Tag Archives: Nightmare Nostalgia

5 Films That Totally Qualify As Christmas Movies

Sometimes the greatest Christmas movies are ones that don’t really center around the jolly fat man or the holiday spirit entirely. Various instances in film have given us the Christmas theme in the background like a New York City cop fighting terrorists during a big Office Christmas party. Or perhaps an army of Gremlins terrorizing a town on Christmas Eve. I’m not even sure why movies like Die Hard or Gremlins are ever up for debate as far as labeling them as Holiday films; because they 100 % ARE an undeniable fact at that. However, there are some true greats I’ve seen that could totally qualify as Christmas movies right alongside that of Stripe and John McLane and it is my mission to stamp a Santa hat-wearing Sico the Robot as a cinematic staple of the holiday season.

HOOK

Bangarang indeed that Hook is undeniably a Christmas movie. I guess maybe with the late, great Robin Williams’ larger-than-life persona, one could easily forget they’re actually watching a loosely based “Peter Pan” version of Charles Dickens’ “The Christmas Carol”.

Before Peter Banning is bustled off to Neverland to save his kids from the dastardly Hook, Peter and his family arrive in London at Granny Wendy’s home is decked out to the nine in Christmas decor with the score of “God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen” playing in the background. After Peter remembers his origins, defeats Captain Hook (Dustin Hoffman), and returns to London with his children, he wakes up in the snow a changed man, grateful to be reunited with his family and determined not to miss another important moment. This, in my mind, mirrors the feel of Ebenezer Scrooge’s newfound grateful attitude and that power/money is trivial; thus reminding us to cherish the time we have we our loved ones. It’s a magical film that represents all the child-like wonder that is felt during the season and was actually released in December of 1991. So I can’t see this as anything but, a Peter Pan holiday movie.

Rocky IV

I’m probably going to hear a barrage of complaints that the national treasure that is Rocky IV is nowhere near a Christmas movie. Lemme stop you right there because you’re wrong and get off my blog right now.

Ok, I’ve gone too far. I apologize, but my feelings are pretty strong on this one.

Case in point: The film’s final fight between Ivan Drago and Rocky takes place on the 25th of December, Christmas Day, in Ivan Drago’s less-than-hospitable home of Russia for 15 rounds of revenge boxing. Let’s be realistic here; my own Italian family has taught me that there is nothing that says Christmas more than two grown men beating the ever-loving shit out of one another. While in my case, it’s usually over something petty, unlike the premise in this film, but eh- close enough.

One of the most tender, feel-good moments of the movie is during the snowy backdrop of the bleak atmosphere of Krasnogourbinsk, Russia where Rocky has just finished one of his many mountain man runs. Rocky is reunited with Adrian in order to give him the final push he needs to avenge the death of his fallen friend. Proving that Christmas time is indeed a magical time to set aside our feelings and be goddamn supportive of one another- even if it is vengeful.

Edward Scissorhands

The Tim Burton Frankenstein/ Grinch hybrid of a yes, Christmas movie has all the makings for a classic tale of that one socially awkward member of the extended family trying their best to fit in at Christmastime while simultaneously not trying to have a nervous breakdown.

I can relate all too well.

Family and love are two biggies you will find in any traditional Christmas movie, and you’ll find that among the madness here in Edward Scissorhands. The Frankenstein of suburbia has been taken off his Grinch’s mountain by the neighborhood Avon lady in an act of, what she thinks is kindness. Which would most certainly be the case in most situations, but not here I guess as, in the end, he is chased back into his safe space lair to live out the rest of his days where he belongs- unjudged.

While the Christmas scenery doesn’t arrive until the last 30 minutes of the film, the spirit of “kindness” and treating others with humility is most certainly holiday-themed exploitation that would not garner as much effect if the holiday season wasn’t present as in the rest of the movie. The Boggs try their damnedest to make Edward feel like one of the family and community, with daughter Kim eventually finding her once disgust towards Edward turning into love and understanding. In the first and second half of the film, Edward is fairly accepted and treated with admiration- even if some of it is pure curiosity and exploitation at some points. It isn’t until the Christmas season that he is demonized by the neighborhood. The juxtaposition of these themes is a major driving point for the movie’s plot: that even in the season of goodwill we can forget to treat others, especially those less fortunate, with grace, understanding, and love. Pretty much like Frankenstein and the Grinch here.

