Category Archives: Editorials

Editorials

THAT TIME KING KONG ROBBED A HOME RUN

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I know what you’re thinking: Jessica Lange is incredibly distracting. ‘Tis true, and an excellent guess, but you would be wrong. The American League Championship Series gets underway tomorrow night, but twenty years ago I was parked in front of the television hoping the Red Sox would oust the Evil Empire in the 2003 ALCS and head to the Fall Classic for the first time since JASON LIVES (1986) hit theatres.

Alas, that wouldn’t transpire until the following October when Boston became the first team in major league history to storm back from a 3-games-to-none deficit to win a playoff series. But Game 7 of the ’03 ALCS was neck-and-neck, and when it slipped into extra innings, I noticed that KING KONG ’76 was on AMC.

The rest, as they say, is part of dumbass history.

It began innocently enough. Between innings I would flip over to catch a minute or two of Rick Baker in a gorilla suit, but as extra frames stretched deeper into the night, I started clicking “last” on the remote between pitches. To be fair, this was before the advent of the pitch clock, so between mound visits and Nomar Garciaparra’s rain delay routine — there was time. Or so I thought.

After Mariano Rivera finished his third inning of work out of the bullpen–setting the Red Sox down in order in the top of the 11th–I flipped over to AMC..

Therein lies the problem: Kong had reached the World Trade Center. How does one not get lost in that scene? It happened to me. And about the time Jeff Bridges put his hands on the glass in wide-eyed terror it came flooding back — “shit, the game!”

The next image on my screen was Aaron Boone rounding second base as the Bronx lost its collective mind. The Yankees’ third baseman had just blasted a knuckleball over the left field wall off of the late Tim Wakefield (it still hurts to say that). The pennant belonged to New York and I had missed one of the greatest moments in baseball history.

While it’s true Florida would take the title from the Bombers (at Yankee Stadium in a delicious twist) and the Red Sox would exorcise their own demons the following fall, it didn’t change the fact that I didn’t see Boone’s bomb with my own yes. And Kong still fell,

And not for nothin’, but ’03 represented Hideki Matsui’s rookie season in the bigs. Why do I mention this? Matsui’s nickname was Godzilla. King of the Monsters.

One will fall, indeed.

The words Dino De Laurentiis shared with the Philadelphia Inquirer promoting KING KONG held true 27 years later–and remain true today: “when monkey die, everybody cry.”

Editorials

WE NEED A CREIGHTON DUKE ORIGIN STORY

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Pouring out of theatres, we FRIDAY freaks have clearly carried all things Voorhees with us over the years, but let’s be honest, the Camp Crystal Lake saga isn’t exactly the sort that haunts you.

With the exception of a single line: “Son of a bitch. You remember me?”

It’s been 30 years since Creighton Duke blurted those words toward the conclusion of JASON GOES TO HELL (1993) and damn it, we need answers!

I’m not worried about the Deadite bullshit Adam Marcus wants everyone to buy into because — no. Let’s talk about the unseen events leading to the question Duke handcuffed Jason with before Kane Hodder donned Freddy’s sweater and glove and hauled the hock to Hades.

Remember me. The implication is pretty obvious: Creighton Duke and Jason Voorhees have crossed paths before. How did that come to pass? What happened? How long has Duke been in pursuit?

Dude captured six reviled serial killers, so let’s get a glimpse of the past glory that led to Duke’s Loomis-like obsession. How did the baddest bounty hunter this side of Dog and Boba Fett so confidently determine “in a Voorhees he was born, through a Voorhees may he be reborn, and only by the hands of a Voorhees will he die”? Where did that theory come from because Duke seems pretty damn confident he’s cracked the code.

What about talk of meat suits and “I don’t think so” after our beloved momma’s boy suffered “explosive trauma” after being blowed up? Again, seems rather evident this ain’t Duke’s first rodeo.

Also, why does Creighton’s idea of scoring digits differ from ours?

How in the hell can Steven Williams still play the part? That cat hasn’t aged a day in three decades. Whatever elixir Paul Rudd is sippin’ on, he got it from Mr. X.

And should we get said origin story complete with a reimagining of Jason being lured to his “demise,” may I suggest Lauren LaVera for Julie Michaels’ role? Just go back and watch because the resemblance is uncanny.

Look, there are still those who dislike Duke because it should have been Tommy Jarvis, but we can love both my fellow FRIDAY aficionados. Real talk, ‘m not concerned with what happened to Paul (John Furey) at the end of PART 2 because “who is Creighton Duke” remains the only question the Crystal Lake collection has ever dangled in front of us that I still ponder.

We need that Williams intensity and black duster revived because Creighton Duke is one of the few truly fascinating characters the FRIDAY franchise has produced.

Now you know what I want and why I need it. Who’s with me?

Editorials

Stephen King’s “Silver Bullet”- The Criminally Underrated Halloween Movie

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In 2020, the full moon came on Halloween, and a happy coincidence left me fully convinced in the All Hallows Blue Moonlight on a notion that I had always known deep down. That Stephen King’s Silver Bullet was truly a criminally underrated Halloween film.

Heh. I hope you read that in your best Jane voice.

Now, it’s obvious that the film itself models a timeline of sorts from the 1983 novella; which acts like a calendar of chapters rummaging through each month of a chaotic year where a werewolf is violently tormenting the residents of Tarkers’ Mills. The movie starts off in late Spring and the majority of the film is actually set in the Summer, with a few big scenes leading up to and taking place on Independence Day. In which case, makes my argument here a tad trying, but I’m here to fight and will die on the hill that’s forever a Halloween movie.

Midway through the movie, Fall sets in with the climatic final confrontation and ending landing on Halloween itself and although as stated, most of the film is staged at different points of time throughout the year, the last half of the movie really sells that Autumn ambiance flowing into the Halloween Full Moon final chapter. The changing of the leaves, that you can hear crunching in between scenes. The sinister aura surrounding the town is much heavier now, giving off that Halloween lurking around the corner feeling-you all know exactly what I’m talking about. You can practically SMELL the Autumn atmosphere. Especially when we get to the last ten minutes or so of the movie, where Jack-O-Lanterns and die-cut paper skeletons are seen outside the Coslaw residence.

So to me, it feels more like a Halloween flick than anything else. And I’m kind of pissed that AMC Fearfest opts to show Stephen King’s Carrie 20 times a month in October and Silver Bullet a mere ONE TIME. Sure, I get films like Carrie are more universally popular. However, the fact that Silver Bullet consistently gets the shaft, both in the cinematic horrorthons and in the horror community, kind of bums me out. It’s underappreciated, underrated, and the best werewolf movie out of the slew of Lycanthrope films that came out in the early 80s’,

YEAH, I SAID IT. Corey Haim in a gas-powered motorcycle of a wheelchair and Gary Busey wrasslin’ reverend werewolves? Sorry, but there’s no competition happening here.

Stephen King’s first handwritten screenplay from his own novella adaption deserves a little more respect this Halloween. Give it a viewing closer to the holiday, and you’ll get the same Halloween ambient fuzzies as I do every time I watch it.

Pick it up here from Amazon if you don’t own this cinematic masterpiece yet!