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35 Years of Terror! Top 10 Horror Movies of 1987

1987: A year of historic events indeed. The first “The Simpsons” cartoon short is shown on The Tracey Ullman Show. President Ronald Reagan delivered his famous speech at the Berlin Wall. And Freddy Krueger delivered his most infamous line of the Nightmare franchise for the first time, “Welcome to Prime Time Bitch!” Also yes, I consider a Krueger one-liner as significant as the Berlin Wall speech- don’t judge me.

That being said, 1987 was a monumental year for horror. Considering the previous year 1986 and one hell of a year to follow, ’87 did a pretty bang-up job of another year full of horror flicks that we would cherish for years to come. So let’s just get right to it, but not before we give one honorary mention. There were so many damn good horror films out of this year it pains me to leave this one out so a big shout to…

The Stepfather

No one can play a psychopath step-parent like Terry O’ Quinn and that’s just how it is. Jerry Blake wants the perfect family, and he’ll kill to get it; which he does again and again as it seems like the perfect family doesn’t exist- shocker. Preying on widows and divorcees, Jerry/Henry/Bill whatever his name is that day is every bit as intimidating and sus even when trying not to be; so I find it a little insulting being a woman that these ladies aren’t tuning into that ol’ women’s intuition.

Although it would be extremely difficult today in a tech-social-media society for a homicidal maniac to be able to get away with these kinds of shenanigans, in 1987, it’s a fun ride and a gentle reminder of what once was in a pre-internet era: A bountiful time for serial killers.

Also, I like to fantasize that Terry O’ Quinn’s character of Sheriff Haller in Silver Bullet is in fact Jerry Blake gone mad with brain damage after that werewolf beating. Disappeared and began a new life as a serial killer unbeknownst of his life before. Watch them back to back and give that theory a try. Makes it that much more fun.

10. The Gate

The Gate is nothing short of bonkers nostalgia full of good old-fashioned Canadian charm and that’s exactly why we love it.

Kind of like Stranger Things meets The Goonies for a visual reference, The Gate takes that nostalgic 80s’ kids’ in danger hullabaloo and dials it into B-Movie madness with little satanic panic demons running around everywhere trying to take over the Earth thanks to a couple of curious kids digging up a portal of Hell in a suburban backyard. Because, that’s where all portals to Hell lie dormant, am I right? For context, one of the kids coincidentally finds a heavy metal LP that comes with a demonic bible of sorts that gives the kids all the information they might need should they want to open a portal to the dark realms and summon demonic forces.

That’s pretty much all you need to know to know this movie rules.

9. Prince Of Darkness

He might be best known for Halloween and The Thing, but John Carpenter’s Prince Of Darkness might be the creepiest and underrated of all his horror film entries. The score alone is overwhelmingly sadistic and unnerving and it damn well better be if you got the likes of Alice Cooper cast in your movie.

Horror genius Carpenter mixes faith, fear, and science into a delicious cocktail of horror movie cosmo when an old abandoned church a priest finds an old relic, a key, an old book, and a mysterious vat of green liquid. Mix in a group of scientists lobbying it up in the church along with a group of vagrants gathering outside the church, and the unthinkable happens: the green liquid attacks and it is the unholiest of Nickelodeon green gak you’ll see this side of Double Dare.

8. The Lost Boys

I feel like I might get a massive amount of shit from die-hard Lost Boys fans for putting this so low on the list. But, it is what it is folks. Also, I still believe the sax man in chains needed more screen time in an encore song, thanks very much.

Santa Carla is a hell of a place to live- if you’re a vampire that is. But it also makes for one hell of a movie, especially with not one, BUT TWO Coreys’ involved in trying to take down a gang of punk-rock teenage vampires. What I love most about The Lost Boys is that is a nostalgic 80s time capsule caught on film. Everything wonderful about northern Cali in the 80s’ is captured perfectly in a movie we can revisit time and again. From the mentality of teenage minds right down to the aesthetics. It’s a damn treasure for sure.

