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10 Characters from the “Halloween” Franchise Who Definitely Deserved It

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The HALLOWEEN franchise is, without a doubt, a favorite topic of discussion here on NN and if you’ve ever looked at my list of pieces whether here on this blog, or elsewhere I’ve written for the past 10 years, you’ll come to the very correct conclusion that yes, I’m a superfan and could probably write about the subject forever without repeating myself once. However, there’s one thing that hasn’t been discussed by me, or really much anywhere, and that’s a hot take on who in the entire series of films actually deserved to die in these movies. Sure, there’s been talks here and there in forums; perhaps an article by some dopey website that aren’t even catered to horror fans. So, as a superfan myself, I’m obliged to take on the task, throw my rage at the keyboard and say “FUCK THESE GUYS, THEY HAD IT COMING.”

And no, as annoying as Tina can be in HALLOWEEN 5, she didn’t make the cut.

So let’s start slashing our way into these insufferable sons of bitches.

10. Bob (HALLOWEEN 1978)

If you’re wondering why I think Bob deserved to be strung up in the Wallace’s kitchen, the guy DID joke about ripping an eight-year-old girl’s clothes off. Plus because of his death, we wouldn’t have gotten one of the coolest shots of the entire franchise right here:

9. Kelly Meeker (HALLOWEEN 4)

The Haddonfield homewrecker, Kelly Meeker, the sheriff’s daughter, is just a total bitch. When Rachel confronted this hoe about sleeping with her boyfriend Brady (another fucking hoe) Kelly basically told Rachel that it was her fault that her man looked away and decided to spend Halloween with her instead. Ugh. She had it coming when Myers cleverly used a shotgun on her without pulling the trigger. Also, thanks for the Halloween costume inspiration!

But seriously, much love to the sweetheart that is Kathleen Kinmont. Only a fantastic actress can make us hate like that.

8. Mikey (HALLOWEEN 5)

An obvious choice if there ever was one. This prick had zero redeeming qualities. The guy only cared about his car and his dick. Tina, honey. You almost made the list because of your “electric connection” to toxic men.

Al least when you were riding with Mikey 2.0, you weren’t being verbally abused.

7. Pretty Much Everyone in HALLOWEEN: RESURRECTION

I’m just going to make a bold statement and say that every single person who died in HALLOWEEN RESURRECTION, had it coming and I felt not a bit of sorry for any of them-including Laurie Strode. Everybody was just so dumb – downed and straight up intolerable. Be it their lack of common sense (Laurie with her wanting to “make sure” and that cameraman who just stood there waiting for Michael to slash his ass), or the entitlement of the entire cast of the “Internet reality show”. I literally cheered for every single one of them to go down. And let’s face it- the one guy who isn’t even really an actor per se, Busta Rhymes, is the only watchable thing in this movie at all.

Shout out Horror Net for putting together this kill count for RESURRECTION.

6. John Strode (HALLOWEEN 6)

Another no brainer is the abusive piece of shit John Strode. The uncle of Laurie Strode is one we were all very happy to see go down when it fianlly happened- and the fact it was extra violent was even more bittersweet. Smacking around your wife and kids in a horror movie gets your head blown up. Those are the rules!

5. Dr. Ranbir Sartain (HALLOWEEN 2018)

The idea of an anti-Loomis running around Haddonfield is entertaining. But I think Micheal was just as tired of hearing him talk as the audience was. Totally deserved that curb stomp. We can all only hope that we possess the superhuman strength, endurance, and durability in our 60s that Michael Myers has in this movie.

4. The Coroner Paramedics (Rob Zombie’s HALLOWEEN 2)

As much as I despise this movie and quite frankly, think pretty much everyone in Rob Zombie’s HALLOWEEN flicks deserve what they get, this scene in particular in RZ’s H2 is fairly satisfying and brutal enough to win a Golden Chainsaw award in 2010. The pair of nasty jackasses “joking” about necrophilia with dead women was enough for me to give this film a shout-out when Michael did his thing. And it was a beautiful service for the rest of us.

3. Ronnie (Rob Zombie’s HALLOWEEN 2007)

I don’t even need to explain this one-just roll that beautiful bean footage. I do think he got off way too easy though.

