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MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE: THE FINAL BATTLEGROUND! PT 2 OF 3-Preternia

Image April 3, 2023 Manic Exorcism Leave a comment

Eternia Past

As the end of a mighty era came to a close and the cataclysmic final days of mythical Preternia neared their fated conclusion a valiant host of mighty heroes rose up to answer the predestined call of bloodshed and victory. Hammered by a constant onslaught of conflict upon an anvil of battlegrounds these gallant champions beamed like heated steel to bring a searing flame of valor to encourage hearts against dark days engrossed by shadow and doom.

These were the Masters of the Universe facing their final days in a world long lost to the sands of time and given over to songs and legends. So outrageous was their stunning bravery that even the stars in heaven stood silently in awe.

The universe paused momentarily to spare a tiny glance towards this planet fashioned entirely of magic, and seeing the dark days ahead but more so intrigued by the stubborn will of a people unbending to injustice the universe – surprising of all – lent a small measure of aid in the form of a powerful sword. To be grasped by a bloodline of heroes worthy of the full burden of the loneliness of Good.

He-Ro, the mightiest wizard of the galaxies bore the sword to the planet but transferred his strength in a sacrifice to bring victory to King Grayskull and the struggling Masters in their war against both the Snake Men and the Evil Horde. And so the Power Sword entered the hands of He-Man’s valiant bloodline as He-Man himself stood side by side with his ancestor, Grayskull.

This is what awaits the reader of the MOTUC minicomics, and what we’ve been discussing of late. Here in Part II, the adventure continues.

Previously on Masters of the Universe

The Masters were outnumbered and hiding underground while Skeletor hunted them down. To add to their plight the evil might of the Snake Men and The Horde have combined forces to drive out the last living heir of Grayskull. The Sorceress is dead and now replaced by her daughter Teela. The new Sorceress sends He-Man back in time to Preternia to learn how the ancient Masters vanquished King Hsss and his Snake Men. Skeletor slips through time as well with a plan to kill the ancient Masters and remove them from his future. He-Man enters Preternia and saves a Bionatops from Snake Men. The Snake Men return to their king to report a rebellion is in the making. Unbeknownst to them though Skeletor has already met with King Hiss and warns him of that very thing: a resistance is in the making that will end his rule unless he acts quickly. In a rage, King Hiss orders his men to attack nearby villages and root out the instigator of this rebellion from their midst. He joins his minions and rides out to crush and conquer. Skeletor revels in the mayhem he’s already created by setting his enemies against one another.

For more of Part I click here

What are men against such violent evil? The Snake Men are without pity in their cold hearts. There is only the need to rule and, with that, a need to end the squalor daring enough to challenge them. The Snake Men unleash a vicious assault upon unsuspecting innocent lives and tear through their humble homes as easily as their fangs sear into flesh. There’s no chance for any of them to withstand a single Snake Man and had He-Man not intervened there would’ve been no survivors.

Hiss sees that his plan worked perfectly as the upstart reveals himself. A hero’s folly is always his need to safeguard the defenseless. Now the full wrath of the Snake Men is directed at He-Man.

He-Man realizes this needless attack is a direct result of his involvement earlier and is ready to lay down his life to protect these helpless villagers. King Hiss and his minions soon prove to be far more challenging than even the Mightiest Man in the Universe is able to handle all together.

The Snake Men are in their prime at this point in time and easily can take down a single man once he’s beaten down enough. However, He-Man is not alone and from above a searing rain of energy blasts assaults the evil legion and in a flash, King Hiss and his own flee from the celestial attack.

Now at this point, I really believed it was going to be He-Ro who held the key to undoing the Snake Men. After all, this is where the first minicomic ends, and with the opening of the second comic, the snakes are nowhere to be found. I thought He-Ro eradicated their wicked asses right there. But fret not, fellow Masters. King Hiss is still around. He’s just licking his wounds for the time being because He-Ro really put an ass-beating on him and his scaly subjects.

In the meantime, He-Ro, who’s been observing He-Man from afar to determine if he was truly friend or foe, remains in secrecy and He-Man rides on.

Now the second minicomic opens up right away with another village in peril as giants crash through it. From here it’s pretty much non-stop action and you gotta keep up as you flip the pages. It really shows how the writers wanted to tell us a much grander story but were severely limited by the confines of a minicomic format.

