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Don’t Mess With Mama! Celebrating The Most Bad Ass Moms in Horror Films

Being a mother myself of two beautiful, and at times obnoxious children, I can say with certainty that one full day dedicated to the mothers of the world is not nearly enough! The mothers who pull double duty in both Mom AND Dad roles. The mom who works two jobs to give you a better life than perhaps she experienced growing up. The one woman in your life whom you should be able to trust and to will always be there. Sadly, and myself included, there are some of us out there who do not have this luxury. Someone whom THEY can trust and go to for motherly advice.

In light of this fact, and while the country is celebrating mothers all over this weekend for this year’s now Hallmark cash grab this is Mother’s Day, I wanted to take a moment to tip my hat and bring appreciation to the great mothers in horror films. Sure, we all know about the psycho moms in horror movies, such as Margaret White or Mama Firefly, but what about the women who set the maternal bar high for the rest of us? In no particular order, let’s take a moment to appreciate the wonderful mothers of horror films, shall we?

Heather Langenkamp

Wes Craven’s New Nightmare

Throughout the Nightmare franchise, we saw Nancy at different stages in her life from her haunted teens, to college student, and at last, a mother. Even if in this case, she technically wasn’t playing the Nancy character, but rather herself, you get the idea. Heather right from the start of the film, is a great fucking mom. As her life is flipped upside down and is one “nightmare’ after another, her son, Dylan, was always her number one concern. Putting her son’s life before her own is something any good mom would do, but she also taught us an important lesson when raising kids. Listen to them. Even if what they have to say is fantastical, give them the benefit of the doubt. Kudos to you Heather for being that paranoid, helicopter mom. Her protectiveness definitely aided in saving her son from the claws of Freddy.

Karen Barclay

Child’s Play

Karen Barclay is a great example of the type of mother I mentioned at the beginning of this little ramble. Karen is just trying to do her best as a single mother while raising her child, Andy. All this lady wanted was for her kid to have a nice birthday and to be able to give him the gift he wanted. Well, fuck me if she didn’t screw that up royally, but her intentions were at its best. After learning the truth about Chucky, Karen goes to the ends of the Earth to prove to the authorities that she, nor her son, are batshit crazy. As stated in the sequels, Karen ended up under “special care” for backing up Andy’s “killer doll” story, while the police denied all. Even though she got burned in the end, let’s give a hand to the mom who wouldn’t back down in cowardice and supported her son no matter the consequences.

Rosemary Woodhouse

Rosemary’s Baby

Rosemary Woodhouse. A tough contender for mother of the year right here. A good majority of the film focuses on her concern and well-being for the little bundle of hell baking inside her. While she did everything in her power to protect herself and her unborn child from the evil that had been looming over her the entire time, fate and the powers behind the madness intervened, and this birth was going to happen THEIR way. When Rosemary comes to her senses in the aftermath of the birth of her child, she discovers the true wickedness that had befallen her and her firstborn. That she had indeed given birth to the Antichrist. The tyrant of a man who would bring humanity to its knees. While Rosemary in the first moments hesitates to even consider thinking that she could be a part of any of these shenanigans, however in the end she looks upon her son with such adoration and love in her eyes. This child is hers. And she will do her part as his mother. She accepts this fairly quickly, and her role as the mother of the child of Satan. Good for you! Accept your child for whom he/she truly are on the inside. Even if it’s the kid who will bring about the end of the world. Way to push that maternal bar high lady.

Donna Trenton

Cujo

Dee’s character of Donna Trenton in Stephen King’s Cujo, is one kick ass mama. Donna and her fragile son Tad experience a terrifying three lovely days of claustrophobia in her car, thanks to an aggressive rabid dog named Cujo ready to pounce on them the moment they exit. Although frightened, and hell, you would be too, Donna manages to pull out her huge set of balls once it’s apparent her sickly son may be meeting his end inside the confined space. She exits the car and starts a raging war against the rabid animal, eventually overpowering him and killing him in the end. Now we all know what a certified badass screen legend Dee Wallace is, but here’s another reason to love the woman: According to Gabrielle Stone, Wallace’s real life daughter, her mother’s role of Donna helped her feel safe in her own home growing up because of how tough her mom was in the film. Now, if that isn’t a parenting win, I don’t know what is.

