To the glee of horror aficionados, Shudder’s CREEPSHOW is teeming with Easter eggs, and no episode filled the basket quite like the Season 2 debut chaser, “Public Television of the Dead.”
The set-up alone was intoxicating. A play on ANTIQUES ROADSHOW featuring EVIL DEAD veteran Ted Raimi querying about a book he’d had “in [his] fruit cellar for years.” Of course, Raimi was playing himself, the book in question was the Necronomicon, and the Pittsburgh-based station (hello Romero reference) even featured a program with a puppet named–you guessed it–Henrietta. When the host of THE APPRAISER’S ROAD TRIP began reading the “wretched incantations,” all hell broke loose. But in the next studio, a gentleman who struck a striking resemblance to Bob Ross was filming, not THE JOY OF PAINTING but THE LOVE OF PAINTING. Played to placid perfection by Mark Ashworth, the character of Norm Roberts was merely Ross’ given name rearranged: Robert Norman Ross.
Fresh off a floating and brilliantly delivered “pledge to us,” Raimi’s Deadite wandered onto Roberts’ set, and the calm craftsman immediately leapt to action, confronting Raimi with a cool “I don’t know who you are, sir. But if you’re not gonna behave, I’m gonna have to ask you to leave.” Battle ensued. From a 2-inch brush to paint thinner and making a Gattling gun out of a snowblower, Norm went full MacGuyver, utilizing the tools of his trade to decimate Deadites. “We’re gonna beat the Devil out of you.” To the surprise of no one, Roberts saved the day, and his show–which was slated for cancellation–went national.
On its face, the premise of the episode seems outlandish, but it’s closer to the truth than you might think. The Roberts character was supposed to be a Vietnam veteran who fought on the front lines of the Tet Offensive in 1968, and believe it or not, Ross was a service veteran. Joining the United States Air Force in 1961, the not-yet-permed-painter was a medical records technician before being stationed in Alaska where he discovered a love for the snow and mountains that would inhabit so many of his works. Ross rose to the rank of master sergeant, but after acting as the heavy who was “the guy who makes you scrub the latrine, the guy who makes you make your bed, the guy who screams at you for being late to work,” upon discharge Ross vowed he would never raise his voice again.
Simply stated, “Public Television of the Dead” was a love letter to Ross. THE JOY OF PAINTING aired for eleven years (1983-1994) and thanks to its magical host, enjoys a cult following to this day. Bob Ross’ official YouTube channel has over 5.6 million subscribers as of October 26, and one episode alone–the Season 29 opener–boasts of 45 million views. And by the way, the color code for Van Dyke brown is #664228. If you know, you know.
Who among us doesn’t reflect on childhood afternoons watching in awe as Ross painted amazing scene after amazing scene, his words of encouragement and love a ray of sunshine acting as a soothing salve for the lashes of life. To this day, when I need a calm voice to help slow my mind so I can sleep, I pull up an episode of THE JOY OF PAINTING because Bob Ross was who we–and episode writer Rob Schrab–thought he was: a superhero.
“I think each of us, sometime in our life, has wanted to paint a picture.” For many of us, it’s because Bob Ross existed. The serene sculptor would have been 81 today, and as we celebrate the memory of someone who touched us all, we echo Ashworth’s Roberts: “good night, day. Thank you for everything.”
Three legendary icons of horror were destined to meet in an apocalyptic bloodbath over the souls of every living thing on this planet. The stakes were high and anticipation across all three fandoms had never been hotter. It was supposed to be a worthy sequel to Freddy vs Jason and meant to further the lore of A Nightmare on Elm St, Friday the 13th, and the Evil Dead.
This is the story of Freddy vs Jason vs Ash, a comic book that slipped under the attention of many horror fans when it was released but is now considered a worthy successor to the franchises.
Prologue: In the beginning, there was Freddy vs Jason
It was to be the cinematic event of every horror fan’s lifetime. Oh Hell’s bells y’all, even nonhorror fans were excited to see it! After all, it was about damn time these two horror icons met up in an all-out visceral splatter-filled fight to the death! So, at long goddamn last, fans were actually getting the movie promised to us in the final reels of Jason Goes to Hell.
