Category Archives: Lists

Ho-Ho-Horror TV: Essential Christmas Horror Specials

There’s just something exceptionally satisfying about bedazzling the most “joyful” holiday of the year into a ho-ho-horror spectacle that gives me all the damn fuzzies. Christmas Horror, as we all know is entirely a subgenre on its own, churning out various titles throughout the years to keep our holidays grim and dark. From holiday horror treasures such as Black Christmas and Silent Night, Deadly Night, to more modern instant classics like Rare Exports and most recently Violent Nighthave become seasonal band-aids for genre fans to get even the scroogiest of Scrooges into the Xmas spirit.

Seriously, dive into some boozy eggnog and get cheery. You don’t want to be caught on the naughty list.

The Christmas Horror movie list is ever-growing in its own glorious classification of horror, but how about some of those holiday-themed episodes from some of our favorite television shows that fit into the horror category? Much like the beloved Halloween specials we receive on occasion from all the various genres of sitcoms, (Roseanne did it best, fight me) horror-infused primetime has a good chunk of dark yuletide ammo to mix things up in between those holiday-horror feature films that are generally free to watch with certain streaming subscriptions, or hell sometimes YouTube will give it to for free!

So grab your Finger Figgy Pudding, a shot of DeadNog, and let me advise you, viewers, on some binge-worthy essential Holiday Horror TV.

“The Munsters Scary Little Christmas Special”

The 90-minute special that aired on CBS back on December 17, 1996, introduces an all-new cast inhabiting the mansion on Mockingbird Lane; and it’s really not as bad as one would think. Just watch Rob Zombie’s crap version of 2022 and then get back to me on this.

The basic main plot centers around little Eddie and his melancholy holiday spirit that of course, only Santa Claus can resurrect- typical Christmas story plot. However, and again, this is the Munsters, so all sorts of silly shenanigans are afoot along the way. Certainly, the coolest part is the monster party Lily throws to cheer up Eddie and his longing for his Transylvanian home. Various branches of the extended Munster family make an appearance at the holiday shindig, all of which are depicted by famous movie monsters. Oh yes, there’s a Creature from the Black Lagoon in there and it’s fan-friggin-tastic.  

In the very few times The Munsters have been rebooted and recast, this little holiday special seems most true to the feel of the original ‘60s series. The makeup and Munster Mansion could look better, but those are just nitpicking details that shouldn’t sway anyone from checking this one out at least once. It’s one of my eight-year-olds and my father’s favorites, who is a die-hard, no-bologna Munster fan. So if you love the silliness from the old show, chances are you’ll get a kick out of this as well. You can rent it here on Amazon for $1.54!

“Unholy Night”“American Horror Story: Asylum”

Move over Bloody Face and make room for Santa Emerson.

In season two, episode eight of Asylum, we’re introduced to a seriously disturbed, homicidal Santa with one hell of a twisted sense of humor- Leigh Emerson (Ian McShane). Emerson kills a bell-ringing Santa and unleashes a reign of terror on a preselected family. Which ultimately lands him at the infamous Briarcliff and under Sister Jude’s abusive control. Until the tables turn on her anyway.

Of all the psycho Santas in the genre, McShane’s portrayal of this Yuletide maniac is by far the most seriously underrated. This character needs his own full-length Christmas horror feature for sure. “The only difference between me and the real Santa is that he only comes once a year!”

It gets me every time.

Personally speaking, I’m not a huge fan of AHS’s second season, but “Unholy Night” certainly hits a major high note for this chapter in Murphy’s spiritually connected saga. Bonus points, this episode is written by James Wong (Final Destination) and directed by Michael Lehmann (Heathers). You can stream this one here over on Hulu.

“How the Ghosts Stole Christmas”“The X-Files”

Originally airing on December 13, 1998, The X-Files sixth season brought forth a nice little Christmas episode wrapped in paranormal packaging. “How the Ghosts Stole Christmas” is one of those stand-alone monster episodes in the series that strays away from the storyline, but is welcomed nonetheless. Some of the best episodes in the series have been these types of episodes, and this one, in particular, is way up on that list folks.

The episode co-stars Ed Asner and Lily Tomlin as a pair of trickery star-crossed deceased lovers, who performed a murder/suicide pact in their home. Folklore has it that any couple who enters their abandoned house will become trapped and forced into the same fate. That sounds like a case for Mulder and Scully! What better way to spend Christmas than ghostbusting, eh?

