Category Archives: Lists

Five Horror Movie Remakes That Got It Right- And Five That SUCKED

Image March 8, 2025 Patti PaulterGeist 3 Comments

The horror remakes- a debate that has long plagued the horror community causing more internet fights in the past twenty years than the 80-year-old Boston Red Sox and Yankee fan debacle. If you’re a member of the horror community, you know exactly what I speak of.

This is also the only time I’m probably ever going to talk about Rob Zombie’s Halloween – so you can possibly guess where this is going and the answer is yes, I’m fully prepared for the Zombie fans to come at me.

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Actually, I’m about as threatening as a teacup chihuahua with three teeth, so be gentle.

Anywho, my personal take: I rather enjoy the bulk of remakes. Ironically, as much as I cuddle nostalgia, I fear the fuzzy feels of such damage any new take on a beloved horror classic may get in the way of giving a tried and true GOOD reboot a chance. Sometimes, the remake/reboot surpasses the original; while others fall so flat, it can makes us absolutely PISSED that a movie studio butchered a horror tale/icon into a steaming pile of shit. In any regard, the classics are always there by our side, like a faithful friend in times of sadness, rage, and happiness. So, are emotions appropriate when a remake just flat out sucks? I think so. We as fans are what drive this genre and we can make or break the industry. It’s entertainment and while I wholly appreciate an artist’s perspective and their visions to do as they please with a creator’s consent, you better be prepared to answer to a legion of fans that put said property on a pedestal- much like an old friend.

That being said, let’s first get into five horror remakes that are so joyous and beautiful, even the original can barely hold a flame to them.

The Thing (1982)

I think it definitely goes without saying John Carpenter’s vision of The Thing is so mind-blowing, that when horror fans speak of it, they talk about this version 99% of the time.

The reimagining of the 1951 sci-fi classic The Thing That Came From Another World, directed by Christian Nyby was part of the alien and science-fiction film phenomena that plagued the 1950s’; and it’s truly hard to believe that the reboot made 30 years later, was beat down into “elitist critic” oblivion by a bunch of newspaper cinematic snobs. YEAH I SAID IT. However, the horror fans have the final say and have made this movie, and rightfully so, as a top tier horror classic surpassing the original in the past almost 40 years and a film that serves as a rite of passage into the horror genre world. Carpenter’s tension driving alien “who dun it” and “who is it” theme along with state of the art masterful effects, and hey an adorable bearded Kurt Russell, is the perfect if not THEE example of how to remake a horror film the right way.

Pick up the special Blu-Ray here!

The Fly (1986)

Much like with Carpenter and The Thing, David Cronenberg delivered a horror movie staple with his body-horror reboot masterpiece, The Fly. Again, with stellar performances from both Jeff Goldblum and Geena Davis, Cronenberg and Goldblum managed to elevate this weird science fiction catastrophe into a full-blown horror story of love, desperation, gore, and tragedy- the type that earns Oscars people.

The Fly originally released in 1958 by 20th Century Fox starring Vincent Price, is surely not forgettable by any means and is a classic in its own right. However, Cronenberg’s nightmare scenario that unfold son screen in his vision of the cautionary tale is not just one of the greatest remakes, but one of the greatest horror movies, ever. PERIOD.

Learn all about insect politics here!

The Blob (1988)

Masterminds of horror Chuck Russell and Frank Darabont collaborated to bring this nightmarish Jell-O commercial to life; and we haven’t been the same since.

The Blob of 1988 largely shares the same plot as it’s counterpart released 30 years earlier. But thanks to the relaxation of film censorship and advances in practical effect, ol’ Blobby now has the ability to dissolve faces and hide inside bodies, while forming tentacles to grab it’s victims and turn their limbs into blood soup. The original 1958 film starring Steve McQueen, although considered a classic, stands nowhere near Kevin Dillon and his magical mullet made exactly 30 years later. Russell’s film is superior in every way imaginable, and in my opinion, one of the finest horror movies to watch.

Slither on over to Amazon and grab it here!