At the end of JGTH Freddy’s arm rises from – what has to be assumed to be – the very pits of Hell to drag Jason’s mask down to the heated pits of Satan’s domain. It was a major tease and horror fiends everywhere waited on pins and needles for the movie (Freddy vs Jason) to be announced.
Freddy Krueger of Elm St and Jason Voorhees of Crystal Lake were finally crossing over in what had to be the best horror movie ever made. Our imaginations ran wild. Speculations flowed and expectations were sky high. The problem is JGTH came out in August of 1993. It came and went and still no movie featuring the two most popular slasher villains of all time was released. It wouldn’t be until a decade later that the film we waited on was finally released. In the meantime, it was doubted if the project would ever happen.
However, as the years ticked by, the initial hype for the project never faded from fans’ hearts.
If you grew up in the ‘80s you know what a humongous deal this was. How often did all of us little horror fiends meet up on the playground and argue over who could beat the other, Freddy or Jason? And I mean these arguments were professionally structured and each side of the respective fandoms brought their reasons as to why their favorite slasher baddie would obviously wipe the floor with the other one’s mangled face.
As kids, we dreamed of seeing a legit Freddy vs Jason movie. Yeah, we were a weird little bunch who grew up on slasher movies and dark cartoons all the while the glowing threat of the Cold War loomed hazily over our heads every day. We grew up tough.
As aforementioned Jason Goes To Hell clearly set up the scenario for these two blood-soaked forces of evil to meet up. Truth of the matter is the plan to pit Freddy and Jason against each other was a hair up the filmmakers’ asses ever since the seventh Friday the 13th movie, New Blood. Already back then (1988) the plans were being laid to have them fight.
Due to licensing regulations, Jason could not fight Freddy just yet and so a ‘Jason vs Carrie’ style movie was made instead.
This scrapped FVJ movie would be the first in an avalanche of scripts to wind up in the trash before the studios finally locked on to one they liked. Was it the best one out there after all the ones that passed through executives’ hands? Was it a good idea to let the film be directed by a man who never watched a single movie from either colossal franchise? Did we really need someone from Destiny’s Child to be a lead character?
Fun Fact: Jason would face off against Leatherface before he ever got the chance to fight Freddy.
Today FVJ isn’t really looked upon fondly by fans. It does have its flaws. Like a lot of them. Starting with why isn’t Kane Hodder Jason? He was promised the role and fans couldn’t wait to see him fight Freddy. So who’s bright idea was it to ruin that? Not to mention the lead characters are weak and boring as well. Plus Jason has never been afraid of water so that plot point was in fact pointless.
All we wanted was to watch Freddy and Jason tear the everliving fuck out of one another. And that’s where the movie shines. It’s also why it was a hit at the box office.
Nevertheless, upon initial release, horror fans loved Freddy vs. Jason. People screamed and laughed, and some peed themselves with excitement. It was a fun popcorn movie and immediately once the credits rolled everyone just knew there had to be a follow-up… Right? I mean the movie ends with Jason carrying the severed head of Freddy Krueger (showing us who truly won the fight) and the Dream Demon winks at the audience. This fight was far from over. In fact, we had to be witnessing the start of a brand new franchise now combining both series into a fusion of carnage and carnality.
It wouldn’t be long before a sequel would be announced. Not only that but rumor was Ash of the beloved Evil Dead franchise would be entering the upcoming fight. This would be nothing short of epic.
Only, as we all now know, it never exactly happened. Even Robert Englund was hyped for the project and shared a few thoughts about what the poster design should be – Ash holding both Freddy and Jason in a dual head-lock with a tagline promising to keep audiences safe from remakes forever. The project would have been a sensation. Too bad some idiot in charge of New Line didn’t like the idea of making money because the idea was poo-pooed and FVJ still hasn’t had a proper sequel. Theatrically, I stress it’s not happened theatrically.
Freddy vs Jason vs Ash – comics do what Hollywood can’t
The sequel idea didn’t die and was carried over to the medium of comic books where the three juggernauts of horror got a chance to meet at long last in a little-known series called Freddy vs Jason vs Ash. Rolls right off the tongue.
Right away I want to praise the artwork. The artist (Jason Craig) truly brings this story to life, charging it with beautiful spectacles of gore and outrageous violence, not to mention bringing to life each character who is honestly larger than life due to the actors who’ve lived the role for decades now, which lends a definite cinematic feel to what would be an otherwise very static story.
