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WE ARE NOT LIKE OTHER PEOPLE

We may be sick, and we may be disgusting, but if you boogie till you puke, I’m asking you to come with me for a minute.

Think back to one of the early episodes of THE LAST DRIVE-IN’s first season. Somewhere betwixt channeling Cropsey legend and a MADMAN (1981) musical interlude, Joe Bob turned his attention to a legend of a different sort.

Gaylen Ross only appeared in three films, including CREEPSHOW (1982), but appeared in MADMAN as Alexis Dubin to keep her SAG status. “She only had one other movie at the time,” Briggs said. “She was the heroine in George Romero’s sequel to the classic NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD (1968), so people did know her,” pausing to smirk before quipping “I’m using the term ‘people’ loosely. People LIKE US knew her.”

Never has a phrase so perfectly encapsulated the Mutant Fam. While we love stars like Bruce Campbell and Robert Englund, more often than not it’s the deep dives including Ross and Cynthia Bond (DEF BY TEMPTATION, 1990) and Jonathan Fuller (CASTLE FREAK, 1995) that give us warm fuzzies.

Case in point, my girlfriend is an audience coordinator at a local theatre whose been getting home late because the season’s about to pop off. But when she walked through the door a couple of weeks back–shortly after LIVE FROM THE JAMBOREE began–she squealed when I told her the feature was NIGHT OF THE DEMONS (1988), quickly settling in for the show.

For clarity, my better half is bisexual, so when I tell you I was quickly regaled with a ditty detailing the first time she clapped eyes on Amelia Kinkade’s fireside flex, you need to understand that she referred to it as “a moment” more than once.

Reflecting on said awakening, my baby shared the whirlwind she experienced whilst watching Angela’s erotic, demonic writhing, sharing that she didn’t know whether she wanted to be her or sleep with her. I was all ears. Think Eddie Griffin undercover with Orville Redenbacher.

Sparing you a 17-minute diatribe before arriving at “and here’s my point,” truly we are not like other people. Our love of blood, breasts, and beasts often left us feeling like we were on the outside looking in growing up — and in some cases, into adulthood. But then there was the Mutan Fam, welcoming us with open arms, an incomparable group of fellow drive-in afficionados constantly reminding us that it’s perfectly acceptable to dig movies and stars that the normies have never heard of, much less care about.

Gaylen Ross and Amelia Kinkade represent far more than a Romero heroine or sexy sway. They possess a piece of our heart because each of us cling to a cherished and very personal memory directly tied to those performances.

They mean something to us. And we mean something to them. Go to Shudder and pull up the moment when Kinkade and Linnea Quigley sauntered to the stage to a raucous ovation–those smiles and that love was real. That makes them special. It makes us special. No, we are most definitely not like other people, and as the DAWN OF THE DEAD (2004) Easter egg below clearly communicates, we are not alone. You should be damn proud of that.

A Very Special Halloween Episode: “The Halloween That Almost Wasn’t”

Long after Abbott and Costello met Frankenstein and eight years before we learned the ultimate truth that the wolfman did indeed have nards, live-action theatrical gatherings of our beloved undead monsters were far and in between. Up until we hit the twenty-first century, that is. Nestled in the middle of those two great films lies a little diddy that aired specifically as an ABC Halloween Special Presentation on October 28, 1979: The Halloween That Almost Wasn’t.

And with so many people questioning what Halloween will or won’t be this year, I feel like now is no better time to revisit the nostalgic classic.

Hot off of the hit primetime show Taxi, Judd Hirsh plays his form of Dracula, (which totally serves as a pre-curser to Adam Sandler’s Hotel Transylvania take) and self-proclaimed “King of the Monsters”. We start the program off in Dracula’s castle the night before Halloween where a news break on Drac’s boob tube informs himself and Igor (played by Henry Gibson- Rowan and Martin’s Laugh-In, the voice of Wilber- Charlotte’s Web) that Halloween is in danger of being canceled; and that Dracula is behind this travesty.

This totally pisses him off.

With malicious rumors swirling, Drac calls upon the rest of the world’s top-notch monsters for a meeting of the minds. Well, actually, to shame them as he tells them they are no longer scary due to them exploiting themselves. Such as Frankenstein (played by John Schuck who also played Herman Munster in the 80s revival) letting a so-called movie influence him to tap dance.

Gee, I wonder which one, haha!

