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Editorials, Horror Nostalgia

Tales From the Video Store: PUPPET MASTER II

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As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be a gangster. Oh shit, wrong movie. As far back as I can remember, I was completely enthralled with the killer doll genre, long before Chucky took center stage in 1988 and really kicked off a line of killer doll films from competing studios. It all really started for me with Talky Tina and THE TWILIGHT ZONE, then spilled over into Stuart Gordon’s DOLLS– a film I became obsessed with when I was very young, and still has a grip on me today as an adult. Not long after DOLLS hit video store rental shelves, which is where I discovered it, another film that Charles Band, who produced the 1987 horror flick, and his production company FULL MOON PICTURES showed up in the horror section of my local Mom and Pop Video Store entitled PUPPET MASTER. And this little movie did for FULL MOON what Freddy did for NEW LINE- it built a legacy and a ton of quirky B Horror and straight-to-VHS horror films to follow. And we all have Blade and friends to thank for it.

To be totally transparent, I actually saw PUPPET MASTER II before seeing the first movie. I know, wild; I was totally confused, but it didn’t restrict any love that happened upon my first viewing because I was immediately hooked and went to rent the original the following day. So, hence, the sequel is the one that truly sparked my love for the franchise and the one that remains a favorite. Not just for nostalgic reasons, but I firmly believe this is the best film of the franchise without a doubt.

SYNOPSIS:

The living puppets dig up their dead creator, Andre Toulon. Running low on the secret life-giving fluid, Toulon and his killer creations harvest brain fluid from a team of paranormal investigators at the Bodega Bay Inn. At the same time, Toulon targets a researcher he believes is his reincarnated wife.

Puppet Master II ramps up the body count, expands the franchise lore, and introduces some of the most iconic elements of the entire series. The deadly marionettes-Blade, Jester, Pinhead, Tunneler, and Leech Woman are running out of the mystical green elixir that sustains them. To save themselves, they head to a foggy graveyard, dig up the mummified corpse of their creator Andre Toulon, and bring him back from the dead.

Toulon is now alive, but he is a decomposing mess wrapped in bandages. To brew a fresh batch of his life-giving serum, he needs a very specific ingredient: fresh human brain tissue. YUMMO. Conveniently, a team of unsuspecting paranormal investigators rolls into the creepy Bodega Bay Inn to look into the events of the first film. Toulon, masquerading as a hotel guest and trying to channel his best Claude Rains impression, unleashes his mini-monsters to harvest the team’s grey matter.

Things take a bizarre turn when Toulon realizes the lead investigator, Carolyn, looks exactly like his deceased wife, Elsa. The plot shifts from a simple slasher into a mad-scientist romance. Toulon concocts a plan to murder Carolyn, kill himself, and transfer both of their souls into life-sized human mannequins so they can live happily ever after.

How romantic. Also the most nightmare-inducing images of the entire movie.

Puppet Master II is also the introduction to one of my favorites of the franchise, TORCH. The only puppet with the absolute balls to kill a kid.

As an 80s kid, I’m a stickler for practical effects, and David Allen’s stop-motion animation gives the puppets a distinct, uncanny movement that CGI just can’t replicate. Which is something I’m afraid of happening, as rumors are circulating that BLUMHOUSE will be rebooting the beloved B Horror franchise in the future. I’m all for breathing new life into the puppets of my generation, but let’s be clear- Blumhouse has always been hit or miss, with a lot more misses, unfortunately, when it comes to horror movie reboots. This is why I can’t even fuck with the new Chucky movies or series. There is way too much CGI going on, and it makes the dolls look even more cheesy than intended and completely unrealistic. I mean, it’s about as fake as you can get, and we’re talking puppets and dolls who come alive from spells and potions. Which is a WILD thing to even say. But I just know that Blumhouse would pull that same kind of shit, and Toulon’s creations will just become another mediocre product from Jason Blum.

Yeah. I said it.

That being said, Puppet Master II perfectly balances genuinely creepy imagery with the delightful, low-budget B-movie charm of the early ’90s, and I’ll always remember the first time I saw it thanks to my local video store. Another treasure that gained momentum through word of mouth, an intriguing VHS cover, and inspired young horror fans to come back for more B horror.

All hail the memories of horror movie video rentals.

Games

All Hell Unleashed: The Ultimate NES Horror Game- and You Can Play for Free!

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Cough, cough-in my very best Sophia Petrillo voice: Picture it- Las Vegas, Summer of 1989. It’s hot as balls outside in the desert sun, and even though I was a pretty tough hellion in my youth, some days in Vegas are meant for indoors. To hell with the eleven-foot deep swimming pool WITH a built-in slide in my backyard that landscapes the view outside my bedroom window. It’s too miserable to even bear. So I grab some Ecto-Cooler, a can of Planter’s Cheese Balls, and waste the day away on shag carpet with my beloved NES in the comforting air conditioning. The game of the Summer was FRIDAY THE 13TH, and you can imagine just how many times I threw my controller against the wall with that one. But it was Jason Voorhees and a game based on a fucking R-rated horror movie; a horror movie, mind you, every kid my age knew and secretly watched anytime one of the flicks was on television. So, based on that alone, I suffered through some preadolescent rage just to be the cool kid on the block who could take out Jason and save everyone at Camp Crystal Lake.

And not much has changed in the last 30 years. James Rolfe got this one right.

I still play these shitty games, but bless the NES Homebrews and people like Steve McCall (8-Bit Slasher), who have taken their love for horror and NES glory and mashed them together into a holy matrimony of what we all should have had in an NES cartridge growing up.