With a fantastically dark haunted house set up on the heels of the Noel holiday, this Christmas edition of X-Files has plenty of good scares and some personal time with Mulder and Scully. Among all the paranormal illusions and corpses under the floorboard, there’s a really touching Christmas moment between the pair at the end of the episode. Ending it on a heartfelt high note. Because that’s what Christmas is all about, right? Grab your significant other and catch this one on Hulu here.

“Night of the Meek”“The Twilight Zone”

First airing on December, 23rd 1960 on the CBS primetime lineup, Twilight Zone’s “Night of the Meek” has become an annual tradition in our house of horrors. There isn’t any blood, gore, or psycho Santas swinging axes, but there’s a lot of heart and mystery here. That goes a long way.

Most episodes from The Twilight Zone offer some sort of mind-fucking twist to get you rattled a tad. However, “Night of the Meek” is one of those rare exceptions that just leaves you all fuzzy on the inside. Rod Serling takes us on a Christmas Eve journey into The Twilight Zone with a down-and-out Mall Santa, Henry Corwin. Visibly drunk and a bit disoriented, Corwin is fired from his jolly job and then goes into a pretty powerful monologue explaining why he is boozing it up for the holidays. Unable to truly bring happiness and full bellies of hungry kids as Santa, Corwin’s only Christmas wish is for the “meek to inherit the Earth.”

Well, this is The Twilight Zone. Corwin is about to get his selfless wish granted.

Nearly 60 years after its premiere, “Night of the Meek” is a true classic not just from the series as a whole, but in pop culture altogether. For a simple 30-minute TV episode to stand the test of time and manage to give you all the damn feels, is something not to be ignored in the slightest. Forget waiting for that New Year’s marathon. Watch the episode here on Paramount Plus!

“And All Through the House”“Tales From the Crypt”

To this day, I’m not sure if there are any other televised psycho Sandy Claws that tops the Cryptkeeper’s “And All Through the House” season one episode. Heavily considered in fandom as one of the best in the series, the June 10th, 1989 premiere is taken directly from the #35 Vault of Horror EC comic. Staying true to that 1950s eerie tale in the graphic mag, Director Robert Zemeckis and Monster Squad writer Fred Dekker begin the shenanigans with an even more horrifying than usual Cryptkeeper donning a Santa mask. (I’m pretty certain that was the most terrifying visual during the entire 22 minutes.)

Writer Dekker brings in his Monster Squad actress, the late Mary Ellen Trainor to portray a greedy wife who murdered her husband on Christmas Eve to gain insurance money. All while their daughter is upstairs anxiously waiting for the arrival of Santa. Lovely, eh? Well, karma is a mighty bitch and while the housewife of the year is dumping the body in the backyard, an escaped lunatic dressed as St. Nick attacks her. She narrowly escapes back to the house, but the deranged Kris Kringle is relentless in his attempts to give her a dose of Christmas justice.

Also, worth noting, Hollywood giant in Cinematography Dean Cundey worked on this episode. In case you’re unfamiliar, Cundey has provided his directorial photography skills to various John Carpenter classics such as Big Trouble in Little China, The Thing, Halloween II, Season of The Witch, and even Jurassic Park! Just a fun little fact I didn’t want you guys to miss. Speaking of, can we please get all the seasons streaming already with our literal 10,000 different subscribed services!? It’s 2022 and the fact Tales From The Crypt can’t get a home anywhere is beyond frustrating. The licensing issues shave gone on far too long and enough is enough. So thank ghouls that we have a FREE YOUTUBE upload here courtesy of Spooky Gals Corner.

Now that’s the Spook-Mas gift we all wanted.

Ho-Ho HorrorDays! Ten of the Best Christmas Horror Movie Kills!

Today we’re going back to the gritty basics here on NN and diving deep down the grimy chimney into the seventh layer of Santa Claus Hell with some of my favorite kill scenes in the Christmas Horror genre.

A horror movie’s kill count and quality can be the deciding factor to some moviegoers in the arena of whether the film is considered memorable or not. Personally, this sort of thing doesn’t phase me but to others, it’s a damn big deal so I’ve put together here a list of some pretty fucked up but awesome death scenes in the Christmas horror category of the genre for nothing other than our pure entertainment.

Now, On Slasher, on Necromancer! On Basher and Vex-in! Cheesy, I know but I couldn’t help myself.