7. DOLLS

Stuart Gordon’s DOLLS was one of the first films I REALLY embraced as a kid on my own with zero influence from anyone else. Based solely on the VHS cover art alone, a rental happened and I was delighted every time I rented that movie- and it was legitimately about 98 times.

DOLLS is a creepy concept that marriages a kids’ fantasy that your toys come to life (it ain’t Toy Story folks) and the horror genre. With the visions of both Charles Band and Stuart Gordon, we get DOLLS. A movie that on the surface looks like another B-horror flick, but runs so much deeper, and scarier than that. Definitely, one of the greatest films to come out in the 80s under the radar and hold such a loyal cult following today. I mean, fans are loyal, and that’s a fact.

6. Monster Squad

The film that proved that not only the wolfman does indeed, have nards, but that also you can blow up a fuckin’ werewolf only for him to piece himself back together comes in at number five. And I feel almost sad about that but damn, 1987 was such a great year where other important films were laid on the table alongside the Squad that it just edges it out.

Monster Squad is like The Goonies on a whole ‘nother level of awesomeness with all the monsters we know from the golden age of horror, coming back and wreaking havoc on a small town with Dracula at the helm looking for his amulet so that he may obtain world domination and then destroy it. And only a small group of horror movie fans that call themselves the Monster Squad, can stop them. Also worth noting that Dracula has NEVER been more terrifying. He grabs a little girl by her chin, lifts her up, and calls her a bitch. That’s some balls I couldn’t even wrap my head around as a 5-year-old watching this; the same age as Phoebe in the film. That sort of fucked me up a little.

It’s pretty much every kid horror fan’s dream to meet a real-life monster and then become the hero to stop them to boot. Much like with The Lost Boys and The Gate, the nostalgic aesthetics of this movie pleases our senses but on a level way higher than the aforementioned. It rocks me until I drop.

5. Predator

Predator is a goddamn glorious spectacle full of the manliest of testosterone and honestly, I’ve always been here for it. The mash-up between a steroid-induced action film and a slasher movie deserves some kind of award- but I guess the best I can do is put it in the top five here of 1987.

With a cast like Carl Weathers, Jesse “The Body” Ventura, and of course Arnold Schwarzenegger, in a hunting match with a technologically advanced lone alien in the jungles of the fictional Central American country of Val Verde, ( the same made-up country used for Arnold’s 1985 action gala Commando) it’s hard to not fuckin’ love everything about this movie. From the “chef’s kiss” one-liners, gory kills, and ARNOLD VS an ALIEN thirty-minute finale, Predator is everything an 80s’ action/horror film should be and more.

Now “GET TO THA’ CHOPPA, MYAHHHHHH!”

4. Creepshow 2

On rare occasion, a sequel is right on par with the original, notwithstanding a shorter version but just as good as the 1982 anthology we all love and adore.

With three stories in the horror anthology that just seems to get better as the film rolls along with a frame story of little Billy on the run from some asshole bullies in animated form, Creepshow 2 is a goddamn good time for everyone of all ages. With a screenplay by George Romero and stories by Stephen King, Creepshow has always seemed to me to be the kind of fun, and silly horror anthology that 10-year-olds would try and smugly rent under their parents’ noses at the local video shop. As a witness to this in my youth with friends who didn’t have quite as cool parents as I did, I always associated the anthology series as a youthful gateway into the horror world. To my surprise, a lot of fans don’t seem to like this installment in comparison with the original. My answer to that is simply putting it at number 4 and offering them a one-way ticket to Lake Sludge.

3. Evil Dead 2

And sometimes when a sequel is on par with the original, then there are others that even surpass their predecessor. That is mother fuckin’ Evil Dead 2.