The Plot
The story opens five years after the grizzly events of FVJ. Times have now changed and the disquieted residents of the Crystal Lake region would gladly like to move on and think beyond the horrible secrets of Camp Blood and the sorted history revolving around it.
Shall the blood-speckled horrors of the Past no longer hold sway over its traumatized citizens? They’d sure like to think so, but, as has been stated before, people like to forget that he’s out there lurking under the lake…
In what feels like a certain act of defiance – probably some definite denial too – they’ve happily renamed the whole region Forest Green to avoid any bad association linked to the moniker Crystal Lake. Nevertheless, my Ghoulies, a name change does not an exorcism make and demons, no matter how deeply buried they may be, do not vacate a residence so easily.
Too much blood has been spilled on these unhallowed grounds. Enough to drown two generations beneath its crimson tide, and the land is cursed by the sins of the wicked. Evil does not rest idly by.
But denial is a powerful persuasion and recently the surviving members of this disturbed little community have reason to be excited. A brand-spankin’ new S-mart’s been given the green light to open its doors of consumerism right there in the heart of it all. And right around Christmas time too so shoppers can be sure to smart extra smart (shop S-mart) this coming holiday season! I mean what could possibly go wrong?
And who better to get these primitive yokels in line than Mr. Groovy himself! That’s right fiends and ghouls, Ash Williams has come all the way from Michigan to be up in Jason’s ghastly neck of the woods to lend a firm hand (the only one he’s got left) in training the new employees and getting the store into shape. It won’t take long before heads start rolling.
Meanwhile, to tie up loose ends, Laurie, the final girl of FVJ, just can’t help herself and goes back to the forbidden grounds of Camp Blood to make double sure both Freddy and Jason are dead. Tagging along is her boyfriend Will, who also survived the bloody outcome of FVJ and serves as the voice of – very much needed – reason here. After all, if you survive an encounter with only one of these slasher kings why in the fucking of all fucking hells would you lack the common sense God gave a goose and take your sorry ass back to their haunted territory? Most of the time the survivors of these films only want to get on with their lives. But no, Laurie thinks she has some special plot armor and won’t be affected by the nasty stabby bits of a slasher’s blade.
I really don’t know what the Hell this idiot was thinking but upon reentering Jason’s dark domain the Demon of the Lake appears and Will gets a bad case of being slaughtered. Laurie soon comes to greatly regret her big dumb decision when she realizes Jason isn’t friendly! No, not at all and he doesn’t give a fuck who you are. To him, we’re all just a bunch of meat sacks that he gladly spills all over the place. It’s not long before Jason makes quick work of Laurie and her warm blood flows thickly into the wintery snow. Funnily enough, it feels like the storytellers had some real contempt for her character and couldn’t wait to kill her off at the first chance they got. So they did so right at the very beginning of the story! It shows this story isn’t messing around and we’re all just part of the ride.
In keeping with how FVJ concluded, Freddy’s nothing more than a severed head and sits alongside Pamela’s beloved cranium at the cabin’s shrine. Still, bereft of body as he now is, Freddy proves to be no less dangerous nor any less treacherous in his maniacal scheming.
He has full access to Jason’s mind and provokes him every chance he can, showing himself to be Mommy Dearest’s new lover and, by proxy, Jason’s step-daddy. Yeah, it gets really weird. This is all played out inside of Jason’s messed up mind by the way and he sees his mom naked in bed with Freddy…like I said it’s weird.
The Dream Demon has big goals for this hulking mass of violence and intends to send Jason out and obtain a hidden copy of the Necronomicon planted somewhere around Crystal Lake. It’s from here that the story centers primarily on the importance of getting hold of that accursed tome of necromancy.
