It was a sunny Spring weekend day in 1992. I had completed my Saturday morning ritual of waking up at 7 AM to catch the Saturday morning cartoon lineup with my TMNT aluminum TV tray adorned with Froot Loops cereal and my juice box of Hawaiian Punch, followed by the ever-so-important one-hour block of WWF Superstars. So it was time to get dressed, hop on my bike, and make the one-mile trip down to my local strip mall that held McDonald’s, Little Ceasers, Osco Drug Store, Smiths, Naugles, and of course, the whole reason for the visit, my local mom and pop video shop, ACTION VIDEO, to get my horror movie weekend fix.

With my orange rental punch card in hand, I headed straight to the horror section, and I was immediately stopped by Kelly, one of the clerks who knew my horror-loving 10-year-old ass by name at this point and directed me towards one of the new rentals they had just got in a few days prior: DEMONIC TOYS.

WALP. Even with a first look, it had plenty of boxes checked already! Killer toys? Check. One of them a clown? Check. Full Moon Features? DOUBLE CHECK. I didn’t even care what it was about, I was already sold on the cover alone-which was the main marketing appeal to many straight-to-video horror movies at the time. Add to the fact that movies about killer toys and dolls were HOT in the late 80s and 90s thanks to Chucky and CHILD’S PLAY for the killer doll resurgence in 1988 that spawned a ton of glorious films from various studios featuring homicidal playthings. Case in point, the killer-doll-genre was one, I, and still am, became obsessed with. So anything involving such, I was all in. PLUS, it was FULL MOON and Charles Band, who started my love for the genre, (no, it wasn’t Chucky) but with his collaboration with Stuart Gordon on the 1987 cult classic DOLLS; another movie that caught my attention purely because of the VHS cover alone and a true love for maniacal dolls was born.

I happily got my rental card punched, went to grab a chicken nugget Happy Meal, and rode my bike home to enter the world of Demonic Toys with my BACK TO THE FUTURE: ANIMATED SERIES Happy Meal in tow.

CHUNK STYLE chickie nugg nuggs of course.

For those unfamiliar with DEMONIC TOYS, here’s the basic deal, and mind you, this is 90s B-MOVIE at its peak: After a drug deal bust goes south and her partner/ boyfriend is killed, a policewoman follows a pair of thugs into an abandoned toy warehouse where, ultimately, her fate and the future of the world rest upon her… and her womb. The cop, Judith, played by Tracy Scoggins, has been having dreams of her and two little boys. The children, of the same age, yet one more sinister looking than the other, are playing a game of WAR with playing cards; clearly foreshadowing a game of tug-of-war between good and evil. And evil is the devil who was buried underneath this warehouse and brought to life by the blood of one of the thugs. But, he needs to be officially born into this world and enter trying to get inside Judith’s womb to become legit.

This fuckin’ guy…

The toys in the warehouse are ALSO possessed by said demon and are there to ensure the implantation of the Antichrist happens, and will walk, talk, and even shit their pants to secure the process. Judith, along with a burly security guard, a Chunky Chicken delivery driver, and a teenage runaway spend the night in the warehouse fending themselves off from the likes of an evil Jack in the Box, a crazed Teddy Bear, and Baby Oopsie Daisy among other possessed toys, and it’s the most ridiculous kind of cheesy chaos that you could imagine. By that meaning, the most delectable form of horror movie cheese one could devour. I don’t know how the demon can inhabit multiple toys and also show itself as a young boy, but that’s really neither here nor there because logical plotlines are not part of this movie’s agenda. Just go with it, eh?

I can definitely say that this line became a part of my regular rotation in language for the year of 1992.

That being said, let us honor Charles Band, the Patron Saint of B-Killer Doll horror films, who successfully executed an entire brand name under the idea of inanimate toys and dolls coming to life and murdering people. And a special shout-out to the Mom and Pop video stores who made sure to supply us with plenty of his movies, including this 90s cult classic in which I do believe, is how many of us first saw it. And this is my Toy Story.

You can watch it for free on TUBI today!