Tag Archives: Horror Nostalgia

That One Time We All Thought The Undertaker Killed The Ultimate Warrior

Image June 18, 2018 Patti PaulterGeist 2 Comments

A date that will forever live in glorious infamy for me would be March 26, 1991. A day where all my dreams of brightly colored outfits, incredible arena entrance music, and the ever so amazing Tonka Wrestling Buddies and giant Hulk foam fingers being sold up and down the aisles of the Thomas and Mack arena in lieu of overpriced bags of popcorn. Ok, there was that too but as an eight-year-old, I needed those damn buddies to smack my little brother in the face with just like the TV commercials. Anyway, it was my first LIVE WWF all-star that would later air on Superstars of Wrestling and I was here for it. Yep. I was pretty goddamn excited for the show. I was about to see all my muscular heroes: Hulk Hogan, Legion of Doom, Randy Savage, and of course, the goddamn Undertaker who had just made his debut several months prior at the 1990 Survivor Series. So yeah, it was pretty exciting guys.

About halfway through the program that involved exciting matches between superstars and also filler matches with “jobber” wrestlers, the attention from the ring was drawn to a dark corner of the stadium. The dim lighting gave way to what looked like, a grimly decorated memorial service with gothic candles and wreaths of flowers strewn about. OOOOOOOOHHHHH YESSSSSSSS. It was time for the mother-fuckin’ Funeral Parlor with Sir Paul of Bearers- a sideshow skit notorious in the WWF glory days where a superstar or manager hosts another guest into their realm. And usually ends up in a fight more or less. We can all thank the Rowdy one for starting that treasure up with Piper’s Pit. Anyway, today’s guest was the ever so popular Ultimate Warrior, and little did we know shit was about to get really intense.

Before we get into it, and I may be opening myself up for a lot of turmoil here, I was never really a fan of the Warrior. I can’t explain it other than, maybe I felt like he was taking away from Hogan’s glory. Yes, I know the torch was set up to be passed to him, but I just wasn’t buying it even as a seven-year-old. My little brother, on the other hand, was a die-hard fan of the Warrior. And I had a new-found admiration for this dark, brooding figure that was making waves in the world of wrestling. And holy shit, this was a tense moment for my little brother and I. His favorite wrestler was about to enter the Funeral Parlor with one of my favorites, so it was as if we were about to have a “who has the bigger dick here” sibling battle in the sense these big burly men were representing us. Yes, I’m a female. But that doesn’t mean I can’t measure out my “Phantom Dick” too? Why be sexist here?

Back to the story.

Ok, so here we are. Bearer is setting up for the show with his “Paul Bearer-ish” ramblings and Warrior comes out doing his growl and all that jazz. Bearer is stoked to see he made the appearance because apparently, The Undertaker has made quite the gift for him-his own custom casket! What a sweet gesture, eh? Anyway, the casket was covered with a black tarp-like sheet and once revealed, the Warrior looked kind of freaked out. Which pretty much made all my insides giggle. Paul commences to taunt the crap out of him by indeed, pointing out how scurred he really is of death, and of course, the Undertaker. Warrior starts getting all huffy, pointing his finger in Paul’s face mumbling some gruffs or something, and out from behind out of nowhere, Undertaker comes at him! Beats up on him pretty good, and manages to stuff the Warrior into his own coffin. A stunned, yet still resistant Warrior tries to fight the closing of the lid, but unsuccessfully. I sort of screamed with delight, not going to lie and sneered at my brother who was held up by my father so his tinier self could see the action better. Victorious, Undertaker and Bearer retreat slowly back to the dressing room and here we are, Warrior stuck in a casket. Now we have a bunch of WWF officials trying to pry this thing open in front of a crowd of thousands. After what seems like an eternity, and it was truly only about maybe 5 minutes, they finally get the sucker open to reveal a lifeless warrior.

And that’s when a sea of tears came about to just about every kid in the crowd, including my brother. I say just about every kid because I was laughing hysterically like the sick little bastard I was, and well, still am I guess. He literally asked our Dad with tears welling up and stuttering, “Is he dead?!” And then I got to thinking under all that, “haha my guy just owned your guy,” well shit. Maybe something bad happened here! Remember now, we were little kids, thus thinking anything here was FAKE was not a thing. It was all very real to us. And then I started to get a little scared myself. Like holy shit, maybe he actually killed the guy! My parents had to assure us that everything would be ok, and of course, it was magically. But hey, we did get some sick as hell Wrestling Buddies out of it! Which is what I was eyeing the whole time anyway. So thanks to that little skit that scared the ever-loving shit out of us and every goddamn kid at Thomas and Mack, I totally got myself a bad-ass toy. The Warrior wasn’t so bad after all!

Editorials

In Memorium: The Majesty of Bill Gold and the Movie Poster

Image May 21, 2018 Patti PaulterGeist Leave a comment

As you may, or may not have heard, the legendary Bill Gold sadly passed away on May 20th, 2018 at the respectable age of 96. Some of you may be asking the obvious question, “Who the hell is Bill Gold?” Well, if you’re not balls deep into the cinematic world of art and film, it’s quite possible you may have never heard the name. However, I guarantee you’ve seen the man’s work and didn’t even realize it.

