Cough, cough-in my very best Sophia Petrillo voice: Picture it- Las Vegas, Summer of 1989. It’s hot as balls outside in the desert sun, and even though I was a pretty tough hellion in my youth, some days in Vegas are meant for indoors. To hell with the eleven-foot deep swimming pool WITH a built-in slide in my backyard that landscapes the view outside my bedroom window. It’s too miserable to even bear. So I grab some Ecto-Cooler, a can of Planter’s Cheese Balls, and waste the day away on shag carpet with my beloved NES in the comforting air conditioning. The game of the Summer was FRIDAY THE 13TH, and you can imagine just how many times I threw my controller against the wall with that one. But it was Jason Voorhees and a game based on a fucking R-rated horror movie; a horror movie, mind you, every kid my age knew and secretly watched anytime one of the flicks was on television. So, based on that alone, I suffered through some preadolescent rage just to be the cool kid on the block who could take out Jason and save everyone at Camp Crystal Lake.
And not much has changed in the last 30 years. James Rolfe got this one right.
I still play these shitty games, but bless the NES Homebrews and people likeSteve McCall (8-Bit Slasher), who have taken their love for horror and NES glory and mashed them together into a holy matrimony of what we all should have had in an NES cartridge growing up.
“I’ve always had a love for horror movies, and the NES & I always wanted to see all of these horror icons have their own NES games. With my background of making simple old school horror games in the late 90s for PC where you could play as the slashers, and later learning how to program for the NES, demaking my old flash games for the system felt like a natural step.“
“It was only a matter of time before I made a brand new horror game. The problem was.. I didn’t know which slasher to pick… so I said to myself, “All of them.” Well, as many as I could fit anyway lol… and that’s how All Hell Unleashed was born.“
8-Bit’s latest venture is ALL HELL UNLEASHED, a horror game that takes every horror fan’s favorite icon and throws them into a game of structured chaos. Every icon is a boss to fight at the end of a stage, once you’ve collected all the orbs to progress to the boss stage, and whoever you fight depends on what world of horror you dared to enter, which includes Jason, Michael, Freddy, Candyman, Ghostface, Leatherface, Chucky, Pennywise, Pinhead, and the Killer Klowns From Outer Space.
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Also, you can fight Regan if you can find her secret hiding spot located in one of the horror icon’s stages. Hint: The window on the second-floor house blinks SIX TIMES! She was a pain in the ass, by the way…
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GAME STORYLINE: Amidst a realm where darkness reigns and evil lurks in every shadow, a sinister cult has unleashed chaos upon our world. Introducing ‘All Hell Unleashed,’ the NES game that pits YOU against the most infamous horror icons of all time.. Jason, Michael, Freddy, Candyman, Ghostface, Leatherface, Chucky, Pennywise, Pinhead and the Killer Klowns. As the world teeters on the brink of eternal fear, you must embark on a perilous journey to confront these iconic villains. But beware, time is of the essence, for the shattered fragments of a cursed amulet hold the key to sealing the dimensional rift and saving our world from eternal darkness. Can you rise to the challenge, gather the fragments, and stop the cult before it’s too late? The fate of humanity rests in your hands. ‘All Hell Unleashed’ Confront the terror… or let it claim your soul.
I went through every stage, and it is GLORIOUS. The little details in the game are pixel-perfect, and why, yes, I very much like to listen to the Dickies’ “Killer Klowns” theme while taking out Shorty. Watch out for those pies, boys.
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In the most recent upgraded version of ALL HELL UNLEASHED, THE V6.66 VERSION, you can play as 8-Bit machete-wielding Jason or Ash with his trusty chainsaw, with their own little mini-games included!
“You’re dead. Your friends are dead. Your family’s dead. Your fucking pets are being skinned alive. Your mom’s a fucking whore. You suck at life. The whole world hates you. You’re going to Hell. Live with it. Game Over.” – Via the ever so wise Nintendo Sensi, James Rolfe.
He wasn’t wrong you know. Although the original Friday the 13th game for the Nintendo Entertainment System seemed like a horror fan’s 8-bit wet dream, the frustration of gameplay quickly softened any prepubescent boners we may have had going into this pixelated LJN nightmare. I would never refer to it as a giant piece of donkey shit like some may have dubbed it, but the game itself is a goddamn pain in the ass for sure to get through without blowing your blood pressure out of range.