Diane Freeling

Poltergeist

Diane Freeling is not only a smoking hot mama who occasionally lights up to relax, but one seriously loving mother. When CarolAnne went missing and quickly realized the strange and horrifying truth of her young daughter trapped inside their family TV set, Diane put aside all logic and previous beliefs to try to understand what was exactly happening inside her home, and where exactly her little girl was. This lady, with balls of steel, ventured through a seemingly horrific dimension in hopes of bringing her child back home from the other side. JoBeth Williams’ acting chops in Poltergeist, is brilliant. She makes me believe that she IS Diane Freeling and this is her family. Her struggle. The pain in her voice at losing a child is so chilling and heartbreaking. We salute you, mama. Her heart for her family is one of the strongest on this list.

Pamela Voorhees

Friday the 13th

Ok, so maybe Pamela Voorhees overreacted a tad and I could be possibly be pushing the “good” boundary here, but I really don’t care. Mrs. Voorhees is one damn fine mother, and you really can’t deny the love she has for her Jason. Look at it this way, this lady was a single mom raising a disabled child. One fine summer day, she’s slaving away cooking for a bunch of brats at camp, while some fucking irresponsible teenage horn-dogs rage war with each other’s bodies. All while they’re supposed to be keeping a close eye on these kids. All the while, her son Jason, the apple of her eye, drowns in the lake. Bunch of dickwads if you ask me. She had every right to be pissed. I can’t say I would go on a murderous rampage on a bunch of counselors years later that had nothing to do with it. However, I’m not going to judge the woman. Maybe it was her way of coping. Don’t be so damn judgmental.

Lucy Emerson

The Lost Boys

Lucy was that Tupperware loving, “milk and cookies will make it all better” type of mom that we crave every so often; because let’s face the truth here- if you were dying from a flu, or eh, a hangover, she’d bring you some soup and give you a little Carol Brady heart-to-heart. Though she may need a little convincing when it comes to believing in vampires, she’s still pretty cool when it comes to parenting. Stern when needed, and listens with love. Happy Mother’s Day, Lucy, and watch out for those mullet-chops hanging around the boardwalk!

Mortica Addams

The Addams Family

Oh Morticia. Mrs. Addams may be slightly unconventional in her parenting skills in the average Joe’s eyes, but obviously it works in her family and works well. Her children are confident and secure in themselves and would never dare conform to what society deems “normal“. As Morticia always says, “What is normal to the spider, is chaos to the fly,” and this saying rings true to that sentiment. As mothers, we strive to instill this type of self-confidence in our own children, and the beautiful Morticia wins this round.

Chris MacNeil

The Exorcist

Mrs. MacNeil had it all. A successful career as an actress, a variety of hats and scarves that she could accessorize the shit out of, and of course, the lovely Regan. Before the ugly events that turned this once loving home into the eighth level of Hell, it seemed that Chris and Regan had a pretty tight bond and it was clear the eleven-year-old was the apple of her eye. When the poo hit the fan, Chris did everything in her power to not only protect her daughter, but to also free of her of whatever demonic grip held on so tightly to the poor child. She suffered tremendously in such horrific ways I could never even fathom in reality, but never gave up hope.

Queen Alien

Aliens

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it a hundred times. Queen Alien is a damn good mother and I feel her frustrations. Look at it from her point of view: This is a race different from ours, obviously. Here we have a bunch of humans, and honestly, they’re looking at us like we’re the aliens, coming into their personal space. Killing her unborn children, with fire no less. If you were her, wouldn’t you be pissed too? She is just doing what any good mother would do. Protecting her babies, and hey, if someone is trying to hurt them, you put them down. I get it Your Majesty. I would have gone on that level of crazy right there with you.

