Here Comes Jesus Cottontail- The Scariest Holiday Monster... EVER

Here Comes Jesus Cottontail- The Scariest Holiday Monster… EVER

The unholy matrimony between the horror genre and holiday films is something you don’t have to look far to find. With just about every Hallmark holiday, we celebrate, we can find a horror movie that takes on the setting of the said observant day. From New Year’s Evil, to Leprechaun, Krampus, and duhJohn Carpenter’s Halloweenthe genre gives us horror fans something to watch on those lazy days off from work, as we plop our asses in that comfortable indented Lazy Boy and observe these national holidays in our way. And just as the sub-genre of Holiday Horror has given us some of the best horror films this side of the nuthouse, the horror category has also given us some of the most unsettling monsters that we’ve ever seen on film- like the goddamn Jesus Easter Bunny.

With all the holiday horror films the genre has to offer up, Easter horror movies are pretty much slim to none unless you’re looking deep within the Independent circuit which harbors such titles as Easter Sunday, and Beaster Day: Here Comes Peter CottonHell, seriously, check out these B-movie gems if you enjoy a good cheese-fest. But when Kevin Smith’s and Scott Stewart’s horror anthology Holidays peaked its gory good-time head out into the public, we finally got the Easter horror we all damn deserve. Even if it’s just a segment within an anthology series, Holidays’ Easter spoonful of horror goodness directed by Nicolas McCarthy nails it like a successful crucifixion. The short story delivers in forever traumatizing your image of that cuddly rodent that drops shit mounds of jelly beans in your yard with a clever story along with the scariest fuckin’ bunny I’ve ever seen in my damn life.

The Easter segment from Holidays combines both the religious aspect and fantasy that is the Spring holiday by infusing the Messiah and a rabbit into one hideous creation that is portrayed by Stranger Things own Demogorgon, Mark Steger. Steger’s mannerisms of a bunny from beyond are truly the stuff of nightmares as the story goes, a young girl happens to catch the Easter Bunny at work in her home, but instead of this bunny hiding eggs, the kiddo terrifyingly watches as this creature sprouts chicklets from its stigmata wounds. Just… Holy fucks..

The Jees-ter Bunny catches wind that he is being watched and comes to face to bunny nose with the little onlooker, and the holiday icon commences to creep the shit out of the little girl by making her stick her fingers inside his rib wounds. Jesus bunny Christ, disturbing is really putting it mildly.

The short story even incorporates the religious ritual of partaking from the body of Christ when Jesus Cottontail informs the child that no one has ever laid eyes upon him, and in her doing so, requires her to take his place. The haunting rabbit then takes an Easter egg, instructs her to open her jaws, and places the egg in her mouth as some sort of rite of passage into becoming the legit Easter bunny.

If you’ve yet to see the segment, or hell the whole Holidays anthology yet, I urge you to skip the clip below and watch not only this portion in its entirety but the full movie along with it which is currently streaming on Amazon Prime. However, for those familiar but who need a refresher, I give you an Easter treat packaged with nightmare fuel for days. Also, if you kind of hate kids, make sure to send this video their way.

Happy Easter Nostalgic Nuggets!

*This article was originally written by me on April 13th, 2017 on a different platform.

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