Ahh well, just a reminder that when it snows on Christmas, we know Edward is still around.

Lethal Weapon

Die Hard gets all the Christmas Action Movie glory, but credit where it’s due: Lethal Weapon came out a year earlier and is absolutely a goddamn Christmas movie. Oh and psst, a better one at that.

In the trailer for the 30th-anniversary edition of Die Hard, 20th Century Fox added the tagline, “It’s the greatest Christmas story ever told,” and not only is Lethal Weapon more authentically a Christmas movie in terms of origin, but it offers more of the sweet holiday feelings that Die Hard just never bothers to attempt to engender in the viewer. Between the initial shoot-out at the Christmas Tree Farm and the climatic Busey/Gibson fight on Murtaugh’s festively decorated front lawn, there’s again, another mirroring of a holiday classic- It’s A Wonderful Life.

When you lose important people in your life, you miss them every day. However, there’s no time when that absence is felt more strongly than during Christmas. Christmas can be stressful under the best of circumstances, and for Martin Riggs, the loss of his wife becomes too much to bear. With no family, Riggs contemplates suicide early on but thanks to a new partner and the circumstances surrounding the case they’re working together, Riggs finds a new lease on life echoing that of George Bailey.

I certainly wouldn’t want to live in a world without Martin Riggs, thank you very much- cue that “Jingle Bell Rock”!

Batman Returns

Well, I certainly feel like this is the one alternative Christmas movie I might get the least pushback on. Most people would tend to agree that Batman Returns, while not a traditional Christmas film, still has more than enough of those Christmas aesthetics to qualify as one along with the fact the entire movie is set during the season with Gotham covered in snow and the streets decked out with trees, lights and candy colors. From the red and white of the Penguin’s umbrella to the snow-covered streets of Gotham, the director is dedicated to keeping us steeped in the Christmas spirit. Even Max Schreck’s prototype power plant is all Christmassy, with its red-and-white-striped smokestacks. Speaking of the bastard, with his tousled white hair, red bow tie, and nefarious plans to steal all of the energy from Gotham’s girls and boys, he plays very well as an evil mirror of Santa Claus. How can anyone really deny the Holiday vibin’ here? Yet here we are. Still fighting the good fight to ensure its place among the Hallmark Holiday Movie classics.

Tim Burton’s Batman Returns is a unique film that explores both its heroes and villains deeply as tragic, lonely misfits trying to find meaning during the holidays. Kind of like the “Island of Misfit Toys” in Rudolph but with homicidal tendencies. This movie succeeds on so many levels in invoking the spirit of the holidays in a dark, and gothic way that is unlike any other film on this list.

And maybe, one day Batman Returns will be held in the highest regard as one of the greatest Christmas stories of all time. Because hey, “Things change”.

[Video] Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Coming Out of Their Shells on Oprah

Need 43 minutes to waste? Call up your local Pizza Hut, grab your 20-year-old TMNT pillowcase and let’s get down on some horribly bad costumed Ninja Turtles on the Oprah Winfrey show.

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You’d really have to be living in a sewer back in the late ’80s and early ’90s if you hadn’t seen a single episode of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Skateboarding teenage amphibians and talking rats along with Bebop and Rocksteady were LIFE. I’m proud to claim my insane devotion to TurtleMania that swept the era of Saturday Morning goodness. However, I don’t know if I can ever have the strength to defend that insanely wacky “Coming Out of Their Shells” album and tour from 1990.

Good God, it’s Magic Mike, Donatello.

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Yeah, I got nothing. No words.

Anyways, on the heels of a successful Saturday morning national treasure, and that first feature-length kick-ass movie, the Turtles moved into the music scene with a live tour and album- sponsored by who else? Pizza Hut, duh.  The “Coming Out of Their Shells” tour was promoted on the original release of the TMNT VHS movie from 1990, (if anyone actually remembers), among countless commercials from the nationwide pizza chain. The show itself, which did air live on Pay Per View once, showcased the mean, green heroes dancing, singing timeless hits such as, “Pizza Power” and “Skipping Stones”, and playing instruments because hey, they were a band now.  We had Donatello on keys, Leonardo on bass guitar, Michelangelo on guitar, and Raphael on drums while also making Kenny G envious of his sweet saxophone skills. Of course, the show wouldn’t be complete without the Turtles’ arch-nemesis Shredder. And oh yes, his costume is just as awfully stupendous. The Shred-Head, along with buggy brainiac Baxtor Stockman, invent a device that steals all the music in the world while also weakening the Turtles if they stand too close to it. So there we have an epically staged corn fest of singing turtles saving the day. But man, it sure didn’t seem that way when we were kids. Am I right?

