Category Archives: Editorials

Joe Bob Broke Shudder, but Not Our Hearts

If we’re honest with ourselves, we’ve all suffered through dry spells. Droughts of the romantic variety, which led to withdrawals and yearning, and eventually to copious amounts of K-Y, and inevitably, blister cream. We’ve all been there. Then one night everything falls into place and you hop back on that horse affectionately known as tonsil hockey and your brain can’t handle the overload. “This is amazing! Why did we wait this long?! Let’s never do that again!” as you engage in “the sign of the double-humped sperm whale.”

And make no mistake, that’s exactly what happened this past weekend. We all got some after a hiatus that bordered on abusive.

Yes, it was the one-of-a-kind charm of Joe Bob’s twang that had our hearts aflutter, but more than that, it was the communal experience knowing that we were all watching at the same time. The closest we come to that anymore (beyond live tweets) is AMC’s FearFest, but if we’re honest about that, it’s lost a bit of its luster what with those Walking Dead marathons that eat up large chunks of our beloved October tradition, leaving many of us unsatisfied.

Sure, we had the internet when MonsterVision played out on television screens every Saturday night across America and beyond back in the day, but social media wasn’t a thing quite yet, so we couldn’t really share those experiences in real time.

Then Shudder swooped in to cure the horror community of its collective blue balls.

And it was glorious.

JBBMy Twitter feed was littered with Joe Bob Briggs and The Last Drive-In. All anyone could talk about was how long they’d been up, how much they’d missed this, shared laughs and memories, complete with quoting Joe Bob’s latest “Did ya hear the one about…” Not gonna lie, I shared at least three of them, myself.

But it extended beyond social media. It was an event, and how many of those do we really have in the horror community? Yes, there are movie premieres and Twitter explodes whenever shows like American Horror Story air new episodes, but it’s rare for all of us to be all-in on one thing at exactly the same time.

We’d been counting the days since April, were sure to have our Joe Bob tees clean, fridge and pantry stocked with snacks, and our favorite koozies prepped for maximum consumption of brew. I giddily left work on Friday afternoon to pick up a mess of wings and a 12-pack of Grain Belt (only because Lone Star wasn’t available here) and sped to my buddy’s place with one eye on the clock. Two hours early. We pulled up Phantasm IV: Oblivion and added our own running track. “Fuckin’ Reggie, man. Poor bastard can never seal the deal.” My pal’s wife yelped her way through the Tall Man’s extraction of the silver sphere from Mike’s skull, and we all wore shit-eating grins during Reg-Man’s ice cream commando (kinda sorta) montage. And the hour hadn’t even struck 8 (I live in the Central time zone).

All the more smile-inducing because I knew full well, we weren’t the only ones pregaming.

Even the technical issues that prevented many of us from seeing The Last Drive-In from the beginning became a shared experience. Sure, some bitched and complained and harassed Shudder, but the vast majority knew that the Netflix of Horror would make it right and we’d get our Joe Bob fix. And again if we’re honest, it was a lot of fun to see GIFs of cats hammering away at the keys of a laptop or Andre the Giant in the ring trying his best to hold off a rabid crowd, or @richpatine’s tweet that pleaded “Joe Bob broke Shudder! Add 1 crashed app to the drive-in total please!”

We were all-in, and we were all-in together.

Scrolling through message after message of childhoods relived and resurfaced memories was magical.

TealEventually, though, the sun set on Saturday night. Pieces came to a close and Briggs offered his farewell. Tweets of excitement and laughter turned somber at the realization that this was the end, that we would never experience a night like this again, because no one can ever fill Joe Bob’s shoes. A fact we know far too well.

Yes, there were some tears, but more than anything, we were flooded with messages of gratitude and love. For as long as we’d all held onto our memories of MonsterVision from years before, came the knowledge that it paled when held to the neon glow of The Last Drive-In. This would be a night, a marathon, a borderline religious experience that we would never forget.

