As I laid idly in bed this Saturday morning at a ridiculously early time of 6:45 AM due to being awakened by the animated sounds of Pokemon blaring from my eight-year-old’s television (hey, I’m not mad-we all did that shit when we were kids on a lovely Saturday morning), I flipped on my own personal TV and tuned to Netflix as part of the morning waking process. Immediately, I was struck by a new featured series promotion on the top of the screen and in my half-dazed aura, flipped it on and holy shit guys. The brand new true-crime-doc series touching on the tragic and quite horrifying events in Erie, Pennsylvania that bestow a pizza delivery man back on August 28, 2003, is going to be your next binge obsession folks.
I don’t believe it’s an understatement at all with the fact that we all have a fascination with the true crime genre. Going back to the days of the Manson murders, we have become fixated on high-profile cases and the more bizarre the scene, the further our curiosity peaks. I think it’s safe to say the strangely fatal scene involving Brian Wells robbing a bank with a collar bomb around his neck, and it actually detonating while in arrest mode certainly shocked the hell out of us all fifteen years ago; not to mention raising a ton of questions. Were there multiple people involved? And if so, who exactly? Also, was Wells himself actually a conspirator? Well, Netflix’s four-part documentary Evil Genius brought to us by Jay and Mark (Creep, The League– Yes, THAT MARK) Duplass shines not just a light looking back onto the events surrounding the case, but actually unearthing some downright SHOCKING new evidence. Good work guys.
The doc centers on an investigation begun by Trey Borzillieri, who spent years examining the case while speaking with the core antagonist and convicted mastermind of the whole ordeal Marjorie Diehl-Armstrong. As we begin to go over the events concerning Brian Wells, things get really peculiar with additional crimes connected to the “Pizza Bomber” escapade. The series also touches on Armstrong’s background, mental health, further associates that may have been involved, and interviews from both sides of the law connecting the dots around this case. Unlike 2017’s massive obsession with Making a Murderer with an ending that just raises more questions and leaves us to make our own conclusion, Evil Genius wraps things up kind of nicely in the form of a discovery of an unexpected confession.
I mean, I was totally mind-fucked by this whole series. I remember quite vividly seeing the news and horrific outcome regarding this story back in the Summer of ’03. But until today, I had forgotten completely about it. If you’re a true crime nut (and hey, most of us are), I would definitely check this out over the weekend before all the spoilers hit your newsfeed.
It’s time to crack open the forbidden tomes of Eibon, faithful followers. Here we bid a long farewell to our flesh. Beyond this point, there shall be no return. The mind will melt and the soul filleted as such oozing spectacles assault our vision from the Beyond. Forsake ye all hopes for a restful grave at the sure ending of life, because a hideous power, one of wickedness and dread, this way quickly comes. Eibon has been reopened forthwith ushering us into fresh circles of Hell.
. . . The Book of Eibon, that strangest and rarest of occult forgotten volumes … is said to have come down through a series of manifold translations from a prehistoric original written in the lost language of Hyperborea.
—Clark Ashton Smith, “Ubbo-Sathla”
Eibon Press is proving themselves to be the unrelenting future of horror comics. With a lethal eye trained for macabre details, they are undoubtedly the undisputed masters of their craft. By blending gruesome art with fiendish tales they masterfully weave new layers of terror into some of our most cherished exploitation films and cult classics, thus ensuring their secured place in horror history.
image via Eibon Press Facebook Page
Horror naturally prospers in comic book form, mainly because the MPAA can’t step in with their bitchy attitudes and erase away any sight of blood, guts or sexuality that might make them blush with a bad case of the vapors. Many of our favorite horror franchises have suffered needlessly beneath the rigorous afflictions of uptight censorship, thus ruining some perfectly good horror movie opportunities in terms of those messy little meaty details. Friday the 13th, at least the later films, were systematically abused by the righteous endeavors of the MPAA. Luckily, the grimy halls of comic books are unspoiled by such convictions and their haunted halls are rife with maniacs who freely kick down our doors, raise their chipped hatchets and cleave our puny good sensibilities into a bloody and gurgling pulp.