House Of Wax (2005)

2005’s House of Wax is one of those rare remakes of a remake that takes hints and cues from another movie that has zero to do with the wax films altogether- and nails the fuck out of it.

Directed by Jaume Collet-Serra, the 2005 version is loosely based off of the 1953 movie starring Vincent Price- which is a gem in itself by the way but doesn’t really follow the same formula of plotlines other than murdering people and turning them into wax figures. The 1953 film is based off 1933’s Mystery of the Wax Museum, starring King Kong‘s Fay Wray and is closely related in the storylines. Now, 2005’s House of Wax takes all these elements and THEN some from 1979’s Tourist Trap and we have a pretty good and goddamn horrifying horror movie. In the case of Tourist Trap, it feels so painfully obvious with a ton of similarities between the two flicks; watch them back to back and you’ll see what I mean.

House of Wax 2005, has gotten a lot of underserved shit over the years and I’m not so sure I understand why. The film is grotesquely executed in such a way where the films before it, were yes, skivvies inducing given the subject matter, but they look like Barney and Friends in comparison. I hate to say that about a Vincent Price movie that I actually love to death, but it is true. Plus we get to see Paris Hilton get a rod shoved through her skull. Who wouldn’t enjoy that?

Relive the horror of the wax museum by clicking here!

Dawn Of The Dead (2004)

George Romero’s 1978 classic Dawn of the Dead didn’t need a remake. In fact, I would consider the whole trilogy untouchable. Yet here we are with the collaboration of James Gunn and Zack Snyder and they pulled it off beautifully. Not bad for a pair of comic book move guys; but hey stranger things have happened like cough, David Gordan Green and Danny McBride rebooting Halloween.

Snyder’s Dead is great in the sense that it respected the original and then made it relevant to audiences of the time. The horror and dread of being trapped in a mall during a zombie apocalypse embedded into the mind of a whole new generation along with some gruesome kills, without a doubt this remake commands our respect. Let us not forget a zombie gave birth to a zombie baby as well in this version; a scene I so happened to watch in theaters while I was eight months pregnant. And the answer is YES, I was fuckin’ horrified. Thanks Snyder for almost putting me into early induced labor.

No need for Sam Goody, especially because it doesn’t exist anymore… Grab it here on Amazon!

Now… The Remakes that make me want to vomit.

Keep in mind, this is purely my own opinion, much like every other wanker blogging on the interwebs. But, seeing as how I have a platform here, I’m gonna go ahead and give my unsolicited ramblings on these remakes that are just pure SHIT.

A Nightmare On Elm Street (2010)

UGH. This has to be on the tip top of my list for not only the worst remake, but WORST horror movie EVER. I realize that’s a bit dramatic given that there truly are worse films out there. However, the fact they turned my Nancy into a sniveling coward, is unforgivable.

The character of Nancy Thompson that Wes Craven gave us is one that many fans, women especially, look towards as a very strong, and inspiring female presence in the genre. It was just extremely disappointing to see her so frail. I understand the trauma of sexual abuse could paralyze someone, but as with the original Krueger franchise, it was very merely hinted at; not a full blown storyline which is what I really believe absolutely ruined this remake. Sometimes things are best left unsaid and turning a beloved horror icon into an in-your-face CHIMO, was probably the worst idea ever.

Halloween II (2009)

I’m a fair horror fan- Zombie’s 2007 reimagining of Halloween wasn’t perfect by any means- but it didn’t suck so bad I walked out of the theater like it’s sequel. Yeah, that happened.

Halloween 2007 has it’s own problems for sure, but it doesn’t hold a candle to this hot mess. Let’s get this straight buster, Myers is NOT Voorhees. Can we drop the whole mommy issues bullshit, please? I don’t want to have sympathy for Michael Myers, which was thrown in my face enough in the first installment. He’s a killing machine that Loomis said best, “purely and simply evil…” and THAT’S it! We don’t need white horses, “living dead girl” mommy, and Laurie Strode acting like a trashy hoe. It’s Zombie though, all his characters are the same. BOY, I CAN’T WAIT FOR WHITE TRASH LILY MUNSTER- said no one ever.

