Tag Archives: Nightmare Nostalgia

The Thanksgiving Gift We All Needed: 35 Years ago, The Undertaker debuted at the 1990 Survivor Series

November 22nd: A day that lives in infamy for two reasons. The assassination of President John Kennedy in 1963, and the birth of a WWF legend at the annual Thanksgiving wrestling tradition at the 1990 Survivor Series. Yes, I still refer to WWE as WWF by default because I’m a rebel, Dottie.

I’ll never forget that fateful Thanksgiving when our stereotypical giant Italian family got together for our fat-fuck annual holiday feast. Italian cold cuts platters, Italian Christmas Soup, the big turkey feast, and of course, the mother fuckin’ PPV holiday event of the year: The WWF Survivor Series!

Real talk- To this very day, no WWE event intros can hold a candle to the ones of the ’80s’ and early ’90s. If their sole purpose was to rile you up and make you want to suplex your little brother into the mashed potatoes, well then goddammit, they did their job!

Anyway, after the twelfth course of dinner, we all gathered around my grandparents’ oversized Magnavox floor television to witness wrestling mullet glory in all its splendor; with my eight-year-old ass popped squat right in front of this beast. Everyone was pretty excited for the entire program, with levels of exhilaration varying between us over what match we were most looking forward to. However, collectively we WERE VERY ANXIOUS for two things in particular with this Survivor Series: what the hell was in this giant egg that the WWF heavily hyped up in the weeks leading up to the program, and who, exactly, was this mystery Million Dollar teammate that “The Million Dollar Man” Ted DiBiase kept boasting about leading up to the feud group match with Dusty Rhodes and his American Dream Team?

Well, like I said. I’ll NEVER forget the intro made by DiBiase himself once the match was ready to get underway.

“I would like to introduce to you now my mystery partner. Led to the ring, by his manager, Brother Love, weighing in at 320 pounds, from Death Valley, I GIVE YOU, THE UNDERTAKER!” Followed by his signature maniacal laughter, (one that I always got a kick out of). And what came out of those tall, dark curtains leading to the arena was nothing short of a spiritual experience for everyone watching. I WAS IN AWE.

CHECK OUT THOSE DRUMSTICKS, BABY!

Roddy Piper took the words right out of our mouths: “LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THAT HAM HOCK!!”

The debut of one of the most celebrated wrestlers in history, a man who’d go on to win seven WWF (now WWE) Heavyweight Championships, as well as 25 WrestleMania matches, is truly a golden moment in wrestling history. From his entrance alone, we initially expected a slow-moving superstar that relied on gimmick and strength, but holy FUCK we were so damn wrong.

The very first opponent to get a taste of the PHENOM, as announcers dubbed him later on, was appropriately the legendary Bret “The Hitman” Hart. However, Hart’s teammates Rhodes, Neidhart, and Koko B. Ware all got a graveyard-style ass-whoopin’ at the gloved paws of the Deadman- with Koko being on the receiving end of the very first Tombstone Pile Driver. Now again, with a man as large as Mark Calaway (The Undertaker) you can imagine our surprise when this dead-eyed wrestler started moving around the ring like a beautiful ballet with wrestling moves. His agility paired with intimidation tactics was quite remarkable and unlike anything I had personally seen in my short-lived life up until then. And I can personally say with confidence it hasn’t been matched since.

I’m just glad THIS was his epic debut and not that of the goddamn Gobbeldy Gooker where The Undertaker himself was scared to death thinking that HIS WWF arrival was going to be not as the iconic dead man, but this awful gimmick instead as he described in Steve Austin: The Broken Skull Sessions:

“So about the time I got my phone call, they were doing this promotion where, on the show — back then they’d do three or four weeks in a row — they had this gigantic egg on the set.  So this egg appears on the show, right? And all of a sudden my mind just starts going like, ‘Aw, man, they’re going to bring me in — now this is how outlandish the gimmicks were back then too — I’m going to be ‘Egg Man.’ I had convinced myself, to the point where my stomach hurt, that I’m going to be ‘Egg Man.’”

This Thanksgiving marks over 30 years since The ‘Taker stole the show in the WWE and watching his Boneyard Match with AJ Styles this past April, just proves my point all the more. The man is truly a goddamn treasure in the industry and he made a fan for life with me on that very first night in 1990.