image via Eibon Press
Now, if you’ve had a chance to read anything from Avatar Press – I’m thinking especially Wormwood, but especially Crossed – or just about anything by Garth Ennis, you’ll know immediately what I mean here. Comic books are not safe, and woe to any who thinks differently. No one who appears in such macabre volumes shall be spared. Their eyes will melt and their flesh decay, no one, not even our most beloved of heroes, are safe beneath the ink of those given to this expression of Art. These writers and artists will not hesitate to shove us down and kick our teeth in. Oh no, horror comics are not safe, and they never should be.
image via Eibon Press Facebook Page
This is an unshakable fact Eibon Press knows about very, very well. In the hands of these master sadists, the Art has taken a new form in order to distribute the Evangelium of terror. To gross someone out is honestly not in the least bit complicated, and believe me, many have (failingly) attempted to gain an audience by simply defiling their readers’ eyes through shocking gross-outs. But to craft an engaging story, to make the Art come to life, to beget something that will continue in the minds of their audience long after the reader puts away the book is only a thing masters of the craft can accomplish. It takes truly insidious talent to breathe something into existence that invades our normal everyday lives, plaguing us with visceral images and ghoulish scenes we won’t soon forget. Not just anybody can achieve this level of the Art. Junji Ito is able to do this effortlessly and has been my reigning favorite horror artist until I met with Eibon Press and witnessed what they have to offer.
Just like horror movies have many genres, the same is equally true of horror comics. In the case of Eibon Press, they’ve skillfully dominated the sodden field of exploitation experiences. Be it a grimy alleyway with dripping echoes of sweltering lust and shame, perhaps the humid gates of everlasting Hell, or a restless cemetery where the rotting dead rise out of the mire and mold – Eibon Press depicts some wonderfully dreadful landscapes you will traverse once you crack open their pages. Violence awaits and there will be no turning back once you enter. It is a horror fan’s paradise.
image via Eibon Press
They make gritty somehow beautiful. Ascetically brilliant, they make full use of color to accentuate the full volume of gore at hand. I can guarantee gore hounds will not be disappointed! And as for tone, well this is like the equivalent of your favorite death metal albums in illustrated form. There will be slaughter and lots of blood.
But all is not just blood, guts and eroticism. These guys are better than that and build upon plot and focus on the characters who must face all the horrors Hell has to offer. If you think this is just an-all out splatterfest…well, you’d be correct! It gets very sticky as you turn the pages, but I assure you it’s the stories they’ve released that will keep you turning those pages.
Eibon Press specializes in embellishing upon the beloved cult classics of Lucio Fulci, and I love them for that! I’ve always been a Fulci fan so I approached these comics with a critical eye. I was not disappointed, but very much the opposite. I was impressed by how much love and care they handled the material with. It didn’t take long to realize these guys love Fulci’s work as much as I do.
image via Eibon Press Facebook Page
I did say they embellish on the stories. For example, when reading Gates of Hell (City of the Living Dead) we get a lot more details of the evil priest who hangs himself at the beginning of the movie. With the use of some good narrative, the team gives us a fuller and broader story to the lores we already love and know. If you think you know everything there is to know about Zombi, think again. There is so much more to glean from that vicious story, and with the comic Zombie, Eibon proves this to be true. For example, you know how Zombi 2 ends? Well, Eibon extends the story and takes us right into the chaotic-strewn streets of the city. Put on your big boy pants because it just keeps getting more and more savage.
In case that’s already not enough to have you ready to order their entire line of comics, let me tempt you even further. In their epic Gates of Hell title, not only is Eibon giving us the hellish story of City of the Living Dead, but this is only the start of the Saga of the 7 Gates line. A series that begins with CotLD and will involve both The Beyond and House By the Cemetery, mummy! And I’m pretty sure Bob won’t be anywhere near as annoying in comic form as that little shit was in the movie. “Mummy, I see a girl in the window, Mummy! Mummy! Mummy! Mummy!”
Ok I got it out of my system. That fucking voice though! Screw you, Bob!
