All posts by Patti PaulterGeist

Owner, operator, and fuzzy retro feelers giver at NightmareNostalgia.com. Worshipper of our Lord and savior Boo Berry, Patti is a seasoned pro having written for the top horror websites and magazines over the past few years until she decided to go balls to the wall and make her own focusing on pure feel-good nostalgia. Mom to two humans and three furballs.
Lists

5 Films That Totally Qualify As Christmas Movies

Image Leave a comment

Sometimes the greatest Christmas movies are ones that don’t really center around the jolly fat man or the holiday spirit entirely. Various instances in film have given us the Christmas theme in the background like a New York City cop fighting terrorists during a big Office Christmas party. Or perhaps an army of Gremlins terrorizing a town on Christmas Eve. I’m not even sure why movies like Die Hard or Gremlins are ever up for debate as far as labeling them as Holiday films; because they 100 % ARE an undeniable fact at that. However, there are some true greats I’ve seen that could totally qualify as Christmas movies right alongside that of Stripe and John McLane and it is my mission to stamp a Santa hat-wearing Sico the Robot as a cinematic staple of the holiday season.

HOOK

Bangarang indeed that Hook is undeniably a Christmas movie. I guess maybe with the late, great Robin Williams’ larger-than-life persona, one could easily forget they’re actually watching a loosely based “Peter Pan” version of Charles Dickens’ “The Christmas Carol”.

Before Peter Banning is bustled off to Neverland to save his kids from the dastardly Hook, Peter and his family arrive in London at Granny Wendy’s home is decked out to the nine in Christmas decor with the score of “God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen” playing in the background. After Peter remembers his origins, defeats Captain Hook (Dustin Hoffman), and returns to London with his children, he wakes up in the snow a changed man, grateful to be reunited with his family and determined not to miss another important moment. This, in my mind, mirrors the feel of Ebenezer Scrooge’s newfound grateful attitude and that power/money is trivial; thus reminding us to cherish the time we have we our loved ones. It’s a magical film that represents all the child-like wonder that is felt during the season and was actually released in December of 1991. So I can’t see this as anything but, a Peter Pan holiday movie.

Rocky IV

I’m probably going to hear a barrage of complaints that the national treasure that is Rocky IV is nowhere near a Christmas movie. Lemme stop you right there because you’re wrong and get off my blog right now.

Ok, I’ve gone too far. I apologize, but my feelings are pretty strong on this one.

Case in point: The film’s final fight between Ivan Drago and Rocky takes place on the 25th of December, Christmas Day, in Ivan Drago’s less-than-hospitable home of Russia for 15 rounds of revenge boxing. Let’s be realistic here; my own Italian family has taught me that there is nothing that says Christmas more than two grown men beating the ever-loving shit out of one another. While in my case, it’s usually over something petty, unlike the premise in this film, but eh- close enough.

One of the most tender, feel-good moments of the movie is during the snowy backdrop of the bleak atmosphere of Krasnogourbinsk, Russia where Rocky has just finished one of his many mountain man runs. Rocky is reunited with Adrian in order to give him the final push he needs to avenge the death of his fallen friend. Proving that Christmas time is indeed a magical time to set aside our feelings and be goddamn supportive of one another- even if it is vengeful.

Edward Scissorhands

The Tim Burton Frankenstein/ Grinch hybrid of a yes, Christmas movie has all the makings for a classic tale of that one socially awkward member of the extended family trying their best to fit in at Christmastime while simultaneously not trying to have a nervous breakdown.

I can relate all too well.

Family and love are two biggies you will find in any traditional Christmas movie, and you’ll find that among the madness here in Edward Scissorhands. The Frankenstein of suburbia has been taken off his Grinch’s mountain by the neighborhood Avon lady in an act of, what she thinks is kindness. Which would most certainly be the case in most situations, but not here I guess as, in the end, he is chased back into his safe space lair to live out the rest of his days where he belongs- unjudged.

While the Christmas scenery doesn’t arrive until the last 30 minutes of the film, the spirit of “kindness” and treating others with humility is most certainly holiday-themed exploitation that would not garner as much effect if the holiday season wasn’t present as in the rest of the movie. The Boggs try their damnedest to make Edward feel like one of the family and community, with daughter Kim eventually finding her once disgust towards Edward turning into love and understanding. In the first and second half of the film, Edward is fairly accepted and treated with admiration- even if some of it is pure curiosity and exploitation at some points. It isn’t until the Christmas season that he is demonized by the neighborhood. The juxtaposition of these themes is a major driving point for the movie’s plot: that even in the season of goodwill we can forget to treat others, especially those less fortunate, with grace, understanding, and love. Pretty much like Frankenstein and the Grinch here.

Ahh well, just a reminder that when it snows on Christmas, we know Edward is still around.

Lethal Weapon

Die Hard gets all the Christmas Action Movie glory, but credit where it’s due: Lethal Weapon came out a year earlier and is absolutely a goddamn Christmas movie. Oh and psst, a better one at that.