And yep-this is my little tribute to the Phenom, OG and traditional style on my right-back shoulder done by husband and soulmate Bradley Pauley at our shop, Last Chance Tattoo. Funny enough, a few years back this picture made it to a tattoo list in Wrestlezone, and I just stumbled upon it accidentally. Oh, the internet is full of surprises.

Also, worth noting, is our seven degrees of separation with The Undertaker that actually includes our shop. Our dear, departed friend MoJo Thomas, who sadly passed away in 2020, was taught by Doc Dog and Smilin’ Paul of Las Vegas Tattoo Company-who initially was the artist of a few of Calaway’s tattoos! So yes, he was around while the Undertaker was getting drilled on his skin back in the early ’90s’ and I am so envious of this. Also, it’s a great story that intertwines a friend I miss dearly and one of my childhood heroes, and it had to be said.

Anyway, the debut of this magnificent specimen of a superstar definitely ranks up there as one of my favorite childhood pop-culture memories. So let’s relive it together with the magic of YouTube! Cheers to 30 years of non-stop beautiful, bone-breaking entertainment brought to you by the American Badass!

Owned by WWE

Rocky IV at 40: The GOAT of the Franchise Still Delivers Powerful Messages Relevant Today

I don’t exactly remember the first time I experienced Rocky IV in my youth, or any film in the franchise for that matter. What I do know is that the entire series was a normalized staple in the VCR rotation in my VERY ITALIAN household, and for all I know, with my family, I was probably born during Rocky III‘s Eye of the Tiger montage playing in the background- I mean, that would be a pretty sweet way to enter this world. What I do remember, however, is how this movie made me feel watching it not only as a kid, but as a grown adult as well who has faced underdog challenges throughout my forty-something odd years on this planet. And hey, who hasn’t gone through some type of their own personal hell these days, eh?

Up until my later teenage years when you know, I could get a job, buy things on my own and all that wonderful jazz, the only copy I had had of Rocky IV was on a recorded VHS that held three films in this order: Back to the Future, Rocky IV, and A Nightmare On Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Revenge; of which we dubbed “the Glorious 1985 Film Saga”. Even better was knowing these films were taped over some sort of aerobics rock exercise videos that would glitch in between each movie, which gave that Scotch homemade VHS some real 80s’ feel-goodness. It was pretty sweet.

Anyways, before I ramble on too much and get off-topic about my weird fetish for VHS recordings, let’s steer into the magnificent yesterworld of Vince DiCola /John Cafferty montages , a rare bearded-Sly, and slave robots.

Oh, and this really phenomenal James Brown number that is about as American as it gets that basically tell the Russian guests to lick their assholes. ‘MURICA.

The Rocky franchise is one of the very few series of films that holds a consistent theme of love and triumph that holds the attention of a variety of audiences, not specifying gender, age, or sexuality, as all can easily relate to feeling like an underdog in all areas of life. However, Rocky IV keeps these themes WHILE adding another life lesson: CHANGE.

1985 begat a very tense period of years between America and the Soviet Union, and Sly had no bones about making his own statement using his beloved character Balboa and his feelings on the situation. The film is riddled with symbolism, metaphors, and well, yes, montages, but hey, those testosterone-filled songs help drive those points home. Take an example, the exhibition match between Apollo Creed and Ivan Drago that starts this whole damn mess. Creed represents the stubborn nature and sometimes ignorantly arrogant nature of America while Drago shadows the very cold and uncertain ways about the Soviet Union. The two are destined to clash, and so they do. With America coming out like a puffer fish so very sure of itself, only to get pummeled, as you should never underestimate what your opponent could and will do to you. The boxing in these films no longer serves as a metaphor for “going the distance”. The athletic aspect in the film now rears into the horrifying world of a war between two powerhouse nations.

Drago is younger, stronger, and the most intimidating opponent Rocky has faced yet. To beat him, Rocky is gonna have to change his approach. He has to work harder. Train harder. Give it every goddamn thing he has if he is to literally come out of this mess alive. The Soviet Union was formed in 1922, and while this film is set 63 years later, in territorial terms, that is fairly young. So what does the Rock do? He sends himself into the lion’s den (the heart of Moscow) to train in the most barbaric and simplistic of ways possible. All while growing a most excellent machismo man beard scruff. Facing harsh criticism, unwelcoming neighbors and being babysat by Russian nationals all along the way, Rocky devotes every second of the day and night to strengthening not only his physique, but his mind as well to focus on one thing and one thing only-sheer victory.