Psycho (1998)

Oh, look. A shot-for-shot remake of one of the greatest and most innovative horror films of the twentieth century. We didn’t need this, thanks.

As far as remakes go, I can understand retooling a film to make it more modern for audiences to get behind. But, with the 1998 remake of the Hitchcock classic, it nothing more than a huge waste of everyone’s time. As much as I adore Vince Vaughn and he can actually play creepy well, when you pick a film to redo like this, you’ve already set yourself up for failure. Plus Anne Heche is NO Janet Leigh and is just so unlikable; so we don’t even feel flinch when she gets the shower treatment. It’s like, great now fuck off into the sun already with your annoying ass.

Never remake Psycho. EVER.

The Omen (2006)

How do you make a movie about the son of Satan and make it boring? Well, here we are at another almost, shot for shot remake that doesn’t have the spark or tension drive as the original.

I feel for Liev Schreiber. He’s an AMAZING actor and he carried this movie the best he could. Alas, a badly written script on a great film isn’t enough to keep anyone entertained. Also, it doesn’t help when the kid playing Damien already kind of looks like he will rip your limbs off with his eyes alone. What made The Omen so great, was the fact Damien didn’t look like the Antichrist we would expect, and a lot of the story centered around mom and dad possibly just losing their damn minds. But hey, I suppose the promo for releasing an Omen movie on 06/06/2006 was good enough to reel people in, eh?

Carrie (2013)

Oh boy. This was just a shit show of epic proportions. Carrie was the first film adapted by Stephen King back in 1976 and he’s stated many times it’s the book and later movie that gave King his big jump in his career. That’s a lot of pressure for anyone if you’re going to remake this horror tale and you better get it right. They of course, did not.

Carrie is the type of story that can do well with a reimagining, however, it needs to stay solely in the 70s’ and keep that energy and timeline, or modernize and do it right. This version doesn’t stray very far from the original, except it’s modernized in a very unpalatable way. It adds nothing exciting and even Julianne Moore is so obviously trying to channel Piper Laurie into her performance; so much so it’s comedic and nothing more. Also, Chloë Grace Moretz is a great actress, but her take on the role Sissy Spacek made iconic, falls so flat that you don’t even care about her character-which is the biggest fail in this movie. The sympathetic circumstances surrounding Carrie’s life make the story what it is. Horrifying, tragic, and remorseful. We just don’t give a shit here. Hell, The Rage: Carrie 2 was 100 times better than this. Actually, I don’t have anything bad at all to say about that sequel. I rather enjoy it. As a matter of fact, go pick it up or stream it if you’ve never watched that. You’ll thank me later.

Well, that about sums it up as far as the good, the bad, and the real ugly horror remakes in my humble opinion. Let’s discuss down below your thoughts. Do you agree with my picks? Am I an asshole shitting on a movie you love? Eh, either way it’ll make for good conversation. Drop a comment below and let’s talk about our favorite, and not so favorite horror remakes!

Lists

I Love You To Death: Exploring The Top 10 90s’ Obsessive Stalker Movies

Image February 12, 2025 Patti PaulterGeist Leave a comment

Love is one hell of an emotion.

Everyone has their own “number one fan”. But did you ever notice in the 90s’ how obsessive- stalker-psychodrama films seemed to pop up one right after the other? Stalkersploitation was all the rage in this era and pretty much almost defined the decade in films. Hell even the biggest movies of the 90s’ like Titanic has some stalker tendencies with that asswipe Hockley and the T-1000 in Terminator 2: Judgement Day. Albeit slightly different than the ones mentioned here, still the same ballpark.

Sorry Hockley, your money is no good here.

