Twelve years. Twelve years I’ve waited for this glorious moment. The product that made up one-third of my food group as a youngster is FINALLY heeding the pleas from nostalgic fans all over the world: Planters Cheez Balls are coming back for a limited run and I’m probably going to cry.
Yesterday over on the world of Twitter, Mr. Peanut made the official announcement that the beloved ball of greasy cheese goodness that fans like myself have been petitioning to make a comeback is returning for as of now, a limited time starting July 1st. Along with the equally as good Cheez Curls (yeah, move over Chester), you’ll be able to purchase the delicious nostalgic junk-food of every 80’s and 90’s kid’s childhood via Amazon (you can pre-order now) and Walmart.com.
Over the past few years, the trend of retro snacks returning to cater to our nostalgia seems to be resonating with the heads of the junk-food industry. Two years ago upon the release of the rebooted Ghostbusters movie, the king of boxed-juice drinks Hi-C Ecto Cooler had a limited run in stores during the Summer. Of course in my hometown of Las Vegas, I had to beg and plead to the warehouse guys at my local Smiths to get these damn tiny boxes of green liquid sugar in their store so I could pretend I was eight-years-old again. It took an entire month, but the day had come during one of my groceries trips. I was spotted as I walked in by the head of the store, and was greeted with, “I have a surprise for you..” Yeah, that’s how much I badgered these poor people. I proceeded to walk out with a case of these bad boys and I regret nothing. Hopefully, I won’t have this same issue once again where I’ll have to raise hell to get satisfy my inner fat kid. I say this because the pre-order option isn’t available in my area just yet, and I’m just hoping I don’t have to become the nag of the century here.
But anyways, for the rest of you, get ready for orange dusty fingers this Summer! Rejoice because Planters Cheez Balls are back!
Nightmare Nostalgia Presents Creature Feature: An ongoing tip of the hat to some of horror’s greatest monsters throughout the genre that don’t seem to get the recognition they wholeheartedly deserve.
Last October, some friends, the better half, and myself witnessed the glorious spectacle of John Carpenter live in concert. Now, normally I never bother to leave my Gollum cave of gloom and somber for shows and concerts these days unless it’s totally worth sliding some pants on for. But hey, this was John fuckin’ Carpenter and his orchestra playing the theme songs to some of horror’s finest films- his films. I sure as shit wasn’t going to pass this up and just as I had expected, it was a night to never be forgotten. From Halloween, They Live, and of course today’s focal point The Thing, it was a perfect way to head into Devil’s Night last October.
With what is arguably (I guess) one of John Carpenter’s greatest pieces of cinematic art turning 36 this week, I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to talk a little about the goddamn Norris-Thing. In the 1982 film, we see a handful of variations of this “thing” ranging from an ordinary human, a cute husky, also a not-so-cute halfway transformed husky, to well-something ungodly such as this. Which in itself, comes in three (3) count em, forms of infested Norris all in under five minutes.
Beautiful.
The poor geologist at the heart of the chaos located at Outpost 31 had suffered a heart attack, (could you really blame the guy for his life-pumper giving out under the circumstances?) His fellow comrades rushed a dying Norris to the medical ward in an attempt to jump-start his heart and holy eight-legged-fucks was that the worst idea ever.
In the case anyone here is unfamiliar haven not seen the film (for-shame), The Thing centers around a parasitic extraterrestrial life force that likes to imitate other organisms, thus ensuring an overabundant amount of paranoia in the group as everyone suspects each other as an “infected host”.
We good? Ok, back to Norris dying on the table.
Anyway, the defibrillator is shocking away and low and behold everyone, Norris was indeed a host for this otherworldly leech as the thing begins to extract himself from the ribcage of Norris and immediately defend itself. Norris’ chest transforms into a jaw trap so powerful, even Bruce the shark would be a little envious. After chomping away at what the Thing deems as an attack on itself, (stupid alien doesn’t know what a heart attack is), it mutates even further into a Norris-Snake-Thing that again, would give Freddy-Snake a run for his money. Enter the action of Kurt Russell, our epically bearded hero to the rescue and a flame-thrower to the Norris-Thing it is. In the midst of the fire and flames, the Norris-Thing head tears away from its presently incinerating body, grows some spider-like legs and Linda Blair crab-walks it’s happy little self across the room inducing all the skeevies and dingleberries from fellow Outposters.