Regarding the final fight, the imminent theme of change begins as our American hero is booed all the way to the ring. The entrance is dark, dank, and smells of uncertainty. Whereas Drago’s entrance tells the same tale only with a favorable crowd and a WAY more sinister feeling, we will definitely attribute Dicola’s Drago Suite to the anxiety in the room as we prepare for war.

As the fight progresses and the pair of soldiers are beating the ever-loving shit out of each other, the change begins. As Rocky, our series underdog, keeps taking the licks and getting back up, the communist crowd begins to favor the Italian Stallion and his perseverance. This of course, doesn’t sit well with the Russian officials overseeing the fight, and one of Drago’s main drug-dealers, erm, I mean overseers runs down to the ring to give him a good what-for. Drago ain’t having this shit and basically tells him to fuck off while throwing his little ass to the ground. Throughout the film, Drago is seen sort of like an object. A Russian robot slave with no authority over himself. This is the turning of the tides in the film where he is no longer fighting for anyone but himself. However, too little too late as Rocky has the upper hand with his unforgettable determination and gives him a good knock to the jaw, putting him out for good.

And then… the speech. The speech of change. A speech just as relevant now as it was then and will forever be so in this insane world that we live in, under constant threat, it seems, and not just from outside forces, but within ourselves in our own backyard, since the political climate has become so divided- I can say calling us the “United States” right now is laughable.

If we can band together to come to a consensus, regardless of our background, beliefs, we can live peacefully and without regret. The powers at be want anything BUT that, and by keeping us at each other’s throats with nonsense accusations, hateful speech, and unwilling discourse, they have us right where they want us. We must change. Listen to each other and take a lesson from Rocky before we become our own demise. There’s no easy way out, and there’s no shortcut home- but we can certainly try to get back to being civil to one another.

ROCKY IV (The Director’s Cut) is being re-released in theaters for its 40th anniversary, and of course, I would highly recommend seeing it on the big screen! Check your local showtimes on FANDANGO here.

[VIDEO] The Alternate Ending Revealed for “HALLOWEEN ENDS” is What We SHOULD Have Had

Well, Cochran, I know this much: “HALLOWEEN ENDS” had the same kind of potential as SEASON OF THE WITCH, but it was all shot to shit in favor of a “deader than dead” ending that killed Michael Myers off for good. HALLOWEEN ENDS somewhat followed the formula of the now cult classic, HALLOWEEN III, with something new, fresh, and exciting. taking the franchise in a different direction felt like a breath of fresh air until they completely kicked themselves in the nuts by *SPOILER*, killing Corey and finishing that movie with the very appropriate “trash-bag” ending that we have.

It’s a damn shame, and in the new BLUMHOUSE behind-the-scenes book, “Horror’s New Wave: 15 Years Of Blumhouse” which was sent to me for a review and it is quite the masterful book, actress and Halloween franchise star, Jamie Lee Curtis opens up about the alternate ending that was considered for HALLOWEEN ENDS and quite frankly I’m severely pissed they didn’t go in this direction. It would have changed the tone of the movie entirely, and I feel would have been so much better received by fans and critics alike.

“The original ending of “Halloween Ends”, which was originally titled Halloween Dies, was a scene in a mask factory. You see a conveyor belt of masks being manufactured. They’re all Michael Myers masks, which was saying, “We’re all monsters if we put on the mask. It’s not just Michael, it’s all of us if we wear the mask.” And yet somehow it didn’t satiate. I think it was too intellectual for this finale/ It was a big swing, and I honor and support the big swing.

So basically, they wanted to dumb it down for everybody. Cool.

Here’s the entire passage from the book, including another alternate ending that was scrapped.

Now while that ending, which in my humble opinion, would have been the proper ending, never came to fruition, good ol’ HERE LIES made his own fan edit ending for HALLOWEEN ENDS a whole two years ago before any of this actually came to light via the book! And I’ll just say, they should have hired him as a consultant and I’ll take this ending and splice it into the movie just to satisfy my own bitterness over what could have been.

Sometimes, we just need a master VHS and digital video fan editor to step in and do the studio’s job and the holy horror Lord’s work.