While the Drive-In Jedi’s send-off touched on the fact that his “goofy little show” was intended to offer laughter and an appreciation of forgotten films, he also mentioned that it was aimed at the “weirdos” and “misfits” who felt “left out” of the mainstream. Briggs went on to say that he hadn’t realized how many of us were out there until the past few years, which was ironic because Shudder discovered that the hard way when us drive-in junkies feenin’ for Joe Bob obliterated their server.

For all the stories and the rants and the laughs and the memories, that is what I’ll take away from The Last Drive-In – the sheer number of Joe Bob disciples who had suffered and waited. The fact that we broke Shudder is not a testament to the number of horror fiends out there, or that we just had to get one more dose of drive-in totals, but that Joe Bob Briggs means that goddamn much to us. It was a communal experience, yes, but that stemmed from the myriad personal connections that we have to someone who was either directly responsible for or augmented our love of horror cinema.

It wasn’t the kills or the gore that were difficult to watch, but rather those last moments as one-by-one, the lights turned out, and Joe Bob sat in his recliner, hat in hand, as the credits rolled, and a sad guitar took us to that final fade.

The last thing Mr. Briggs said was “I have a Dwight Yoakam hat.” Comforting in a way, because even if this truly was the end for Joe Bob, we won’t find ourselves a thousand miles from nowhere, we will carry Shudder’s magical romp in our hearts forever. Because the drive-in, and our love for Joe Bob, will never die.

Hat

 

New VENOM Pic Has Fans Drooling For More! The Comic’s Coming to Life!

Time to discuss one of comic-book history’s most beloved super-antiheroes – VENOM!

A brand new Venom pic has just surfaced and is taking fans by storm. Comic book licenses have never been hotter than they are now. The world we were introduced to by Dick Donner’s Superman and Tim Burton’s Batman has opened up in ways fans never dreamt of. We all wanted to see our favorite heroes and villains match off in colossal battles across land, sea, and air; battles brought to life from page to theater screen. We find ourselves in that age.

Sam Raimi hurled the Marvel property into unexplored territory with his fantastical take on some high octane web-slinging action in Spider-Man! The comic world of the web-head came to life as Spidey (Tobey Maguire) faced off against the malicious might of Green Goblin (Willem DaFoe) and Doc Oct (Alfred Molina). In the first couple of movies, fans pissed and cheered with inhuman rapture as the comic battles of old raged before our wet eyes. The sky was the limit, so where would we go from there?

Bloody Disgusting
image via Bloody Disgusting

To everyone’s sheer delight, it was announced that Spider-Man would face off against his most cherished foe, Venom! Fans dropped their drawers and shat with excitement right as they heard the news. At long-fucking last! VENOM! He was coming to goddam life and people were ready to sacrifice babies to Baal to see this happen.

Then they ruined it by casting Topher Grace in the monster’s role. Cheers turned into jeers as hearts blacked with pustule cists of anger. What in the hell did we just watch? That wasn’t Venom! That was a disgrace. Excitement for the character died an ugly death and the character lost his lethal charm among many.

CinemaBlend
image via CinemaBlend

Not all though. I still loved the character. He’s the reason I began to read the comics back in the 90’s. Marvel will never be as great as it was in that glorious decade. We had the talents of Todd McFarlane and Jim Lee illustrating some of the darkest, most savage, and eye-exploding depictions of our superheroes, the likes of which we’d never seen before. All of a sudden Spider-Man was more bestial, more arachnid than he’d ever been. His body posture was extraordinary, and it felt as if he was literally whipping by as he swung page to page. McFarlane’s Torment still stands as one of the most widely loved Spidey storylines to be published.

nerdtrip
image via nerdtrip

In came Venom, the dark and brutal antagonist to Spider-Man. An alien entity, a vicious symbiotic mastermind who sought to possess the mind and body of the right host. He found his mark with Eddie Brock, and the two of them became Venom! And they hated the Spider-Man with a passion.

With a maul like a cavern of dripping teeth and a taste for Parker’s flesh, Venom haunted the darkened places of New York as a nightmare reflection of the city’s most favored protector.