Some may find that annoying, perhaps even a tad bit sloppy. I like to remind those critics that this is a story slapped alongside an action figure. It’s not meant to be Tolkien here, but given the enormous amount of value the writers and artists poured into these limited tiny pages is nothing short of astounding. This is cinematic greatness told very fast and it flashes across the pages rapidly. It feels like we’re given snippets of important moments from Eternian history. Frames of a major ongoing battle where we’re left to tend to and fill in the blanks with our own imaginations. The most important moments are not lost to us though. I keep talking about video game material and by God here it is right here in plain sight. On that note a video game adaptation of TMNT The Last Ronin has been announced soooo here’s hoping MOTU gets some attention too. Could you imagine hopping across Eternia and Preternia in order to save the universe? Ok, I’ll stop.

Pssst. Want more TMNT goodness? Click here

So He-Man rushes in to protect the innocent once again, that’s three times now, and at last, He-Ro reveals himself and helps with defeating the brutes. He-Ro, who’s been working in secret with He-Man all along, upon greeting him quickly invites him to meet with the Masters of the Universe of Preternia. Having proved his valor he’s also extended the invitation to join their league as they fight to break down the strongholds of Evil mounted against them.

It’s here that He-Man meets his legendary ancestor, none other than mother-fucking King Grayskull himself! This character has quickly become a personal favorite of mine as my long-time readers will know. I love this guy! His was a world full of savagery and awe. It’s an early age of barbarians, demonic serpents, strange gods, and insurmountable sorcery. He faced evil while mounted atop his roaring Battle Lion and drove through legions of demons never once thinking of his personal safety as he strove to keep his people free no matter the cost. So much of Eternia’s arcane history rested on his broad shoulders.

This man led the most badass Masters that have ever been.

And let me tell you these Masters are something else. These are warriors of extraordinary might and magical mastery. I love how the Goddess is even here, a nod to the earliest role of the Sorceress. It’s something special to see her being made cannon and established as a key character to the ancient days of Eternia. But you also have Veena, that day’s Sorceress, and wife of King Grayskull. Moss Man is even here making him one of the oldest living beings of the MOTU timeline by the time we get back to the present day.

I wish we had more time to spend with them all and here’s where I would love it if this was a fully fleshed-out novel or graphic novel (or mother fucking video game) at the very least. Because no sooner are we introduced to these incredible heroes than we’re immediately thrust into an invasion taking place outside their gates. King Hsss and his army have all recovered and assembled themselves to crush the Masters and seize the legendary secrets of the Three Towers for themselves.

Hiss is out for revenge and his men are starved nearly to madness. They devour whom they kill and believe that eating members of the Masters would likewise offer them cosmic powers. So the whole of the Snake Men are hellbent on claiming unimaginable power from this.

At this point, the reader may conclude the odds are fairly evened out though. After all the Masters are in their prime and already we’ve seen He-Ro drive off the Snakes with a single spell. Things can’t be all that bad…right?

Turn of the tide

The battle’s only just begun when the Masters’ hearts suddenly drop at the unexpected appearance of Hordak. He is the cloned image of pure cosmic Evil and a warlord whose sinister infamy is well-known across the universe. Of all times, of all goddamn times the Evil Horde has come and will allow no one to stand in their way of claiming the mystical towers.

Hordak also has a personal score to settle with He-Ro.

Unbeknownst to He-Ro he’s played an unwilling role in leading the Horde Empire directly to the shores of Preternia. The shadows of his past could not be outrun forever and an ancient evil is now returned to finish what was started many, many moons ago.

Long ago, He-Ro was tangled up in a battle with the Evil Horde, and, in particular, Horde Prime himself, the sinister ruler of the galactic Horde Empire. His conflict with Prime was over the Sword of He, a mystic weapon formed in the cosmos by the most powerful Trollan alive and entrusted to the safekeeping of Ro. It was said the sword held the very power of the universe.

So much celestial energy blazoned from within the hallowed sword and by it, one could learn the many secrets of ruling the cosmos. It was meant to be a tool to guide people towards courage and to defend the innocent against evil doers.

Horde Prime was having none of it though and, realizing his inability to defeat the newly christened He-Ro, Prime unleashed a devastating virus upon the cosmic wizard. One that violated the man’s flesh with cybernetic corruption. The curse was unique to the Horde’s ability to fuse flesh with machine, making new monstrosities out of creation, and was a dark practice they’d mastered over many ages now.