Anyway, today being the 13th of Friday here at Nightmare Nostalgia, I figured now is as a good as time as ever to showcase something that any fan of the NES game would appreciate the Holy Pixels out of. Youtube channel Mega64 brought about this hilarious fanmade movie trailer back in 2015 of you guessed it-Friday the 13th The Game The Movie. And it is goddamn gloriously nostalgic from those days of throwing ineffective knives at zombies and flying Pamela Voorhees rotting heads. Complete with VHS static to give it that retro feel, the fanmade trailer nails every aspect of the game that we love to bitch about endlessly. They even throw in the old joke of Jason’s machete looking like a giant toothbrush gag.
It doesn’t really get any better than that, folks. Happy Friday the 13th campers!
Oh, Hells yeah! Here we are, my Nasties! Time to risk our skins and venture deeply into the fog of Camp Blood as we explore some of the best scares, screams, and shocking moments (not to mention some of those good ol’ fashion what the fuck times) that are littered across the franchise’s blood-soaked legacy.
It’s no secret that the slasher genre is my absolute favorite subgenre in the pantheon of horror. And my absolute favorite slasher series is Friday the 13th! It’s the series I’m always turning back to and can watch a hundred more times without it getting dull.
Fans of the franchise know what we want too. Blood, guts, (tiddies), and lots of gore. So today we want to dance on the graves of those buried in the soggy depths of Crystal Lake as we celebrate those moments that made us shit our bloomers and left an impression on us all.
Today we’re looking at not only the movies but also taking the game(s) into consideration. So sleep with one eye open, my Nasties, as we camp out at Jason’s lake.
WARNING: there will be spoilers.
Encountering Jason for the first time in the game – NES game
Just for shits and giggles, I’m not going to talk about the video game experience without mentioning the cult-classic NES game. What may seem silly and (probably rightly so) ridiculous today, but back then, back when we were far more innocent as a society, the NES Friday the 13th game did actually scare some kids.
Back in the 8-bit era and with nothing else to compare to it, that first encounter with Jason was truly shocking. If not possibly the very first jump scare many of us ‘80s brats got to experience, I’d say this stands out as the all-time best NES scare moment. You play as a dumbass camp counselor desperately trying to save both your idiot friends – who can’t defend themselves – and a bunch of stupid kids all lined up and waiting to be slaughtered.
All the while Jason is out there and ready to charge in out of the blue making you jump to the moon and stain your undies.
There’s no worse feeling like the absolute helplessness of trying to fight Jason and having no clue how to defeat him. Good luck out there, gamers.
Encountering Jason again all these years later.
Now we’re adults and our games grew up with us. Gun Media and Illfonic brought fans and gamers an extraordinary chance to explore the movies (and the horror) like never before as locations, characters, and kills from the franchise were all poured into this passion project. Tom Savini came up with new ways to kill us. Harry Manfredini brought his terrorizing score to the game giving it a genuine feel akin to the movies. And Kane fucking Hodder put the mask back on and proved why he’s our favorite Jason as he brought the video game killer to thrilling life.
There’s nothing like encountering Jason for the first time. He can just appear anywhere! As a camper, you can find yourself in a cabin and he’ll be outside the window watching you. Or he’ll catch you wandering the dark woods and stalk you until you run out of stamina. You can try to fight but you have very little chance of surviving him. Especially your first time around.
I’m sad the game is now stalled and all future DLC is dead on the water thanks to the ongoing lawsuit, but there’s still enough here to keep me coming back to it. So, yes, I strongly recommend playing it.
Ari Lehman in Part I
The first WTF moment that really, really got us. This scene still scares unsuspecting audiences. That’s how goddamn effective it is. Far as we knew the movie was over. The villain was slain and our lead heroine (Adrianne King) was safely sleeping in a canoe out on the lake. No one could reach her and as she awakens Manfredini’s calming score lets us know all is well and she’s safe. Roll the credits.
