
Thereās just something wickedly amazing about Anjelica Huston peeling off her humanoid face inĀ The WitchesĀ that makes you want to squirm and throw holy water all over the place. If you were a horror kid in the 90s’, chances are youāve seen Anjelica Huston in all her genre glory as she so brilliantly took on the coveted role of a lifetime, MorticiaĀ Addams in the Addams Family movies; and nailed the shit out of it staking her claim as the modern babe in black we both wanted as a wife and mother. She was a goth goddess and we loved her for it.
However, before she was clipping off heads of rosebuds in her gothic garden, she solidified her spot in history in 1990 with her terrifying portrayal of Roald Dahlās Grand High Witch.
Adapted from the 1983 Dahl book and sadly, the last movie the great Jim Henson produced,Ā The WitchesĀ brought justĀ the right amount of intensity to the screen for young viewers without going over the PG rating. Thatās quite an impressive feat considering the main antagonist of the film was in so many words, the Charles Manson of the witch world ordering her disciples to get rid of every last child on Earth through what else?
Chocolate, of course.
Chocolate that turns theĀ repulsive, dogs’ dropping smelling, little bratsĀ into mice. While the premise alone is something that couldĀ give any small kid a few nightmares at bedtime, it was Hustonās performance inĀ The WitchesĀ that scared the literal crap out of kids back at the beginning of the ā90s decade.
So on this day, which also happens to bethe films’ 30th anniversary, we celebrate why the almightyĀ Grand High Witch was and still is, the most horrifying witch on screen.Ā
The Grand High Witch Revealed
As stated at the top of this jam, not sure thereās anything more horrifying to a child than watching someone as beautiful as Huston peel the skin of her mug like a Mary Kay face mask to reveal her true hideousĀ self.
It always bugged me how she was able to mask that enormously elongated nose underneath her disguise, but I suppose The Grand High Witch has her ways and I probably shouldnāt question it otherwise I may end up a pile of ashes. Which leads us into the next example.
The Grand High Witch doesnāt like smack talk
See hereās the thing: if youāre a low-ranking witch in the same room as your superior, you should probably keep your opinions to yourself. And for fuckās sake donāt mutter crap under your breath within ears reach of the most powerful woman in the world. Even though the comment was a mere observation and harmless, the Grand High Witch made it painfully clear even the slightest apprehension from her subordinates will cost them dearly.
Bye, Bye Bruno!
Holy hell, does the Witch Queen hate children or what?! During the little witch convention, your scabby Highness shows off her latest, and veryĀ gweatestĀ invention- Formula 86. The very potion to be diluted into candy bars that are to be dispersed to children worldwide. So she brings in a visual demonstration of what to expect to see once the formula goes into action. Looks likeĀ Conal CochranĀ has some serious competition here.
She outrightĀ tries to kill a baby!
The Grand High Witch shows no mercy even towards infants. Thatās some pure evil shit right there ladies and gentlemen. Luckily our flickās protagonist little Luke intervenes and saves the day because Iām not so sure I could deal with that kind of baby killing fuckery in a supposed family friendly film.
Sheās even terrifying as a damn mouse!
The SkeksisĀ have nothing on the Grand High Witch in pure rodent form. Ā When plans backfire, the Witch of all witches finds herself in quite the predicament. If you didnāt have a phobia of mice and rats before, you might have one now because the Grand Highnessā rodent transformationĀ is the ultimate in sewer rodent nightmares. And then what happens? She gets squashed by Mr. Bean.
Mr. Fucking. Bean.
This guy right here killed the Grand High Witch. I guess not even the head of the witches can compete with this kind of mojo. Hmm. Maybe Bean ole’ boy should have taken her place.