I truly am fascinated by just how many really GREAT stalker films there were in the 90s’. And the fact that so many of these are just brushed aside in passing in the horror community is quite astounding. Of course, horror is what you make of it, but the thought of someone infiltrating your very vulnerable space whether it be by an abusive/violent relationship with a significant other; or a serious traumatic event triggering an antagonist toward a selected victim, the case remains the same as far as the root of the issue: That is fucking terrifying and happens WAY more than anyone of us care to want to know about. That being said, these stalker psychodramas are right up there in terms of realistic true horror films as far as mentally screwing with you into paranoia; watching your back at every turn. So let’s celebrate with what I consider the best the decade has to offer.

10. Poison Ivy

Gonna kick off this 90s nostalgic journey with the first step into insanity with Drew Barrymore in Poison Ivy. It sure is a guilty pleasure on a rainy Sunday afternoon in the Summer and a precursor to a slew of psychodrama teenage films that mimicked this formula soon after.

Ivy (Barrymore) covets her best friend Sylvie’s (Sara Gilbert) life and manipulates her way into her friend’s family; along with seducing the shit out of Sylvie’s father in an attempt to take her mother’s place- as her mother is basically knocking on death’s door with a harsh battle of emphysema. The film emphasizes on intense mood and character building as opposed to jumping right into the thills. However, the build-up is worth it. Poison Ivy is a necessity when talking about the infamous 90s obsession films, as it truly broke ground for some fan favorites to come along in later years. It doesn’t get enough credit. I’m here for you psycho Ivy.

Show Ivy some love and pick it up here!

9. Cape Fear

Let’s dive deeper down stalker street with a movie I’ve talked about before here on NN, Martin Scorsese’s reimagining Cape Fear. The all-star cast follows lawyer (Nick Nolte), his wife (Jessica Lange), and daughter (Juliette Lewis) through hell and back as De Niro toys and stalks each one after his lengthy prison sentence which he blames his lawyer (Nolte) for. Most notably, De Niro’s scenes with a young Lewis are goddamn skeevy, especially when he shows up at her school, and can be a hard watch as it heads straight into pedophile territory as he tries to manipulate the girl into playing the game with Nolte to rustle some father feathers. It works. It rustled ALL our feathers.

:Shudders: Pick up your copy here!

8. The Cable Guy

This might be an unconventional choice, but fuck it. It’s my list and I do what I want. And quite frankly, Jim Carrey as a mentally disturbed friend obsessed with Matthew Broderick’s character really cracked open the door for the actor’s range capabilities. Sure he was still hilarious (the password is nipple), but in a much darker tone as the movie trenched forward.

Chip, the cable guy (Carrey) makes Steven (Broderick) one of his preferred customers after Steven asks for a cable hook-up on the condition they hang out every so often. That “every so often” turns into a very intrusive, comical, and then sort of really disturbing type of relationship where things get a little dangerous for Steven and those who are close to him.

Fun Fact: The role of Chip was originally written for Chris Farley!

Grab your copy here!

7. Sleeping With The Enemy

Patrick Bergin is the goddamn devil and no one can convince me otherwise with those piercing eyes. A handsome devil? YES. But his character of Martin Burney is one hell of a nasty one.

Laura (Julia Roberts) and Martin (Bergin) seem to have a picture-perfect marriage. A beach house. High society parties. Black eyes for the wife. Oh, wait… Yeah. It’s that type of marriage. Things get so violent for poor Laura that she fakes her own death just to get away from this monster. Of course, there’s no movie without him finding out and then tracking her down to the new life she’s made- and a new love interest to boot. And boy oh boy, if you thought Symphonie Fantastique was creepy in The Shining, just wait for it.

Pick it up here on Amazon.

6. Single White Female

This movie may be the sole responsible factor for the downfall in advertising for roommates they don’t know. And with good reason nowadays.

Starring Jennifer Jason Leigh and Bridget Fonda, Single White Female became a pillar for stalker thrillers of the 90s’, concocting the perfect formula for films that tried to duplicate this masterpiece years after. The roommate from Hell that basically takes over your identity tries to screw your boyfriend and kills your fucking dog is enough of a nightmare for anyone to even fathom. Truly one of the best here.

Grab it here!

5. The Hand That Rocks The Cradle

Peyton is such a dirty bitch that I love to hate.

