No one knows the pleasure (and pain in the right ass) of games better than Pinhead and the Cenobites, and thanks to my buddy Eddie Spughetti over at HERE LIES, he, and with a little bit of consulting from yours truly, have brought the long-lost Hellraiser Nintendo game back to life by opening the Lament Configuration with our love and passion for 80s and early 90s horror hotlines and a mock video featuring the game!

The cancelled HELLRAISER NES game was being developed by a company called Color Dreams in 1990, which had a reputation for creating unlicensed Nintendo games on the NES- all of which were also notorious for their poor quality. So much so, you may not have even heard of titles like “Baby Boomer” and “The Adventures of Captain Comic“.

The game itself was to be an updated version of the Wolfenstein 3D engine, played from a first-person viewpoint. You play an (unknown) character stuck inside the Lament Configuration, with the main focus being for you to solve the box and escape with the bonus ability to manipulate the inside of the puzzle box. The catch is, solving the box would not only free you but also the Cenobites inside it. That being said, upon freeing yourself, you’d then have to solve it again in another riddle from Hell fashion to trap the Cenobites back inside and win the game.

Ambitious? Yes. So much so that the developers realised that the NES system could not handle the RAM of the super Wolfenstein 3D engine without having to create some sort of super cartridge, which would cost a fortune, and the main reason, according to game nerd lore, that Hellraiser was just shelved permanently. But not before Color Dreams pre-ejaculated a bunch of ads in Game Pro for the game, giving us fans forever blue balls.

Balls so blue that Pinhead would revel in the pleasure of my pain.

Anyways, we’ve been denied in what could have been one of the coolest horror games for Nintendo, although with Color Dreams rep that might be a stretch, but at least we can use that thing we call an imagination and NOT AI to put together something of what we think might have been in the era of marketing to gamers in the early 90s.

Video editor and VHS Wizard Master Eddie Spuhghetti used the only available image of what was the title screen of the long-lost HELLRASIER game, a created soundtrack for the game available on SoundCloud, some clips from the films, and a little bit of voice magic to make the game come to life in this mock horror hotline sweepstakes commercial that feels as real as it is glorious.

Behold, for we have such sights to show you!