Honestly, there’s no evidence to the contrary that Bruce Campbell is the second coming of Christ because who else can we call when the deadites are on the loose? When Ash saws off his own hand while screaming manically, I’ve never felt closer to God. Evil Dead 2 is heavy metal horror on steroids with a low budget and is better, faster, and more gnarly in every single way all while being unapologetic for what the movie actually is. Self-parodying isn’t uncommon in horror franchises, but the fact that Evil Dead 2 did it to the point that it BECAME the franchise and the most beloved, is fucking wild.

Now, swallow this.

2. Hellraiser

Jesus wept only because there was ONE other horror film that could beat out Clive Barker’s masterpiece- Hellraiser.

I can distinctly remember the time when my little brother was 9 and my parents had to pick him up from a sleepover in the middle of the night because he was scared shitless after watching a little horror movie with a friend. Can we all take a guess on what film that was? Mmmhmm. That being said, I had never seen Hellraiser myself so after this debacle, I dived right into it and never looked at a Rubix cube the same way again.

Hellraiser is beautifully chaotic in its energy to terrify and turn your stomach acid upside-down-or if you prefer, inside-out. Doug Bradley, in his very minimal screen-time, managed to make a monster of an icon out of Pinhead and has become the Robert Englund of his own character; as in, there’s just no replacing the guy. Yes, I’m well aware of the upcoming reboot with the casting of a female; which in actuality, is a lot closer to the literary version of the descriptions of the cenobites not having a binary gender identity. In fact, Pinhead is described as having a feminine-sounding voice, but I don’t care about any of that. Give me Doug, or give me death.

Yep. This is my hell.

1. A Nightmare On Elm Street 3: The Dream Warriors

Yep, I have crowned a sequel to be the Horror Champ of 1987. Wes Craven’s ANOES gave birth to one of the greatest horror icons and franchises to come out of the 20th century, and Dream Warriors is like The Godfather II to that film; continuing directly from the source at the same steady beat while expanding it much deeper than one could ever dream of, ironically. As an advocate for mental illness, Nightmare 3 is a film I hold near and dear to me; and one I can dissect and pick apart for hours with all the metaphors I’ve found in the film regarding the subject.

The film has a great story, memorable kills, and really was the birthing point of when Freddy really came into his own as a sadistic villain, that somehow you loved?! That’s some genius shit right there. Sort of how Vince Gilligan shaped Walter White in Breaking Bad, no matter how malevolent he made the character, the audiences embraced him even more. Not to mention, it coincides with the time Freddy Mania really got momentum and brought the horror phenom to the mainstream, enticing the youth of our generation to indulge in our curiosities of the horror genre. When a film and a goddamn sequel for that matter can make that kind of impact, it has to be acknowledged and respected.

Bless the Prime Time, Bitch.

Obligatory Honorary Non-Horror Mention

Robocop

Listen, I can’t even talk about films of 1987 without at the very least, giving a shout-out to part man-part machine, Robocop.

While the film itself isn’t horror per se, Robocop harbors some elemental terror in the fact that man is playing GOD over another man’s life and death. Even though the cops of Detroit signed a waiver with OCP gaining them access to their remains in the event of a tragedy, selling your soul to big corp while giving them too much power is just as relevant as is today in this terrifying age that we all live in where the monopoly of greedy corporations take away the average joes’ livelihoods all for the sake of a buck and some extra power. Pretty sick and twisted metaphors inside a badass movie that I’ve seen about 200 times and never get sick of it.

Also, seeing this guy melt as a kid and then explode into a pool of sludge was definitely one of the scariest fuckin’ things I’ve ever seen. Don’t you deny it.

So let’s make like Clarence Boddicker, sniff some wine off our fingers, and raise our glasses to a wonderful year of terror- 1987.

Happy Dirty 30! Top 10 Horror Movies of 1992!