They have also adapted both Maniac and Laserblast into comic form. Laserblast, people! I never in my sickest fever dreams would have ever expected that to be a comic storyline! Oh, you’re uninitiated into the silliness of Laserblast. Here, check this out.
Isn’t that just glorious? Only diehard fans of horror would take the time to adapt a movie this spectacularly cheesy into an art form and share it so a new generation may discover it. And after a speaking with these guys, I know they are indeed fans of the genre.
As a bonus feature for both of these (Maniac and Laserblast) you can get a truly unique VHS sleeve. Oh, that’s another thing, not only are we treated to some of the best gore in comics today, but, just like any great DVD release, we are also given loads of bonus content with every comic purchase. Bookmarks, fliers, collectible cards and (in some cases) music tracks. Yeah, they give codes for exclusive music content relating to the comics. When’s the last time Marvel did that? These guys treat the fans!
I can’t kiss the publisher’s ass enough. And no, I didn’t get a special deal from them. I’m still paying full price plus shipping, and that’s fine by me. I’m just a fan who wants everyone else to know what they’ve been missing. So let’s hurry up and fix it.
image via The Dead Walk
Eibon also has a totally original run called Bottomfeeder which is as pretty as a truckstop outhouse. That’s not a criticism either. It’s a story set in the 80’s and features some all-time favorite cult faces who regularly make cameos throughout the story. You can call it detectivesploitation as our asshole anti-hero is set against Roger Corman’s Humanoids From the Deep. Holy shit! Just typing that line was exciting.
image via Eibon Press Facebook Page
These guys go for the jugular and never apologize for it. These are wickedly dangerous comics and you’ll need your manliest pair of britches to get into them, but you will not regret it. Fair warning these are in no way safe for work or around kids. There is explicit nudity in them all. And if child death affects you I would advise you stay away. Like in any good Fulci film kids are known to get a bad case of dead here.
image via Eibon Press
Out of all the horror comics to choose from out there these guys are my absolute favorite. You cannot find these titles in stores, however, so be sure to visit their website here and don’t be scared to buy. Already Zombie is in its third printing and sells out like mad. Pretty sure I’ll be doing a review of that run fairly soon.
I’ve been talking with Eibon on the possibility of there being a Madmancomic, and the idea is out there. So fingers crossed.
This has been Manic Exorcism once again hoping you stay scared and dare to open these forbidden Gates and unleash a little Hell.
If there be only one other thing that you associated school-less Saturday mornings’ with per our youth other than the glorious array of animated programming, it’s the sugary pellets drowned in 2% sitting on our metal character TV trays promptly sat in front of a beastly television box. Because let’s face facts, chances are you were up way earlier than everyone else in order to call all the dibs on either FOX KIDS or CBS Saturday Mornings, and the ritual wasn’t complete without the breakfast of champions. It was quick, easy, and satisfying- especially in regard to a fresh unopened box that held a crappy piece of sugary-coated plastic within. And who cares. It was yours, and you got to that toy first. That was the start of a perfect Saturday.
Anyway, through our youth and well into adulthood we’ve seen a shit-ton of limited edition and themed cereal associated with film and TV come and then disappear as fast as they came. Maybe you remember some of these, and maybe you had no clue these suckers actually existed. In any regard, let’s travel down slightly-soggy memory lane and take a look at a few retro kinds of cereal from our childhood!
10. Mr. T
If you’ve never seen Pee Wee’s Big Adventure (and just what is wrong with you) then you might not even know about the infamous Mr. T cereal that debuted back in 1984. Developed by Quaker Oats, it sort of had a taste reminiscent of Cap’n Crunch. Also, I pity the fool that still doesn’t have their exclusive Mr. T stickers that came with a fresh box.
9. C-3PO’s
The force was totally located in your bowl with 1984’s Kelloggs cash-grab at the Star Wars franchise. I never had this one myself, but if you remember Alpha-Bits at all, many have said the Droid centered cereal tasted much like it. C-3PO’s usually carried some great prizes inside like masks from the films and plastic Rebel Rockets. However, I believe many were most stoked about the send away offers for the coveted Kenner action figures it offered.