10. Silent Night Deadly Night 5: The Toymaker- Death by Toy Worm

I have a weird and unrelenting love for Silent Night, Deadly Night 5: The Toymaker starring America’s favorite Golden Age loveable actor, Mickey Rooney. So I’m including it purely out of my own bias, and well because it doesn’t get any love whatsoever on Christmas Horror lists. And mother fucker, I’m a rebel.

Harold the landlord chokes down on this toy slug as he’s driving while this wild worm toy comes to life in his car and basically hollows out his skull, resulting in obviously his death followed by a fiery crash. What a way to go out.

9. Jack Frost- Snowman Rape

Beyond the pure joy we had as kids switching this hysterical horror gem out with Michael Keaton’s family-friendly film Jack Frost at our local video stores, this cult status holiday wtf-fest was, and still is a must-see for any horror fan.

In said scene, an inconspicuous carrot appears in the tub with Liz, followed by a mound of snow forming into that of Jack Frost. He grabs Liz, slams her around a bit while forcefully banging (ahem) her against the bathroom wall, ultimately dropping her naked body on the cold tile for her to die out. That is forever some wild shit to put on screen.

8. Krampus- Kid Eaten By Jack-In-The-Box

I always gotta give credit when a horror movie has the balls to kill a kid. 2015’s Krampus did this very thing with no apologies for it.

Jordan was a bit of a dick, but as a parent, I almost feel bad for the kid, as really no one deserves to be chomped up and eaten by a giant Der Jack-in-the-Box with teeth that can only rival that of Reverend Henry Kane. Not much to say other than it’s fucked up and brutal, folks.

7. Christmas Evil- Death by Toy Soldier

An underrated Christmas gem of chaos goes to Christmas Evil, and this toy soldier right in the eye, courtesy of our psychopath Santa of the moment, Harry Stadling. Harry here has a lot in common with the more well-known Santa suit donning maniac, Billy Silent Night, Deadly Night, as both are triggered into a homicidal rampage on Christmas, and check it, both work with toys. However, Harry actually WANTS to be Santa and will go as far as sticking toys in eyeballs to ensure that everyone takes his stance seriously, followed by an ax to the dome.

6. Gremlins- Mrs. Deagle Gets Yeeted

Very few deaths in horror movies were ever so satisfying as that of Mrs. Deagle getting yeeted from her electric staircase chair, right onto the street courtesy of the Gremsters. She threatened a dog-she had this coming. And her 100 cats didn’t deserve her.

5. Inside- Fetal Extraction

A newer film often unmentioned but worth a watch, if you can stomach it, is Inside. If it’s more than 10 years old, you’ll not likely hear a peep from said film on this blog, but here’s a rare exception. I’m not even gonna tell you what it’s about, but it takes place on Christmas Eve and involves a pregnant widow. And well, I guess this is a massive spoiler here but this scene in question is about as brutal as it gets and I can’t NOT give it a nod.

Inside isn’t available on Amazon but you can it for free on VUDU!

4. Silent Night- Wood Chipper

A somewhat retelling of Silent Night. Deadly Night (we already had one of those with Silent Night, Deadly Night 2 thanks) 2012 brought us Silent Night and this infamous scene where if you haven’t seen the film, you at least have heard about it.

The Coen Brothers’ FARGO doesn’t hold a candle to this death-by-wood-chipper scene where our manic Santa feeds a porn star into the hungry machine legs first. I mean, porn stars are supposed to give woodys right? Maybe they were just taking it very literally here. I’m just full of bad Dad jokes today.

3. Elves- Santa’s “Sack

This 1989 hot mess of a Christmas cult classic is just that- and I’m fucking here for it.

Listen, this 2-foot homicidal Goblin Elf stabbing this Mall Santa in his junk had me laughing for hours upon the first watch- and I never forgot it. This roller coaster of a goofy film that includes shameless nudity, an F-Bomb every 10 seconds, and a Nazi plot (yes nazis) along with Dan Haggarty, isn’t for everyone. But at the very least, it’s good for a laugh- with this scene in particular being the film’s Mona Lisa moment.

One of you lucky elves can snatch this DVD from a seller on ETSY for a great price since the movie is hard to come by on streaming sites.

2. Silent Night, Deadly Night

Hanging Linnea from the antlers with care, with psycho Billy Santa screaming “PUNISH” everywhere.

Silent Night, Deadly Night is known throughout the horror community for a lot of things other than just another Christmas horror flick. From all the nostalgic items seen throughout Ira’s Toys to being banned from theaters thanks to a bunch of angry moms protesting the movie outside local cinemas. But, perhaps the most memorable thing is our dear horror queen Linnea Quigley being strung up like a demented Christmas trophy kill. Goddess bless that woman.