1992 is often labeled by genre fans as a pretty sup-par year in horror, but I’m here calling bullshit on those misguided spun tales via cinephile snobs. There were some stinkers in the form of sequels via some heavyweight franchises like Hellraiser 3: Hell On Earth and Alien 3 (my opinion folks, they DO suck balls); which may just be the reason why horror fans give this year, in particular, some grief. But the horror season of 1992 brought some FANTASTIC cinematic terror to the fans that really shouldn’t be overlooked in the shadow of these popular franchise failures.

So here we go, an official ranking here at Nightmare Nostalgia of the best horror movies of 1992 turning the dirty 30 this year!

Honorable Mention: Demonic Toys

Before you ask, the answer is yes: I would much rather sit through Baby Oopsie Daisy’s devilish sense of potty mouth humor than sit through Alien 3.

Full Moon’s whacky horror about a couple of toys in an abandoned warehouse that are anything but, is Full Moon doing what it does best; to entertain. It’s not Puppet Master material but it was popular enough with the Charles Band crowd to spawn a couple of crossovers and sequels, including one with Toulon’s marionettes themselves. It’s cheesy bad but in all the right ways. Sometimes I just want to watch a bunch of powerful demons parading around as innocent playthings trying to help bring about the birth of the Antichrist, and this does the job.

Don’t be a Moby fuckin’ Dick and grab it at Amazon here!

10. Mikey

Mikey- another killer kid film that gives all skeevies that well, killer kids in film do so well. Family Ties star Brian Bonsall goes from loveable child star to Terry O’ Quinn Stepfather staus in this 1992 psychological horror. Mikey is an abused child and that trauma leads to his homicidal tendencies, including one gnarly scene with a baseball bat that would leave Negan from the Walking Dead grinning like a proud father.

Worth noting a few Nightmare On Elm Street alumnis’ make an appearance in the movie- Whit Hertford (A Nightmare On Elm Street 5: The Dream Child), and Mimi Craven (A Nightmare On Elm Street and Wes Craven’s wife) while also using Freddy in the tagline for the film: “Remember, Jason and Freddy Were Kids Once, Too.” Just an interesting tidbit I thought I’d throw in.

Get it on Amazon here!

9. Lawnmower Man

While Stephen King absolutely hated this adaptation of his short story from “Night Shift” so much he sued to have his name removed from the film, in actuality I don’t think it’s that bad at all. And a horrifying precursor to how advanced technology can really fuck with your mind. Men sure love to play God as history has told time and again and as mankind advances, the more maniacal we become.

Anyway, I appreciate it for what it is. Mind fuck your way over to Amazon for a copy for your collection!

8. Sleepwalkers

King had some serious displeasure with Lawnmower Man, but in ’92 the master of horror wrote his first featured film NOT based on any of his previous works in Sleepwalkers, and is completely underrated if you’re asking me. The film has a ton of horror icon cameos like Clive Barker and Tobe Hooper and is a Stephen King penned movie directed by Mick Garris surrounding vampires and cats. That’s really all I need to enjoy myself here.

Pick it up at Amazon here!

7. Dr. Giggles

If you’re asking me, Larry Drake’s Dr. Giggles is an entirely overlooked horror icon and I’m here to set the record straight: “Laughter is the best medicine.” And if you read any of my mental health and horror-related pieces and resonate, you would totally agree. It’s full of fun, gore, and smart filmmaking where you wouldn’t think you would find any. Yet here we are, talking about Dr. fuckin’ Giggles.

Just give it a jab. Pick it up here!

6. Bram Stoker’s Dracula

Anyone trying to fill the shoes of Bela Lugosi is likely going to come up a fang or two short, but goddamn I do love Gary Oldman as Dracula. Plus, any movie with national treasure Keanu Reeves in it, is okay by me. The Academy, although they mostly get these things wrong, recognized the 1992 visual stunner with four awards that year. Pretty impressive and a monumental win for the horror genre. The gothic tale of romance and horror is a great watch for a dreary Sunday afternoon or just any time you feel like watching Oldman at his best.

Snag the 4k edition here at Amazon!

