Category Archives: Lists

Shears of Glory! 10 Magnificent Mullets From The Pinnacle Days of the WWE

Ahh, 80s’ wrestling. Growing up in the decade of Saturday Morning cartoons, and feel good family-friendly sitcoms nestled in-between Roddy Piper cracking a coconut over Superfly’s dome was something truly special indeed. 80s’ kids, and in all honesty, many adults looked to these Superstars as McMahon called them as real-life superheroes and villains. Ambitious wrestling fans around the world mimicked these guys/gals from the way they spoke, carried themselves, and albeit dangerous, wrestling moves as they rightfully saw these athletes something inspirational. I clearly remember my early youth family pool parties where my older cousins would suplex each other into the swimming pool and myself being a much younger small girl, would do my best Jesse Ventura announcer impressions along the way.

Among the many ways to doppelganger your favorite WWF wrestler, one of the easiest, and popular ways, was to don the almighty mullet that just about EVERY DAMN Superstar had in the 80s’ and early 90s’. It was like, almost a right of passage to go through some sort of glorious mullet stage for many of these guys and we’re going to go through the 10 (of what I personally think), are the greatest ape drapes of the golden influenced era !

10. Marty Jannetty

Real talk: This guy has had a sketchy past and more recently, confirms that the once half-force of The Rockers has a few issues here. However, I can’t punish the once classic mullet he rocked for that. Exactly stated- classic business in the front, party in the back; Jannetty starts the list off with the perfect basic Kentucky Waterfall.

9. Ric Flair

WOOOOOOOOOO boy no one had a classier mullet than The Nature Boy himself! And that is precisely why I had to include him. Sleek, clean, and dapper looking, Flair made the Tennessee Tophat look elegant as fuck.

8. Jimmy Hart

Listen here baby! “The Mouth of the South” Jimmy Hart is STILL living his best mullet life and for that reason along with his perfecting his skills with Aqua Net, he gets a spot on the King of the Chops list.

7. Brutus “The Barber” Beefcake

There’s no way in hell I could make a best of wrestling hairdo list and not include the master barber of the ring, Beefcake! Throughout the years, Brutus’ Mississippi Mud Flap varied in length starting off with a baby mullet, blossoming into a World Champion of its won right. Here’s to you Beefcake!

6. Razor Ramon

That slick back Latino essence oozing of machismo mullet was an aspiration to how just how cool you could make that look. Scott Hall took that white boy from the trailer park look and made it his very own. At one point, I didn’t even realize it was a mullet, cleverly disguising it under all the hair oil available at your local Sav-On Pharmacy. That definitely earns a spot here with me.

5. Brian Knobbs

Another Superstar that is still to this day, embracing his signature locks is Brian Knobbs from The Nasty Boys. And there ain’t nothing nasty about this magnificent mullet. The ultimate Mohawk Camero Crash Helmet will never in this lifetime be replicated as glorious as this former Tag Team Champion has done it.

4. The Undertaker

The Taker’s Alabama Waterfall didn’t last long into his career, however it’s fiery red goth waves made an impression will we never forget from his first appearance in the WWF at the Survivor Series 1990. Obviously he later opted to grow that mullet out into a beautiful manly mane of the underworld. But I’m here to remind you to never forget once was.

3. Tatanka

Hear me out now. I had to put Tatanka pretty high on this list for not just his ever-changing colors of the marvelous mullet he rocked, but for ALSO portraying an Indian Chief pulling off a hairstyle of the trashy white man. It somehow fucking worked and I gotta give the guy credit. Tatanka- breaking down all those mullet profiling stereotypes.

2. Shawn Michaels

I feel like it was pretty obvious to everyone that The Heartbreak Kid was not only going to be on this list but rank fairly high. And I just can’t defy logic or science. That is one of the goddamn prettiest mullets I’ve seen.

1. Crush

Oh. You think all these other guys had the greatest mullets in the squared circle? I’m sorry about how very wrong you were as I present the most gorgeous, long-flowing ape drape of all wrestling history. Crush nailed the shit out of making that thing look both manly and as cool as the breeze. From his days with Demolition to his solo career, his persona may have changed but the national treasure that donned his scalp never strayed.

Now because Crush has been declared King of the Mullet Ring, here’s one of his matches featuring one of the all-time greatest wacky heels, Doink the Clown from Superstars of Wrestling 1993!

