Category Archives: Nostalgic Eats

“Gimmie Dem Mr. Bones!” 10 Nostalgic Pieces of Halloween Candy

Candy has always been KING at Halloween, and one can’t deny remembering Halloweens’ past in our adolescent years with a great fondness. As we opened our eyes in the comfort of our cartoon character bedsheets on October 31st, we immediately thought of the glorious haul of Halloween treats we would possess that night. Pillowcases full of homemade popcorn balls, candy apples, and even the dreaded nickels and pennies were not only expected, but a Halloween staple in what seems like not so long ago.

Looking inside my child’s trick-or-treat bags these days is a far cry from what they looked like when I was a kid. Homemade treats from neighbors are strictly taboo as urban myths have pretty much put an end to that era. Long gone are the days of accidentally ingesting wax and smoking pseudo candy cigarettes. And I kind of miss it! Kids these days will never know about us giving absolute zero fucks and taking full trust in our neighbors were’t trying to poison or hide razor blades in our Snickers Bars.

However, 2020 ain’t got nothing on the very low possible risk of this EVER happening.

Still one of the most terrifying scenes in “Halloween 2” from a child’s view.

What’s even worse this year, and a big reason why I’m writing this is that we don’t know what Halloween in 2020 will look like for many. Of course, I think most people will make up their own minds on whether to embrace their yearly trick or treating traditions or opt for something different to cater to their own comforts and safety. Either way I feel is OK. And in regards to the current shit show, I dug up this old article I wrote for Dread Central a few years back, revised it, and brought it home to Nightmare Nostalgia for some fuzzy-good childhood-Halloween memories because we could all use some of the good stuff right now!

*Although these candies are still very much available at old-time candy shops and online, I sure do miss seeing that super cool Mr. Bones in my kid’s pumpkin pails. So let’s take a stroll down Halloween memory lane and fondly remember the Halloween candy that has become an obscure item to see in present times. So let’s do our due diligence everyone and seek out some of these fun retro candies to put a smile on everyone’s face behind that mask this October 31st!

10. Candy Cigarettes

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Even with an unsavory past in regards to marketing, these were still pretty cool to get in your Halloween haul. Sitting around with friends negotiating candy trades with one of these suckers in your mouth made you feel like an adult, especially if you suckered someone out of their peanut butter cups. That one small “poof” of glory sugar smoke just made it that much more satisfying, and hey if you’re a rebel you can still pick up a few packs and hand them out to trick or treaters!

9. Whack-O-Wax Lips, Fangs, and Mustaches

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These over-sized red lips and ‘stashes were such a fun addition to our candy stash, even if you ended up shitting out waxy poops the next day. As a matter of fact, I think I still have that waxy taste in my mouth from 1992. In any case, they still ruled. And you can still buy them!

8. Wonka’s Dino Sour Eggs

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This sweet and sour variation of the Gobstopper was way more interesting than its plain counterpart. Depending on how long you sucked on these bad boys, they would change colors and flavors, eventually shriveling up into what looked like dino doo-doo if you got that far without spitting it out.

7. Monster Candy

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Another variation of candy cigarettes was the Monster Candy that came in various tiny boxes that usually contained 2 sticks (if I can remember correctly).  They weren’t the tastiest, much like the latter, but goddamnit if they weren’t one of the coolest things to find in your pile of candy. Just look at that gorgeous packaging with Karloff and Lugosi. Are you really going to disagree?

6. Drac-Snax

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Oh man, Drac-Snax were THE TITS. Just like the Monster Candy mentioned above, this had some of the coolest packaging ever for Halloween treats. The hard fruit-flavored candies were not only good, but they completely captured the essence of what Halloween is all about. Bats, tombstones, and some poor headless sonofabitch.

5. Orange Juice Bubble Gum

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I may be alone on this one; however, I really, really, miss this stuff.  It was hard not to just slide all those tiny nuggets into your mouth all at once.  The Topps gum had different flavors available like grape and lemon, but orange was by far the best. It was pure candy crack, I tell you.

4. Nik-L-Lip

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Yes, the official name for these things was Nik-L-Lip, but we all just called them “wax juice.” You approached this in one of two ways: Either you bit the top off and sucked out all that sugary flavored syrup inside, or you just popped the fucker in your mouth, releasing an explosion of super sweet sugar-water onto your taste buds. Also, if you were like me, you chewed on the wax bottle until all the flavor was gone while, again, trying to avoid the waxy Halloween poops. Worth noting my significant other thinks I’m absolutely crazy for even including this. I say, give me my strange addiction!