Drop a comment below on your favorite maternal force in horror films. Happy Mother’s Day to all my fellow moms, and also to the dads who are wearing the mom hat. This goes to furbaby moms as well! Break out all the wines. You deserve it. And remember…

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The Moment in A Nightmare On Elm Street: the Dream Child That Proves Freddy Was A Deviant

A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 5: THE DREAM CHILD is well known in the Freddy franchise for a lot of good (and bad) reasons. But there’s one tidbit about the 5th installment I’m willing to bet a lot of you missed; no matter how many times you’ve seen it. As a matter of fact, every time I bring it up to someone, they’re actually surprised they missed it- and it’s the moment in the film where the franchise actually admits to Freddy being a pedophile.

The only reason I bring this up is that despite the large Freddy fandom, and the first film premiering over 40 years ago (wow I feel old), this is STILL a debate amongst some fans. I guess some people have never seen the NEVER SLEEP AGAIN doc that actually goes into this subject. But anyway, the now-famous viral panel interview with Robert Englund addressing the million-dollar question with vagueness hasn’t helped the internet debate either. Although I don’t blame him much as he is probably sensitive about the topic. I’m sure he doesn’t want his greatest movie role that he made iconic to be remembered as being a child molester.

But, here we are. I guess if you blink while watching THE DREAM CHILD, you’ll miss it, but I’m one of those people that looks around the screen at things in the background, especially now rewatching older movies to catch glimpses of nostalgia or things I may have missed the past 5,000 times I’ve watched it prior. And a few years ago, I actually caught this.

More than halfway through THE DREAM CHILD, Alice (Lisa Wilcox) and Mark (Joe Seely) are seen in Alice’s bedroom discussing how to move forward after realizing Freddy is after Alice’s unborn child. Mark brought over a bunch of old newspapers ranging from the demise of Amanda Krueger, to the trials of Freddy and behold- this screenshot from the ending of that scene:

There’s no denying it. It’s as they, “all there in black and white.” I mean, I hate to even be writing this or putting it out there, but the debate has to end. It’s not like me, a Fred head myself, wants to be one to actually say it out loud. I don’t think any of us do. And I personally think it’s one of the (many) reasons why the 2010 remake failed so tremendously. I mean, besides the horrific makeup, the way they made Nancy into such a weak bitch, and the center plot stating the dirty secret outloud. There’s a big difference between subtle hints throughout the franchise and blatantly being so in your face about it. To throw in another cliché saying, “ignorance is bliss”; if we don’t talk about it, it never happened. Even though we all know deep down, this was always the premise for the Springwood Slasher. But, to be a true Fred Head is to be in the know. And now you know.

For those who have still been in denial about it, I hope I didn’t ruin your day.

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OoOoh Baby. Ooo, Baby… It’s the Top 10 Horror Movies of 1985!

Another year has gone by, and another batch of movies hitting the big 40 hits me right in the gut—or perhaps that’s just my IBS talking. Either way, it has me reminiscing about the golden age of horror and the best that 1985 brought to the table. And OooO, baby, it was one hell of a year to be a horror fan. In particular, a fan of zombie movies at that. Or Miguel A. Núñez, Whichever you prefer.

The myriad of great films from the genre in 1985 serves as the pillar for what fans truly love about 80s horror. Tons of nonsensical plot lines, gore, boobs, and just enough cheese to grate on top without overdoing it, has evolved these once-regarded “trash horror” movies by snooty critics, into classics held high in the community and even outside the fan club in some cases.

I think Trash herself would just take that compliment.

I’ll just say it: It’s arguably one of the greatest years in horror history. And it sure as hell wasn’t easy trying to rank them either? How the fuck am I supposed to rank movies like RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD, SILVER BULLET, FRIGHT NIGHT, and DAY OF THE DEAD together? That shit just isn’t fair. But here I am, once again torturing myself into doing it. So let’s just get to it, eh?

10. THE STUFF

Director: Larry Cohen

I love how the very first scene of this movie is some random guy who saw a goopy, bubbling substance on the ground and decided to eat it. It just sets the president for the whole film that it’s just absolutely bonkers. Aside from THEY LIVE, THE STUFF is the quintessential Reagan-Era horror satire where corporate control of the food supply and the manufactured desire for its consumption offer an incredible insight masked behind a wild-as-shit horror movie. I love THE BLOB and INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS, and this just feels like the perfect hodgepodge of those movies.

