QUINTESSENTIAL QUINTUPLETS: WHY ‘THE FIRM’ IS HORROR’S BEST ENSEMBLE EVER

Image February 5, 2023 Landon Evanson Leave a comment

Just hear me out.

Before we begin, however, I acknowledge this method could be applied to any number of films and probably work just as well, but THE FIRM (1993) is my favorite Tom Cruise movie and after rattling around in my head for years, it’s nice to finally put these thoughts to paper.

If you’re reading this, I assume you know THE FIRM, but here’s a brief synopsis in case: Mitch McDeere (Cruise), an eager young attorney fresh off graduation from Harvard, chooses a small law firm out of Memphis, Tennessee from a seemingly endless line of suitors only to discover that when something seems too good to be true…

Oh, and a quick thought on the ranking breakdown: roles in THE FIRM was weighed more heavily than their contributions to the horror genre. If you wonder why Cruise is absent despite INTERVIEW WITH THE VAMPIRE (1994) and LEGEND (1985), or why Holly Hunter was excluded with titles like THE BURNING (1981) and COPYCAT (1995) under her belt and knowing good and damn well that Tammy Hemphill is THE FIRM’s undeniable MVP — well, hopefully you’ll understand more after reading the article. QUICK CLUE: with this writer, a certain sci-fi television series will always win a coin flip).

Now, shall we join Bendini, Lambert & Locke for a little barbeque?

5 — JERRY HARDIN as ROYCE McKNIGHT

The least sinister or shady (insert whichever adjective you prefer that begins with the letter “S” here) amongst the firm’s hierarchy, the reality is that “any lawyer worth that offer” should’ve had Mitch sniffing things out when Hardin said he’d bribed a clerk in the Harvard law office so he could add 20 percent to MiDeere’s tender. Alas, that’s not what we’re here for. Hardin appeared in 11 episodes of THE X-FILES as the mysterious Deep Throat, who provided Agent Mulder (David Duchovny) cryptic information in the early stages of a show that, if you’re of a certain age, was without question appointment viewing.

4 — TOBIN BELL as THE NORDIC MAN

Asking “why are you asking questions about dead lawyers” whilst brandishing a silencer and wagging a finger like a disapproving Dikembe Mutombo would send a shiver down the spine of the most stoic among us, but let’s get down to brass tacks. Look, the Nordic Man’s albino ass was absolutely terrifying, but as discussed in the open — it’s about the heft of character from THE FIRM — so as a trigger man, Tobin lands (rather appropriately) in the clean-up spot. Bell is certainly the heaviest-hitter on this list as the anchor for one of horror’s goliaths. Beginning with the OG in 2004, Bell has starred in the dual role of Jigsaw / John Kramer in eight of the SAW franchise’s nine films to date and is reportedly tied to the tenth installment due this October. Because, if you’ll recall, “if it’s Halloween, it must be SAW”.

3 — HAL HOLBROOK as OLIVER LAMBERT

At first glance, Holbrook cut quite a father figure, one that held sway with McDeere, but it didn’t take long for Mitch to learn that Lambert was behind the wheel of a deep, dark motor vee-hick-uhl chase that resulted in crash and burn for four lawyers–none of them over the age of 45–in less than ten years. Holbrook was nominated for an Oscar (INTO THE WILD, 2007) and his trophy case required Emmy and Tony Awards be dusted, but we’re going to focus on a pair of performances where you wouldn’t have expected him to be the bad guy: Father Malone in John Carpenter’s THE FOG (1980) and Henry Northrup in George A. Romero’s CREEPSHOW (1982). Holbrook just had a gentle way about him, and much like his role in THE FIRM, so why would you even consider this dude was up to no good? Well, some menacing mariners and Fluffified Adrienne Barbeau would like a word.

2 — GARY BUSEY as EDDIE LOMAX

As our fearless leader Patti Pauley often points out, Gary Busey wrestled a godddamn werewolf. Do me a favor and read that out loud again, Maybe three times. But before I forget, Busey played a seedy private detective who had done time with Mitch’s brother Ray (it was so hard to leave David Strathairn off this list because DOLORES CLAIBORNE, 1995). Busey only got two scenes, but made the most of them, and brought Mitch and Tammy (Hunter) together, which if we’re honest, was why Mitch’s “more of a way through” succeeded in the first place. That said, back to wrestling a werewolf. Busey’s Uncle Red keeps us coming back to SILVER BULLET (1985). The one-liners — “I feel like a virgin on prom night” — never get old and though he took a bit of convincing, Red never lost faith in his niece and nephew when he easily could have just buried himself in a bottle of booze — which as I believe you do recall — Uncle Red was very good at. And if we could get back to wrasslin’ for the briefest of moments? It took a lot for me to rank anyone above Busey. I just needed to say that.