2. The Entire Halloween Kills Mob That Made Lance Tivoli Commit Suicide

EVIL DIES TONIGHT. And you know what, it sort of does when this asshole mob out of pure fear, drive a man, Lance Tivoli, to his own death in a case of mistaken identity as the mob believes him to be Myers unmasked. To make it worse, the man suffered from severe mental illness. It’s a terrible tragedy to have someone who cries out for help, actively seeking medical assistance, and suffers a deathly fate for simply existing.  So yes; I’m gonna let Joker take this one for Tommy Doyle and the mob of Haddonfield:

1. Michael Myers (Halloween Ends)

If you’re shocked to see Myers at number one, you just might be a sociopath. Listen, he did humanity a couple of favors by ridding a few insufferable twats from the Earth. But he also killed a lot of innocent people too, and plenty who didn’t deserve it. Danny Trejo anyone? I think the way he died was a bit weak and sort of a cop out, but then again there’s a lot I don’t agree with HALLOWEEN ENDS, and it has nothing to do with Corey. I actually thought him being the new Myers was a cool direction to go- until they killed him and fucked up their own potential. But eh, take what we can get for now, I guess. Let’s just hope the next set of reboot films gets things right this time.

Before anyone asks me why I didn’t place Conal Cochran on here, it’s because he knows his Halloween folklore, so he gets a pass from me. I respect that kind of knowledge.

Editorials

WHEN FANCY TALK IS ALL YOU HAVE

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“If precautions weren’t strong enough you should have told somebody.”

“I TOLD EVERYBODY! Nobody listened.”

Ironic that HALLOWEEN purists overwhelmingly detest the Rob Zombie re-imaginings because something the polarizing filmmaker once said in an interview with WatchMojo.com perfectly encapsulates Samuel Loomis:

“You just have to go through life knowing you’re right and everyone else can go fuck themselves.”

Whether it was colleagues questioning his observations or local law enforcement scoffing at his warnings, Dr. Loomis (Donald Pleasence) found his assertions challenged at every turn. After all, why would anybody believe the one person who’d spent every day for fifteen years with Michael Aubrey Myers? Time and again the good doctor was met with “probably going” and “I have the feeling you’re way off on this,” but Loomis persisted because sometimes being a leader means having the strength to stand alone.

Sheriff Brackett (Charles Cyphers) referred to Loomis’ words of foreboding as “fancy talk,” but when you appear paranoid and desperate due to a lack of diagnostic evidence, describing the things you’ve seen over the course of a decade-and-a-half is the only weapon at your disposal. Call it fancy talk, but there was nothing fancy about the knot in Loomis’ stomach telling him that he was right.

In vain, Loomis shared those experiences–his fancy talk–desperate for someone, anyone to listen, much less believe him. Despite his efforts, Loomis was met with rejection. Tales of silent alarms and a blank, pale, emotionless face were met with “if you are right, damn you for letting him go” when Loomis was the only one trying to keep Michael Myers locked up, and certainly the only one exerting energy to stop the impending massacre.

But Loomis didn’t let the opinions of others hinder him. The determined doctor traveled the 150 miles to Haddonfield because 9-to-5 didn’t apply to The Shape. Loomis gave nary a thought to his career or reputation, and certainly didn’t allow the notion that “I tried, but no one believes me” slow him down because Loomis understood with perfect clarity the only way to safeguard the people of Haddonfield was to take matters into his own hands.

By refusing to relent, Loomis told every authoritative detractor from Dr. Wynn (Robert Phelan) to Sheriff Brackett to go fuck themselves. That Loomis’ actions proved unsuccessful is irrelevant because stopping evil incarnate in itself is an exercise in futility. What matters is that Loomis refused to quit without so much as an ounce of assistance from those equipped–and charged–with helping him.

In the end, that’s what has endeared us to Loomis for 45 years: his unyielding resolve to protect. Whether it’s a significant other, our children, siblings or friends — when the chips are down, we are all Dr. Loomis — stopping at nothing to protect those we love.

Was it Dr. Loomis fearlessly storming up the Wallace’s stairs to confront Michael Myers alone?

As a matter of fact, it was.

Lists

FIVE CHARACTERS WHO NEED ORIGIN STORIES

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I’m having a blast writing these each week, but it occurred to me that the Quintessential Quintuplets title–rather than the ode to Quint I’d intended–may be, perhaps, a wee wordy. So, we’ll try it this way for a bit.

This week, let’s discuss characters who pop up, grab your attention, then disappear before you even realize they’re gone.

Those characters who stay with you. Who even today, have you yearning for more. Brief though it was, what led to the moment we met them?

For me, the five who follow are those characters.