It’s called The Stuff, and, believe me, enough is never enough- and I can’t get enough of this Cohen treasure of the 80s.

9. HOUSE

Directed by: Steve Miner 

DING DONG. YOU’RE DEAD! Man, I love that tagline.

This was an absolute sleepover staple back in the day. HOUSE was that movie where the trailer made the film seem a lot scarier than it actually is. As a matter of fact, it’s laugh-out-loud bat-shit bonkers and I’m here for every flying murderous garden tool second of it. Vietnam vet turned famous writer Roger Cobb returns to his Aunt’s house after her death and where his son went missing to write his latest book when a bunch of unexplained things begin to happen – is it all in his head? (well what do you think?)

If Joe Dante had directed EVIL DEAD 2 it would probably have looked something like this. Slapstick horror but with the gore switched off, HOUSE is a fun ride that I like to ride a few times in a row.

8. DEMONS

Directed by: Lamberto Bava

With Dario Argento writing the script, DEMONS is what happens when a pair of yuppies, a young couple, couple of college girls, a wise old blind man along with his nympho companion, a gang of Class of ’84 reject punks, and a mack-daddy pimp with his two hos all get trapped in a movie theater possessed by demons. It’s fucken chaos and gore galore in a perfect Italian horror event where the heroes of the movie are the goddamn beautiful practical effects that you just can’t get enough of. Nothing happens in this movie for any other reason than for the sake of being cool, and I enjoy the hell out of it.

Moral of the story: never, ever accept free movie tickets from a fella dressed as a bootleg Phantom of the Opera.

7. FRIDAY THE 13TH PART V: A NEW BEGINNING

Directed by:  Danny Steinmann

Jason is back… Or is he? I honestly feel like it’s only been in recent years where, publicly anyway, it’s been acceptable to praise this entry in the Friday franchise without getting absoulty shit on by toxic horror fans. I’ve been there and it was annoying as fuck. So thank Enchiladas, some of ya’ll have seen the light of Roy and have leaned into what I call, the HALLOWEEN III of the F13 sequels. It had its hate run, but now that’s over and you NEW BEGINNING haters are a dying breed. I’m sorry, but how can you NOT love a movie where the slaughter of an entire camp inhabited by mentally ill teenagers started over a fucking chocolate bar? Plus this was also my introduction to Pseudo Echo and I still to this day will get up and dance the Violet whenever their track hits on Spotify.

6. A Nightmare On Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Revenge

Directed by:  Jack Sholder

You’ve got the body. I’ve got the brain.

The red-headed bastard son of a 100 maniacs sequel is wildly considered, even today to many, to be not so much a favorite. Which is just bonkers to me. It’s miles away different from Wes Craven’s masterpiece- almost an entirely different film with Freddy attached to it, but it doesn’t make it bad. Ok, the gym teacher scene picking up Jesse from the S&M Club and getting towel-whipped to death is a bit much, but the pool scene more than makes up for it. In fact, it’s one of the most brutal scenes in the franchise-Freddy running amok at a midnight pool party? YES PLEASE.  But let’s talk about the pink elephant in the room: This film is so blatantly queer in many ways that, surprisingly, many didn’t even notice it when it came out. If you’re not convinced that Jesse is gay after seeing the Kate Bush poster hanging in his room, then I don’t know what else to tell you. I’m just sad we didn’t get an ending with Jesse and Ron running up into the sunset.

DAY OF THE DEAD

Directed by: George A. Romero

The darkest day of horror the world has ever known!

This masterpiece of a zombie flick has it all. The total collapse of civilization, the intersection of scientific ethics and bloodthirsty militarism, and BUB- the greatest zombie to have ever been reincarnated from death. With God-tier Savini gore FX, the emotional, political, and moral realities Romero carves into these people before we see them shredded to pieces are masterfully done in visuals that stick with you well beyond a viewing. It’s the quintessential thought-provoking zombie flick of the 80s, and Romero to the core. Oh, and a badass opener and soundtrack to boot.

RE-ANIMATOR

Directed by: Stuart Gordon

Cat’s dead. Details later.