1 — WILFORD BRIMLEY as BILL DEVASHER

Even if Brimley had only been provided the opportunity to appear in the scene featured in the GIF above, he would have nailed the role of the firm’s frightening head of security. Not-so veiled threats and that glance before asking a question that required no answer. Don’t, for a single, solitary moment, allow yourself to believe that a dude who once peddled oatmeal (and battled diabeetus) couldn’t scare the ever-loving shit out of you. When it comes to Wil’s horror pedigree, we needn’t look further than Outpost 31. As Blair in John Carpenter’s THE THING (1982), Brimley again made the most of few words: “how long were you alone with that dog?”, “that thing wanted to be us!” and “I said watch Clark and watch him close.” The good doctor not only believed in the voodoo bullshit–but to bring the Quaker Oats full circle–knew sabotaging his own crew was the right thing to do. Brimley ripped the spotlight away from superstars like Cruise and Kurt Russell in both roles and stands atop the medal podium for his efforts.

HONORABLE MENTION — PAUL SORVINO as TOMMIE MOROLTO (with apologies to Ed Harris’ dance routine from CREEPSHOW)

“Avery, who’s in Chicago?” I’ll tell you who — a legend who gave us “we’re under attack by a popular dessert!”(THE STUFF, 1985) and knock-you-on-your-ass roles like Rotti Largo in REPO! THE GENETIC OPERA (2008). There was zero chance — ZERO — this scene didn’t make the cut.

Agree? Disagree? Have another non-horror movie in mind with a stellar spooky cast? Hell, shoot us ideas on topics you’d like to see tackled in this Quintessential Quintuplets series. Sound off in the comments and we’ll see you next week!

PREVIOUS QUINTUPLETS

MICHAEL MYERS (RIP George P. Wilbur)

CARPENTER CHARACTERS

News

Eibon Press Joins Forces With Vinegar Syndrome To Form Vinegar Syndrome Publishing

Image February 2, 2023 Manic Exorcism Leave a comment

It would seem a match made in the dirtiest corner of Hell, but yes, the masterful talents behind the absolute best cult-classic horror comics in the whole world (Eibon Press) have united themselves to the house of cultic sleaze, Vinegar Syndrome. No doubt many of our readers are already collectors of the stygian wonders both unique companies have released over the years.

I personally love anything and everything Eibon Press has released over the years. So I’m very curious to see what’s in store.

This abominable union will be the start of Vinegar Syndrome Publishing and it sounds as if fans have a lot to look forward to according to VS’s own words:

Vinegar Syndrome is thrilled to announce the formation and launch of Vinegar Syndrome Publishing, along with the acquisition of legendary horror-comic publisher, Eibon Press! Eibon co-founder, Stephen Romano will also be taking the lead as Creative Director.

VS Publishing will specialize in original comics as well as comic adaptations and novelizations (both hardback and trade paperback) of some of your favorite films in the VS catalog, along with other genre classics. We’re also planning some artwork based coffee table books along with plenty of special merch and other fun surprises.

Additionally, VS Publishing will be reissuing numerous iconic titles from the Eibon catalog, kicking off this spring with a new and updated edition of the four-part comic adaptation of Lucio Fulci’s ZOMBIE. This upcoming edition will be sold both individually, as well as together in a collectable case. Each Eibon re-issue will come complete with all new cover art, new supplemental materials and stellar new packaging done as only VS knows how!
– Vinegar Syndrome

Eibon Press has been known for its fantastic work on many of Lucio Fulci’s fan-favored titles such as Zombie, Gates of Hell, and The Beyond to name only a few.

As well as a few original works that are pure sleazy fun. Eibon Press also combined two cult-classic killers in a showdown of blood and mayhem in their hellish crossover between both Maniac and The New York Ripper.

Each title released by Eibon Press is handled with the utmost respect for the source material and is made by fans who genuinely love the topic they’re working on. Combined with the expertly told stories is phenomenal artwork splashing across each page. Every new issue is a sincere work of grotesque art.

It now sounds like even more cult favorites will be given the Eibon treatment seeing how the VS video library will be on hand. So the future is bright with viscera as far as I can tell.

As long as VS Publishing allows Eibon’s talent to stay true to who they are and continue on with what made them famous there should be lots for fans to enjoy in the coming months and years ahead. Be sure to stay tuned as I keep an eye on things as they progress.

I can already tell you that even though I already own everything Eibon Press has ever released I wouldn’t mind picking up that Zombie re-release VS Publishing mentioned. Sounds like there’s going to be new artwork released with older titles so… (sigh) more things to spend my money on. In this case, it’s well worth it.

In case you missed your chance to get your hands on many of Eibon Press’s macabre works in the past you’ll now be able to add their gruesome masterpieces to your personal library. Impress your friends. Disappoint your mother! Gross out your neighbors. Just don’t let this chance pass you by.

This news is bittersweet to me of course. The end of an era is on us as well as the dawn of a new one. So best wishes to Vinegar Syndrome Publishing. You better not suck because you have some big shoes to fill.

Manic out!

Lists

QUINTESSENTIAL QUINTUPLETS: MICHAEL MYERS

Image January 29, 2023 Landon Evanson Leave a comment

To get back into the routine of writing, I’d planned to post one of these each Sunday for the entire year but got caught up in other things. Not even February and I’m already woefully slacking on a New Year’s resolution. That ends now. Like the topic of this particular Top 5 — I’m back.