8. Ghostbusters
Who could forget the all-important Ghostbusters cereal, and even more so, the commercial that advertised an opportunity to visit the Ghostbusters’ headquarters and meet one in person! Complete with marshmallow ghosts, fruity O’s, and glow in the dark Slimer marshmallows added later, the Ralston brand actually went through four different looks for the cereal: Two for each film, and two for the animated series one in which featuring Slimer. Whichever one you remember, it was a damn good cereal that turned your milk an excellent green. Speaking of excellence…
7. Bill and Ted
Well, clearly one of the most “awesome breakfast adventures” you’ll ever have is with the righteous Bill and Ted! Another Ralston creation, Bill and Ted’s Adventure cereal was a cinnamon-based flavored cereal with musical note marshmallows. If you remember this sugary gem, you might remember the box came with postcards depicting the pair’s trips through time. However, if you were really lucky, you snagged the cassette holder promotion that was encased on the outside of the box in celophane wrap. Now that, was a prize worthy of getting up at the ass-crack of dawn to beat your siblings to the pantry.
6. E.T.
Now as much as this little asshole alien scared the bejesus out of me when I was a youngling, that damn peanut butter and chocolate E and T shaped cereal were sure as shit delightful. Introduced in 1984 by General Mills, rumor has it the flavor choice of the cereal was based off ET’s fondness for Reeses Pieces as depicted in the movie. In any regard, if you’ve never had a taste of this retro treasure, just pick up a box of Reeses cereal and pretend to be munching like a kid again.
5. Cabbage Patch Kids
Most likely the most healthy on this list is the Cabbage Patch Kids themed cereal brought to us by, who else, but Ralston in 1985. The promotional ads aimed at parents, in particular, boasting about how little sugar was actually in a serving- 3 grams according to a memorabilia site. Which may have attributed to that kind of stale taste, which is how I remember it. Also, the creepy as fuck fat smiling shaped faces that the breakfast consisted of. I only remember this due to the chances of winning an exclusive Cabbage Patch doll, which I didn’t. All that bland tasting, kind of wanting to be KIX but not quite cereal that I had to consume…. Blah.
4. Urkel-O’s
Urkel-ize with 1992 Urkel-O’s! Laura Winslow will be your pet in no time by just shoving this crap in her face. Ralston’s strawberry and banana flavored breakfast for fans of extremely high-waisted pant wearing nerds everywhere rolled this one out in 1991. Several versions of this cereal appeared in stores, however the most memorable featured Urkel in a red, white and blue Uncle Sam get-up beating a marching band bass drum with “Urkel For President” slammed on the front. This box, in particular, contained an “Urkel For President” campaign button and an entry form to win a trip to Washington D.C. Which was a way better way to sell the fruity O’s rather than the initial slogan, “a fun, circle-shaped product”.
3. Batman
Listen, Batman was THEE jam when Michael Keaton and Tim Burton resurrected the caped crusader, so of course, a themed cereal HAD to follow. The bat-shaped cereal had a honey-nut flavor to it and you not only bought this sucker because, duh, BATMAN, but because of the Batman Bank that was offered as a premium plastic shrink-wrapped to the box.
2. Addams Family
1991 was Addams Family madness and were even invading your morning breakfast ritual thanks to Ralston. I don’t remember the cereal being anything great but the flashlights promptly displayed in front of the box rather than inside in the form of members of the Addams clan reeled us in. I still have my Cousin ITT blinker, and it remains a treasured childhood relic with a slight scent of 20-year old sugar dust.
1. Gremlins
I couldn’t tell you if this cereal was ca-ca or yum-yum, but as a huge fan of the film, I had to include the cereal featuring the adorable Gizmo introduced by Ralston in 1984 to coincide with the film’s release. And that’s about as long as the cereal lasted, as it seemed to have disappeared faster than a gremster being hosed down with H2O. Exclusive stickers were packaged inside this bad-boy along with an offer of a cute little Gizmo plush for $9.95 plus two proofs of purchase. Might I add, if you own the cereal premium relic, I’m feeling all the peanut butter and jelly towards you at this moment.