Why Anjelica Huston is the Most Horrifying Movie Witch… Ever

WHY ANJELICA HUSTON IS THE MOST HORRIFYING MOVIE WITCH… EVER

There’s just something wickedly amazing about Anjelica Huston peeling off her humanoid face in The Witches that makes you want to squirm and throw holy water all over the place. If you were a horror kid in the 90s’, chances are you’ve seen Anjelica Huston in all her genre glory as she so brilliantly took on the coveted role of a lifetime, Morticia Addams in the Addams Family movies; and nailed the shit out of it staking her claim as the modern babe in black we both wanted as a wife and mother. She was a goth goddess and we loved her for it.

However, before she was clipping off heads of rosebuds in her gothic garden, she solidified her spot in history in 1990 with her terrifying portrayal of Roald Dahl’s Grand High Witch.

Adapted from the 1983 Dahl book and sadly, the last movie the great Jim Henson produced, The Witches brought just the right amount of intensity to the screen for young viewers without going over the PG rating. That’s quite an impressive feat considering the main antagonist of the film was in so many words, the Charles Manson of the witch world ordering her disciples to get rid of every last child on Earth through what else?

Chocolate, of course.

Chocolate that turns the repulsive, dogs’ dropping smelling, little brats into mice. While the premise alone is something that could give any small kid a few nightmares at bedtime, it was Huston’s performance in The Witches that scared the literal crap out of kids back at the beginning of the ’90s decade.

So on this day, which also happens to bethe films’ 30th anniversary, we celebrate why the almighty Grand High Witch was and still is, the most horrifying witch on screen. 

The Grand High Witch Revealed 

As stated at the top of this jam, not sure there’s anything more horrifying to a child than watching someone as beautiful as Huston peel the skin of her mug like a Mary Kay face mask to reveal her true hideous self.

It always bugged me how she was able to mask that enormously elongated nose underneath her disguise, but I suppose The Grand High Witch has her ways and I probably shouldn’t question it otherwise I may end up a pile of ashes. Which leads us into the next example.

The Grand High Witch doesn’t like smack talk

See here’s the thing: if you’re a low-ranking witch in the same room as your superior, you should probably keep your opinions to yourself. And for fuck’s sake don’t mutter crap under your breath within ears reach of the most powerful woman in the world. Even though the comment was a mere observation and harmless, the Grand High Witch made it painfully clear even the slightest apprehension from her subordinates will cost them dearly.

Bye, Bye Bruno!

Holy hell, does the Witch Queen hate children or what?! During the little witch convention, your scabby Highness shows off her latest, and very gweatest invention- Formula 86. The very potion to be diluted into candy bars that are to be dispersed to children worldwide. So she brings in a visual demonstration of what to expect to see once the formula goes into action. Looks like Conal Cochran has some serious competition here.

She outright tries to kill a baby!

The Grand High Witch shows no mercy even towards infants. That’s some pure evil shit right there ladies and gentlemen. Luckily our flick’s protagonist little Luke intervenes and saves the day because I’m not so sure I could deal with that kind of baby killing fuckery in a supposed family friendly film.

She’s even terrifying as a damn mouse!

The Skeksis have nothing on the Grand High Witch in pure rodent form.  When plans backfire, the Witch of all witches finds herself in quite the predicament. If you didn’t have a phobia of mice and rats before, you might have one now because the Grand Highness’ rodent transformation is the ultimate in sewer rodent nightmares. And then what happens? She gets squashed by Mr. Bean.

Mr. Fucking. Bean.

This guy right here killed the Grand High Witch. I guess not even the head of the witches can compete with this kind of mojo. Hmm. Maybe Bean ole’ boy should have taken her place.

From “Market Monsters” To Rotten Hot Dogs; 5 Fun Facts About Supermarket Sweep!

FROM "MARKET MONSTERS" TO ROTTEN HOT DOGS; 5 FUN FACTS ABOUT SUPERMARKET SWEEP!

Attention shoppers! If there’s one game show that most people remember from their 90s’ childhood, it’s most definitely Supermarket Sweep. The show wasn’t made for kids per se, but who the hell didn’t think running around a faux grocery store throwing mass amounts of gourmet golden hams and 4 foot long salamis into a grocery cart looked like fun? It made that boring weekly trip to Smiths with your mom a little more exciting. Admit it. When no one was looking and the aisles were clear you ran down that son of a bitch slam-dunking Planters Cheez Balls in the cart fantasizing that you owned every single cool sweater David Ruprecht owned.