5. Pet Sematary 2

Without question, the greatest thing about Pet Sematary 2 is Clancy Brown as asshole Gus Gilbert. While that may not be much of a powerpoint in terms of ranking it so high here, Clancy birthed a horror cult icon of sorts here and basically carried the film with this egregious character, and that counts for something. Especially in a film with a trending star such as Edward Furlong. He stole the whole show and gave us another side to Stephen King’s immaculate tale of tragic death and the human experience.

Salute the Clancy Brown by revisiting it here!

4. Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me

David Lynch doing what he does best and fucking with the minds of audiences is nothing short of just fantastic. The prequel to the television series “Twin Peaks”, Fire Walk With Me chronicles Laura Palmer’s final days leading up to her death and finally revealing her killer. It was pretty goddamn exciting back in the day and watching it now just brings me pure hypnotizing joy diving into Lynch’s strange world of visual symmetry.

Dive down the rabbit hole again here!

3. Braindead (Dead Alive)

Although Peter Jackson’s Braindead wasn’t released in the US, and had a name change, until early 1993, it was released in the director’s home of New Zealand in 1992 as Braindead and that’s where I think it counts as a 1992 film; and by God, it is one of the best.

Hailed as one of the goriest movies to this very day, and exceeds all expectations in what a horror comedy can and should be. As a zombie film, it stands out from all others as being over-the-top pure fun but with a black-box warning as some of the scenes in this genre treasure are almost too sickening to watch, at least for those who have a serious gag-reflux anyway.

All hail the Braindead here and relive the classic once more- just don’t eat prior to viewing.

2. Army Of Darkness

I don’t even need to explain this all. If you question Army of Darkness‘ greatness in any shape or form, you shouldn’t even be here pal.

I’m one of those that enjoys Army maybe even a little more so than Evil Dead itself. Bruce Campbell’s character of Ash really came into his own as a legendary horror hero with memorable one-liners and a full-circle scope of who Ash Williams really is. Plus, the clay skeleton army is just a lot of fun.

Shop smart. Shop S-Mart and pick up the Screwhead edition Blu-Ray here!

1. Candyman

Sweets to the sweet and there as shit isn’t anything sweeter to come out of 1992 than Candyman.

Clive Barker’s story of “The Forbidden” went visual this year, birthing a rare POC horror icon and no one could have done it or WILL EVER do it better than Tony Todd. This movie is so beautiful in terms of score, cinematography, and real-world horror revenge with a love story underneath all of it. There hasn’t been anything like it before, or since that moves my emotions in every direction quite like this film and stands as not just one of the greatest horror movies of 1992, but of the entire decade in itself.

Be his victim once more here!

That about wraps it up nostalgic nuggets! What would you add to the roster of 1992? The Gate II? Perhaps Innocent Blood? Sound off in the comments!

Love Stinks! Five Nostalgic Films’ Tragic Love Stories

Love Stinks! Five Nostalgic Films' Tragic Love Stories

Love in horror films is a common staple in almost every plotline. Boy and girl meet. Boy and girl discover a monster. Boy and girl fight monster. Boy and girl fall in love while doing so, blah fucking blah. However, sometimes, it’s not so simple as that and the focal point in said horror film is the tragic love story in itself and what a shit show the feels can really be.

With the hallmark holiday of St. Valentine is upon us and while some of you may be planning hot dinner dates with your beloved spit-swapper, the rest of you are absolutely wanting to give out throat punches at the idea of celebrating this very commercial holiday where everyone is shoving mushy-mush love down your esophagus. It could be you are coming fresh out of a relationship leaving you wounded, or perhaps you’re in an unhealthy partnership now. Maybe it’s as simple as you just loathe this day altogether and the whole damn thing makes you want to vomit.