A few thoughts:
As I so eloquently stated above, it always sort of bothered me how this alien parasite didn’t realize he had copied a defective heart along with the rest of Norris. I guess I would just assume the alien would automatically see through that flaw with some alien-type goggles in its DNA, but we all know when you assume, you make an ass out of “u” and me. It’s just a little thing that I always thought about during that scene, not slamming it all mind you. Just sharing what goes on with hamster wheel in my head.
What makes this scene in particular so effectively terrifying above all others, (IMHO), is the “thing” shows just what lengths it will go to survive. Sure the monster magic is insanely gorgeous. I might even say, revolutionary for its time. And sure enough, induces all the skeevies inside you to come popping out to say, “Oh hello old friend!” Especially if you have a phobia of snakes, spiders, or severed heads with insect legs altogether. The point of the matter is, like a true ’80s slasher, it comes coming. It has an agenda and will stop at nothing to reach its goal. This “thing” could literally be anywhere, anyone, or any living thing. That’s the really terrifying part, my friends.
Because it takes a village to raise a child, and apparently a huge team of artists to make movie magic like this happen, I wanted to include this clip from CineFix. Which wonderfully showcases some behind the scenes action, facts, and trivia with director John Carpenter, Norris (Charles Hallahan), and crew involving this scene in particular. Also, here’s an Amazon link because right now, there’s a hot deal on the Blu-Ray for only $7.88!! If you don’t own it yet, now is a great time to snatch this classic up.
July is shaping up to be Arrow Video’s very own blockbuster season with a multitude of new releases making up a perfect month of cult film viewing. If you, much like myself, are avoiding boob and ball sweat season like a vampire avoiding a sunburn, then sitting in the A/C with an icy-cold drink with some old favorites smothered in high resolution is the way to go.
Here’s what’s new to good ole’ Arrow Video this coming July.
The crown jewel of Arrow’s July releases comes in the form of The Complete Sartana. This limited edition 5-disc set features all five original Sartana movies – If You Meet Sartana Pray for Your Death,
I Am Sartana Your Angel of Death, I Am Sartana Trade Your Guns for a Coffin, Have a Good Funeral My Friend…Sartana Will Pay and Light the Fuse…Sartana is Coming. Aside from having some of the greatest film titles in the history of cinema, the creation of the Sartana character is a landmark moment within the Spaghetti Western subgenre because rather than just be a cheap imitation of
The Man With No Name it created something new and interesting and borrowed from not only Westerns but from the likes of James Bond as well. This must-own set features all five films in brand-new restorations and a stable’s worth of special features.
The next gem from Arrow this month is the directorial debut of Wes Craven, TheLast House on the Left. The film justly retains its reputation as one of the most harrowing cinematic experiences of all time, nearly half a century on from its original release making. This is the definitive edition of one of the true watershed moments in horror history.
Dario Argento further cements his reputation as the master of the giallo thriller in the classic The Cat O’ Nine Tails. Co-starring Catherine Spaak (Il Sorpasso) and Rada Rassimov (Baron Blood), and featuring another nerve-jangling score by the great Ennio Morricone (The Bird with the Crystal Plumage, The Good, The Bad and the Ugly), this remains one of Argento’s most suspenseful and underrated films.
Fans of Seijun Suzuki’s yakuza films should be on the watch for Detective Bureau 2-3 Go to Hell Bastards!, which arrives on Blu-ray early in the month. Starring original Diamond Guy, Jo Shishido, this hard-hitting, rapid-fire yakuza film redefined the Japanese crime drama.
Horror fans are well catered for too, as 1980s splatter slasher Doom Asylum arrives on Blu-ray. Starring Kristen Davis of Sex and the City fame, it sees a group of randy teenagers go up against a hideously deformed maniac armed with a wide selection of surgical tools. Funny and gory in equal measure, it’s one of the best slashers of the 80s.
And if your horror bent turns to giallo, Arrow Video have that covered as well, with a 2K restoration of Sergio Martino’s The Case of the Scorpion’s Tale. Combining intricate plotting, shocking violence and beautiful views of the Greek coast, this is a classic gialli that overflow with European talent.
Arrow Academy releases a collection including the fifth and sixth films by the masterful South Korean filmmaker Hong Sangsoo (Women is the Future of Man and Tale of Cinema). Sangsoo has been favorably compared to the great French observer of human foibles, Eric Rohmer.
Arrow Video finishes the month by returning to genre-bending sci-fi with The Navigator: A Medieval Odyssey. This New Zealand cult classic from Vincent Ward seamlessly blends time travel, sci-fi, and medieval fantasy to create a story unlike anything you’ve seen before.