Or maybe not…

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Well in any regard, the power of the Turtle was so strong even the mighty Oprah had to acknowledge it with a full show dedicated to the four mutants and their traveling live album. The audience was PACKED with little TMNT enthusiasts as you can umm, see above. I would only assume that the horrified look above may have been from Oprah’s question to the Turtles on whether they wished April was a turtle-like themselves. Which good ole’ Ralphel replies, “Well, I’ve been trying to talk her into an interspecies relationship for months now.” That poor woman playing April O’Neil looks so mortified.

Something tells me there is NO WAY that would fly in this day and age. Ahh, well gotta love the ’90s! Check out the entire show below courtesy of the Digsy channel.

The Powerful Art of He-Man and the Masters of the Universe!

It is without a doubt He-Man dominated the toy market of yesteryear. Making his way to our local toy shelves he took his rightful place as the reigning king of figurines and promptly slaughtered the competition. Not even the galactic juggernaut toy line of Star Wars could withstand the power of Grayskull and Eternia’s mighty champions.

He-Man and Masters of the Universe did not have a movie’s storyline to follow and upon initial creation-stages, the classic cartoon wasn’t even a thought at the time. What He-Man did have was his immense look and all the charm each figure brought with them.

That and the breathtaking artwork eruptoing across each package!

These were toys, true, but these were also thrilling works of art. A thing unseen back in the day and it set MOTU apart from its competitors. There was time and passion put into these. Muscles, savagery, feminine beauty (in Teela’s case), and undeniable evil as seen in Skeletor’s demonic visage. The divide between good and evil was clearly revealed in each figure and it didn’t take rocket science to figure out who was who.

Likewise, each figure was a puzzle piece and when all brought together uncovered a fantastical picture of a far-off universe where the never-ending conflict between good and evil raged imperially on the distant planet of Eternia.

The artwork on the display packaging helped fill in the world where swords and sorcery akin to the barbarian world of Conan met technical superiority – such as monstrous tanks and hovering battle crafts – of sci-fi grandeur! It was a brilliant fusion of genres. And power, pure and unstoppable power.

I daresay anyone of us gazing upon Castle Gray Skull was immediately pulled into the vortex of its wondrous world of secrets and sorcery. What exactly was Gray Skull? None of us had a clue. Truth was we weren’t sure if it was meant for good or evil. There’s always been a grim neutrality about the castle and that makes it more wondrous. Plus it looked METAL as all Hell and that made us want it so much more!

First, you’d see the toy but then there’s that Frazetta-inspired artwork on each packaging and it just demanded your attention. It filled the imagination. They didn’t have to put that much detail into packaging, you know, the thing we were going to tear into and throw in the trash. Looking back I now wish I had all the cards and boxes to proudly display and gloat over. Back then we didn’t know better.

Attitude Perspective

Of course, I have to mention the cartoon for a moment.

Originally it wasn’t even in the mind of the creative team behind the toy line. But it was believed that something had to help kids piece together Eternia and the battles for Castle Grayskull. So a daily cartoon was made up out of thin air and pitched. Again, MOTU was an instant hit among kids!

The show was appropriately campy. I guess the laughs and silliness was needed for us stupid kids. For example, Skeletor is a treacherous villain but he’s not too scary, or else kids would’ve had nightmares. And no parent wants to put up with that shit. So he was a bad guy but also kinda a dope. But hey, he’s a lovable dope.

That sort of attitude wasn’t expressed on the package art – or the original comics for that matter. Originally the Masters of the Universe was much more mature in tone and a lot darker. Eternia was expressed as someplace bordering on Hell. A place of dark wonder and sensational battles.

