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Ho-Ho HorrorDays! Ten of the Best Christmas Horror Movie Kills!

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Today we’re going back to the gritty basics here on NN and diving deep down the grimy chimney into the seventh layer of Santa Claus Hell with some of my favorite kill scenes in the Christmas Horror genre.

A horror movie’s kill count and quality can be the deciding factor to some moviegoers in the arena of whether the film is considered memorable or not. Personally, this sort of thing doesn’t phase me but to others, it’s a damn big deal so I’ve put together here a list of some pretty fucked up but awesome death scenes in the Christmas horror category of the genre for nothing other than our pure entertainment.

Now, On Slasher, on Necromancer! On Basher and Vex-in! Cheesy, I know but I couldn’t help myself.

10. Silent Night Deadly Night 5: The Toymaker- Death by Toy Worm

I have a weird and unrelenting love for Silent Night, Deadly Night 5: The Toymaker starring America’s favorite Golden Age loveable actor, Mickey Rooney. So I’m including it purely out of my own bias, and well because it doesn’t get any love whatsoever on Christmas Horror lists. And mother fucker, I’m a rebel.

Harold the landlord chokes down on this toy slug as he’s driving while this wild worm toy comes to life in his car and basically hollows out his skull, resulting in obviously his death followed by a fiery crash. What a way to go out.

9. Jack Frost- Snowman Rape

Beyond the pure joy we had as kids switching this hysterical horror gem out with Michael Keaton’s family-friendly film Jack Frost at our local video stores, this cult status holiday wtf-fest was, and still is a must-see for any horror fan.

In said scene, an inconspicuous carrot appears in the tub with Liz, followed by a mound of snow forming into that of Jack Frost. He grabs Liz, slams her around a bit while forcefully banging (ahem) her against the bathroom wall, ultimately dropping her naked body on the cold tile for her to die out. That is forever some wild shit to put on screen.

8. Krampus- Kid Eaten By Jack-In-The-Box

I always gotta give credit when a horror movie has the balls to kill a kid. 2015’s Krampus did this very thing with no apologies for it.

Jordan was a bit of a dick, but as a parent, I almost feel bad for the kid, as really no one deserves to be chomped up and eaten by a giant Der Jack-in-the-Box with teeth that can only rival that of Reverend Henry Kane. Not much to say other than it’s fucked up and brutal, folks.

7. Christmas Evil- Death by Toy Soldier

An underrated Christmas gem of chaos goes to Christmas Evil, and this toy soldier right in the eye, courtesy of our psychopath Santa of the moment, Harry Stadling. Harry here has a lot in common with the more well-known Santa suit donning maniac, Billy Silent Night, Deadly Night, as both are triggered into a homicidal rampage on Christmas, and check it, both work with toys. However, Harry actually WANTS to be Santa and will go as far as sticking toys in eyeballs to ensure that everyone takes his stance seriously, followed by an ax to the dome.

6. Gremlins- Mrs. Deagle Gets Yeeted

Very few deaths in horror movies were ever so satisfying as that of Mrs. Deagle getting yeeted from her electric staircase chair, right onto the street courtesy of the Gremsters. She threatened a dog-she had this coming. And her 100 cats didn’t deserve her.

5. Inside- Fetal Extraction

A newer film often unmentioned but worth a watch, if you can stomach it, is Inside. If it’s more than 10 years old, you’ll not likely hear a peep from said film on this blog, but here’s a rare exception. I’m not even gonna tell you what it’s about, but it takes place on Christmas Eve and involves a pregnant widow. And well, I guess this is a massive spoiler here but this scene in question is about as brutal as it gets and I can’t NOT give it a nod.

Inside isn’t available on Amazon but you can it for free on VUDU!

4. Silent Night- Wood Chipper

A somewhat retelling of Silent Night. Deadly Night (we already had one of those with Silent Night, Deadly Night 2 thanks) 2012 brought us Silent Night and this infamous scene where if you haven’t seen the film, you at least have heard about it.

The Coen Brothers’ FARGO doesn’t hold a candle to this death-by-wood-chipper scene where our manic Santa feeds a porn star into the hungry machine legs first. I mean, porn stars are supposed to give woodys right? Maybe they were just taking it very literally here. I’m just full of bad Dad jokes today.