1. Black Christmas- Plastic Bag Death

Here we are- the ultimate fucked up Christmas horror death and perhaps the most infamous- the plastic bag suffocation of Clarein 1974’s Black Christmas.

As if having your head swaddled around by Saran Wrap disabling your breath and draining your life force isn’t terrifying enough, the fact she was never found makes this even more horrific. The sheer irony that the movie is integrally “wrapped” around Clare’s death shoots this to number one for me because damn that’s just brilliant. That final shot of Black Christmas sticks with you for a long time. Note: if we can just make a holiday horror yule log out of that shot alone, taunting us from the window as we stare at the ‘Pi Kappa Sigma’ sorority house from the street, that would be the Christmas gift we all need this year, thanks.

Don’t Mess With Mama! Celebrating The Most Bad Ass Moms in Horror Films

Being a mother myself of two beautiful, and at times obnoxious children, I can say with certainty that one full day dedicated to the mothers of the world is not nearly enough! The mothers who pull double duty in both Mom AND Dad roles. The mom who works two jobs to give you a better life than perhaps she experienced growing up. The one woman in your life whom you should be able to trust and to will always be there. Sadly, and myself included, there are some of us out there who do not have this luxury. Someone whom THEY can trust and go to for motherly advice.

In light of this fact, and while the country is celebrating mothers all over this weekend for this year’s now Hallmark cash grab this is Mother’s Day, I wanted to take a moment to tip my hat and bring appreciation to the great mothers in horror films. Sure, we all know about the psycho moms in horror movies, such as Margaret White or Mama Firefly, but what about the women who set the maternal bar high for the rest of us? In no particular order, let’s take a moment to appreciate the wonderful mothers of horror films, shall we?

Heather Langenkamp

Wes Craven’s New Nightmare

Throughout the Nightmare franchise, we saw Nancy at different stages in her life from her haunted teens, to college student, and at last, a mother. Even if in this case, she technically wasn’t playing the Nancy character, but rather herself, you get the idea. Heather right from the start of the film, is a great fucking mom. As her life is flipped upside down and is one “nightmare’ after another, her son, Dylan, was always her number one concern. Putting her son’s life before her own is something any good mom would do, but she also taught us an important lesson when raising kids. Listen to them. Even if what they have to say is fantastical, give them the benefit of the doubt. Kudos to you Heather for being that paranoid, helicopter mom. Her protectiveness definitely aided in saving her son from the claws of Freddy.

Karen Barclay

Child’s Play

Karen Barclay is a great example of the type of mother I mentioned at the beginning of this little ramble. Karen is just trying to do her best as a single mother while raising her child, Andy. All this lady wanted was for her kid to have a nice birthday and to be able to give him the gift he wanted. Well, fuck me if she didn’t screw that up royally, but her intentions were at its best. After learning the truth about Chucky, Karen goes to the ends of the Earth to prove to the authorities that she, nor her son, are batshit crazy. As stated in the sequels, Karen ended up under “special care” for backing up Andy’s “killer doll” story, while the police denied all. Even though she got burned in the end, let’s give a hand to the mom who wouldn’t back down in cowardice and supported her son no matter the consequences.

Rosemary Woodhouse

Rosemary’s Baby

Rosemary Woodhouse. A tough contender for mother of the year right here. A good majority of the film focuses on her concern and well-being for the little bundle of hell baking inside her. While she did everything in her power to protect herself and her unborn child from the evil that had been looming over her the entire time, fate and the powers behind the madness intervened, and this birth was going to happen THEIR way. When Rosemary comes to her senses in the aftermath of the birth of her child, she discovers the true wickedness that had befallen her and her firstborn. That she had indeed given birth to the Antichrist. The tyrant of a man who would bring humanity to its knees. While Rosemary in the first moments hesitates to even consider thinking that she could be a part of any of these shenanigans, however in the end she looks upon her son with such adoration and love in her eyes. This child is hers. And she will do her part as his mother. She accepts this fairly quickly, and her role as the mother of the child of Satan. Good for you! Accept your child for whom he/she truly are on the inside. Even if it’s the kid who will bring about the end of the world. Way to push that maternal bar high lady.

