Classic Commercials: Discontinued Cereals That You May Have Forgot Actually Existed

Image May 6, 2018 Patti PaulterGeist Leave a comment

If there be only one other thing that you associated school-less Saturday mornings’ with per our youth other than the glorious array of animated programming, it’s the sugary pellets drowned in 2% sitting on our metal character TV trays promptly sat in front of a beastly television box. Because let’s face facts, chances are you were up way earlier than everyone else in order to call all the dibs on either FOX KIDS or CBS Saturday Mornings, and the ritual wasn’t complete without the breakfast of champions. It was quick, easy, and satisfying- especially in regard to a fresh unopened box that held a crappy piece of sugary-coated plastic within. And who cares. It was yours, and you got to that toy first. That was the start of a perfect Saturday.

Anyway, through our youth and well into adulthood we’ve seen a shit-ton of limited edition and themed cereal associated with film and TV come and then disappear as fast as they came. Maybe you remember some of these, and maybe you had no clue these suckers actually existed. In any regard, let’s travel down slightly-soggy memory lane and take a look at a few retro kinds of cereal from our childhood!

10. Mr. T

If you’ve never seen Pee Wee’s Big Adventure (and just what is wrong with you) then you might not even know about the infamous Mr. T cereal that debuted back in 1984. Developed by Quaker Oats, it sort of had a taste reminiscent of Cap’n Crunch. Also, I pity the fool that still doesn’t have their exclusive Mr. T stickers that came with a fresh box.

9. C-3PO’s

The force was totally located in your bowl with 1984’s Kelloggs cash-grab at the Star Wars franchise. I never had this one myself, but if you remember Alpha-Bits at all, many have said the Droid centered cereal tasted much like it. C-3PO’s usually carried some great prizes inside like masks from the films and plastic Rebel Rockets. However, I believe many were most stoked about the send away offers for the coveted Kenner action figures it offered.

8. Ghostbusters

Who could forget the all-important Ghostbusters cereal, and even more so, the commercial that advertised an opportunity to visit the Ghostbusters’ headquarters and meet one in person! Complete with marshmallow ghosts, fruity O’s, and glow in the dark Slimer marshmallows added later, the Ralston brand actually went through four different looks for the cereal: Two for each film, and two for the animated series one in which featuring Slimer. Whichever one you remember, it was a damn good cereal that turned your milk an excellent green. Speaking of excellence…

7. Bill and Ted

Well, clearly one of the most “awesome breakfast adventures” you’ll ever have is with the righteous Bill and Ted! Another Ralston creation, Bill and Ted’s Adventure cereal was a cinnamon-based flavored cereal with musical note marshmallows. If you remember this sugary gem, you might remember the box came with postcards depicting the pair’s trips through time. However, if you were really lucky, you snagged the cassette holder promotion that was encased on the outside of the box in celophane wrap. Now that, was a prize worthy of getting up at the ass-crack of dawn to beat your siblings to the pantry.

6. E.T.

Now as much as this little asshole alien scared the bejesus out of me when I was a youngling, that damn peanut butter and chocolate E and T shaped cereal were sure as shit delightful. Introduced in 1984 by General Mills, rumor has it the flavor choice of the cereal was based off ET’s fondness for Reeses Pieces as depicted in the movie. In any regard, if you’ve never had a taste of this retro treasure, just pick up a box of Reeses cereal and pretend to be munching like a kid again.

5. Cabbage Patch Kids

Most likely the most healthy on this list is the Cabbage Patch Kids themed cereal brought to us by, who else, but Ralston in 1985. The promotional ads aimed at parents, in particular, boasting about how little sugar was actually in a serving- 3 grams according to a memorabilia site. Which may have attributed to that kind of stale taste, which is how I remember it. Also, the creepy as fuck fat smiling shaped faces that the breakfast consisted of. I only remember this due to the chances of winning an exclusive Cabbage Patch doll, which I didn’t. All that bland tasting, kind of wanting to be KIX but not quite cereal that I had to consume…. Blah.

4. Urkel-O’s

Urkel-ize with 1992 Urkel-O’s! Laura Winslow will be your pet in no time by just shoving this crap in her face. Ralston’s strawberry and banana flavored breakfast for fans of extremely high-waisted pant wearing nerds everywhere rolled this one out in 1991. Several versions of this cereal appeared in stores, however the most memorable featured Urkel in a red, white and blue Uncle Sam get-up beating a marching band bass drum with “Urkel For President” slammed on the front. This box, in particular, contained an “Urkel For President” campaign button and an entry form to win a trip to Washington D.C. Which was a way better way to sell the fruity O’s rather than the initial slogan, “a fun, circle-shaped product”.