The curse nearly proved to be too much for He-Ro and the shock of it caused him temporary amnesia. He suddenly found himself in the heart of the Horde Empire with a ravaging bio-techno virus amalgamated into his body, digging into his skin and fusing with his nerves. It was nothing short of pure unadulterated Hell at its finest.

It would seem Horde Prime would soon claim his great treasure and be the sole wielder of the coveted Sword of He.

This is still He-Ro we’re talking about, the most powerful wizard in the universe. The Trollan counsel trusted him with the sword for a reason. He may have been confused by his surroundings and the carnal trauma he was experiencing but he recognized Evil when he saw it and in his heart he knew he had to protect the sword at all costs. He managed to work open a portal and made his sudden escape leaving behind a furious Horde Prime.

The sword was lost to Prime. It had been right there. Within his reach. Humiliated and wrathful the dark lord knew he must claim that weapon no matter how long it took to recover it.

Now Horde Prime was not on good terms with Hordak, a lesser version of himself, and who had attempted to poison both himself and his father, Horde Lord in order to rule the Empire in their absence. Quite the ambitious one, huh Hordak?

This little incident has also not gone unpunished. To win back approval Hordak is there and then challenged with the hefty task of locating the sword and returning it to the Horde Empire. Hordak takes with him an army of some of the most dangerous and evil servants among the Horde.

An armada is launched across the galaxies to seek out any signs of the wizard and the blade. Aboard his own warship, Hordak traveled far from Horde space and at long last, after many years (perhaps eons) of searching, found He-Ro. Hordak plans to burn down the planet offering him refuge just for good measure.

In his hasty escape, He-Ro found himself on a primitive planet of barbarians where giant beasts roamed the tangled jungles. Eldor, a kind sage, rescued He-Ro and helped him cure himself of the techno-bionic virus by washing in a sacred pool. This event though was not without consequence. From it the virus spread across the planet and infected both the vegetation and the mighty beasts who ate it, turning them into bio-mechanic creatures themselves. That’s how something like Bionatops was roaming around the wilderness.

Readers familiar with my past MOTU articles may recall mention of a tecno-virus that came to Eternia from the stars. That was totally He-Ro after he escaped the Evil Horde. So we’ve come full circle and have a much broader understanding of the ancient lore of this vast, vast saga. Who could’ve guessed these little action figures would one day grow such an immense mythos around them? I’m always impressed when I return back to MOTU and read (re-read another dozen times) the rich lore and adventures involved with their universe. People may talk about how Marvel is all connected but holy shit come on! I totally champion the timeless saga of Good vs Evil revealed here with He-Man. It spans generations and ages of the planet, and it builds legends across the stars. It feels somehow never ending.

Once I finally am finished talking about all the stuff I have going on inside my chest and hit ‘publish’ on that last article concerning MOTU I’ll still have only skimmed over the surface of the main events. There’s so much to enjoy and explore out of this fandom. It’s proof of why (and how) it continues strong to this very day. It’s also why I can’t shut up about it and will probably never be done with it. Not entirely at least.

Meanwhile, Hordak’s been on the hunt for He-Ro for a very, very long time. The Horde is relentless and has eternity to hunt down and claim their triumphs. There will be no rest and no stopping until it is found. To me that’s scary. That relentless determination.

Back to the battle

Hordak isn’t willing to share a damn thing and boldly threatens King Hsss and all the Snake Men with the Spell of Separation. The mere mention of this spell alone scares the Snake Men so shitlessly that they throw their hands up and flee! These monsters who have been so ruthless to the Masters are suddenly gone, fled to save their scaly hides by the Horde’s magic.

This is what He-Man’s come back to learn. This very spell. One powerful enough to drive away an evil as powerful as King Hsss. So yeah, that’s what he gets to take back home. But, think about it, this is a Horde spell, right? So it’s black magic I would assume. This is the spell he brings back to Orco…so Orco will use Evil Horde magic against their enemies. Son of a bitch that’s awesome!

Hordak, after removing one nuisance, then turns his violent intentions against Grayskull. After mocking the king he then releases a lethal magical assault. He-Ro knows Grayskull is intended to have a great legacy and his bloodline must continue. So heroically, just as the battle began long ago with him against the Horde, He-Ro rushes to meet Hordak and throws himself in the line of fire, taking the full blast of Hordak’s assault.