We wanted him to come to life. Some still had hopes that day would come, and it seems to be finally dawning upon us. Spidey has had two reboots and – now that he’s at home with Marvel – seems to be on the right track, although I did really enjoy the first Amazing Spider-Man. With new praise over the super-hero, it seemed to be the perfect time for his greatest threats to have a revival. The symbiotes have awakened.

Movie Web
image via Movie Web

My sources claim that this Venom movie does tie into the current Spider-Man series, but is not part of the larger MCU. Right now it’s unclear if the two will ever cross into one another. So fans shouldn’t expect any answers or tie-ins with the events of Infinity War.

Venom will be facing off against fellow symbiotes, and this has me very excited! Not long ago the teaser dropped and people lost their heads with excitement! Just from what little has been shown already this movie looks like a superior improvement over the last cinematic incarnation of the character.

The latest pic is keeping that flame of expectations glowing. Look at him! The veins, the teeth, and those eyes! Here’s hoping the movie lives up to the name.

VenomTom Hardy
image via IGN

Celebrate Friday the 13th With These Behind The Scenes Offscreen Death Photos of Claudette!

Here we are friends, with another glorious Friday the 13th upon us. Well, that is unless you’re like me who has to work at a tattoo shop catering to hundreds of people looking for a $13 F13 tattoo. Seriously, tip your artist well on this day. They are tired and deserve it! So yeah, that being my situation, I don’t get to plop my fat-ass on the couch and (fully) watch the return of Joe Bob Briggs or the obvious Friday the 13th marathon. However, best believe I’ll be drowning the shop in the sweet sounds of Pseudo Echo, doing a wicked robotic dance on the floor in-between breaks. Try and stop me.

Celebrate Friday the 13th With These Behind The Scenes Offscreen Death Photos of Claudette!

Anyway, that will be my day. However, before the chaos, I wanted to celebrate the second to best day to Halloween here at Nightmare Nostalgia with a little trivia from the original 1980 film, and most importantly, rare photos (courtesy of Fridaythe13thFranchise.com) of some cool shots of what would have been, Claudette’s death!

You see, what we all know and love about the opening sequence of Friday the 13th- the tense feeling, the first time we heard the music, and the horrific face Claudette makes in her final moment before being murdered off camera was actually a last minute substitution for what was originally intended. The original scripted opening of Barry and Claudette was crafted as a more traditional stalk and murder scene with a lot more gore. And you guessed it, you get to actually see Claudette get nailed, (in the murderous sense perv). Instead of getting frisky in a barn, the scene was set as the pair of lover counselors taking a lovely moonlit walk around the lake after leaving their campfire setting. The killer stealthily stalks her victims and a chase ensues around a boathouse where the duo ultimately ends up being killed. This scene would later serve a purpose at the conclusion of the film and showcased in later sequels. But alas, that never came to pass.

Big thanks to Mother Nature for totally screwing us out of an action-packed opener for one of the greatest slasher franchises in horror history. The story goes, nasty weather is to blame along with Claudette’s death never being seen on camera. Why? No clue as they could have easily done something indoors but hey, I’m no movie maker. And I actually don’t mind the current opener for what it’s worth. It’s just that never REALLY seeing a victim’s fate with being left to guess can sometimes irk us horror fans. Don’t give me that, “use your imagination” bullshit. I want to see her throat slashed dammit. And apparently according to these photos, it looks to be just that.

Celebrate Friday the 13th With These Behind The Scenes Offscreen Death Photos of Claudette!

 

Celebrate Friday the 13th With These Behind The Scenes Offscreen Death Photos of Claudette!

According to the F13-Franchise website, these photos were taken as publicity shots in 1979, however, there’s been a shit ton of contradictory statements from people involved in the film, including Tom Savini and Sean Cunnigham who said the scene HAD been filmed and then later retracting it. So, are these actual still shots from Claudette’s unrealized death scene? Or really just test shots. Who the hell knows and maybe we’ll actually get a definitive answer one day. But for now, all we can do is speculate and enjoy these photos for what they are- CLASSIC HORROR TREASURES.

Happy Friday the 13th!