It’s also here that a lot of fans roll their eyes – myself included – because the storytellers try to force the narrative that Jason is a Deadite and I hate that idea. Adam Markus tried dredging it up a few years ago and it still made no sense. During the Paramount era it was never once hinted that Jason could possibly be a Deadite. He was a kid who drowned in the lake and became a restless spirit of wrath and violence. He never exhibited any qualities of a Deadite. For one, Deadites can speak and love berating their victims with devilish taunts and jeers. They also have an over-the-top sense of humor. Something Jason lacks on both accounts. It wasn’t until New Line acquired the rights to the franchise that this notion was shoe-horned into the lore as if someone needed a reason to say ‘Oh that’s why Jason is what he is!’ No, Jason is just Jason. Freddy would be more suited to being called a Deadite given how many of their qualities he personally exhibits. But, again, Freddy is just Freddy. Sometimes there doesn’t need to be any reason beyond that. It’s way more interesting to let the Deadites, Freddy, and Jason be their own separate demonic monsters. Three separate forces of Evil all at war with each other. That’s way more engaging.
So here the narrative says Pamela got hold of a copy of the Necronomicon (somehow) to resurrect Jason from the Lake and thus making him a Deadite. Keep in mind how, had this movie been made, we would’ve been 12 movies deep already into Jason’s lore thus making this the absolute first time this idea was pushed on fans. It doesn’t fit with any of the lore previously solidified. Now I could buy into an idea that oh let’s just say, some occultists arrive at Crystal Lake with a copy of the Necronomicon to indulge in some dastardly occulty stuff. It being a virtual hot spot for mass murders and restless spirits after all. Maybe Freddy could have used his influence over dreams to get people to bring the Necronomicon out that far and Jason killing them off before they could hand over the book to him. That would be a really good reason for Freddy and Jason to start fighting all over again. Ah well.
Regardless, this is how the storytellers chose to get Necronomicon into the plot. Jason’s mom used it to resurrect him and now Freddy wants the book to resurrect himself and become both a terror of the dreamlands as well as the waking world. You can imagine what kind of catastrophe that would prove to be should he get hold of that ancient grimoire.
Highlights of the story
1- We get a genuine Christmas horror story that crosses over Evil Dead, Nightmare on Elm St, and Friday the 13th! Hell could you imagine if this had been made into a movie? It would’ve been an annual must-watch among all three fandoms. A very sad missed opportunity here. At least we get it in comic book form though.
carol this, assholes!
2- The violence is off the scale here. Jason is in true form, my Nasties. Right away he kills the heroes of the last movie and then quickly ventures out to the cheery festivities being enjoyed by the locals. It’s not long before Jason impales a caroler and then cuts off the heads of the rest of her caroling crew.
My favorite moments happen when Jason walks boldly into S-mart and opens up a slaughter aisle.
I mean fucking Hell he takes a buggy (shopping cart to the rest of y’all) and uses it to completely mince some guy through the cart’s grid! It’s like a hot cheese grate splashing through warmed butter! Without a doubt, this has to be my favorite Jason kill of all time right here. Just take a look.
I mean just look at this crazy shit!
Absolutely beautiful. Jason removes people’s upper bodies from their hips and goes splashy slashy everywhere he steps. Jason is a full-on bulldozer of graphic destruction. The censor’s board would have hated this.
3- Classic Ash, baby! He is the man with the chin and the shit-eating grin. He pulls out all his classics here too. The witty charm, the goofball antics, and a revved-up chainsaw.
We’ve wanted to see what would happen if he ever got to fight either Freddy or Jason. At last, we get not just him fighting one of them but both! And, this story delivers. He fights both in their own respected fields of expertise too. For example, Jason throws Ash through a few walls inside S-mart. At some point, Jason loses a hand and takes a page out of Ash’s playbook, and shoves a machete into the meaty wet stump. That’s pretty awesome.
Ash also fights Freddy in a dream where Ash’s hand suddenly regrows itself and Ash gets to enjoy the moment only for a brief instant before razor-pointed claws grow from his regrown fingers. Ash has no choice but to cut the hand off again, spilling his blood on the dirty floor. Echoing events from Army of Darkness, dozens of bloody little Freddies pop out of the blood puddles and soon form together to grow into a full-sized Freddy Krueger.
4. The fights are off the charts. This is a genuine monster mash slugfest. It doesn’t waste timerehashing what we’ve already seen from the FVJ movie either. No, this time around there’s a slew of new tricks.
For example, Freddy, being in perfect form here, uses necromancy to resurrect Jason’s old victims of the past to attack him.