It’s here that He-Ro, with his last breaths, passes the cosmic sword to the king and a line of He-empowered heroes begins in the dynasty of Eternia. A legacy of legends is born this hour.

Well, Hordak really fucked up right here. He miscalculated the might and ferocity of King Grayskull, a thing he’ll soon learn from as the king – and now armed with the Sword of He – throws himself like a boulder at the evil warlord. Their fight is swift as, in a quick flash, the king swoops the sword in a mighty song of violence and lops off Hordak’s arm.

The blow sends Hordak to his knees and brings the fight to a quick end. It’s fun to note how it’s this very arm (someday) that will serve as Hordak’s mechanical arm.

While this whole war is happening Skeletor realizes there’ll be no better time to invade the main tower and learn all of its secrets. Which would be disastrous for the universe of course. He’s stopped though as He-Man blocks his way. “Future, Past, Present…it always comes down to the two of us, doesn’t it?” He-Man says to his old enemy.

As the two legends meet in a furious battle of screeching swordplay Skeletor jabs He-Man and gloats over He-Ro’s death. Not even the Masters’ friend, the mightiest wizard in the universe, could outmatch the forces of evil. Just as the night overtakes the day light evil will eclipse the righteous. Skeletor will rule sovereign in all timelines!

The tide of the battle finally turns in the Masters’ favor when Eldor uses all of his strength to call forth an old spell that both buries and hides the three mystical towers deep in the heart of the planet where Evil can never assail them. Skeletor is furious and He-Man knocks him out cold.

Hordak, maimed and humiliated, no longer has any trophies to claim with the towers being removed, and he’s not ready to meet the king again in battle anytime soon. He requires healing first. He and his minions retreat for the time being to better plan and perfect a devastating retaliation.

A day of many losses and bloodshed grows silent across the mired battlefield. The towers are gone, resting, and awaiting the day when they’re most needed to return. The Masters have won but with heavy hearts. Their friend and brother is dead and Grayskull now carries a heavy burden. To him was entrusted the Sword of He and with it is the memory of a great friend. Evil will never rest. Not while the sword remains. The Masters discuss plans to build a mighty fortress where the powers of the universe will be guarded at all times. A place of hope and fear, a stronghold of strength and doom to all who challenge it.

This battle is over but the war lies in the future and He-Man with Skeletor in tow returns back to his own time. Now he brings with him hope for the Masters of his era, for he brings knowledge of how to destroy the Snake Men. He also brings back Bionatops just for the helluv it.

Wow! I hope you’ve enjoyed this entry. I had a blast writing it. Be sure to check out other MOTU articles on the site. We’ve covered the artwork of the figure’s packaging (click here). We’ve also done a three-part exploration on Skeletor and his origins across the different incarnations of the legendarium. Part I , Part II , Part III

Be sure to keep checking in on us. We’re always eager to release the nostalgic goodies we all grew up loving. There’s always something to find and love around here. And be sure to keep an eye out for the third and final part of the Final Battleground.

Manic out!

Editorials

Masters of the Universe and the Final Battleground! Part 1 of 3

Image March 8, 2023 Manic Exorcism Leave a comment

What has a beginning shall also have an end. The cycle of this planet and all of its inhabitants are all locked together in this impending truth. We are born and we live our lives happily as we can until one day we join our ancestors beyond the starry veil and learn what all the mystery concerning the other side is all about. Eternia too, in all of her splendid glory, is bound to an astronomic possibility (or probability) that in some distant future, she will witness an end of her own.

The clamor of battle is not unknown to the four corners of Eternia, for from her earliest days the horns of war have rung across her history and persistently haunt her very foundations as lingering echoes. Warlords of darkness have ever assailed the guardians of light in an ongoing conflict to wrest power and control of the universe from Grayskull. Great and terrible have been the battlefields of times past but there is an event in the future that is destined to be unlike anything previously yet witnessed.

A final war is set to undo the current conflict and reset the world of Eternia anew. None will walk away and be the same ever again.

Realistically the battle will never end in our hearts and shall, in all likelihood, go on to outlive our generation; nevertheless, as we’ll soon learn, there is cannon proof of a final battleground already set in place in a distant time on Eternia. And unto it shall rise up dead kings, lost fortresses of immense power, and a deadly union of evil masters which spells the doom of all.