3. Elves- Santa’s “Sack“

This 1989 hot mess of a Christmas cult classic is just that- and I’m fucking here for it.

Listen, this 2-foot homicidal Goblin Elf stabbing this Mall Santa in his junk had me laughing for hours upon the first watch- and I never forgot it. This roller coaster of a goofy film that includes shameless nudity, an F-Bomb every 10 seconds, and a Nazi plot (yes nazis) along with Dan Haggarty, isn’t for everyone. But at the very least, it’s good for a laugh- with this scene in particular being the film’s Mona Lisa moment.

One of you lucky elves can snatch this DVD from a seller on ETSY for a great price since the movie is hard to come by on streaming sites.

2. Silent Night, Deadly Night

Hanging Linnea from the antlers with care, with psycho Billy Santa screaming “PUNISH” everywhere.

Silent Night, Deadly Night is known throughout the horror community for a lot of things other than just another Christmas horror flick. From all the nostalgic items seen throughout Ira’s Toys to being banned from theaters thanks to a bunch of angry moms protesting the movie outside local cinemas. But, perhaps the most memorable thing is our dear horror queen Linnea Quigley being strung up like a demented Christmas trophy kill. Goddess bless that woman.

1. Black Christmas- Plastic Bag Death

Here we are- the ultimate fucked up Christmas horror death and perhaps the most infamous- the plastic bag suffocation of Clarein 1974’s Black Christmas.

As if having your head swaddled around by Saran Wrap disabling your breath and draining your life force isn’t terrifying enough, the fact she was never found makes this even more horrific. The sheer irony that the movie is integrally “wrapped” around Clare’s death shoots this to number one for me because damn that’s just brilliant. That final shot of Black Christmas sticks with you for a long time. Note: if we can just make a holiday horror yule log out of that shot alone, taunting us from the window as we stare at the ‘Pi Kappa Sigma’ sorority house from the street, that would be the Christmas gift we all need this year, thanks.

Editorials, Horror Nostalgia

35 Years of Trauma: How Stephen King’s “IT” Miniseries Gave an Entire Generation Coulrophobia

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The year is 1990. NASA had launched the Hubble Space Telescope, the Undertaker made his national debut at the WWF Survivor Series, and one of Stephen King’s greatest (and most controversial) novels was adapted into a visual nightmare that premiered as a two-part miniseries on ABC on November 18th, 1990. And to put it mildly, kids of the ’90s were never the same after seeing Pennywise on their large, boxy floor television set.

I remember quite vividly as a kid, being hyped up for this television horror event, and while my peers were entangled with the brand-new series Beverly Hills, 90210, all I could think about was this upcoming Stephen King movie about a killer clown. Mind you before you come at me, at this age, I had yet to read the book nor know anything about the story other than what I had seen via TV previews, as afterword I was to discover that Pennywise was more than a clown, and as a young horror nerd, I liked what I saw. So my eyeballs were ready, and after the first night of Part 1, I was both traumatized by a clown with a million teeth and my prepubescent body was enchanted by a young Jonathon Brandis. It was quite a new experience for a movie to both disturb me and set my loins aflame. Rather impressive, actually.

Outta my way, Bev. My heart burns there too.

My pre-teen admiration aside, STEPHEN KING’S “IT”, at the same time set the world on fire and brought about a resurgence in Coulrophobia (fear of clowns) in both young and old; however, for kids my age it begat a fear we never thought we may have, or much thought about and because of Tim Curry’s masterful performance, it ignited a long-standing match against anyone with a painted face of nightmares. I mean, let’s talk turkey since it’s November:  I don’t know if it’s the makeup hiding their real faces; if it’s the sense of enforced fun, this idea that you’ve got to be laughing; or maybe it’s just that we don’t like anything that tricks us repeatedly, and makes us keep coming back for more. Clowns are fools who enjoy making others look foolish, after all. Nothing more distrustful and downright disrespectful than that. It’s as if this fear was hidden in our subconscious and awakened by Stephen King himself. So if clowns didn’t bother you before the premiere of 1990’s IT, they most likely had some sort of uneasy impact on you. Those are just facts.