However, rather than being in conflict with each other that darker tone happily balances out the show’s campiness. The two work in harmony. A yin-yang coequality that resonates in fans to this very day. Some look back at the camp and are filled with nostalgic glee. Others look at the inspired art and feel a thrill for dark sorcery and battles in Eternia. The toys fit perfectly into both interpretations thus creating a nice harmony for fans. And both are masterpieces when it comes to art.

Masterful!

He-Man and Masters of the Universe could adorn the walls of any prestigious gallery around the world or be slapped on the cover of heavy metal albums! I mean this was stuff you expected to see on DIO tapes. This was great stuff. It didn’t look sloppy or rushed. There was power displayed in each and every one.

We were too young and innocent to fully grasp what a phenomenon this all was. I know I took it for granted and just came to expect to always have He-Man in my future. And, crazy enough, here I am in my 40’s and I just bought a Viking He-Man and Skeletor, so I guess, in a way, he has been.

Did any of us know we were living through pop-culture history? Of course not. I don’t know if that term even existed back then. We were too busy playing in our living rooms or outside in sandboxes, living and reliving new and bigger adventures (thanks to our toys). We couldn’t have realized people would later covetously look back on our childhoods longing for the magic we all shared in.

For many of us He-Man was all we had and that, at least, gave us something to look forward to. This was something wonderful and we were lucky enough to experience it all firsthand. We all reached up and touched a little bit of magic and it lit our imaginations and really never left us.

Before kids started playing with wands and imagining the wizarding world of Harry Potter we were holding plastic swords aloft in the air and commanding the powers of the universe!

I recently walked through Target and I saw He-Man and the Masters of the Universe on the shelves. I also saw retro Transformers toys and some great Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle stuff from NECA. There were G.I. Joes and I even saw Ghostbusters! “What year is this?” I had a moment, a good moment, where I realized I’m honestly not alone.

This stuff not only inspired me but it had to have stayed with all of us. The good old days can’t be relived I guess but they never left us. Not really. A lot of us have kids (well not me personally) and get to now introduce them to the toylines we ourselves grew up with. With the holidays upon us, it might be a good time to go look around the toy aisles. Give Santa a helping hand.

So who knew the Power of Grayskull would follow us this far?

The Power of Grayskull

Art never dies. Not when there’s passion behind it. Today MOTU has been explored across several animated shows, a live-action movie (hey, rise above the hate), and, oh yes, the toy lines. Four Horsemen rolled out their brilliant Classics line that charged new energy (dare I say Power) and searing details into each figure that echoed the original look of the toys we all grew up loving.

Not to mention the Origins line that’s a glorified return of the MOTU toys we all played with. But there’s also the Revelations and New Eternia stuff. I think it’s clear that He-Man isn’t going anywhere. Fans find ways to breathe fresh life into the property.

There are the comic book runs that extend the legacy of Eternia. There’s even a great crossover with Thundercats (I know right???), a thing I always thought should happen. Glad I wasn’t alone because that’s one Healluva cool story! Maybe I’ll do a review on that one. You guys let me know.

And other artists have come out to lend their talents to strengthen the legacy further. One artist of note is none other than Boris Vallejo, legendary fantasy artist. And it’s little wonder considering how Frank Frazetta’s original Conan work initially inspired the look and feel for He-Man. It began in fantasy and continues by it today.

Afterthoughts

I was just speaking with someone this week about MOTU and he said that it’s possible all his collecting could have begun way back then when, as a kid, he had to get everything He-Man related. And that’s it. That could be the gateway for all of us collectors. For some, it was an introduction to high adventures, magic, heroism, morals, and the responsibility of power. MOTU led way to many things we would adapt as adults later in life. A toy line!

In closing, it would be sinful if I didn’t share a small memory.

I fondly remember one figure in particular just because it was given to me by my Great-Grandma Phillips. She (no doubt) had no clue what these things were but she knew her little Manic loved He-Man so she got me an amazing BATTLE DAMAGE Skeletor. Whoa! I never saw a figure that took battle damage before! I loved it. Now looking back I love it so much more because of my great-grandmother’s associated memory attached to it. I think that’s the only thing I got from her, at least it’s the one thing that stands out to me. She wasn’t long for this world and any time I saw that little toy she came to mind.

Manic out!