You know I couldn’t just stop where we left off. In my Legendary Villains series when we last saw Skeletor he was fully risen to his truest form, a figure of dark sorcery, and come into his own as the Lord of Destruction. That was his origins and his past explored as thoroughly as I knew how to do. I closed the laptop and finished my coffee, moderately pleased too (I might as well add) with how things wrapped up, and I moved on to other things.

And yet… what about Hordak? Would our readers like to know that outcome? Like would Skeletor ever release his old master from Despondos however reluctantly he may be to do so? And there were other baddies out there I hadn’t mentioned. What of the evil Snake Men? Nah, no, no I’ve written enough and so I moved on.

I actually began my newest topic on the mighty Megatron. But…there was something nagging at me, a voice that wouldn’t let up on my subconscious. It demanded my attention. It made its demands because the saga wasn’t over. And I couldn’t leave things the way they were. Skeletor would not have it you see.

Call it destiny or mere coincidence (if you believe in that) but I was sent a beautiful surprise over the holidays and I am eternally grateful for the gift. I was given a MOTU omnibus full of all the mini-comics that came with figures from the past. This thing is amazing for research purposes and it’s so much easier to fact-check myself now. I really can’t recommend it enough. It’s a must-have for any MOTU fan wanting a deeper look into the early shaping of Eternia and the lore. No, I wasn’t paid by Mattel to promote it either. I just love this thing.

But, to my surprise, and because I expected it to only cover the comics from the ‘80s license, towards the back are comics that were included with certain Classics figures. There is a three-part comic run that covers the final battle of Eternia, at least the Eternia as we all know it from nostalgic memory. That’s right, there’s an endgame in place that changes up everything. It’s an emotional adventure that covers the past and leads the way into a new adventure for the future. There are surprising losses on both sides as well and as I read over the story I knew deep down I couldn’t just sit on it. This thing was just way too hot and by Primus, I had to share it with others.

The story all centers around a massive battle involving everyone possible from across both He-Man and She-Ra’s mega rosters.

the three-part saga of the end and lead up to a new adventure!

And when I say it’s a massive battle I mean this is the Dagor Dagorath or Ragnarök of MOTU. That’s right, the Final Conflict, Armageddon, the war that determines the destiny of all things. One that will crack the pillars of heaven and bring the cosmos crashing down in smoking ruins. Galloping charges thrust into the fray as the Masters deal out a final ditch effort to fully protect the universe or die beneath the marching boots of relentless tyranny and hate.

The opening to this epic three-part tale begins with these grim words:

The heroes of Eternia have been driven underground to the caves of Tundaria. Now, as the renegade Masters of the Universe, they strive to protect the innocent from The Horde, the Snake Men, and Skeletor’s Evil Warriors. These are dark times and the Sorceress of Grayskull is dead.
MOTU minicomics

Absolutely chilling. There is no lead-up to the events at present. We are thrown directly into the song of savage battle, much like how the late Robert E. Howard would introduce his readers to the wicked world of Conan where only the brave can stand. Here we see Evil has won and the heroes are in hiding, regrouped, and desperate to make one final lunge against all tyranny they’ve ever had to face.

The world is in peril as all three major evils of Eternia make their move across the lands to conquer and control. The Snake Men have united with the Evil Horde which is already bad enough, but Skeletor’s evil forces scour the land hunting down the broken Masters’ hiding spot. The story opens with a picture of Skeletor making his way secretly into the cavernous ways leading to the heart of the Masters’ HQ.

Ever the cunning one, Skeletor plots to undo his old master and stomp his boot happily into the face of King Hiss. After all, King Hiss has, at this point, driven Skeletor from his throne at Snake Mountain and claimed ownership back from him. We’re not told how that happened in the comics but it was explored in the 200X cartoon. So Skeletor is on a personal mission for revenge.

And the Sorceress has been killed. These are the darkest days of the planet and the greatest threat He-Man has ever encountered. To me, that alone, the Sorceress being dead right at the start, was a shocker. I mean this tale isn’t fucking around at all. And it only gets wilder from here. I’ve said it before but I have to say it again, this is swords and sorcery at its damn finest!