3. Garbage Can-dy

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Who remembers sugary fish bones?! Or perhaps the old shoes along with some old soda bottles that definitely tasted a lot better than they looked. These Pez-like candies came in a super cool toy trashcan that you could use for storage. I personally used mine for Garbage Pail Kids stickers. It just seemed fitting.

2. PB Maxx

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Oh, PB Maxx, how I miss thee. The ULTIMATE chocolate-coated peanut butter bar was fuckin’ heaven. If history has taught us anything about nostalgia foods (such as the return of Ecto-Cooler, then we just might get to see it again IF our voices are strong enough. And I would be all kinds of okay with this.

1. Mr. Bones

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Was there really anything more radical than Mr. Bones? I mean, you not only got some delicious tart candy, but you got to build a skeleton out of your food! Oh yes, those sneaky bastards tricked us to use our minds to put together this jigsaw puzzle of a treat, and then devour it like an animal. Brilliance. Plus it came in a cool coffin box! The ultimate Halloween treasure treat was absolutely getting multiples of these spectacular candies. I miss you, Mr. Bones. You delicious little fellow.

While it isn’t TOTALLY the same, Amazon does have a pretty close in taste Skeleton Bones candy packs on their site. No fun toy coffin but if you want to get pretty close to the nostalgia factor, it’s an option!


What is a Halloween candy you would like to see make a comeback? Gimmie your retro rant below and let’s talk about it!

This Is Not a Drill: Planters Cheez Balls Are BACK!

Twelve years. Twelve years I’ve waited for this glorious moment. The product that made up one-third of my food group as a youngster is FINALLY heeding the pleas from nostalgic fans all over the world: Planters Cheez Balls are coming back for a limited run and I’m probably going to cry.

 

This Is Not a Drill: Planters Cheez Balls Are BACK!

 

Yesterday over on the world of Twitter, Mr. Peanut made the official announcement that the beloved ball of greasy cheese goodness that fans like myself have been petitioning to make a comeback is returning for as of now, a limited time starting July 1st. Along with the equally as good Cheez Curls (yeah, move over Chester), you’ll be able to purchase the delicious nostalgic junk-food of every 80’s and 90’s kid’s childhood via Amazon (you can pre-order now) and Walmart.com.

Over the past few years, the trend of retro snacks returning to cater to our nostalgia seems to be resonating with the heads of the junk-food industry. Two years ago upon the release of the rebooted Ghostbusters movie, the king of boxed-juice drinks Hi-C Ecto Cooler had a limited run in stores during the Summer. Of course in my hometown of Las Vegas, I had to beg and plead to the warehouse guys at my local Smiths to get these damn tiny boxes of green liquid sugar in their store so I could pretend I was eight-years-old again. It took an entire month, but the day had come during one of my groceries trips. I was spotted as I walked in by the head of the store, and was greeted with, “I have a surprise for you..” Yeah, that’s how much I badgered these poor people. I proceeded to walk out with a case of these bad boys and I regret nothing. Hopefully, I won’t have this same issue once again where I’ll have to raise hell to get satisfy my inner fat kid. I say this because the pre-order option isn’t available in my area just yet, and I’m just hoping I don’t have to become the nag of the century here.

But anyways, for the rest of you, get ready for orange dusty fingers this Summer! Rejoice because Planters Cheez Balls are back!

Classic Commercials: Discontinued Cereals That You May Have Forgot Actually Existed

If there be only one other thing that you associated school-less Saturday mornings’ with per our youth other than the glorious array of animated programming, it’s the sugary pellets drowned in 2% sitting on our metal character TV trays promptly sat in front of a beastly television box. Because let’s face facts, chances are you were up way earlier than everyone else in order to call all the dibs on either FOX KIDS or CBS Saturday Mornings, and the ritual wasn’t complete without the breakfast of champions. It was quick, easy, and satisfying- especially in regard to a fresh unopened box that held a crappy piece of sugary-coated plastic within. And who cares. It was yours, and you got to that toy first. That was the start of a perfect Saturday.

 

10 Discontinued Cereals' That You May Have Forgot Actually Existed

 

Anyway, through our youth and well into adulthood we’ve seen a shit-ton of limited edition and themed cereal associated with film and TV come and then disappear as fast as they came. Maybe you remember some of these, and maybe you had no clue these suckers actually existed. In any regard, let’s travel down slightly-soggy memory lane and take a look at a few retro kinds of cereal from our childhood!

 

10. Mr. T

If you’ve never seen Pee Wee’s Big Adventure (and just what is wrong with you) then you might not even know about the infamous Mr. T cereal that debuted back in 1984. Developed by Quaker Oats, it sort of had a taste reminiscent of Cap’n Crunch. Also, I pity the fool that still doesn’t have their exclusive Mr. T stickers that came with a fresh box.