Born on January 3rd, 1921, American graphic designer William Gold is wildly known throughout the entertainment industry as the go-to-man for movie poster art to promote films. With a career spanning over 60 years in the business, Gold is responsible for the art of over 2,000 movie posters going all the way back to the golden year of 1942 with Yankee Doodle Dandy, ending with his final work for J. Edgar in 2011. With graduate schooling from the Pratt Institute, Gold poured his heart and soul into cinematic artwork for films that have imprinted their own legacy in the world of visual culture including the beloved horror genre. Movie posters such as The Exorcist, The Exorcist II: The Heretic The Funhouse, Alien, and Kubrick’s cinematic masterpiece A Clockwork Orange are directly from the mind of Bill Gold. In particular, with such an iconic black and white foggy visual that we all know from the 1973 massive achievement in horror, I think we all need to collectively give at least sixty seconds of silence to the man who without his talent, the art we associate these films with would have never been.

If you’d like to send your respects, the family asks donations be made to the Fisher Center for Alzheimer’s Research Foundation in honor of Bill Gold.

Editorials

If McDonald’s Can Resurrect Szechuan Sauce, Then It’s Time to Bring Back McBoo and Friends Halloween Pails

Image May 3, 2018 Patti PaulterGeist Leave a comment

In case you’ve been living under a rock over the past year, people sort of lost their minds when McDonald’s announced they were reviving that delicious Disney’s Mulan advertised McNugget dip, Szechuan Sauce o the heels of Rick and Morty fandom. Of course, they damn near rioted when it became clear that not every store had these sought-after suckers and the ones that did, had about 10-20 dippers in stock. Leaving Szechaun searchers to lose their absolute shit and cry foul so loud that the fast-food giant responded with an actual revival of the sweet and sour condiment to appease the masses of seriously pissed off people. It’s like Rick himself possessed an insane number of humanoids to get that crap back into the fast-food chain. And if you’re a fan of the series at all, it’s not entirely impossible to think that either.

That’s right he and everyone else got their goddamn Szechuan sauce. Now let’s take that mentality about an overrated McNugget enhancer and apply to that to something that 100% NEEDS a proper revival: The McDonald’s Halloween pails featuring the beautiful McBoo and friends.

McPunk’n, McGoblin, and McBoo (as I just refer to all of them as for some odd and I know, incorrect reason) made their wonderful debut back in October of 1986 much to the delight of Happy Mealers everywhere. I know I’m not alone when I say, these buckets that forever reeked of delicious salty french fries are a beloved childhood relic for 80’s and 90’s kids. They embody the innocent spirit of a nostalgic Halloween much like nothing else. I remember quite clearly during a CBS run of Garfield’s Halloween Adventure (of which I own in pure VHS form, commercials and all that will be uploaded in the future for you) the McBucket advertisement (seen below) during the break. This was the time I first laid my eyes on the wonderous McBoo and friends and pleaded the parental units for a dinner at the creepy clown factory the following day. The three of which I acquired was, of course, Sir McBoo and you’re goddamn right I used that beautiful orange Jacko-pail for my own Halloween adventures of sugary death.

As it turns out, I wasn’t the only practicing within the cult of McBoo as the pails were a massive hit and continued throughout the years at the burger chain. Making McDonald’s the fast-food King of Halloween. Then, something awful happened. They began to change, not for the better but for the worse. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for change as much as the next gal. However, the quality and beloved nature of the pails went straight down the shitter once themes became introduced into Halloween Happy Meals. Long gone were the recognizable jack-o-lantern faces and in came cartoonish versions of the cherished bucket with Snoopy and My Little Pony splashed all over the damn thing. The pails became a tad smaller, the handles incredibly flimsy, not to mention the spirit of Halloween was taken right out of it once you slapped a Minion on it. It just wasn’t the same and goddammit, we want them back. Ok, it might be just my first-world problem ass complaining, but I feel like if people can raise enough of a ruckus to bring a friggin’ nugget sauce back from the dead, then why can’t we clamor for something that will not only bring some joy to nostalgic adults everywhere but children as well as I bet they’ll appreciate a better option for some REAL Halloween Happy Meals. And for fuck’s sake put some Halloween toys in there as well. Last year, you gave out Transformers and Rainbow Dash glasses. I mean, come on…

Two words: McNugget buddies.

So I say unto thee McDonald’s: Forget the ridiculous movie tie-ins and cash grabs. Bring back the Halloween bucket original design and watch everyone flock back to your chain during the Halloween season.

If you feel the same passion as I do here, I encourage you to share away and let your voice be heard. Tweet this at McDonald’s, share with friends and family. Let’s make this a thing. Of course, if you also think I’m just a raging nostalgic turd and I should crawl back into my Gollum cave filled with jelly shoes and Ben Cooper masks, then, by all means, tell me to go screw myself. Not sure what purpose that would serve but, I like to give that option in any regard.

#BRINGBACKMCBOO.