The werewolf (Jack Riley-The Bob Newhart Show), Zaabar the Zombie (Josip Elic- One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest), and the Mummy (Robert Fitch) fair no better with Hirsh Drac as he pretty much lays right into them for being shit monsters. Then, the almighty Halloween witch (played by Mariette Hartly) shows up late, gives Dracula a pointed boot in the ass (vocally), and admits she is the one who started the vicious rumor as she is dead-tired of being a witch. Tired of being called ugly and taking orders from Dracula- As a woman, I can totally relate to this. She puts her witches’ boot down and demands certain actions be taken, such as becoming leader of the monster world, or she refuses to ride over the Halloween moon that night; refusing to do so, would therefore cancel Halloween officially.

Well, Drac obviously thinks she’s gone too far and poo poos on her demands; leaving the witch no choice but to flee to her castle while Drac and the other monsters hatch a plan to get her to do her Halloween duties.

And that’s where I’ll stop for those of you who have never experienced this little Halloween national treasure. While both light-hearted and humorous, The Halloween That Almost Wasn’t has a pretty serious undertone hidden behind this Prime-time holiday special. Our side characters, a young pair of siblings who at the same time see the same newscast as our monster protagonists, help bring the story full circle with a very special 80s-esque message. You know, the kind that sort of brings a tear to your eye, moral to the story, type of malarkey that you rarely see anymore. And it’s an extraordinary message directed toward young girls in particular that, up until pretty recently, the Disney Princess movies usually failed at.

THAT PEOPLE LOVE YOU FOR EXACTLY WHO YOU ARE.

Should I say it louder for the people in the back?

And honestly, that’s such a beautiful thing. This, for me, makes this unique in particular, one of the tip-top best Halloween Special Presentations of the twentieth century. Not to mention the nonsensical disco dance at the end where Dracula is channeling his inner Tony Manero. Look, I know we were at the peak end of the disco craze in the late 70s’, but this is just weirdly out of place. You know what, tho? I’m on board with it because that’s part of the marvelous phenomena that make these specials so unique and nostalgically fuzzy.

While The Halloween That Almost Wasn’t eventually made its way to the Disney Trick or Treat Halloween block from 1983-1996; and then to VHS retitled as The Night Dracula Saved The World, it never got a much-deserved DVD release. Or hell, in this case, a special Blu-ray is much deserved for this gem. I’m looking at you, Arrow Video, and Shout Factory. The ball is in your court.

In the meantime, thank disgustingly vile Candy Corns for the glorious YouTube. Happy Halloween nostalgia nuggets!

Halloween Novelization Is Getting Re-Released With A Fully Illustrated Reprint!

On October 1st, 1979, the official HALLOWEEN novelization based on John Carpenter’s immortal classic, hit bookstores, much to the delight of a brand-new fandom. In the 44 years since then, finding an actual copy, especially in recent years, has been next to impossible with copies popping up every so often from resellers ranging from the cheapest I’ve seen, around $250, all the way to $2,000. While I understand reselling is a job for some, taking advantage as something as precious as this, is just downright cruel. However, Printed in Blood is here to remedy this blasphemy and in conjunction with a license under Compass International Pictures and with full cooperation of the original author, Richard Curtis (who penned the original novel under the name Curtis Richards), is re-releasing the coveted book with illustrations at a price the average Halloween-Head can afford!

Per Printed In Blood:

“Printed In Blood is VERY proud to present the ORIGINAL movie tie-in novelization, reprinted in full here for the first time in over 40 years! In addition, it has been fully illustrated throughout with nearly a hundred BRAND-NEW Illustrations created just for this release by the vector genius, Orlando “Mexifunk” Arocena. This 224-page volume is bursting with both classic and gorgeous new artistic visions of the John Carpenter horror classic.”

“This Limited Edition cover features the classic paperback cover art re-created by Orlando.“

The reprint will be available in two different versions, one with a limited-edition cover that reimagines the cover to the original novelization, and a standard cover that has not yet been revealed for a steal at $50. Another option is the VERY limited edition that WILL ONLY BE AVAILABLE THROUGH OCTOBER 1st, and features the classic paperback cover art re-created by Orlando and is signed by both the author, Richard Curtis and the artist, Orlando Arocena. It also includes 2-8.5x11in. mini-prints of Orlando’s previous Halloween works from the “Halloween: Artbook” and an Original Hand-drawn 5 x7 sketch by the book’s artist, Orlando Arocena. This version is limited to 250 prints and runs at $300.

I don’t know about you, but I hopped on this pre-order faster than Lonnie getting his “ass away” from the Myers house. You can pre-order your copy right now through PRINTED IN BLOOD HERE with an expected ship date of January 2024!

Finally, I’ll be able to complete my collection!