Being the daughter of the Sorceress Teela has taken on the role but lacks both the experience and knowledge her mother had. Fun fact: Teela is more of a clone of the Sorceress. At one point Skeletor meant to clone the Sorceress in order to raise her to be his own minion. But when his attempt failed the Sorceress determined the clone child should be allowed to experience life outside the walls of Castle Grayskull. A life where she could make friends and connect with people, something Teela was able to do. And those bonds made her stronger than she realized.

Actually, come to think of it, I believe this might have been when the Sorceress was in fact the Goddess and not the Sorceress at all. At least not yet. At some point back in the minicomics her original role (the Goddess) was traded for the other but essentially she was the same character. The Goddess had cool green skin and wore sexy cobra armor, that being the only real difference between the two. Well either way that’s how the two women were related to one another in one reality. So some say Teela is the daughter of the Sorceress whereas in another reality she’s her clone.

Whatever the case may be she now finds the pivotal role placed on her shoulders and all of its burdens with it.

To further weigh her down, Teela’s father, Man-at-Arms has been changed into one of the Snake Men and is serving to undo all the Masters personally. The world darkens all around He-Man and his company.

However, at Eternia’s darkest hour, when all seems to be lost and Evil reigns on all sides, ancient prophecies are suddenly fulfilled with the return of past kings who come to lend their swords and might against the enemies of righteousness.

King Randor and his father both return to aid He-Man and the Masters rejoice. Skeletor will soon have to contend with not only He-Man, his nephew, but now his brother and father are both returned from the dead. It’s not the reunion he was expecting.

Along with these old kings, another miracle is in the making. Three archaic towers from Eternia’s ancient past rise out of their slumber and the mighty three edifices of Preternia are restored, beacons of undying hope and power returned to glory.

But the hour of many happy meetings doesn’t last long. The Masters still have a menacing triad of evil masters and all their forces to deal with. Skeletor has proven to be threat enough over the years but with the shocking restoration of King Hiss and the untimely appearance of the Evil Horde things are very grim. Also in a strange twist of fate, King Hiss now holds the Havoc Staff thus multiplying the tyrant’s evil might.

Skeletor is pissed. Being run out of his home at Snake Mountain and losing his staff to Hiss have proven to be unpleasant. In a stroke of ‘the enemy of my enemy is my friend’ kind of thinking Skeletor knows that if anyone has the power to defeat the Snake Men it’s none other than He-Man, which is why he’s gone through so much trouble hunting him down.

The new Sorceress reveals to He-Man that this isn’t the first encounter the Masters have had with the Snake Men and – as unstoppable as they may seem – the ancient Masters were able to vanquish them from existence. It is crucial for He-Man to learn the secret used against King Hsss and his minions from days long passed.

Who Is King Hsss?

The Snake Men first appeared back in the original ‘80s toy line and won over the hearts of fans instantly. I remember the utter joy of getting hold of such figures like Tung Lasher, Squeezzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz (ok I over did it but I don’t care), and, oh hells yeah, the infamous King Hiss. Let’s be honest the Snake Men were some of the absolute best-looking villains to hit toy stores at the time once again proving how MOTU could completely out-badass itself time and time again.

Rattlor was another favorite of mine. The guy was a mother fuckin’ rattlesnake man of all things and it doesn’t get much more METAL than that, my friends. He also had an extendible head giving him ‘strike’ action against the Masters. I think he had a cool rattlesnake tail too. So the Snake Men were a big deal upon their initial release.

At the time a need for a new bad guy was being passed around at Mattel and someone suggested snakes. The logic behind it was ‘Hey even Indiana Jones is afraid of snakes.’ And so it just took off.

And King Hiss was master over these slithering monsters. He is ancient and evil, a monster pretending to be a man to lure innocent victims to their imminent doom. His exterior skin is very human-like and beguiles all to his actual persona hiding beneath a veiled layer of human flesh. Originally King Hiss was introduced to He-Man and played as a faux friend to the hero in order to win the champion’s trust. But the ruse could not last long and He-Man saw through the fiend’s falsehood real quick.

When King Hiss reveals his true nature the human skin is shed and a lashing body of hissing snakes is exposed underneath. He’s a hissing coil of many vipers, each one sharing the same mind. He is a demon among men, a serpent hiding behind a garden of flesh. It’s so classic and apocalyptic.