In the trailer for the 30th-anniversary edition of Die Hard, 20th Century Fox added the tagline, “It’s the greatest Christmas story ever told,” and not only is Lethal Weapon more authentically a Christmas movie in terms of origin, but it offers more of the sweet holiday feelings that Die Hard just never bothers to attempt to engender in the viewer. Between the initial shoot-out at the Christmas Tree Farm and the climatic Busey/Gibson fight on Murtaugh’s festively decorated front lawn, there’s again, another mirroring of a holiday classic- It’s A Wonderful Life.

When you lose important people in your life, you miss them every day. However, there’s no time when that absence is felt more strongly than during Christmas. Christmas can be stressful under the best of circumstances, and for Martin Riggs, the loss of his wife becomes too much to bear. With no family, Riggs contemplates suicide early on but thanks to a new partner and the circumstances surrounding the case they’re working together, Riggs finds a new lease on life echoing that of George Bailey.

I certainly wouldn’t want to live in a world without Martin Riggs, thank you very much- cue that “Jingle Bell Rock”!

Batman Returns

Well, I certainly feel like this is the one alternative Christmas movie I might get the least pushback on. Most people would tend to agree that Batman Returns, while not a traditional Christmas film, still has more than enough of those Christmas aesthetics to qualify as one along with the fact the entire movie is set during the season with Gotham covered in snow and the streets decked out with trees, lights and candy colors. From the red and white of the Penguin’s umbrella to the snow-covered streets of Gotham, the director is dedicated to keeping us steeped in the Christmas spirit. Even Max Schreck’s prototype power plant is all Christmassy, with its red-and-white-striped smokestacks. Speaking of the bastard, with his tousled white hair, red bow tie, and nefarious plans to steal all of the energy from Gotham’s girls and boys, he plays very well as an evil mirror of Santa Claus. How can anyone really deny the Holiday vibin’ here? Yet here we are. Still fighting the good fight to ensure its place among the Hallmark Holiday Movie classics.

Tim Burton’s Batman Returns is a unique film that explores both its heroes and villains deeply as tragic, lonely misfits trying to find meaning during the holidays. Kind of like the “Island of Misfit Toys” in Rudolph but with homicidal tendencies. This movie succeeds on so many levels in invoking the spirit of the holidays in a dark, and gothic way that is unlike any other film on this list.

And maybe, one day Batman Returns will be held in the highest regard as one of the greatest Christmas stories of all time. Because hey, “Things change”.

Editorials

[Video] Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Coming Out of Their Shells on Oprah

Image 1 Comment

Need 43 minutes to waste? Call up your local Pizza Hut, grab your 20-year-old TMNT pillowcase and let’s get down on some horribly bad costumed Ninja Turtles on the Oprah Winfrey show.

Related image

You’d really have to be living in a sewer back in the late ’80s and early ’90s if you hadn’t seen a single episode of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Skateboarding teenage amphibians and talking rats along with Bebop and Rocksteady were LIFE. I’m proud to claim my insane devotion to TurtleMania that swept the era of Saturday Morning goodness. However, I don’t know if I can ever have the strength to defend that insanely wacky “Coming Out of Their Shells” album and tour from 1990.

Good God, it’s Magic Mike, Donatello.

Image result for ninja turtles coming out of their shells gif

Yeah, I got nothing. No words.

Anyways, on the heels of a successful Saturday morning national treasure, and that first feature-length kick-ass movie, the Turtles moved into the music scene with a live tour and album- sponsored by who else? Pizza Hut, duh.  The “Coming Out of Their Shells” tour was promoted on the original release of the TMNT VHS movie from 1990, (if anyone actually remembers), among countless commercials from the nationwide pizza chain. The show itself, which did air live on Pay Per View once, showcased the mean, green heroes dancing, singing timeless hits such as, “Pizza Power” and “Skipping Stones”, and playing instruments because hey, they were a band now.  We had Donatello on keys, Leonardo on bass guitar, Michelangelo on guitar, and Raphael on drums while also making Kenny G envious of his sweet saxophone skills. Of course, the show wouldn’t be complete without the Turtles’ arch-nemesis Shredder. And oh yes, his costume is just as awfully stupendous. The Shred-Head, along with buggy brainiac Baxtor Stockman, invent a device that steals all the music in the world while also weakening the Turtles if they stand too close to it. So there we have an epically staged corn fest of singing turtles saving the day. But man, it sure didn’t seem that way when we were kids. Am I right?

Or maybe not…

tmnt oprah.gif

Well in any regard, the power of the Turtle was so strong even the mighty Oprah had to acknowledge it with a full show dedicated to the four mutants and their traveling live album. The audience was PACKED with little TMNT enthusiasts as you can umm, see above. I would only assume that the horrified look above may have been from Oprah’s question to the Turtles on whether they wished April was a turtle-like themselves. Which good ole’ Ralphel replies, “Well, I’ve been trying to talk her into an interspecies relationship for months now.” That poor woman playing April O’Neil looks so mortified.