Peyton (Rebecca De Mornay) had it all until it was taken from her under some seriously tragic circumstances. Her husband, a gynecologist with “traveling hands” is called out by protagonist Claire Bartel (Annabella Sciorra) which sets off a series of events leading Miss Peyton into revenge mode by posing as a nanny for the Bartel family. Peyton is clearly suffering a psychotic break brought on by PTSD, and while I’m a massive advocate for mental health, it certainly doesn’t excuse the atrocities of her behavior. I’d almost feel bad for her if like, murder and shit weren’t involved. Although I admit that I, and I think most parents did everywhere, cracked a smile when she told that kid bully she was “gonna rip his fuckin’ head off. “

Anyway, pick up one of my personal favorites here!

4. Unlawful Entry

Ray Liotta in my opinion, is one of the most underrated actors of the past 50 years and by underrated, I mean constantly snubbed by all film award ceremonies; and that’s a fuckin’ shame. I may not be the Academy (fuck them anyway) but I can certainly put his stalker thriller Unlawful Entry in the top five!

Liotta is Officer Pete, a cop who stalks couple Kurt Russell and Karen Carr after answering a failed burglary call from their home. I mean, the LAST person you really want stalking you is a police authoritarian who skates his way through loopholes and damn does Liotta put out a great performance of a mentally disturbed cop. Opposite the great Kurt Russell make this a must-watch for this genre.

Grab your physical copy here!

3. The Crush

Before she was “clueless”, Alicia Silverstone turned heads in this teenage angst psychodrama where she just couldn’t take no for an answer from Cary Elwes. The Crush is basically a more fun, Fatal Attraction for younger viewers and Adrian is right up with Glenn Close in her role as a psycho woman- except she’s only 14 in the film. Which just ups the creep factor even higher.

Cary Elwes rents a guest house from a wealthy family with a strong-head daughter Adrian (Silverstone). It’s clear from the start Adrian has some odd tendencies, but that becomes more clear as she seduces the much older Elwes over and over again in some really cringe-worthy ways. When she is rejected, enter stalker-level psycho Adrian who is pretty much going to make this guy’s life hell because she’s in love with him?! It’s a lot man. And it is so damn good.

Need a copy? As you wish…

2. Misery

Ahh, Annie Wilkes. The poster child for the obsessive fan in all of us. Well, except she takes it just a little too far.

Misery is the magnum opus in the horror community as far as obsessive stalkers are concerned and without a doubt, Annie Wilkes (Kathy Bates) is top-notch terrifying as she stalked her prey, author Paul Sheldon (James Caan). Wilkes staged an accident and held the guy hostage torturing him all along the way in the name of love. Well, whatever love means to a cockadoody brain like Wilkes. Which I suppose means imprisoning her obsession and forcing a narrative in her mind under her supervision. It’s fan servicing taken to a literal extreme. And I love it.

Get the collector’s edition from SHOUT! Factory here!

1. FEAR

When anyone thinks of 90s’ stalker love, FEAR is the one that almost always comes up, and with good reason- it is goddamn insane and has every film trope done right a movie like this warrants: and ok, Marky Mark showing off his umm, skillful hands on a roller coaster is a nice added bonus.

This chest-pounding treasure of our childhoods was a stern warning to young female adolescents who are becoming impatient in their very normal sexual frustrations and need to feel loved. Poor Nicole (Reese Witherspoon) fell hook, line, and sinker for David’s (Mark Wahlberg) charm and Boston accent. Only later to reveal he’s an extremely dangerous, and unstable individual. Pretty much like everyone else on this list. Except he kills a dog. And not just kills it but beheads it. And that my friends, is the true epitome of evil. So congrats David, you piece of shit! You made it to number one!

Grab your physical copy here!