Now I’m a proud snake owner and can honestly say my Uru is the most chill little dude ever. Wouldn’t hurt you in the least and is the sweetest snake I’ve ever met. Certainly anything but a symbol of pure evil. The worst thing he’s capable of doing is overeating and getting a bit fat. Oh so scary…

But I get it, people think snakes are scary so it works. It also hits us on a spiritual level, or to employ an archetypal reference of evil just imagine Lucifer lurking in Paradise to bring about the ruination of mankind all the while being in the guise of a serpent. It’s classic and readily recognizable. John Milton’s epic Paradise Lost can’t help but come to mind here.

Snakes being the representation of evil is an archaic motif that’s been refined from as far back as the sacred writings of Genesis to more modern literature like Harry Potter. It resounds within us in many ways. Bottom line: King Hiss was a brilliant new addition to MOTU.

Anyway, the original toy was built in a way that hid the snake’s body beneath a shell-like exterior. When the Classics line finally released their take on the slithering king they ended up making a few different versions. They couldn’t find a way to emulate a snake shedding off human skin and if they had could you imagine how amazing that would’ve been? So ultimately the Four Horsemen ended up giving fans different figures of the character to fully display his devilish metamorphosis.

King Hsss and the Snake Men were not featured in the Filmation cartoon but were the main villains in season 2 of the 200X series where their menace was finally explored. In it, we learn that Snake Mountain was the original lair of King Hsss and his minions. Now that makes sense, but I also love how Skeletor took ownership of the place (years later of course) because it just looked evil AF and scary as all Hell. Totally a Skeletor move.

Fun fact: the giant snake coiled around Snake Mountain is revealed to actually be an ancient serpent god solidified by magic, and King Hsss brings him back to life. It’s so badass and I can’t stop singing the 200X series’ praise. Seriously that just works too well. You look at that giant snake and it’s not too difficult to imagine it could be a petrified god. Sure, why the Hell not? I love it. Why is no one making movies about this?!? This is a gold mine for games and movies!

There’s a lot of mystery surrounding the Snake Men and their evil king with very sparing details out there to help fill in the blanks despite what research I do. To my limited knowledge, King Hsss (and yes, both spellings ‘King Hiss’ and ‘King Hsss’ are correct) hasn’t been given an extensive background story, unlike either Skeletor or Hordak. Oh Hell, even Horde Prime has a deeper background out there. King Hsss is left as a mystery and almost on purpose. As if he’s not supposed to be remembered or something. And that makes him even more fascinating. There’s a mystique and dangerous curiosity about him. And really that’s nothing short of what we’d come to expect out of a slithery character like him.

What little we do actually know about the Snake Men is they’re very ancient and first appeared during the warring reign of King Grayskull. That was about five-thousand years before Prince Adam was born. During a time not unlike what He-Man and the Masters are dealing with now, King Grayskull was met with the powers of both the Snake Men and the Evil Horde. Both forces misjudged the righteous king and met their ends quickly.

To this effect, He-Man must travel back through time and enter Preternia in hopes of learning the secret behind their enemies’ defeat.

So the battle to save the future starts in the past as He-Man heeds the words of the Sorceress and enters a world of dinosaurs and snake demons. But hot on his heels is Skeletor who secretly follows close behind and enters Preternia with plans of his own.

Straight away He-Man finds a band of Snake Men tormenting a captured Bionatops, one of the bio-mechanic dinosaur varieties this world has to offer.

Being warned by the Sorceress to not interfere too much with things in the past, He-Man promptly ignores her and leaps down from his hiding spot and kicks the unsuspecting Snake Men’s asses, then sends them back to their slithering king in shame. He frees the captured bionatop and quickly wins over a new companion. Good thing too because this thing could either have gored him to death or shot his head off.

Unbeknownst to He-Man a powerful friend watches in secret, approving of his valiant rescue of the poor creature and his assault against the Snake Men. We learn this is none other than He-Ro, the most powerful wizard in the universe and a very good ally to have on your side. He-Ro doesn’t introduce himself right away but keeps nearby to observe He-Man’s actions a little further. Something about He-Man reminds He-Ro of King Grayskull.

Meanwhile, Skeletor has seen the whole thing take place and wisely recognizes a golden opportunity at hand. So as He-Man rides out across the prehistoric landscape Skeletor reveals himself to Hiss as an interdimensional demon.