Well fuck you straight to Hell, asshole! The music suddenly kicks us in the nards and flips the world upside down! Out of nowhere the boy who drowned, Jason himself, rises out of the lake, no, that sounds graceful. Jason breaks through the mirrored tranquility of the lake like the wrath of God, without pity and void of all mercy, grabs hold of Alice and pulls her down to his murky Hell. More people screamed over this scene alone than any other.
And it turned a small time horror flick into a timeless legend. Horror fans clamored for more and would not be satisfied until they got just that- more Jason!
The Window Scene of Part II
Mirroring the jump scare of Part I, Part II makes it seem like everything was fine. Our Final Girl (Amy Steel) is safe, she’s escaped Tater-Sack Jason and all is well.
Now bear in mind this movie has given us a whole lot of Jason to love. We’re first given a glimpse into his world, into the rickety shack he lives in out in the woods, but, more importantly, we are shown his insatiable taste for carnage!
Jason is really mean natured too. Think being in a wheel chair gives you a free pass? Like Hell it does. Jason can’t wait to slam a machete in your stupid face and send you rolling down a flight a stairs. Bon voyage!
And the guy was just about to get laid too. Jason also kills poor ol’ Crazy Ralph this time around. And if you thought Alice (from the first movie) was safe, well think again. Jason kills the girl in the safety of her own home.
And at last, my nasties, this cinematic roller coaster of carnage begins clicking to an end. Unclench your knuckles, take a deep breath, and relax. But that’s when they get us! Jason crashes through the darkened window and snatches our Final Girl right before our eyes proving no one is safe at Camp Blood.
Not a single soul!
Part II doesn’t get a lot of love but it did establish a lot of the lore and laws by which the franchise would follow and further secure its place as a legendary horror icon. It introduces the indestructibility of Jason and how fucked anyone is once Jason locks eyes on them.
That ending in Part III
These endings were on steroids and had a boner for punishing their audiences just as much as their heroes. Well piss and shit, this one went all the way, and frankly it had to, if it wanted to not be overshadowed by its previous film endeavors.
Once again mirroring the first film our Final Girl (Dana Kimmel) is safely in a canoe out on the lake. Night has passed, she wakes up to a fresh new day. The terror has passed and good proves triumphant over evil, but we all know better. You ain’t getting us this time, Jason. Someone is going to pop up behind her and scare us to death …. oh holy shit what the Hell?
While we’re all looking behind her the real threat is right in front of her. In the upper room’s window!
She takes one look up at the house and there on the top floor is an unmasked Jason staring at her with murderous glee. There’s almost a childlike joy in his eyes when he realizes there’s still some fresh meat left over for him to cut up into meaty red kibbles and bits.
Actually we don’t know if he’s been there the whole time just waiting for her to look up and see him. If he has, well, jeez that’s eerie. Or was he there just by coincidence? Whatever the case this scene creeps me out.
I have a thing about windows any way…or maybe this is what started it all. But I’m really paranoid about looking out the window (at night time) and seeing some gruesome face staring back at me. So here it is, the one scene that scared a little boy Manic out of his skin. Bravo!
Part V Vic kills candy boy
Part V deserves way more respect than it gets. I love this movie and mainly because of two characters, Ethel Hubbard (Carol Locatell) and her dimwitted son Junior (Ron Sloan). They don’t have a single thing to do with this scene but I gotta sing their praises. I love those two and still waiting on NECA to make me a figure of them both.
Anyhow the scene I’m talking about is the one murder that kick starts the rest of the movie’s killing spree. And Jason isn’t the even the killer here. Vic (Mark Venturini), a muscled up and mentally disturbed young man, is out chopping wood (because it’s healthy to let a mental patient work with a hatchet) when poor dopey Joey (Dominick Brascia) walks over with chocolate smeared around his mouth like sloppy lipstick around a hooker’s lips. Joey offers Vic a candy bar, overstays his welcome, and only leaves once he’s pushed every single button Vic can stand.
Vic puts that hatchet to use and severs the better part of Joey’s spine with it. It shocked people because it’s totally unexpected and so mean. But, let’s face it, Joey had it coming.
I’m Mrs. Voorhees – discovering who the killer’s been this whole time
Breaking all the rules right from the start by the time Betsy Palmer’s kindly character of Pamela Voorhees shows up for the final act (Friday the 13th Part I) the unknowing audience makes the assumption that all is going to be ok. Like the fairy godmother archetype of childhood folklore, Mrs. Voorhees carries a warm-hearted motherly presence with her and who can’t be enchanted by that lovely smile of hers? She shines, but, as we’re about to learn, for all the wrong reasons.