And if you read the book after watching the miniseries, as many of us did, that didn’t help the cause much.

As long as the miniseries was, clocking in a total of 3 hours and 12 minutes, the experience of watching it seemed like an eternity, but in the best of ways, as Pennywise torments the Losers’ Club through his favorite clown apparition, a werewolf, a sewer-dwelling slime monster, and shape-shifting into seemingly normal inhabitants of Derry. Even IT’s final boss image of what is closest to his true self, a giant spider, with those awful effects that were almost unforgivable even in 1990, all that was merely background noise to Curry’s Pennywise the Dancing Clown and to this day if I were to ask you to paint me a picture of a scary clown, chances are you’re going to show me a picture of Pennywise.

The miniseries itself wasn’t a massive hit at first, but at the time, after the television airing, it was a whisper between kids at the playground that in turn fed into curiosity and ultimately a discovery of one hell of a new fear of clowns. The IT miniseries, among many of Stephen King’s works of the 90s, being adapted into television events like THE STAND, THE LANGOLIERS, and THE SHINING, outclassed them all regarding cult horror classics and mainstay power, and that is largely due to Tim Curry’s Pennywise performance at the end of the day with becoming a larger than life icon in the horror genre. So much so that when the remake was announced back in 2016, the million-dollar question was, “Who exactly has the balls to fill Tim Curry’s clown shoes as Pennywise”? It was Curry’s role and both charming and utterly terrifying rendition that gave an entire generation of kids nightmares and a lifelong fear of clowns. Curry’s ability to articulate the absolute joy in scaring the crap out of the children; children (the Losers’ Club) whom many of us could relate with in one way or another, is to this day unmatched. No matter how much budget you out into a movie, and I’m in no way knocking Skargard’s rendition of IT, but you can’t deny Curry’s study of this otherworldly monster and the impact he had on an entire generation and beyond. He was perfect.

Be proud of that, Tim. Fuck those kids.

Stephen King himself acknowledged, “his novel ‘IT’ probably contributed to your lifelong fear of clowns”, via the Los Angeles Times, and follows it up with, in so many words, “calm your tits, folks”. Real easy coming from a guy who also wrote in an extremely graphic child orgy into said novel. I think it’s safe to assume not a lot of things bother that man. And the resurgence of clown scares before the release of IT (2017), only validate that the character of Pennywise itself, harbors a tremendous influential power over our own psyche. That, in itself, is terrifying enough. To boot, we all know to steer clear of storm drains. Just another added phobia of sewers that at least half of 90s kids have.

Thanks, Stephen King. No, I don’t want it.

Editorials

Here’s the Facts: “Halloween II” is the Scariest Halloween movie of the Franchise

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It’s been 40 years since studios practically begged Carpenter for a sequel to his monumentally successful Halloween movie; and an unforgettable one at that. I realize this might be a hot take dubbing Dick Warlock King Myers over his amazing predecessor Nick Castle- but I’ll die on this hill. Warlock scared the ever-loving shit out of me as a kid in this simply fantastic sequel more so than the original.

John Carpenter’s Halloween was everything a perfectly effective horror slasher should look like without the heavy gore effects. The film used tension-building sequences paired with genius camera work and of course, the infamous score by Carpenter himself that practically made the movie what it is today. When Halloween II came around three years later, the film allowed Myers to continue his killing quest but in a much more sinister tone; if that were even possible but hey- here we are. The sequel was Halloween on steroids (by 1981 standards anyway), with both an angrier Myers and soundtrack to accompany him during his “walk”, and it made The Shape that much scarier.

Here me out but first, enjoy the greatest pumpkin intro of the franchise that breaks apart into a grim, grinning skull foreshadowing that is a lot more evil and death was built into this installment so hold onto your kitchen knives ladies-especially YOU Mrs. Elrod!