 

9. C-3PO’s

The force was totally located in your bowl with 1984’s Kelloggs cash-grab at the Star Wars franchise. I never had this one myself, but if you remember Alpha-Bits at all, many have said the Droid centered cereal tasted much like it. C-3PO’s usually carried some great prizes inside like masks from the films and plastic Rebel Rockets. However, I believe many were most stoked about the send away offers for the coveted Kenner action figures it offered.

 

8. Ghostbusters

Who could forget the all-important Ghostbusters cereal, and even more so, the commercial that advertised an opportunity to visit the Ghostbusters’ headquarters and meet one in person! Complete with marshmallow ghosts, fruity O’s, and glow in the dark Slimer marshmallows added later, the Ralston brand actually went through four different looks for the cereal: Two for each film, and two for the animated series one in which featuring Slimer. Whichever one you remember, it was a damn good cereal that turned your milk an excellent green. Speaking of excellence…

 

7. Bill and Ted

Well, clearly one of the most “awesome breakfast adventures” you’ll ever have is with the righteous Bill and Ted! Another Ralston creation, Bill and Ted’s Adventure cereal was a cinnamon-based flavored cereal with musical note marshmallows. If you remember this sugary gem, you might remember the box came with postcards depicting the pair’s trips through time. However, if you were really lucky, you snagged the cassette holder promotion that was encased on the outside of the box in celophane wrap. Now that, was a prize worthy of getting up at the ass-crack of dawn to beat your siblings to the pantry.

 

6. E.T.

Now as much as this little asshole alien scared the bejesus out of me when I was a youngling, that damn peanut butter and chocolate E and T shaped cereal were sure as shit delightful. Introduced in 1984 by General Mills, rumor has it the flavor choice of the cereal was based off ET’s fondness for Reeses Pieces as depicted in the movie. In any regard, if you’ve never had a taste of this retro treasure, just pick up a box of Reeses cereal and pretend to be munching like a kid again.

 

5. Cabbage Patch Kids

Most likely the most healthy on this list is the Cabbage Patch Kids themed cereal brought to us by, who else, but Ralston in 1985. The promotional ads aimed at parents, in particular, boasting about how little sugar was actually in a serving- 3 grams according to a memorabilia site. Which may have attributed to that kind of stale taste, which is how I remember it. Also, the creepy as fuck fat smiling shaped faces that the breakfast consisted of. I only remember this due to the chances of winning an exclusive Cabbage Patch doll, which I didn’t. All that bland tasting, kind of wanting to be KIX but not quite cereal that I had to consume…. Blah.

 

4. Urkel-O’s

Urkel-ize with 1992 Urkel-O’s! Laura Winslow will be your pet in no time by just shoving this crap in her face. Ralston’s strawberry and banana flavored breakfast for fans of extremely high-waisted pant wearing nerds everywhere rolled this one out in 1991. Several versions of this cereal appeared in stores, however the most memorable featured Urkel in a red, white and blue Uncle Sam get-up beating a marching band bass drum with “Urkel For President” slammed on the front. This box, in particular, contained an “Urkel For President” campaign button and an entry form to win a trip to Washington D.C. Which was a way better way to sell the fruity O’s rather than the initial slogan, “a fun, circle-shaped product”.

 

3. Batman

Listen, Batman was THEE jam when Michael Keaton and Tim Burton resurrected the caped crusader, so of course, a themed cereal HAD to follow. The bat-shaped cereal had a honey-nut flavor to it and you not only bought this sucker because, duh, BATMAN, but because of the Batman Bank that was offered as a premium plastic shrink-wrapped to the box.

 

2. Addams Family

1991 was Addams Family madness and were even invading your morning breakfast ritual thanks to Ralston. I don’t remember the cereal being anything great but the flashlights promptly displayed in front of the box rather than inside in the form of members of the Addams clan reeled us in. I still have my Cousin ITT blinker, and it remains a treasured childhood relic with a slight scent of 20-year old sugar dust.

 

1. Gremlins

I couldn’t tell you if this cereal was ca-ca or yum-yum, but as a huge fan of the film, I had to include the cereal featuring the adorable Gizmo introduced by Ralston in 1984 to coincide with the film’s release. And that’s about as long as the cereal lasted, as it seemed to have disappeared faster than a gremster being hosed down with H2O. Exclusive stickers were packaged inside this bad-boy along with an offer of a cute little Gizmo plush for $9.95 plus two proofs of purchase. Might I add, if you own the cereal premium relic, I’m feeling all the peanut butter and jelly towards you at this moment.