Skeletor knows he can easily crush two birds with one stone here and warns King Hiss about a troublesome uprising at hand and naturally blames the Masters for it. Just then Snake Men return with reports that an upstart human disrupted their fun in the jungles. Someone dared to challenge them at their own game. The words of the skull-faced demon ring true in the king’s ears and with a possible resistance on the rise King Hiss strikes in anger.

Outraged, King Hiss sends forth his evil forces to punish nearby villages and root out the man daring enough to rebel against him. King Hiss isn’t missing out on the fun this time around though and mounts his ferocious Tyrantisaurus Rex and rides out.

Skeletor sits back delighted by all the destruction he’s managed in such little time. With any luck, his enemies will destroy one another leaving way for a hassle-free future for him to rule.

Unfortunately, that’s all the time we have for now otherwise we’ll all be here for hours. And believe me, I could go on for hours more when it comes to this stuff. We’ve only just scratched the surface and this is just the first minicomic in the saga.

There’s plenty more for us to cover in the next part so be sure to keep checking in for the conclusion of the Final Battle saga and the linked fates of He-Man and Skeletor.

Manic out!

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‘Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey’ Collector’s Edition Blu-ray Announced!

Image February 18, 2023 Manic Exorcism Leave a comment

Rejoice all you Nasties! Winnie the Pooh and Piglet too are back and they’re not at all how we remember them. Just like a malignant growth that silently mutates in the shadows so have the friendly duo we all grew up with grown to insane proportions with a perchance for murder and torment on their twisted minds. We’re no longer in the nursery here, my dear reader. Pooh is all grown up, like a whole seven feet, and is full of murderous rage.

This title is our newest entry into the slasher genre and, if you’re one of the OG readers, you already know how I feel about slashers. Bring them on! This little movie was something that caught my eye way back last year when it was announced. I couldn’t believe someone had the balls to do this. But fuck a duck am I glad they did. This sick little twisted movie is a rancid wash of toxic air, the kind that makes your mind warp out of control and is pure mutant material.

Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey has already garnered a cult following by its name alone. But if this week is any indication it’s earned that cult status and those few fortunates who saw it this week are already drooling from the corners of their mouths and are a clamoring for a sequel.

One night only, on Feb. 15th, this movie aired in specific theaters. That’s right. It’s already played and is gone. I just happened to catch its screening thanks to happenstance and looking over Instagram stories. I rushed my manic ass to the cinema, snuck in my snacks, and watched a modern-day slasher splatter piece. It was pure dumb violent fun.

This isn’t something for people pissing themselves for the next Hereditary film. This is a movie made for the Drive-In crowd and you know who you are, sick fucks. I’m one of you. Sometimes it’s necessary to watch sophisticated horror movies, but, on the other hand, it’s very good to just see a silly premise and lots of blood.

One thing people ask me about this movie is ‘Is it really violent?’ Like does to go there?

Yes, it definitely goes all the way. It does not shy away from the gore. It’s not Terrifier 2 in its degree of violence, but it’s a red-wet slasher film just like from yesteryear. Plus it has the decency to remember slasher films used to show us a little bit of T and A, as the Good lord intended. So this is the whole package. It’s also a slasher film set in the woods just like other great titles such as Madman, The Burning, and Sleepaway Camp.

Now if you missed seeing this play on its one night only reveal fret ye not. This Spring Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey is being released in a big way. And you know yours truly had to get this special edition set. It’s the book. That little booklet alone made me slap down my hard-earned cash and secure my own copy. That and look at the handsome slipcase it’s released in. As well as a pretty poster.

But this special edition promises deleted scenes and a small making of special. In case you’re wondering if you should add this to your personal collection let me ask you this. Do you like slasher films? Lots of blood? Some inappropriate laughs? And are you a sick fuck like me? If you can answer yes to all of these then you’ll want to consider sliding this one on your shelf.

This isn’t fine dining as it were as far as movies go so don’t expect as much. This is a quadruple greasy cheeseburger with melted cheese still clinging to the wrapping paper and it’s full of pickles, onions, and lots of mustard and ketchup just to make your farts extra toxic. It’s not good for you but it’s good and you know you like it. That’s the kind of movie this is. A greasy delight that you might be ashamed of if you get caught enjoying it. But who gives a flying fuck? Enjoy yourself my Nasty.