“I’ve always had a love for horror movies, and the NES & I always wanted to see all of these horror icons have their own NES games. With my background of making simple old school horror games in the late 90s for PC where you could play as the slashers, and later learning how to program for the NES, demaking my old flash games for the system felt like a natural step.“

“It was only a matter of time before I made a brand new horror game. The problem was.. I didn’t know which slasher to pick… so I said to myself, “All of them.” Well, as many as I could fit anyway lol… and that’s how All Hell Unleashed was born.“

8-Bit Slasher

You may have seen his homebrews before, as far back as the late 90s, where Steve made his own horror PC versions that mimic 8-bit gaming with titles such as A Nightmare on Elm Street: Son of a Hundred Maniacs (1999), Halloween: October 31st (1999), Friday the 13th: Return to Camp Blood (1998), and Candyman: Be My Victim (2006), also all avaible to download for free by clicking on those individual links. And believe me, they’re truly fun as hell, so give it a go.

8-Bit’s latest venture is ALL HELL UNLEASHED, a horror game that takes every horror fan’s favorite icon and throws them into a game of structured chaos. Every icon is a boss to fight at the end of a stage, once you’ve collected all the orbs to progress to the boss stage, and whoever you fight depends on what world of horror you dared to enter, which includes Jason, Michael, Freddy, Candyman, Ghostface, Leatherface, Chucky, Pennywise, Pinhead, and the Killer Klowns From Outer Space.

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Also, you can fight Regan if you can find her secret hiding spot located in one of the horror icon’s stages. Hint: The window on the second-floor house blinks SIX TIMES! She was a pain in the ass, by the way…

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GAME STORYLINE: Amidst a realm where darkness reigns and evil lurks in every shadow, a sinister cult has unleashed chaos upon our world. Introducing ‘All Hell Unleashed,’ the NES game that pits YOU against the most infamous horror icons of all time.. Jason, Michael, Freddy, Candyman, Ghostface, Leatherface, Chucky, Pennywise, Pinhead and the Killer Klowns. As the world teeters on the brink of eternal fear, you must embark on a perilous journey to confront these iconic villains. But beware, time is of the essence, for the shattered fragments of a cursed amulet hold the key to sealing the dimensional rift and saving our world from eternal darkness. Can you rise to the challenge, gather the fragments, and stop the cult before it’s too late? The fate of humanity rests in your hands. ‘All Hell Unleashed’ Confront the terror… or let it claim your soul.

I went through every stage, and it is GLORIOUS. The little details in the game are pixel-perfect, and why, yes, I very much like to listen to the Dickies’ “Killer Klowns” theme while taking out Shorty. Watch out for those pies, boys.

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In the most recent upgraded version of ALL HELL UNLEASHED, THE V6.66 VERSION, you can play as 8-Bit machete-wielding Jason or Ash with his trusty chainsaw, with their own little mini-games included!

Head on over to Fista Productions’ website to download this game and all the others while you’re at it for FREE because you deserve to live like its the Summer of 1989. Also, for tips and tricks for the game itself, take a gander at the ALL HELL UNLEASHED exclusive web page by clicking here!

And the answer is yes: physical copies ARE available through a sister site for a mere $20! Which I totally prefer because I need to feel the nostalgia running through my veins from my 40-year-old NES controller.

Bonus points for you if you get to play it with the Power Glove.

Horror Nostalgia

Listen to the Entire 1-900 Freddy Krueger Hotline Story Collection Here!

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Kids today, with their Snapchats and Discords, could never fathom kids of the 80s and 90s calling a 900 hotline just so they could interact with their favorite horror icon. I’m also willing to bet they would never think that these phone calls caused us a swift ass-kickin’ in most cases when the phone bill came in- but unlike today, we had an entire month to plan our escape if needed until that paper bill came in the mail.

The horror hotline and basic 900 number dared young millennials to dial between your favorite programming, specifically aiming at kids that, as mentioned above, could cost you your left nut. But goddamn was it exhilarating. It sure as hell gave you a sense of living dangerously, and no doubt a few strands of pectoral hair sprouted on your chest when you ate the forbidden fruit if you actually mustered up the courage to call the “$2.99 a minute and $0.99 for each additional minute” numbers.  And with the peak of Freddy Mania in the late 80s, it was only natural for the world’s most notable homicidal insomniac to cash in on some poor kid’s wallet and the excitement of actually talking to Freddy over the phone!

After the release of DREAM WARRIORS, the 1-900-660-FRED was launched, and soon after, alongside DREAM MASTER and the syndicated FREDDY’S NIGHTMARES, the more infamous 1-900-909-FRED, with 1-900-860-4-FRED following after in the early 90s, which included the infamous sweepstakes contest to win a walk-on role for at the time, was just titled as “Nightmare 6“.

If your memory is as shitty as mine, you probably don’t remember much if you were one of those brave souls who called those numbers, but lucky for the blessed internet, YOUTUBE Channel Movie and Video Game TV Spots has uploaded the entire original collection of Springwood stories you heard on the other end of the line. Shoutout to the buddy, HERE LIES for sending me the video!

When you called, Freddy greeted you with a prerecorded message, then we got some fuckwad resident of Springwood talking about some weird tale or another that occurred in Freddy’s hometown. Finishing up with Freddy, urging you to go behind your parents’ backs some more and call again tomorrow. Which was way more terrifying than any story Freddy could come up with.