3. Batman

Listen, Batman was THEE jam when Michael Keaton and Tim Burton resurrected the caped crusader, so of course, a themed cereal HAD to follow. The bat-shaped cereal had a honey-nut flavor to it and you not only bought this sucker because, duh, BATMAN, but because of the Batman Bank that was offered as a premium plastic shrink-wrapped to the box.

2. Addams Family

1991 was Addams Family madness and were even invading your morning breakfast ritual thanks to Ralston. I don’t remember the cereal being anything great but the flashlights promptly displayed in front of the box rather than inside in the form of members of the Addams clan reeled us in. I still have my Cousin ITT blinker, and it remains a treasured childhood relic with a slight scent of 20-year old sugar dust.

1. Gremlins

I couldn’t tell you if this cereal was ca-ca or yum-yum, but as a huge fan of the film, I had to include the cereal featuring the adorable Gizmo introduced by Ralston in 1984 to coincide with the film’s release. And that’s about as long as the cereal lasted, as it seemed to have disappeared faster than a gremster being hosed down with H2O. Exclusive stickers were packaged inside this bad-boy along with an offer of a cute little Gizmo plush for $9.95 plus two proofs of purchase. Might I add, if you own the cereal premium relic, I’m feeling all the peanut butter and jelly towards you at this moment.

News

Shudder Dishes Out Some Old School Scares In May!

Image May 4, 2018 Manic Exorcism Leave a comment

Welcome back my little fiends, it’s your favorite freak show carnival host – Manic Exorcism! I’m back with some exciting news for you. Originally I was going to post a great big article covering my latest obsession. Oh yes, there is a magnanimously hideous power on the near horizon, one I just can’t hardly wait to share with you all. But I’m sad to say you have to wait just a teensy bit on that. So as I blue ball you all, let me fill in your time with some exciting news.

This may just prove that I have the attention span of a chipmunk, but as I sat down to do some editing I flipped on the Shudder app for a little background noise – because silence is disgusting sometimes. To my surprise, once Shudder opened up I was immediately treated to the one and only Reggie (Reggie Bannister) guitar pickin’ in the cult-classic Phantasm.

You see, Shudder always provides streaming movies that play around the clock. Technically you’d never have to choose a movie and just trust in Shudder TV to provide you scores of relentless entertainment. Wait a minute though! I must assume some of you may not know what the heck it is I’m talking about. Just in case you didn’t know – Shudder is the horror equivalent of Netflix and Hulu. They provide horror fans horror movies! In the past, they have included exploitation favorites such as Cannibal Holocaust and The Beyond. Who the Hell else does that?

Where else will you find New York Ripper and Maniac Cop together in the same place?

Not to mention now is a kick ass time to join in! I shit you not, this month they just added The Evil Dead (I’m talking about the all-time splatter classic here), Tobe Hooper’s Salem’s Lot, the original IT with all of that Tim Curry goodness, as well as Cat’s Eye! For God’s sake, they have Cat’s Eye on here! If you’ve not seen that Stephen King classic then stop reading this right now, go to Shudder and watch that movie! No King fan’s life is complete until they’ve seen BOTH Quitters Anonymous and The Lonesome Death of Jordy Verrill! Holy ol’ Jesus! What are ya’ll waiting for? We’re talking about meteor shit here for goodness sake! And just because Shudder loves us so very much, we can now watch BOTH because not only is Cat’s Eye on there now, but they’ve also included CREEPSHOW! I could die happy. Old school Stephen King favorites are only a click away.

house of tortured souls — image via House of Tortured Souls

So why wait? You know you’re just dying to see these nostalgic nightmares. Sleepaway Camp, Pieces, C.H.U.D, Prom Night 2: Hello Mary Lou, Night of the Creeps, Street Trash and The Gate are all here. We have the original Wicker Man, The Prowler, and not to mention Madman! Madman is here, people! When’s the last time you watched Don’t Go in the Woods? Or how about The Mutilator? And you know it’s vacation season, so what better time to rewatch Tourist Trap?

Asian horror films are here along with some amazing horror documentaries such as Crystal Lake Memories. For only $4:99 a month, it’s a steal!