I’m gonna get shot for this: but I much prefer the ripoff rendition theme of RE-ANIMATOR than the PSYCHO version it was samples from.

This is a movie where I’d love to watch myself watching it because I can feel myself grinning like a goddamn idiot the entire time. It’s a wonderfully campy low-budget horror b-movie with some hilarious scenery-chewing performances from its entire cast, Jeffrey Combs especially, and great practical gore effects. Plus we got quotes like, “Who’s going to believe a talking head, get a job in a side show?!”. It’s just hard to beat with the lovely Barbara Crampton to boot, Noy to mention, the most traumatic/hilarious cat death since Boondock Saints. I love how moments of crazy just escalate in RE-ANIMATOR, especially the bonkers finale that goes off the rails into a pure schizoid panic of insanity—very much my definition of perfection.



STEPHEN KING’S SILVER BULLET

Directed by:  Daniel Attias

Holy balded-headed jumping Jesus palomina. I can hear the people coming for me now putting this and RE-ANIMATOR ahead of DAY OF THE DEAD. But, you know…

I don’t give a fuckkkkk.

CYCLE OF THE WEREWOLF was, and still is, one of my favorite quick novellas’ to read over the span of my life and while this movie strays far and a lot of away from the structure of King’s little book, it does hold faithful regard to the heart of the story- the unlikely hero of Marty. SILVER BULLET expands the twelve-month itinerary novella further into a full-blown werewolf tale of horror with a soundtrack and imagery that is haunting as fuck. Everett McGill as Reverend Lowe was born to play that were-bear (I still don’t think that costume is as bad as everyone thinks), and Gary Busey gives us comic relief with his ‘pissing on the Yankees‘ one-liners and the fact that the man wrassles a werewolf. That’s enough to give this the top 3 spot.

Oh, and this scene right here.

FRIGHT NIGHT

Directed by: Tom Holland

Jerry Dandridge. Making vampires sexy again.

This movie is such a miracle to watch and every single scene steals me away like it’s the first time watching it after well over the 100th time. Tom Holland’s directorial debut is a masterpiece of 80’s horror.  Combining just the right amount of comedy and thrills, it checks all the boxes with a cherry on top with Roddy McDowall as Peter Vincent.  The practical effects by Richard Edlund and Ken Diaz are phenomenal and to this day, feels like it’s the best interpretation of the gothic creature when Sexy Chris Sarandon flips the script into his evil form. Also, Evil Ed is pretty rad too. The fact that this is a teenage 80s rendition of REAR WINDOW with Charley in the seat of James Stewart but with vampires is fucking smart as hell. It’s just about the most perfect 80s film there is.

Jerry Dandridge dancing in the club with Amy and being this illegally horny is the hottest thing I’ve seen a vampire could do. He is for sure, the biggest-dicked vampire in cinema. I just know I’m right about this. I’ve seen Nosferatu’s ween. It’s nothing to write home about.

RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD

Directed by: Dan O’ Bannon

IT’S PARTY TIME!

In my opinion, RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD is the ultimate offering from 1985 because quite simply, it has something for everyone. Dan O’Bannon (creator of ALIEN screenplay) delivered a one-two knock-out punch of comedy and horror with endlessly quotable lines.  The idea of a zombie that runs and can’t be killed is just shit your pants kind of scary, let alone a horde of them.

So many standout performances from the likes of scream queen Linnea Quigley, Clu Gulager, and James Karen that had me running around screeching like a rabid weasel.  When the director offers to eat real calf brains with the actors, then you know you have something special.

I love that the zombies can talk about how much it sucks to be a zombie and make me feel sorry for them. I love that even though they have been decomposing in the ground for years, they still have perfectly formed bright blue eyeballs. I love that they can wag their exposed spinal column’s like a dog’s tail. I love James Karen and Thom Matthews who are ‘turning’ over a ridiculously drawn out and hilarious length of time, like half the movie, and listening to them bitch and complain every step of the way. I could go on and on but I’ll just finish with this:

Is it the best zombie film?  I think arguably so.  “ It’s not a bad question, Burt.

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