Any one of those reasons is validation enough and if that’s the case, this list is dedicated to all you readers out there who have sworn off love this Valentine’s Day. Instead of giving you the same ol’ “Here’s 10 horror movies for you to watch on Valentine’s Day” list with My Bloody Valentine always seemingly ending up with the top spot, I’ve decided to show you five examples of great tragic love stories in the horror genre. Because in the case this holiday may have you down in the dumps (it happens), at least you didn’t end up like these sad as hell horror movie couples. So bask in these five tales of love and woe readers, and remember, you could be a lot worse off.

Edward Scissorhands

It took a while for Kim to actually warm up to Edward given his awkward appearance and well, handicap. However, Edward loved her from the moment he set eyes on not her, but a picture of her. And once he got a peek at Kim in the flesh, it was all over. She had his heart. Once Kim finally came around by looking deeper into Edward’s genuine and pure as virgin’s blood love for her, it was the most disgustingly adorable on-screen romance you had ever seen. But hey, they’re on this list; It didn’t end with all sunshine and roses.

After a violent confrontation with Kim’s douche canoe of an ex (Jim), that ended with Edward killing the guy, an already angry crowd of townspeople gathered at his deceased maker’s home. Upon the pitchforkers seeing the now dead Jim outside the walls, Edward’s fate was sealed. Facing the ugly truth that Edward just couldn’t fit in with the normalcy of the outside world, and probably facing murder charges, both unanimously came to the conclusion that he was better off disappearing back into the shadows of his lonely castle. A broken-hearted Kim left her love Edward to once again, live a life of solitude and fibbed to the town that Edward had died in the struggle with Jim. They never saw each other again. Pretty heart-breaking folks.

King Kong (1976)

Beastiality without performing the actual act at its finest. The three major Kong movies we’ve received in the past 80 years, the original 1933 RKO, Dino De Laurentiis’ 1976 version, and Peter Jackson’s monster three-hour epic, all pretty much stay true to the same storyline with minor differences in interactions between beauty and the beast. So for this particular list, we will use the underrated 1976 film as our argument.

While the King of Skull Island treated his prize like a queen, Dwan was only interested in fame and glory. Several times, Kong portrayed real feelings of compassion toward the human, and Dwan just ended up selling him out to that dick, Charles Grodin in exchange for money and instant notoriety. And poor Kong goes along with it to appease his beloved until he believes she is threatened. Then all hell breaks loose. Did she feel bad about the tragic end of her protector? Sure she did, and she ends up alone in the middle of what she had initially had strived for all along. Fame. All at the price of losing her relationship with both her human love interest Jack, and her weird connection with Kong for whose death she was ultimately responsible. Kind of a bitch move.

Phantom of the Opera

As with Kong, the beautiful tale of love and woe that is Phantom of the Opera, has been mulled over many times in film and theater; making it possibly one of the greatest and audibly appealing horror films in the past 100 years. However, Universal horror icon Claude Rains’ portrayal of the disfigured man in love, is a classic and personal favorite.

Erique Claudin (Rains) is a bit discouraged after being dismissed from his long years of being a violinist at the Paris Opera House due to the failing limbs in his hands. Now, had Erique had put savings aside he may have been OK. However, this man was secretly in love with a young up-and-coming Opera singer Christine Dubois; and had been quietly funding the future starlet’s music lessons.

 In the hopes of making ends meet, Claudin writes and sends off a concerto for the Opera House. After becoming concerned when he receives no word on his operetta status, the man takes a trip to the publishers only to learn they had stolen his music. In a struggle with said concerto thief, acid is thrown in Claudin’s face and the Phantom with an agenda is born.

That agenda is to see his love become successful. Maybe he went a little overboard by murdering the female lead in one of the operas Christine was an understudy for, and dropping a giant chandelier on the audience, but eh, who the hell are we to judge a man’s heart? In the midst of the chaos, Claudin sweeps Christine to the sewer undergrounds and proclaims his love for her. Christine still doesn’t know this was once a dear friend of hers, and Claudin has not revealed his identity, leaving her afraid and at the masked man’s mercy. He begins to play on his piano and urges his love to sing the concerto he had written for her. In the meantime, two of Dubois’ suitors come to her rescue, following the sounds of the music. When they reach the pair, one fires a gun at the ceiling, crushing Claudin to death.