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Lists

Reader, Beware! It’s The Top 10 Goosebumps Books From the Original Series

Image February 7, 2025 Patti PaulterGeist 1 Comment

The Summer of 1992 was memorable for at the time, this ten-year-old kid. The Summer of blockbusters including those of Batman Returns and Aladdin were fun movie-going memories among a very disappointing release of Alien 3 that just totally sucked in the eyes of this fifth-grade graduate. Beyond a handful of movies catered to someone like me releasing for the summer crowds and the introduction to a little arcade number at the game way alleys entitled Mortal Kombat, little was grabbing my attention for this soon-to-be middle schooler who was just entering into her seriously awkward phase of existence-one of which over 30 years later is still struggling to come out of. That is until one fateful day in early August of 1992.

After a round of horror movie rentals at my local Action Video, my pops and I ran into the next-door Osco Drugs to grab some soda and snacks. On every trip there, I would obviously make my way to the toy and magazine section when I came across something eye-popping. A book that stood out from the rest nestled in between some Judy Blume bullshit and something else I can’t even recall. The cover was unlike anything I had ever seen: a drippy slime-like title with tiny raised bumps etched within compared to that of a brail-like quality with a colorful yet dark and eerie picture of a haunted house on the cover splashed with a Blob purplish-pink background, (done by Tim Jacobus who has illustrated over 100 Goosebumps covers for Stine). “Welcome To Dead House” was the first entry of these books to eventually come home with me and so began the Summer of Goosebumps with many thereafter for millions of kids just like me.

I had also become completely obsessed with collecting every single book upon release and let me tell you something: Middle School Scholastic Book Fairs became even more glorious with the addition of Goosebumps and posters my friends.

For 30 years, R.L. Stine’s Goosebumps has become a nostalgic phenomenon that has carried over to the next generation of young readers. With the addition of the 90s TV series, various Goosebumps-related literary works, and two blockbuster films, Goosebumps has become a right of passage for those seeking a gateway into the horror genre while being encouraged to read. The original book series which debuted in July of 1992, consisted of 62 original titles that were written between 1992 and 1997. Worth noting that Goosebumps was listed 15th in the list of most frequently challenged books during the 90s’ and 94th in the list of top banned/challenged books during 2000–2009. When the pearl-clutching tightwads of the American Library Association claim your books to be “too frightening for young people and depicting occult or demonic themes,” I’d say you’re doing something right.

As for my personal favorites? Well, I ruminated tirelessly over what I consider my personal top 10 books of the original series, and here are the ones that brought me, and so many others, the most joy during those awkward adolescent years (and still continue to do so).

*Some of the blurbs are a bit spoiler-y. Just a heads up.

10. Night Of The Living Dummy II #31

We just couldn’t get enough Slappy the first go-around so Stine wrote a sequel, and eventually a third, making a trilogy out of the wise-crackin’ ventriloquist dummy. Slappy invades a new family and his shenanigans begin immediately as his new “slave” Amy finds those magic words tucked away in his pocket and of course, being a kid reads them out loud not knowing she’s unleashing hell on herself and everyone surrounding her, bringing Slappy to life.

It reads just as good as the first with that Twilight Zone vibe all the way through, and hey because it’s Slappy, he gets on this list twice.

9. Attack of the Jack-O-Lanterns #48

Halloween and Goosebumps go together like peanut butter and jelly every time and “Attack of the Jack O Lanterns” is right up there with one of the greatest twist endings in a Goosebumps book. It involves two scary pumpkin-headed beings forcing kids to trick-or-treat forever and honestly, I don’t see any issue with that personally.

8. Deep Trouble #19

Being a huge fan while being simultaneously scared shitless of JAWS as a kid, it seemed like only a matter of time before Stine put out a book with a cover mocking this treasure. I’ll forgive the fact it’s sort of misleading as the Hammerhead pictured on the front isn’t the star of the story- as the tale resembles more like the movie Splash! rather than JAWS. However, it’s still a fun, and adventurous read especially curled up on the beach listening to the waves crash onto the shore.

7. Werewolf Of Fever Swamp #14

Werewolves have been always been my favorite kind of mythological creature and when this book came out, I must have read it 10 times in one year alone. Also, unlike “Deep Trouble”, the cover isn’t deceiving us as this story is actually about a goddamn werewolf in a swamp.

