’s movie and He-Man would be a side character. I think we have that Kevin Smith thing to thank for that, but rest assured, the focus is entirely on He-Man. About him learning to be the true hero and balance the hefty weight of Power laid on him.
It’s a fan film, but does it alienate newcomers?
One of my favorite things was taking my besties to go see it. Neither of them ever watched any of the shows or played with the toys growing up. There was no nostalgic pull for them, and the only link they had to this world was from seeing my MOTU collection scattered all over my home. They only went to support me; however, once the credits rolled, I heard them both shout, “I LOVED IT!” They related to the characters and followed along. As newcomers, they assumed they’d be lost the whole time but were pleasantly surprised by how much it pulled them in. Converts were made that day, and I walked out with my besties being MOTU fans.
That’s the power this movie has. All over online, you’ll find pictures of parents with their kids smiling ear-to-ear at the movie. People who grew up loving MOTU now get to share that bond with their own kids. This is a movie connecting generations of people, rekindling an old love and making people feel good. What’s wrong with that? A film about heroes and villains, a sword and sorcery film parents can take their kids to, and a movie best friends can bond over. It’s a love letter to fans, and I’m sure stuck-up critics won’t understand that, but hey, it’s for us.
Its cinematic future
Amazon claims the film is a win in their eyes already because they base success on fan reception, which means it’s already a win. Fans are eating this movie up and have gone to see it multiple times already; one guy says he’s seen it thirty times already. Not to mention the merchandise sales alone can make the company rich. I admit even I got pulled in to buying every popcorn bucket and specialty cup theaters had to offer. The only bucket I didn’t get (yet) is the Battle Cat one.
Amazon also says they’re measuring the film’s success by the upcoming streaming and Blu-ray/4K sales, which is proving another win, seeing that MOTU’s preorder sales are sitting at #1 on the site. They’re also watching to see how many fans tune in to Prime to watch the old cartoons. Both Filmation and the 200X shows are available, and there’s no better time to give in to the He-Mania than now and show Amazon we want more.
Let’s not forget that Travis Knight has gone on record to say there are still plenty of movies to make, with hopes of bringing She-Ra and Etheria into the cinematic universe. Plus, all those cool post-credit scenes hint at more story to cover. It’s an exciting time for fans.
He-Mania is on, and it feels like the ’80s have come full circle. He-Man is everywhere again. He’s on Denny’s menus, at the theater, and who’s ever gonna forget how they built Castle Grayskull at the Chinese Theater for the MOTU world premiere right there in Hollywood? A toy line made all of this happen. Not to mention that out-of-this-world drone show that lit up the night sky in preparation for this movie. I’m so glad to be alive and to have seen this all play out.
give it a watch!
People wonder why a generation never got over He-Man, but my answer is just watch the show. Read the comics. Watch this new movie. Get lost in the characters and lore. In every single variation and all across differing media, the main concepts are never lost. The visuals of good vs evil, that regular people can achieve wondrous things, and the power of friendship all solidify and make MOTU what it is, and, not only that, make us love it because it’s inspiring. These aren’t new concepts, and they’re found in so many epic tales and legends such as Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter. They’re concepts that inspire generations of people, and He-Man has proven to do just that.
Going back to the Earth scenes, which in retrospect I argue are important, you can’t help but see the connection Adam shares with each one of us. Adam is stuck working a dead-end office job and bombarded by mundanity. From every angle, he’s being told he has to stop dreaming and just be normal. Live just like everyone else and be miserable all the while he’s dreaming of Eternia. He’s looking beyond the horizon of this dreary world, expecting something so much better.
Isn’t that what we each do? We have to live here where we pay bills, get dressed for work, and deal with stupid management. We’re forced to fit in, but fantasy, oh beautiful fantasy, allows us to look beyond the cubicle. It gives us a glimpse into worlds so much more beautiful, and even if severely dangerous, we still love it. We’re willing to trade in the safe world we know for faraway places where rings are magical, wizards go to school, and a sword gives a dork the Power of Grayskull!
He-Man is our generation’s King Arthur. He is our legend and a hero to look up to. He’s fundamentally good. When he’s not He-Man, he’s still a great guy. He is what we need in a time like today. He’s always stood out as a role model, and this new movie lets that shine. He has the big muscles, but it’s not about those; it’s about heart. He can punch a villain’s face off but would rather try to see the good in anyone. Some out there are just bad to the core, though, and Skeletor, we love you for that!
came home with me
I stood under a massive standee at a local theater and couldn’t believe it really. The characters I grew up loving stared back at me life-sized, and minutes before I went to watch the movie. There’s a little five-year-old in me that was losing his mind. He always knew these characters could come to life, and it finally happened. I know there was another movie, but nothing like this. Nothing to this degree.
I originally finished this review by saying my collection increased thanks to this movie, but that’s only a half-truth. It’s hokey, but I’ll say it anyway: my life’s increased now. People are connecting over this thing, and I’m encouraged by that. In an ugly world of endless arguments and online bitterness, it’s nice to see the anger lift and have people celebrating a hero. If you’re still on the fence and love He-Man, it’s time to go see it. It lives up to the hype and celebrates He-Man in a big way. This is a movie you want to see on the big screen and probably more than just once!
Plus, check this track out that’s actually in the movie. You’re welcome
No one knows the pleasure (and pain in the right ass) of games better than Pinhead and the Cenobites, and thanks to my buddy Eddie Spughetti over at HERE LIES, he, and with a little bit of consulting from yours truly, have brought the long-lost Hellraiser Nintendo game back to life by opening the Lament Configuration with our love and passion for 80s and early 90s horror hotlines and a mock video featuring the game!
The cancelled HELLRAISER NES game was being developed by a company called Color Dreams in 1990, which had a reputation for creating unlicensed Nintendo games on the NES- all of which were also notorious for their poor quality. So much so, you may not have even heard of titles like “Baby Boomer” and “The Adventures of Captain Comic“.
The game itself was to be an updated version of the Wolfenstein 3D engine, played from a first-person viewpoint. You play an (unknown) character stuck inside the Lament Configuration, with the main focus being for you to solve the box and escape with the bonus ability to manipulate the inside of the puzzle box. The catch is, solving the box would not only free you but also the Cenobites inside it. That being said, upon freeing yourself, you’d then have to solve it again in another riddle from Hell fashion to trap the Cenobites back inside and win the game.
Ambitious? Yes. So much so that the developers realised that the NES system could not handle the RAM of the super Wolfenstein 3D engine without having to create some sort of super cartridge, which would cost a fortune, and the main reason, according to game nerd lore, that Hellraiser was just shelved permanently. But not before Color Dreams pre-ejaculated a bunch of ads in Game Pro for the game, giving us fans forever blue balls.
Balls so blue that Pinhead would revel in the pleasure of my pain.
Anyways, we’ve been denied in what could have been one of the coolest horror games for Nintendo, although with Color Dreams rep that might be a stretch, but at least we can use that thing we call an imagination and NOT AI to put together something of what we think might have been in the era of marketing to gamers in the early 90s.
Video editor and VHS Wizard Master Eddie Spuhghetti used the only available image of what was the title screen of the long-lost HELLRASIER game, a created soundtrack for the game available on SoundCloud, some clips from the films, and a little bit of voice magic to make the game come to life in this mock horror hotline sweepstakes commercial that feels as real as it is glorious.