Something tells me there is NO WAY that would fly in this day and age. Ahh, well gotta love the ’90s! Check out the entire show below courtesy of the Digsy channel.

Editorials

A Thanksgiving Tradition: Rocky and the Holiday That Gave Us One of the Greatest Franchises Ever

Image Leave a comment

“To you it’s Thanksgiving, to me it’s Thursday.”

The true beginning of the holiday get-togethers is when Thanksgiving rolls in along with an additional ten pounds added to your gut- and it’s also time for a Rocky marathon fellas. I mean, anytime is a GREAT time to go the distance with all the movies, however, I’ve always associated the Rocky franchise, and is played on a good rotation over the holiday season over here, especially the first one, with Thanksgiving, and for good reason.

True, the turkey holiday might not be the first thought that comes to mind when you think of the series, but it’s the holiday showcased in the first half of the 1976 film that begat Rocky’s journey toward his future boxing career and most importantly, the love of his life Adrian. Not to mention most of the franchise with the exception of Rocky III and Rocky Balboa were theatrically released around the Thanksgiving holiday and both Creed movies to boot.

It all starts after a series of unfortunate events that follow Rocky through the days leading up to Thanksgiving. It’s obvious in the beginning when we see Rocky and Adrian’s interaction at the pet store where she works, that he is definitely interested in the girl. It’s subtle, but Adrian seems to reciprocate a shy smile after some bad jokes.

Then there’s the little “yo-yo” Marie. The man tries to do a good deed by giving some equally good advice but instead gets a giant “Screw you creep-o,” making Rock-o look like a giant turkey himself.

We also have the incident with Gazzo the Loan Shark whom Rocky works as an enforcer. But as we’re learning even early on in the film, the heavy-hitting nightclub boxer has a heart of gold and can’t just “break people’s thumbs”. But, that hesitancy hits him in hot water with the guy that’s helping him pay his own bills.

Also, worth noting that Gazzo doesn’t get nearly enough credit in this movie. Ok, he doesn’t have the best reputation as a traditional good guy, but he really helped Rocky out in this film and definitely had a soft spot for the Southpaw. So, I just want to take a moment and say cheers to the guy who helped fund the world’s greatest fictional boxer.

And finally, we have the incident with Mick, which is also the first introduction we have to this important character as he berates the ever-loving shit out of Balboa the Tomatah’ while taking his locker away.

All this to say leads up to that eventful Thanksgiving evening, or just another Thursday as Rocky would put it as he meets up with his buddy Paulie at the Lucky Seven Tavern, a local shithole dive bar seen a few times throughout the franchise. Paulie is a prick from the get-go and stays that way for the next 5 films, and while it’s hard to see, he does have some good in him. Beyond the fact that Rocky digs him enough to put up with his shit, he must see it a whole lot deeper than the rest of us- but that’s what makes Rocky’s character so likable. The guy is just nice to everyone. After making some small talk in the bathroom expressing his frustrations to Paulie about life and the fact Paulie’s sister Adrian, won’t give him the time of day, a tipsy Paulie takes Rocky back to his house where he lives with Adrian to set them up on a date- on Thanksgiving.

Adrian at first is really not having it and seeing it from a woman’s perspective, I get it, man. The girl is very shy, has been slaving away all day cooking a nice turkey meal, and here comes her drunkard big brother late at night with a surprise date for her after she’s been in the kitchen cooking and sweating for goddess knows how long. She clearly expresses that she isn’t DISINTERESTED in the date itself, but that she isn’t “ready” for this moment and tries to wiggle out of it with the Thanksgiving excuse.

Paulie being the dick he is remedies that notion, sending Adrian over the edge and eventually she succumbs to the date idea. It wasn’t an ideal way to get these two love birds together finally, but if Paulie wasn’t such a shmuck, she may not have agreed not just to the date, but also to the idea of getting away from her jerk brother for a few hours. Two birds, one stone, right?

That seemingly insensitive act on Thanksgiving night sparks the flame at the center of the Rocky movies my friends. Rocky was never supposed to be a boxing movie; Rocky IV totally was, but not the original and certainly not the sequel that came two years later. It’s a love story for the ages, and the Thanksgiving date sequence is just as important as the final round of the 1976 treasure birthed off a spiral red notebook that a down-on-his-luck Sly managed to scribble down in. Because had none of that happened, Rocky probably would have died in the slums of Philadephia with nothing to fight for. Adrian was the reason he took the shot with Creed and went the distance. She was this man’s love and muse; so let us give thanks for the Thanksgiving that brought these wandering souls together and brought forth another cool holiday tradition around this household.

If Rocky ain’t on the TV, it ain’t Thanksgiving.