You can tell the storytellers were having fun here as cameos from past films make their appearance to drag Jason straight to Hell. It’s a surge of nostalgia and frankly it’s appreciated.
Final Thoughts:
Overall, it’s a great monster mashup featuring all three beloved properties and it harkens back to the chilling crossover events Universal Pictures was known for the moment Frankenstein first met the Wolfman and the harrowing tale of the graveyard smash was born. Whatever your thoughts about the whole ‘vs’ movie craze may be it’s hard to deny what a wasted opportunity this project was. Freddy vs Jason should have been the foundation of what could’ve become the ultimate slasher evolution! Imagine a series of movies where horror films crossed over into one another and led characters into a fight for their lives against iconic slasher icons. Just imagine Chucky or Pinhead entering the conflict.
the Hellpriest nearly made a cameo at the end of Freddy vs Jason
Maybe it would’ve sucked, but we’ll never know. What followed was the horrid and inevitable remake apocalypse. Every one of us had to watch our favorite horror icons get rehashed, reimagined, and rebooted in inferior ways by filmmakers who didn’t know the first goddamn thing about the beloved franchises they were entrusted with. I know which of the two styles of films I would’ve rather watched.
Others felt the same way too if things like Terrordrome, an independent fighting game, are any indication. The game is free to play and features a wide roster of horror slashers to tickle the funny bone of any fan. Ash, Jason, Pinhead, Ghostface, Freddy, the Tall Man are just a few the game offers. Even professionals got in on the action as Mortal Kombat offered fans a chance to play as either Leatherface or Jason and hack it out in bloody magnificence.
Fans wanted more of this kind of thing, bottom line, and at least comic books let us explore the possibility of what could’ve happened. Freddy vs. Jason vs. Ash finishes its story with an all-out battle atop a frozen Crystal Lake where Freddy is now fully empowered by the hellish secrets of the Necronomicon. Ash finds himself locked in the most dangerous battle of his life against Jason as Team Ash desperately tries to chant the incantation to send Freddy into another dimension altogether.
Ash finds strength in his trusty boomstick and fires a face full of hot lead right into Jason’s mouth shattering his iconic mask and giving Jason a brand new ghoulish look that, honestly, I’m shocked NECA hasn’t capitalized on yet.
Jason is then sunk to the bottom of the frozen lake in a way that’s closely reminiscent of how Jason Lives ends…that is if Jason was hit by a car and the weight of said car carried his rotting ass down to the dark and chilling depths. It’s still similar.
The incantation is said aloud and Freddy is hurled into a nether realm of demons.
Jason is gone and Freddy is trapped in the Deadite dimension. Ash is victorious and all is well. The comic sold well too. So well that the inevitable sequel happened! It’s not over, bitch! Freddy isn’t dead and Jason cannot die!
The sequel of Freddy vs. Jason vs. Ash is kinda where the story shines brightest. I mean in this story survivors of both ANOES and FT13th appear. Tommy Jarvis and Ash do not get along either. Freddy’s daughter makes her come back here as well. It’s nice to see even more lore from both franchises get explored in this story.
To be certain this is a direct continuation of Freddy vs Jason vs Ash, and, honestly, serves more like the second half of a two-part story than it does as a sequel. The stakes are now even higher and the surviving members of our favorite slasher franchises must team together to stand against ultimate evil,
It does get super fucking weird though with Freddy making out with his daughter in one scene. She’s totally into it btw and proves to be just as fucked up as her ol’ dad. Jason gets magicked up and grows some very unsettling long luscious hair. I … I really don’t know what the fuck they were thinking with that.
Oh, and Freddy becomes President of the United States with a whole army of Deadites at his command. You can’t make this shit up.
And they went all out here. Already we’ve mentioned Tommy Jarvis but also making her return is Tina Shepherd from Part VII: New Blood, who was always one of my favorite final girls. Not to mention someone was a big NOES 3 fan because holy shit the Dream Warriors are back to fight Freddy’s evil Deadite army!
You might think I’m done, but you’d be mistaken because Nancy from ANOES 1, 2, New Nightmare, is back in spirit form to put a stop to Freddy for good.
That’s not to mention Freddy’s freakin’ mom, the nun herself, shows up to kick her son’s evil ass too.
