Mr Peanut | Nightmare Nostalgia

It’s as if for years, I’ve wished and prayed to countless Foodie Gods for the return of my favorite childhood snack only to have it dangled in my face and then ripped away like some cruel joke.

Why you do this to me?

Last month, I spread the joyful gospel from Mr. Peanut himself about the wonderful, and HIGHLY ANTICIPATED return of one of the greatest snacks from our youths- the greasy, and delectable Planters Cheez Ball! Of course, much like with the limited run of the 2016 Ecto Cooler, it wasn’t readily available anywhere and with that Ghostbusters Reboot publicity stunt, it took a massive effort to get my hands on some. However, my efforts were not in vain and I did manage to enjoy that concentrated childhood relic. Now in the matter of the mighty Cheez Ball that many have attempted to duplicate, and never come close, it seems as if I’ve been duped entirely.

As reported from the Planters website on the whereabouts of said Cheez Balls, there were to be available July 1st at select Wal-Mart stores and through Amazon Prime Pantry. Albeit, you had to buy a case of 12 from Amazon if you went that route, but at $24 for a bundle of twelve, it wasn’t a rip-off and seemed like a good investment for a family of four. Bonus, the spawns would have a treat in their school lunch bags for the next few months. Anyways, with a guaranteed delivery date of July 18th, I patiently awaited once again the joys of orange, dusty fingertips only to be greeted with a dreaded message from Amazon that my order would not be fulfilled with no explanation other than it was not available at this time.

And I’m kind of pissed off about that, Mr. Peanut. Also, you’ve managed to enrage an entire consumer base who had the same experience as yours truly here.

So what exactly happened here? I’ve made several attempts of reaching out to Planters to get some kind of answer, coming up with nothing but silence from the beloved monocle-wearing mascot that promised cheezy goodness and came up, well, kind of short. It may be the company itself didn’t realize the demand of these suckers and just couldn’t supply enough for consumer needs. However, I have a hard time being convinced this is the case. Seeing as how petitions have been flying all over the interwebs for years clamoring for the snack’s return. I also don’t want to believe this was some sort of PR stunt to get everyone excited only to blue-ball most of America with an extremely limited supply. because really, if you’re searching at Wal-Mart, chances are you’re probably not going to find that wonderful endcap unless you’re extremely lucky and happen to live in the ONE area of your state that is carrying them. In which case, consider yourself blessed. Because the rest of us are totally jonesing over here like a crack-fiend unable to get a fix.

While I’ve yet to get an answer from Planters on whether I’ll actually ever see a delivery or any future plans of bringing these suckers back permanently so we can ALL get a taste of childhood once again, I’ve taste-tested a variety of cheese balls in order to find the closest taste to that wonderful Planters brand. The answer guys are HERRS Cheese Balls. Right hand to the Foodie Gods, these little balls of sunshine are about the closest I’ve ever tasted to the Planters ball of glory. So, if you’re hankering for a decent Cheese Ball, Herrs is the way to go.

In the meantime, I still sit and wait for an answer Mr. Peanut. We’re all waiting.

Twelve years. Twelve years I’ve waited for this glorious moment. The product that made up one-third of my food group as a youngster is FINALLY heeding the pleas from nostalgic fans all over the world: Planters Cheez Balls are coming back for a limited run and I’m probably going to cry.

Yesterday over on the world of Twitter, Mr. Peanut made the official announcement that the beloved ball of greasy cheese goodness that fans like myself have been petitioning to make a comeback is returning for as of now, a limited time starting July 1st. Along with the equally as good Cheez Curls (yeah, move over Chester), you’ll be able to purchase the delicious nostalgic junk-food of every 80’s and 90’s kid’s childhood via Amazon (you can pre-order now) and Walmart.com.

Over the past few years, the trend of retro snacks returning to cater to our nostalgia seems to be resonating with the heads of the junk-food industry. Two years ago upon the release of the rebooted Ghostbusters movie, the king of boxed-juice drinks Hi-C Ecto Cooler had a limited run in stores during the Summer. Of course in my hometown of Las Vegas, I had to beg and plead to the warehouse guys at my local Smiths to get these damn tiny boxes of green liquid sugar in their store so I could pretend I was eight-years-old again. It took an entire month, but the day had come during one of my groceries trips. I was spotted as I walked in by the head of the store, and was greeted with, “I have a surprise for you..” Yeah, that’s how much I badgered these poor people. I proceeded to walk out with a case of these bad boys and I regret nothing. Hopefully, I won’t have this same issue once again where I’ll have to raise hell to get satisfy my inner fat kid. I say this because the pre-order option isn’t available in my area just yet, and I’m just hoping I don’t have to become the nag of the century here.

But anyways, for the rest of you, get ready for orange dusty fingers this Summer! Rejoice because Planters Cheez Balls are back!