Rare horror movies

International horror movies

Classic horror movies

Modern and original scares too

They’ve got it all.

Do you miss watching Tales From the Darkside? Get ready to sit back and treat yourself to some creepy fun way into the late hours of the night. They have plenty of good horror shows here too.

This is the stuff we thrive off of here at Nightmare Nostalgia. So head on over and see what all the fuss is about. Everyone else is celebrating warmer weather and the chance to get out, but you know we horror fans love to sit in front of the eerie glow of a TV and watch some bone-chilling terror. Shudder is dishing out the best horror this side of Blockbuster’s sad demise.

Editorials

If McDonald’s Can Resurrect Szechuan Sauce, Then It’s Time to Bring Back McBoo and Friends Halloween Pails

Image May 3, 2018 Patti PaulterGeist Leave a comment

In case you’ve been living under a rock over the past year, people sort of lost their minds when McDonald’s announced they were reviving that delicious Disney’s Mulan advertised McNugget dip, Szechuan Sauce o the heels of Rick and Morty fandom. Of course, they damn near rioted when it became clear that not every store had these sought-after suckers and the ones that did, had about 10-20 dippers in stock. Leaving Szechaun searchers to lose their absolute shit and cry foul so loud that the fast-food giant responded with an actual revival of the sweet and sour condiment to appease the masses of seriously pissed off people. It’s like Rick himself possessed an insane number of humanoids to get that crap back into the fast-food chain. And if you’re a fan of the series at all, it’s not entirely impossible to think that either.

That’s right he and everyone else got their goddamn Szechuan sauce. Now let’s take that mentality about an overrated McNugget enhancer and apply to that to something that 100% NEEDS a proper revival: The McDonald’s Halloween pails featuring the beautiful McBoo and friends.

McPunk’n, McGoblin, and McBoo (as I just refer to all of them as for some odd and I know, incorrect reason) made their wonderful debut back in October of 1986 much to the delight of Happy Mealers everywhere. I know I’m not alone when I say, these buckets that forever reeked of delicious salty french fries are a beloved childhood relic for 80’s and 90’s kids. They embody the innocent spirit of a nostalgic Halloween much like nothing else. I remember quite clearly during a CBS run of Garfield’s Halloween Adventure (of which I own in pure VHS form, commercials and all that will be uploaded in the future for you) the McBucket advertisement (seen below) during the break. This was the time I first laid my eyes on the wonderous McBoo and friends and pleaded the parental units for a dinner at the creepy clown factory the following day. The three of which I acquired was, of course, Sir McBoo and you’re goddamn right I used that beautiful orange Jacko-pail for my own Halloween adventures of sugary death.

As it turns out, I wasn’t the only practicing within the cult of McBoo as the pails were a massive hit and continued throughout the years at the burger chain. Making McDonald’s the fast-food King of Halloween. Then, something awful happened. They began to change, not for the better but for the worse. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for change as much as the next gal. However, the quality and beloved nature of the pails went straight down the shitter once themes became introduced into Halloween Happy Meals. Long gone were the recognizable jack-o-lantern faces and in came cartoonish versions of the cherished bucket with Snoopy and My Little Pony splashed all over the damn thing. The pails became a tad smaller, the handles incredibly flimsy, not to mention the spirit of Halloween was taken right out of it once you slapped a Minion on it. It just wasn’t the same and goddammit, we want them back. Ok, it might be just my first-world problem ass complaining, but I feel like if people can raise enough of a ruckus to bring a friggin’ nugget sauce back from the dead, then why can’t we clamor for something that will not only bring some joy to nostalgic adults everywhere but children as well as I bet they’ll appreciate a better option for some REAL Halloween Happy Meals. And for fuck’s sake put some Halloween toys in there as well. Last year, you gave out Transformers and Rainbow Dash glasses. I mean, come on…

Two words: McNugget buddies.

So I say unto thee McDonald’s: Forget the ridiculous movie tie-ins and cash grabs. Bring back the Halloween bucket original design and watch everyone flock back to your chain during the Halloween season.

If you feel the same passion as I do here, I encourage you to share away and let your voice be heard. Tweet this at McDonald’s, share with friends and family. Let’s make this a thing. Of course, if you also think I’m just a raging nostalgic turd and I should crawl back into my Gollum cave filled with jelly shoes and Ben Cooper masks, then, by all means, tell me to go screw myself. Not sure what purpose that would serve but, I like to give that option in any regard.

#BRINGBACKMCBOO.