In the aftermath, Christine realizes her captor was actually Claudin, and admiringly had said she had always felt “drawn to him”. Thus leaving her two potential suitors behind in honor of the man who loved her into his demise, and focusing only on her singing career.

The Crow

“People once believed that when someone dies, a crow carries their soul to the land of the dead. But sometimes, something so bad happens that a terrible sadness is carried with it and the soul can’t rest. Then sometimes, just sometimes, the crow can bring that soul back to put the wrong things right.”

The tragic love story that serves as the center plot in 1994’s The Crow, and the real-life tragedy regarding Brandon Lee’s death behind the scenes of this beloved film, are enough to make anyone’s tear ducts swell. Shelly and Eric were relationship goals. The depth of Eric’s love for his lady is what every ghoul dreams of one day. Which makes this tale truly one of the saddest that I can personally think of. The brutal circumstances surrounding both Shelly’s and Eric’s murder drives Draven to come back from the grave one year later to avenge their untimely demise. Under the guidance of a crow, Draven tracks down the perpetrators and makes them suffer in the name of his lost love.

However, the satisfaction of seeing one of the main culprits being impaled by a gargoyle (kick-ass scene), doesn’t undo the past as Eric returns to Shelly’s grave. What was once can now never be but, if the people we love are stolen from us, the way to have them live on is to never stop loving them. Buildings burn, people die, but real love is forever.

The Fly (1986)

On top of being one of the top horror remakes of all time, Cronenberg’s The Fly is so much more than a monster movie. Without a doubt, it’s one of the saddest, and most painful love tales one can watch unfold on-screen. Seth and Veronica’s whirlwind romance looks and feels so authentic, as the pair have incredibly believable chemistry that sucks you right into this strange world of telepods, insects, and tragedy. And leaves you in a hot mess of tears and puke- because you and I both know this movie can easily produce projectile vomit for the queasy.

Just as things were heating up for the genius inventor and the journalist, a spontaneous experiment with Brundle’s telepods goes terribly wrong as a fly snuck into one of the pods with Seth, resulting in DNA fusion. Unlike the 1958 Vincent Price film, Brundle’s transformation is not instantaneous, and at first, Seth feels exhilarated and powerful. Of course, we know that’s just the bug juices flowing through his veins. Veronica can see that something is terribly wrong with her newfound love, and as Seth soon finds out, is dangerously right.

One of the key points that really feels like a stab in the heart of viewers, is a half-mutated Brundlefly’s speech to Veronica on “insect politics”. Veronica is desperate to help Seth, however, Brundle knows that he is beyond her help and orders her to stay away as he feels the insect inside of him has at this point, completely taken over.

“You have to leave now, and never come back here. Have you ever heard of insect politics? Neither have I. Insects don’t have politics. They’re very brutal. No compassion, no compromise. I’m an insect who dreamt he was a man and loved it. But now the dream is over… and the insect is awake. I’m saying… I’ll hurt you if you stay.” 

GUT-WRENCHING.

The biggest kick in the dick is at the very end, however. Brundle, insane with an idea to fuse him, and a now pregnant Veronica together in the telepods seem like the answer to his problem. With the help of a concerned, although douche ex-lover and co-worker of Ronnie’s, she manages to escape leaving Brundle’s DNA to be accidentally fused with the pod itself. Now we have a mutated human-fly-telepod. Good grief. Seth reaching deep inside to his human counterpart shakily grabs a shotgun a distressed Veronica has in her hand and points it at his head, urging his love to end the madness. A hysterical Geena Davis complies and blows Goldblum’s brains out, giving us one of the most miserable endings to any horror film.

Ugh. Love stinks.

Happy Valentine’s Day Nostalgic Nuggets! Now, I’m off to eat an entire box of chocolates and cry in my pillow.