This is a woman who met with tragedy when her only child drowned in the lake. “They were out making love while that poor boy drowned’ she recounts emotionally, condemning the carelessness of the camp counselors. And Mrs. Voorhees deals with her grief by slaughtering all who arrogantly dare to desecrate the last breathing grounds of her dearly departed Jason.
That smile becomes a sneer as our Final Girl realizes this kindly woman is the one leaving bodies around camp. The final show down begins in fury as Mrs. Voorhees lunges at Alice and it had audiences shrieking with delight.
“Kill her, mommy” Jason urges from beyond his watery grave. And Mommy is all too happy to oblige.
Her role was so shocking and out of character that Sieskel and Ebert gave out the woman’s home address and implored their viewers to call and write her their many grievances. I don’t care how much you might hate a movie that’s just not cool, guys.
Freddy vs Jason tease in JGTH
Undeniably most fans would rather tickle their dicks with a porcupine quill than sit through this torture again. And according to Crystal Lake Memories, most of the actors aren’t that thrilled with this, well I guess you can call it a movie. In a failed attempt to look clever, JGTH introduces Jason’s never-before mentioned sister, has Jason talk in one scene, misspells the Voorhees name, and turns Jason into a demon worm that slides up a pussy. Or maybe it was her ass? Oh, who cares? It’s clearly an immature work made by college kids.
Today it’s hip to like this movie and act like it’s some misunderstood masterpiece, but that can’t erase how terribly New Line treated their first Jason film after acquiring the rights from Paramount. As a ‘90s era slasher movie, ok I’ll admit it’s fun. Stupid fun, but still fun. But as the 9th entry in an already well-established horror franchise, it sticks out like a turd stubbornly hanging out of a dog’s ass.
However, love it or hate it, fans can at least all agree that final shot was awesome, at least at the time of its release. Seeing Freddy’s glove reaching out of Hell to drag down Jason’s mask left fans with a coveted glimpse into Freddy vs. Jason.
Really there’s no reason why this couldn’t have just been Freddy vs. Jason rather than Jason Goes To Hell. Or they could have made a movie about Jason actually being in Hell. Kinda like the title implies.
Tommy Loses Control Part IV
Friday the 13th Part IV has some fan-fucking-tastic kills. But undeniably the best one was saved for last and it’s Jason’s own.
The moment stands out for a few reasons. For starters it’s a deliberately drawn out death. And it works. They meant to kill Jason and kill him good! So Jason gets brutalized and is left with no chance of surviving.
The other thing that stands out is who ends up slaughtering Jason – a little kid. Now it’s nothing short of brilliance that the film makers introduce Tommy Jarvis as some normal kid. Not a super hero and without any extraordinary gifts. Just a kid who makes cool monster masks and plays video games. Not to mention he was like all us guys back then and couldn’t wait to see some boobies.
As kids we wanted to be Tommy’s pal. And Cory Feldman was a really likable kid actor. He just had this innocent look about him, something angelic.
So when Tommy shaves his head in a clever attempt to connect with Jason and then lays the business end of a machete into the pretty side of Jason’s face it’s not all that shocking. Tommy’s just trying to protect his older sister… right?
But it’s when Tommy picks the machete back up and turns Jason’s body into a Cannibal Corpse album cover that the creepy factor rises. The manic look in the kid’s eyes, the ferocity in his face, and the wet sounds every time he pummels Jason all add up to a very disturbing experience.
Naturally we loved every minute of it.
The movie ends on a freeze frame of lil Tommy with that same crazed look in his eyes, hinting that the series may have lost one killer by creating a brand new one. Kids are creepy little shits anyhow and this movie drives that point home.
Yeah there’s no soul behind that stare.
This has already gone on way too long and it means a lot that you’ve stuck around for this long, my Nasties. There are still so many moments that shocked us and scared us silly, and this is just a small list of some of our all-time favorites from the series. Each one proves why Friday the 13th is a horror sovereign. We’d love to know which ones are yours so don’t be shy.
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