Overall it’s one helluva fun story. This time they incorporated Army of Darkness into the monster mix and a war of ghosts and demons outside the White House brings the story to a satisfying WTF close.
You don’t need to read the sequel but then again yes you do. You want this crazy shit. It’s like the last slice of pizza you know you shouldn’t eat but you won’t be happy until you do. So you eat it and hate yourself later for it. In like manner you don’t need the sequel – I mean the first run ends itself satisfyingly with everything wrapped up – but I like to see these two as two halves of the same story.
So ultimately I feel this honestly is a must-read for any horror fan of the ‘80s and ‘90s. It was made by fans for fans. It features our favorite heroes and villains of the slasher era, combines them all brilliantly together, and pits them against evils so great only together can they work to bring back sanity to their crumbling little world. It’s not for anyone seeking highbrow horror though. This is Freddy and Jason with Ash, so you know what you’re in for. And the story doesn’t disappoint. It’s a perfect thing to dive into as you prepare for the fast-approaching Halloween season.
Problem is the books are out of print and just a single issue can cost up to hundreds of dollars. I don’t know how I lucked out to get the full run when I did but if you find any issues in a used comic bend at your local comic store I highly advise picking them up.
Realistically no one has that kind of money to order these online. Fans also don’t all have the convenience of a good comic shop or the luck of finding a full run at one. Happily, though there are audiobooks on YouTube that cover the whole story from beginning to end. It’s the easiest way to enjoy this nearly-forgotten story.
This story came out at a time when horror was bloody good fun, and it reflects a lot of great nostalgia we could all use a bit of. Whatever way you find to experience it I do recommend you indulge in the antics and carnage waiting herein.
Well here we are. A new year means a new top ten horror list that will remind us all to put Bengay on that upcoming shopping trip inventory of crap. Instead of doing my usual “Dirty 30” (of which I will still do a little later), we’re gonna start 2021 off with a myriad of horror flicks that turn the Fabulous 40 this year!
1981 was a banner year for horror indeed and audiences had a variety to choose from on those Friday night date nights at the local theater. Hot off the slasher craze of the surprise hit of Friday the 13th the year prior, studios were eager to jump on that bandwagon for cheap thrills at a minimum budget that brought in major profits. And thy behold, 1981 gave us fresh faces of horror such as Harry Warden, Gunther, and the introduction of a machete wielding maniac in adult form that would go on to become one of horror’s most iconic villians.
So of course I wanted to start this new year fresh spotlighting some of the very best the year of our slasher lord, 1981 has to offer. While this is at the end of the day, my own opinion piece on the matter, please feel free to comment your favorites- maybe something not mentioned, or hell, give me YOUR list! I would love to hear from you guys! Also, worth noting I’ve included trusty Amazon links to the films mentioned if one would be so inclined to make a purchase- which would also help little me earn a percentage in possibly five years or so (heh). So hey, if you want to add to your horror collection while your fellow nostalgic contributor out with running this website, I will forever thank you and write a sweet Kenny G style love song about you in the very near future.
Alright let’s get dive into this mess. Counting down to what I think is the best movie at number one- THE TOP TEN HORROR MOVIES OF 1981!
10.Dark Night of the Scarecrow
Premiering as a Halloween film of the week on CBS in October of ’81, Dark Night of the Scarecrow apart from stellar performances from the cast, is the first horror film that actually centers around a killer scarecrow!
With a plot surrounding a mentally handicapped man named Bubba, who is falsely accused of attacking a young girl and ends up being murdered while incognito as a scarecrow hiding in a field, and the lynch mob basically getting away with it; it makes for a fine-tuned horror film in the making as well, in revenge fashion the culprits are killed off quite phenomenally one by one. With a scarecrow being sited at each death scene.
Some might feel its cliché ridden, however Dark Night of the Scarecrow is an underrated, hidden gem that is perfect for October viewings! Get it here from Amazon!
9. The Howling
One of two fantastically furry wolf-centered films makes numero nine on the list-The Howling. An almost satirical, and self-aware of being exactly what it is, The Howling stars the beautiful Dee Wallace and is directed by a pre-Gremlins Joe Dante.
Wallace plays a news anchor who after being traumatized after a seemingly to others, hallucination episode on her part, is sent a “resort” ( which is a nice way of saying a nut-house, where she soon finds out what she has experienced is very real- and surrounds her in this very colony she is now stuck in.