Ok. Maybe that was just me. But in all seriousness, and from the mouth of the man himself, Ruprecht was the Imelda Marcos of 90s’ sweater fashion.

FROM "MARKET MONSTERS" TO ROTTEN HOT DOGS; 5 FUN FACTS ABOUT SUPERMARKET SWEEP!

But no matter how big a fan you are, there’s still some fun things about the beloved show that might come as a surprise to you! Let’s dive into some behind the scenes facts you may have completely forgotten, or didn’t know all.

Supermarket Sweep is older than you think

Sure we all know the nostalgic, Lifetime aired 90s’ version. However, it wasn’t the first! Supermarket Sweep actually dates back all the way to 1965 first airing on the ABC network. With host Bill Malone, the premise was the same of three pairs of contestants running around like madmen. Men being the keyword here as typically the females handled the trivia part of the show while their male counterparts did all the messy shopping. Gotta love that 1960s’ stereotype bullshit.

Anyways, instead of being filmed on a set like the version we all know and love, the 60s’ game show was shot in actual grocery stores! And they actually got to keep their groceries! If they didn’t win top dog in the game, at least they ate good for a while!

Some of the food on the shelves were rotten and spoiled

nightmare nostalgia

Albeit most of the food used in the popular show was indeed fake as fuck. Oh yes. Those golden yams were just plastic blobs of plastic my friends. However, it didn’t start out that way. According to former host Ruprecht, those hot dogs in the sweet sweep were absolutely disgusting in an interview with Great Big Story.

“We shot for about five months, six months every year, and they used the same food over and over again. So by about the third month, the hot dogs had sort of started to ferment in the package and the package swelled up. And a lot of the food, having been thrown in and out of carts for three, four months had gotten pretty beaten up.”

Maybe it was after someone finally blew chunks from the smell from some of this stuff, they ultimately did away with any and all real products. Even though you and I know nobody was packing hot dogs in their cart as that would be fruitless in advancing your cart score, someone had to have noticed that nastiness at some point.

Those sweet contestant sweaters were offered as consolation prizes

Listen. I can say with full certainty that I would take one of those sweet Dad style sweep sweaters over a lame cash prize day any day! I hate to call them “losers”, because I’d be winning all day in that damn thing. However, contestants that didn’t move onto the $5,000 big sweep game, had that choice to take a cash prize or keep that sweaty, cheap sweatshirt that may or may not have reeked of spoiled hot dogs.

Who cares. Give me that high fashion rag please.

That supermarket was a lot smaller than it looked on TV

nightmare nostalgia supermarket sweep

Well honestly, I was definitely fooled upon learning this myself. A former contestant spilled the beans to the A.V. Club that the actual market was “very tiny.”

“A little bit bigger than a bodega in the city. It’s very tiny. It looks huge, but it’s small. Even in the aisles, you had to be careful if you and your cameraman were running and another group was coming down that aisle. You had to make sure you were all the way to the side or there could have been an accident.”

Supermarket Sweep had it’s own Monster Squad

No, it wasn’t a Halloween special. This went on for a few episodes! I’m not sure of how long it lasted but in the earliest days of the Sweep, producers thought it would be hilarious to insert these wild characters deemed “market monsters” into the grocery ransacking shenanigans to scare the shit out of the contestants.

From the likes of giant gorillas, Frankenstein, and a fellow called Mr. Yuk that actually kind of looks like a Kroger rip-off of the Pale Man in Pan’s Labyrinth (seen above), these guys made another goofy addition to the game show that ended up getting scrapped entirely. Below is a full episode from the glorious Youtube that features a Market Monster that I can only best describe as the ugly offspring of The Gobbeldy Gooker. *You can check him out at around 13 minutes in.

Now if you’ll excuse me, full episodes of this majestic game show are indeed streaming on Amazon Prime for free. So I’ll be down that nostalgic rabbit hole for the next three days. So the next time you’re at the market register and you hear that beep, think of all the fun facts you learned from Nightmare Nostalgia’s article on Supermarket Sweep!