Worth noting that one of the main characters’ name is Grady. Perhaps a play on Stephen King’s Silver Bullet Tarkers Mills’ local smartass, Brady? Probably not, but I like to think that way. Anyway, a story about friendship, loyalty, and werewolves makes any top ten list of Goosebumps books any day of the week.

6. The Scarecrow Walks At Midnight #20

Another fantastic entry with another favorite cover of mine. “The Scarecrow Walks At Midnight” is one of the Goosebumps books that would make a really great, and terrifying horror film if done right. Scarecrows coming to life via spells from a book? SIGN ME THE FUCK UP. The ambiance of the book really sets the mood of a scary story with a farm in the boonies. But also, chocolate pancakes and Gameboy. If you know you know.

5. Say Cheese and Die! #4

“Say Cheese and Die!” is not only one of the coolest stories in the original series but also has one of the raddest illustrations for any Goosebumps book… PERIOD. Reading like a tale told by Rod Serling himself, Stine channeled his inner Twilight Zone lord on this one with a cursed camera that in turn, curses the object being photographed with something bad to happen to it in the near future. If it’s not in everyone’s top 5, are you even Goosebump-ing right?

4 . Monster Blood #3

“Monster Blood” had such an impact on Goosebumps fans that it spawned three more tales devoted to the slimy substance AND makes appearances throughout Stine’s other books as well.

In the 90s, what kid wasn’t attracted to cans of mystery goo? With the success of Nickelodeon’s trademark slime, toys like GAK and Dr. Dreadful’s food slime lab were must-haves for our generation of weirdos. So, of course, we had to have a Goosebumps book of a slime that brows into blob proportions eating people! Seems like the obvious move and the correct one at that.

3. Night Of The Living Dummy #7

Slappy’s face is the stuff of fucking nightmares. Like “Monster Blood”, “Night of the Living Dummy” made a monumental impact on Goosebumps readers, appearing several times throughout the series of books and even had a pretty prominent role in the 2015 Goosebumps movie. All deserving as this little fucker is basically a pre-curser to Chucky himself. Perhaps not as homicidal, but a ventriloquist’s dummy chasing you through the house screaming you’re “his slave” is enough to guarantee a few sleepless nights.

2. One Day At Horrorland #16

A fucked up family vacation? Or the most fun one yet? A personal perspective if there ever was one. A theme park or carnival is the ideal background setting and R.L Stine brings an original tale of horror fantasy to life in such a way that no one has ever forgotten this entry from their childhood Scholastic days.

As someone who has a bit of a phobia of certain carnival rides because I’m a little bitch who thinks a lot of them look sketchy and unsafe, this further fucked up my thoughts on the matter as a kid. Even now as an adult, if a carnival cook looks at me wrong, I’m not above pinching the bastard.

1. The Haunted Mask #11

“The Haunted Mask” in my worthless, blogg-o opinion, is the Magnum Opus of the Goosebumps series as it’s every single thing we love about the books rolled into one story- and set on Halloween night!

As someone who just adores Halloween III: Season of the Witch, “The Haunted Mask” plays on the dangers of a simple Halloween mask but also summons the young readers in telling a cautionary tale that every kid should hear and heed: You yourself are perfect just as you are. As Sheriff Brackett says, “It’s Halloween. Everyone is entitled to one good scare”, and that’s exactly what Carly Beth, our main protagonist got when she lifts a mask from the sketchy back warehouse of a drug store, even though she was warned NOT to mess with them and they were not for sale. The mask soon takes over her soul because of course that’s what happens when you screw around with cursed Halloween masks. Fucking kids, man.

And besides, the illustrated mask looks like a cover of a death metal album and I’m here for it.

So there you have it. My personal top ten Goosebumps books from the original series. Thanks, R.L. Stine for 30 years and going of frights and fun while encouraging reading for young horror fans. A legend if there ever was one.

Donations to the website to keep it running and alive are always welcome and appreciated! Let’s keep the spirit of websites like this running for as long as we can!