The Howling was released in March of ’81, just five months before the “big” werewolf film of the decade. And it’s sort of shame as I feel it became somewhat overshadowed with the hype of AAWIL. Which to be fair, is great of course. However, with two big werewolf film releases in one year, the more flashy one will usually get the glory and juice. Had this been released a year before or after, I feel like more people would hold it higher than they do now. Anyways, get it here on Amazon!
8. Possession
Visually striking and a TRUE GODDAMN BEAUTIFUL horror film, Possession is everything that embodies sexual, feminine empowerments in the genre. Disturbing for some? Sure. But I think it’s done rather tastefully– pun intended. As a matter of fact, if at some point you don’t feel uncomfortable at all during a viewing, I’d say you’re more than probably a sociopath.
A young and beautiful wife (Isabella Adjani) leaves her husband (Sam Neill) abruptly for an unexplained reason. He thinks infidelity is involved. She claims that’s not the case. But goddammit he KNOWS there must be SOMEONE else involved. So he follows her in a very subtle non-stalkery way and holy shit what comes of that story is nothing more than a pure mind fuck. I refuse to say anymore for anyone that is shameful to haven’t had the pleasure, or unpleasure of seeing this.
And if that be the case, please get on this shit immediately. IF you can find it. I managed to find some legit sellers on EBAY (click here), so that might be your best bet.
7. My Bloody Valentine
My Bloody Valentine is basically Canada’s answer to the holiday horror film populace of the ’80s that Friday the 13th kicked off for the decade. And goddamn it is a ripe pickin’ out of the now hundreds of holiday horror genre films that we can currently fill a good size swimming pool with.
The story of antagonist Harry Warden of My Bloody Valentine is fairly a clever set-up: Twenty years prior, an accident in the town’s mine led to five workers being trapped underground when their supervisors left their posts early to attend a Valentine’s dance. Four of the trapped workers died and the fifth, Harry Warden, had to resort to cannibalism to survive.
Anyways, after Warden and the now half-eaten corpses were discovered and rescued, he was by then insane and went mental on his former supervisors- by ripping out their hearts and placing them in cute little Valentine boxes as a warning to never celebrate this day veer again, dammnit!
Yeah, well apparently folks felt the statute of limitations was twenty years, and well- now we got a horror movie. Which you can pick up right here!
6. Friday the 13th Part 2
Well with the magnificent Pamela Voorhees kicking off the slasher genre of the ’80s, it would be stupid not to include the sequel that gave us her now iconic special, special boy Jason! I mean, it’s a pretty good sequel too.
Following the events of the first film, we find ourselves back at Camp Crystal Lake with fresh meat for a now magically grown adult Jason, (who cares if it makes sense) to seek revenge on some unsuspecting counselors for his mother’s death.
From a critic’s POV, the Friday franchise has some stinkers. From a fan’s however (like myself), they all maintain a level of charm that makes us return to each one with loving nostalgia.
Ahh, good ol’ Scanners. Cronenberg’s science-fiction horror take on, I guess a fucked up X-Men?! The movie may have hit the 40-year mark, but it’s a tale from the master storyteller that feels very modern and messaging that runs deep that is just as relevant today as it was back then. Hell, a hundred years from now, someone might say the same thing and that’s why this film can possibly NEVER be rebooted in a proper manner. Can’t fix perfect man.
Scanners is a movie with a special ability called “scanning”. Technically, psychic powers such as reading thoughts, control a person’s mind and organs (making your heart speed up, etc…), and yes, blowing someone’s head up. We’ve all seen the infamous scene whether you’ve seen the movie or not. There’s a lot of corporate greed conspiracy going into the plot so I won’t go any further, but seriously if you have been sleeping on Scanners, give it a go- get it here!
4. An American Werewolf in London
When John Landis made the jump from Comedy to Horror, he did so with a BANG- well, maybe rather a vicious snarl but you get the idea. AAWIL, 40 years later, is still looked at very closely by those studying film and especially, students in the special effects industry. The Landis legacy is truly problematic (putting it mildly), and I’m not super comfortable celebrating anything about him. However, I can’t deny how great of a horror film this is, whatever my opinion on the man might be. So personal feelings aside, the art made prior to some seriously tragic events (The Twilight Zone Movie); I’ll stick this guru of lycanthrope effects at number four.