It occurred to me that I’ve devoted a lot of thought to the best versions of Jason Voorhees, but never to he of the blackest eyes. I set about remedying that, and debated myself incessantly in the process. In the end, however, there can be only one, and I’m at peace with result.

Know one thing: my top Jason is Derek Mears, so the king of this hill is not going to be who you think.

5. GEORGE P. WILBUR / HALLOWEEN 4: THE RETURN OF MICHAEL MYERS (1988), THE CURSE OF MICHAEL MYERS (1995)

One could refer to HALLOWEEN 4 as universally loved because, honestly, I haven’t met anyone who dislikes RETURN, but that’s where things started to go off the rails a bit so far as Mikey’s concerned. Wilbur certainly can’t be held responsible for the mask, but in ’88 we started venturing away from the classic approach of Nick Castle, and by the time CURSE arrived in ’95, Myers just didn’t feel like Myers anymore. The reality is the chasm between Nos. 4 & 5 and the trio up top makes the Grand Canyon look a drainage ditch. Wilbur was solid enough, but his movement and physicality simply felt skewed. That said, anyone who had the awareness to remove the stoic Shatner after each scene to reassure a 10-year-old Danielle Harris it was all pretend is in my cool book, permanent. Okay, this is pretty sweet, too.

4. DICK WARLOCK / HALLOWEEN II (1981)

Listen, Warlock is a legend in the game. He’s got more than 200 IMDB credits as a stunt performer and held down acting roles in numerous films including THE THING and HALLOWEEN III: SEASON OF THE WITCH a year after his dual turns as Myers and Patrolman #3 in the sequel to the immortal classic. Through RESURRECTION (2002), Warlock deviated the least from the original construct–while upping Myers’ “not to be fucked with” street cred–and as such, secures the top spot just outside the medal podium. Warlock was good but not great. All right, Ima bounce on down to the bronze section before Patti stabs my ass for disrespecting her boy.

3. TYLER MANE / HALLOWEEN (2007), HALLOWEEN II (2009)

However you feel about Rob Zombie’s HALLOWEENs, it’s challenging to make an argument against Tyler Mane being the ideal choice for Zombie’s “unique vision of a legendary tale”. Myers had long been an insatiable killing machine by the time Mane’s enormous 6-foot, 9-inch frame entered stage left, which meant things went from dire to hopeless with the quickness. So, I don’t care that Mane’s iteration spoke or about the ceaseless, petty yammering of “purists” because this Shape absolutely annihilated Annie (Danielle Harris) and Nurse Daniels (Octavia Spencer), and dispatched with Big Joe Grizzly’s (Ken Foree) similarly gigantic ass with such unnatural ease I wouldn’t have been the least bit shocked to discover “abandon all hope ye who enter here” scribbled on the stall wall. Mane’s brutality is, was, and ever shall be something to behold.

2. NICK CASTLE / HALLOWEEN (1978)

Look, Castle is the OG. Nothing can ever diminish his contribution to the franchise, but at a certain point, let’s take a look. John Carpenter wanted Castle because of his graceful fluidity of movement. “Just walk, Nick” is a phrase we’ve all heard time and again since 1978. And shit was effective, it got the job done. But Castle never strolled the streets of Haddonfield outside of The Shape’s mystery and subtlety–which he played to perfection–but for me, the top spot calls for complexity. His greatness is beyond dispute, but I’m not going to award Castle top billing just because he was first in line.

1. JAMES JUDE COURTNEY / HALLOWEEN (2018), HALLOWEEN KILLS (2021), HALLOWEEN ENDS (2022)

No one would ever confuse me with inhuman patience, but I was waitin’ on a Shape to emerge that channeled the grace of Castle with the brutality of Mane — and then a voice cried out — let there be James Jude Courtney. Big Game James wasn’t emulating Castle when he donned the mask in ’18, merely exuding Castle’s energy. Dude simply watched the OG sit up and walk across the screen and was like “I got it.” Courtney approached the part in a very cerebral way, which was why he was able to communicate so much with a glance, head tilt, or even a stare; prerequisites in trilogy bookends that dove deftly into trauma, grief, and loss. But when it came time to throw down, it was over before it began. A worried resident looking out the window — got a check-up from the neck up. Engine 78 called in to put out the fire — beat with their own shoe. A nurse trying to dial 9-1-1 — converted into a wall ornament. To say nothing of the fact that whenever he shared the screen with Jamie Lee Curtis, you felt their unearthly connection. Should other HALLOWEENs follow (they will), Courtney has redefined the standard by which all Shape’s shall be judged forever more.

HONORABLE MENTION

My man has portrayed Jason and Victor Crowley four times apiece and demanded to sport Freddy’s glove to pull his own hock to Hell, It only makes sense that Kane Hodder team with Adam Green and Joel David Moore to shed light on a question long pondered: who taught Michael Myers to drive?