Halloween in the 80s ruled, there’s no question about that. It would be easy to say us “old timers” look at Halloweens’ past with beer-goggles, but I contest that those who actually experienced Halloween in the 80s as a kid, would tend to agree. From the school parades, to sacks of great candy from more than just a few houses giving out diabetic comas to eager kids on that night under the orange and yellow glow of a Halloween moon, people seemed to be more than willing to participate by today’s standards. And, lest us never forget, the glorious myriad of Halloween specials that were never in short supply on the boob tube. Syndicated shows often jumped on the holiday bandwagon, creating a special episode for the Halloween spirit, but nobody EVER did it better than ROSEANNE– and you can take that to the garage with a chainsaw.

Running for nine seasons and except for the first and last season, ROSEANNE didn’t miss a beat with those faithful Halloween episodes glorifying the holiday. While they’re all pretty damn great for their own reasons, the most nostalgic is the very first Halloween special, Season 2-Episode 7, “BOO!”.

There’s just so much to love about this particular special. You can practically smell the crisp Autumn morning air from the opening shot alone.

Seriously, the only thing that rivals this is the opening to HALLOWEEN 4.

This episode does nothing more than just reinforce my love for the holiday and stands as basically the ultimate guide on how to do Halloween right folks. And that would be including subtle things like Jackie’s chattering skull pin and orange cassette tape of “Sounds From the Haunted Mansion”.

As the episode goes, it’s Halloween and the Connors are in full-swing of the festivies with a prank war going on between Dan and Roseanne over which of the two are the undisputable “Master of Halloween”. All the while, the fam is gearing up for the night by transforming their residence at 714 Delaware St into… THE TUNNEL OF TERROR. Which is what everybody basically calls this episode anyway because it’s so damn unforgettable.

With little zombie ninja DJ answering the door to welcome the trick-or-treaters, Roseanne steps in and leads them through the living room into Dan with an ax protruding in his head. The room is decorated in all kinds of great stuff when you’re looking for it. One of my favorites is the skull blow mold on the wall by the door!

From there, we’re led into the kitchen, where Becky dressed as an armless Stewardess is cooking up something special for the little ghouls. I would imagine that is Darlene’s hand coming out of the pot since she isn’t seen anywhere else on the tour, but that is just me Sherlocking the shit out of everything until I get a migraine.

And everybody’s favorite jump scare in the tour!

The kids are led out into the laundry room for a hasty exit where the less spooky Crystal and her son Lonnie lead them to safety.

And since Darlene doesn’t visually make an appearance through the Tunnel of Terror, I would be doing a disservice to the world if we didn’t acknowledge her ode to Pinhead for the evening.

Oddly enough, some of my favorite decorations seen in the show don’t even make it into the grand tour! In the aftermath in the garage, Roseanne is shown committing a Halloween crime of throwing out some magnificent die-cuts. It was at that moment when Dan came in dressed as Jason with a chainsaw that I myself, decided Dan was the clear winner of the night. Regardless of how the episode ended with Roseanne scaring the shit out of her husband with telling him that her parents were coming to stay with them for a month. Sorry, but I just can’t overlook that sort of travesty.

Long gone are the days when people would put this kind of effort into kids for Halloween. Although I think folks like this still exist, I would put money on the fact it’s far and in between these days. It’s not something I see much of anymore in my personal experience over the past few years, and unless people start taking hints from these ROSEANNE Halloween extravaganzas’, I highly doubt it will change.

Regardless of your personal feelings on Roseanne in the present, she, and this episode in particular, taught us all that you’re never too old for Halloween. Growing up is stupid, and we all should be letting out that inner demon child residing in our souls that Halloween brings out of all of us. Just as with “It’s the Great Pumpkin, Garfield’s Halloween Adventure, or the standard John Carpenter’s Halloween, the “BOO!” episode is in steady rotation around here as it’s just not Halloween without at least two or three viewings of this nostalgic piece of 80s Halloween history.

That being said, get to streaming it on Peacock otherwise, as Roseanne would say, you might go straight to Hell! And remember, there’s no chocolate in Hell; erm, no chocolate with caramel at least.