Now, after Loomis unloads all his bullets into Michael and he simply just walks away from the scene, he slinks into a neighboring home occupied by the Elrods who are winding down from the night with a couple of ham sandwiches and a viewing of Romero’s Night of the Living Dead; or at least they think they are. Michael, in a very ballsey fashion, opens up the back patio door to the kitchen where Mrs. Elrod is preparing her sleepy husband some food, and had her back not been turned, she would have been extra meat for those sandwiches for sure. Myers just grabs the knife sitting on the cutting board and walks out, and Mrs. Elrod lets out a blood-curdling scream that would wake the dead once she sees the missing knife and drips of blood all over the counter. This then grabs the attention of her own neighbor, Alice Martin, who unfortunately doesn’t get away so lucky; and that’s when we see that Myers really isn’t fucking around in the sequel. In the first film, Myers, while it was at random, set his sights on a specific group and stayed the course. Even people getting in his way, by just basically being in his path, didn’t get the slash treatment. Marion Chambers, while he scared her goddamn good, he didn’t kill her. He just needed the car and he very well could have.

Same for little Lonnie- Myers seemed to get off just as well in putting a good fright into his victims while maintaining his kill course targets. BUT, Alice, performing her civic duty upon hearing her elderly neighbors’ screams, got her brutally murdered most viciously and we get our first real jump scare in the sequel. Why? My best-educated horror guess is because she WAS simply in his path and now we know that absolutely NO ONE is safe this time around.

It did its job too. Scared the piss out of me when I first saw it.

Moving on to a now hysterical Loomis who in the first film kept his composure throughout quite well, damn near shoots a kid because he is wearing a similar mask to Michael’s. May as well have anyway since we all know how that scene worked out. The good doctor, throughout the franchise sinks deeper into madness in his fight to stop Michael and, in doing so, endangers those around him. Just look what happened to poor Ben Tramer and then the deputy at the end of the film. The guy was just doing his job-he certainly didn’t ask for this shit.

That’s just terrifying.

Even more horrifying is the scene with the razor blade in the apple. Good LAWD seeing that as a child was traumatizing, almost even more so than Myers on a rampage itself. The lore and urban legends swirling around Halloween night of bastards putting arsenic and razor blades in candy for kids put the fear of GOD into a lot of parents and even some anxious kids as well. Well, in Halloween II they made it real, and it was real disgusting at that. Fairly brilliant writing to add that little extra tidbit in there. Also, full disclosure, for years as a kid, I thought this was an ice cube in the kid’s mouth until my father corrected me; and that totally blew my mind and horrified me. I’m all about transparency here.

Now, aside from a crazy Loomis, laced candy, and an angrier score by John Carpenter and Alan Howarth, we have to discuss the biggest sell here as to why Halloween II is much scarier than its predecessor- and that everyone is DICK WARLOCK.

Nick Castle did an absolute bang-up job as The Shape in the original, but it was Warlock’s menacing force of nature that gave Myers a more evil presence. Kind of like what Kane Hodder did for Jason Voorhees, Dick did for Michael and he nailed it as what I think, is the perfect personification of Michael Myers. Many see his moves as robotic in nature, but I think that is precisely what makes The Shape slightly scarier. As stated earlier, Myers is more focused and determined to get the job done this time around sort of like a Terminator. And honestly, would there be anything more terrifying than Michael Myers as a goddamn Terminator?! I think not… The guy walked through a glass door without hesitation without any problem to get to Laurie for fucks’ sake. Just straight through the thing! Or the fact he’s walking down a steep set of stairs without looking at his feet or holding onto anything in that mask that you and I both know is obstructive somewhat in the very least.

That’s just gangster.

Stabbing down at empty pillows, getting his hand almost caught in an elevator door, and his quick- jolt-like movements without using all of his body parts are just nothing short of brilliance on Warlock’s end. Without ever saying a word, a grunt, or even having that heavy breathing as pronounced as it was in the first movie, Warlock managed to give us a more pissed-off Myers and execute it perfectly. I just wish we would have seen more of him in subsequent sequels. But hey, we’ll always have his robotic, malevolent force in Halloween II and Season of the Witch.

Making a good argument for Halloween II being the scariest installment of the Halloween franchise isn’t a hard task, but hey if you disagree , let me know below! Also, if you haven’t already picked up this masterpiece, or have it in your collection, I always prefer the 30th-anniversary edition Blu-Ray from Shout Factory, as it contains the bonus feature of Terror In The Aisles! There are a few third-party sellers, and it’s most definitely worth having a copy of this one in particular.

Now if you know what death is like amazing grace sitting on your face, be sure and get this sequel in during Halloween week!