Landis had written the screenplay as a modern homage to Universal’s The Wolfman way back in 1969, almost a decade before the film was made into a reality. Two backpackers from New York take a tour of Europe but only get as far as Yorkshire where they are viciously attacked by a large animal. One is mauled to death, the other barely makes it out alive, however, with a spiffy souvenir- a werewolf bite!
As an early 80s horror film, AAWIL doesn’t exactly fit that stereotype. Beyond fashion and hairstyles, the movie feels just as simplistically modern today as it did forty years ago. Foregoing the horror movie clichés into a somewhat more serious film about tragedy and despair. With of course some light humor here and there. It is Landis after all. Therefore, the movie will most likely stand the test of time for another forty years, and beyond.Get the Blu-ray on sale here!
3. The Funhouse
Now some of you might be asking why I put Tobe Hooper’s ball of weirdness, horror, and fun so high up this list.. And well here’s my answer to that:
Sorry, that had to be done, hah!
My first viewing of Hooper’s The Funhouse was sometime around the age of nine or ten for myself as part of a Saturday afternoon horror movie-thon on basic cable. Saturday morning cartoons were over and then up pops this beauty. The creepy montage of carnival music with the black canvas of credits occupying the merry-go-round of slightly horrifying animatronic figures that occupied the Funhouse at center stage was enough to pique my curiosity to sit and watch this thing and the rest is history. I certainly can’t remember EVERY horror film I saw for the first time. But with The Funhouse, I remember like it was yesterday. On top of it being a pretty great horror installment for the decade, it’s pretty special to me in that aspect.
The story is fairly straightforward with a pair of couples engaging in date night at a traveling carnival with some seedy history behind it. The teens decide it would be a kinky adventure to sneak inside the funhouse and stay the night. Of course, fun is halted when they realize the pop and “son” running it is a pair of murdering maniacs- with Frankenstein face being something way worse than they experienced at any Freak Show.
The first quarter of the movie really sets that shady atmosphere with little random things that occur inside the place leading up to the night in the Funhouse, and I always really appreciated that. The whacky out-of-place old lady in the bathroom, the creepy Magician, and that skeevies-inducing dude showing off his half-naked sister for the adult girls show. The movie just screams everything done right with an 80s horror film without walking into cliche territory and I just love it to death.
Oh yes. The film that gives one of horror’s GREATEST lines ever narrated by none other than Sir Donald Pleasance, and not to mention the BEST pumpkin opener (fight me) in the series, comes in at a close second.
Directly continuing the violent Halloween night Michael Myers caused in his rage and chaos, Myers follows Laurie to Haddonfield Memorial Hospital and doesn’t skip a beat along the way, killing anyone that enters his path to get to what is now revealed, to be his sister. Halloween II is darker, more aggressive, and a little more fast-paced as Myers is just PISSED now. Many might disagree with me, but I almost prefer it to the original.
Oh and that greatest line ever? You know I’m right.
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1. Evil Dead
I’d like to think I’m channeling Ash Williams here when I say, “If you think any other movie was gonna beat this out, this town only has room for one magnificent asshole here. And that guy is me.”
Evil Dead. The film Sam Raimi created spawned a cult-phenomenon of Deadites and launched Bruce Campbell into horror legendary status. Following 2 sequels, Evil Dead 2 and Army of Darkness, with later a Starz series and even a stage musical, Evil Dead has certainly made its mark in the genre. It’s got everything almost every movie-goer could possibly ask for in a film. Romance, check. Action, check. Scary shit, check. Oh, and more blood than anyone probably needs in any one film. Heck, Evil Dead was so effective, it was outright banned in West Germany, Iceland, Sweden, Finland, Ireland, and the UK. Religious groups branded it evil and newspapers branded it obscene. MP Graham Bright claimed it was so dangerous it could harm not only you and your children but also your pet dog.
Like that was going to stop anyone from wanting to watch it even more.
You can probably disagree with a lot of my rankings here, but I believe collectively that we can all agree that Evil Dead is truly a beloved, badass treasure among the genre.
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Nightmare Nostalgia 