Donna Trenton

Cujo

Dee’s character of Donna Trenton in Stephen King’s Cujo, is one kick ass mama. Donna and her fragile son Tad experience a terrifying three lovely days of claustrophobia in her car, thanks to an aggressive rabid dog named Cujo ready to pounce on them the moment they exit. Although frightened, and hell, you would be too, Donna manages to pull out her huge set of balls once it’s apparent her sickly son may be meeting his end inside the confined space. She exits the car and starts a raging war against the rabid animal, eventually overpowering him and killing him in the end. Now we all know what a certified badass screen legend Dee Wallace is, but here’s another reason to love the woman: According to Gabrielle Stone, Wallace’s real life daughter, her mother’s role of Donna helped her feel safe in her own home growing up because of how tough her mom was in the film. Now, if that isn’t a parenting win, I don’t know what is.

Diane Freeling

Poltergeist

Diane Freeling is not only a smoking hot mama who occasionally lights up to relax, but one seriously loving mother. When CarolAnne went missing and quickly realized the strange and horrifying truth of her young daughter trapped inside their family TV set, Diane put aside all logic and previous beliefs to try to understand what was exactly happening inside her home, and where exactly her little girl was. This lady, with balls of steel, ventured through a seemingly horrific dimension in hopes of bringing her child back home from the other side. JoBeth Williams’ acting chops in Poltergeist, is brilliant. She makes me believe that she IS Diane Freeling and this is her family. Her struggle. The pain in her voice at losing a child is so chilling and heartbreaking. We salute you, mama. Her heart for her family is one of the strongest on this list.

Pamela Voorhees

Friday the 13th

Ok, so maybe Pamela Voorhees overreacted a tad and I could be possibly be pushing the “good” boundary here, but I really don’t care. Mrs. Voorhees is one damn fine mother, and you really can’t deny the love she has for her Jason. Look at it this way, this lady was a single mom raising a disabled child. One fine summer day, she’s slaving away cooking for a bunch of brats at camp, while some fucking irresponsible teenage horn-dogs rage war with each other’s bodies. All while they’re supposed to be keeping a close eye on these kids. All the while, her son Jason, the apple of her eye, drowns in the lake. Bunch of dickwads if you ask me. She had every right to be pissed. I can’t say I would go on a murderous rampage on a bunch of counselors years later that had nothing to do with it. However, I’m not going to judge the woman. Maybe it was her way of coping. Don’t be so damn judgmental.

Lucy Emerson

The Lost Boys

Lucy was that Tupperware loving, “milk and cookies will make it all better” type of mom that we crave every so often; because let’s face the truth here- if you were dying from a flu, or eh, a hangover, she’d bring you some soup and give you a little Carol Brady heart-to-heart. Though she may need a little convincing when it comes to believing in vampires, she’s still pretty cool when it comes to parenting. Stern when needed, and listens with love. Happy Mother’s Day, Lucy, and watch out for those mullet-chops hanging around the boardwalk!

Mortica Addams

The Addams Family

Oh Morticia. Mrs. Addams may be slightly unconventional in her parenting skills in the average Joe’s eyes, but obviously it works in her family and works well. Her children are confident and secure in themselves and would never dare conform to what society deems “normal“. As Morticia always says, “What is normal to the spider, is chaos to the fly,” and this saying rings true to that sentiment. As mothers, we strive to instill this type of self-confidence in our own children, and the beautiful Morticia wins this round.

Chris MacNeil

The Exorcist

Mrs. MacNeil had it all. A successful career as an actress, a variety of hats and scarves that she could accessorize the shit out of, and of course, the lovely Regan. Before the ugly events that turned this once loving home into the eighth level of Hell, it seemed that Chris and Regan had a pretty tight bond and it was clear the eleven-year-old was the apple of her eye. When the poo hit the fan, Chris did everything in her power to not only protect her daughter, but to also free of her of whatever demonic grip held on so tightly to the poor child. She suffered tremendously in such horrific ways I could never even fathom in reality, but never gave up hope.

Queen Alien

Aliens

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it a hundred times. Queen Alien is a damn good mother and I feel her frustrations. Look at it from her point of view: This is a race different from ours, obviously. Here we have a bunch of humans, and honestly, they’re looking at us like we’re the aliens, coming into their personal space. Killing her unborn children, with fire no less. If you were her, wouldn’t you be pissed too? She is just doing what any good mother would do. Protecting her babies, and hey, if someone is trying to hurt them, you put them down. I get it Your Majesty. I would have gone on that level of crazy right there with you.

Drop a comment below on your favorite maternal force in horror films. Happy Mother’s Day to all my fellow moms, and also to the dads who are wearing the mom hat. This goes to furbaby moms as well! Break out all the wines. You deserve it. And remember…

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