5 — BIG JOHN ELLIOTT (SNOOP DOGG / DAY SHIFT, 2022)

Big John Elliott is a fantastic character all his own, but some combination of director J.J. Perry and writers Tyler Tice and Shay Hatten have the kind of love for Creighton Duke (wait for it), that led to an Easter egg (read wondrous wardrobe) that even a damn bunny would be proud of. is chef’s kiss. That said, Elliott is calm and cool, not unlike Snoop himself, a ride-or-die friend, and when it comes time to vanquish vampires, dude goes full Blaine and leaves no crumbs. It’s simple: horror can never offer enough 90-minute, popcorn fare where we can just enjoy our asses off. So, give us a glimpse behind the curtain to see what led Big John to the events of DAY SHIFT. Oh, and don’t go thinkin’ Snoop can’t carry a film his damn self because BONES (2001) exists. And it slaps.

4 — CREIGHTON DUKE (STEVEN WILLIAMS / JASON GOES TO HELL: THE FINAL FRIDAY, 1993)

There are myriad reasons for more Creighton Duke, that he clearly inspired Big John is just a bonus. First of all, it’s Steven Williams. Having a top tier talent exist within the Friday franchise simply makes me giddy. Few pull off intimidating intensity quite like Mr. Williams, and frankly, we need it. It’s been 14 years since we got a Friday film that wasn’t of the fan variety (no disrespect to Vincente DiSanti), so why can’t this franchise pull a Disney+ and dart off in directions that extend beyond Bryan Fuller’s intentions? We’re not allowed to forget that at one point Duke dropped “remember me?” on our asses in JASON GOES TO HELL. I want–nay–need to know what that meant, and quite certain I’m not alone. This character is mysterious, vulgar, and ultimately a badass who breaks digits in exchange for information. More Creighton Duke, please and thank you. And the best part? No need to find a younger actor for the role because Steven Williams doesn’t fucking age.

3 — DICK HALLORANN (SCATMAN CROTHERS / THE SHINING, 1980)

Look, Scatman Crothers was a once-in-a-lifetime talent, but Carl Lumbly filled those enormous shoes quite admirably in DOCTOR SLEEP (2019), so what’s the hold up? What began as concerned looks whilst Danny (Danny Lloyd) ate ice cream bled into a stern warning about Room 2-3-7 because there can be no doubt Dick Hallorann was intimately wired into the spectral strength the Overlook possessed. “I think a lot of things have happened at this particular hotel over the years, and not all of ’em was good” Mr. Hallorann has a story to tell. And more likely stories, plural. Lest we forget that as a child, the Hallorann had entire conversations with his grandmother without either opening their mouths. Warner Bros., you owe a debt — pay it.

2 — TOBIAS BUDGE (DEMORE BARNES / HANNIBAL NBC, 2013)

Rare is the television show that has fans clamoring for more nearly a decade after airing its final episode, but HANNIBAL (2013) is rarer than most. Take that how you will. We only got two episodes of Tobias around the midpoint of Season 1, but those delectable morsels were all we needed to fully comprehend we were hungry. Demore Barnes devoured the screen with each appearance, culminating in a dinner with Dr. Lecter (Mades Mikkelsen) where he revealed that he, too, dabbled in their dark art and had observed Hannibal do what he did — and did well — after following him one night. Of course, we all know that the cannibal counselor had already selected a protege and Tobias was living on borrowed time, but Budge was one of the most fascinating characters on a show brimming with fascinating characters. Should we get a fourth season, perhaps a flashback episode could be arranged providing the backstory we Fannibals are aching for.

1 — BIG JOE GRIZZLY (KEN FOREE / HALLOWEEN, 2007)

For starters, is “we need more Ken Foree” a hard sell? You and I both know good and hell well that it is not. We can talk about taco deluxe supremes, Swank subscriptions, or the fact that Big Joe actually says A-hole all damn day, but let’s get to the naughty, naughty. Our man politely asked Michael Myers to let him pass his beast in peace, but on just the second knock, that all melted away. Dude started talkin’ shit and pulled a knife. We knew that Grizzly was a truck driver, but brandishing a blade because someone interrupted your bowel movement? Big Joe Grizzly has seen some shit! And I want to know what that shit is.

These are but a handful of my personal selections, there are endless genre characters we simply didn’t get enough of, so give us yours in the comments.

Thanks for reading and see you next week!

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CURRY CHARACTERS

WHY THE FIRM IS HORROR’S BEST ENSEMBLE EVER

MICHAEL MYERS

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