Tag Archives: horror movies

How Horror Movies Help Me Cope With My Anxiety Disorder

Ever since I was a little kid, I knew something was a little off. I had some pretty extreme nervous tendencies. If someone yelled at me, I would shake and cry. If I didn’t do something right, I would make myself crazy trying to correct it, or else I would have a nervous breakdown. I would ruminate over and over in my mind different scenarios of what people thought of me about something trivial I did a year prior and how they probably hate me for it.

When it’s out of control and I begin to spiral, the physical symptoms seep in like a burglar creeping into your home in the middle of the night at your most vulnerable. The flushed feeling in your face and hands. The heart palpatations. The dizzy and lightheaded feelings where your legs are about to give out at any second. Then, you feel you can’t breathe. You try and catch a breath but the air hunger is strong. Hyperventilating is a massive bitch. The first time it happened to me I didn’t even realize I was doing it- that’s how sneaky it can be, and I ended up at the hospital because I had managed to paralyze the right side of my body. I was frozen in time until a kind nurse taught me the savior breathing techniques that many turn to when those feelings begin creeping in. The breathing

This is the monster that is anxiety and panic disorder, and only one tried and true thing can ever ground me when I’m having one of those “off days”. Taking some deep breaths and good ol’ comforting horror movies. If you struggle, sit back, hear me out, because it’s time to take your anxiety medicine.

How Horror Movies Help Me Cope With My Anxiety Disorder

Anxiety disorders are the most common mental illness in the U.S., affecting 40 million adults in the United States age 18 and older, or 18.1% of the population every year. The past few years have been ROUGH to say the very least and an explosion of anxiety disorders have become a pandemic of its own. In 2020, women experienced an almost 30% increase in major depressive disorders and an almost 28% increase in anxiety disorders worldwide, while men saw increases of 24% and 22%, respectively. Overall, women were twice as likely to experience major depressive disorder than men. Due to the heightened fears and anxieties from damn near almost everyone, myself included, most are wanting to stay indoors, avoid populated areas, and cut themselves off from society itself. That being the case, I can understand why those already suffering prior to the world basically crumbling, are struggling even more so than ever before.

Personally speaking, I suffer from severe anxiety and panic disorder with PTSD and hyperventilation syndrome. Like many others, I worry about my health and have death anxiety, which is not all that uncommon and the past few years have been a fucking nightmare. From as early as my diaper days, I was obsessed with horror movies. And when I experience an episode or begin to spiral out, a hefty dose of comfort horror is my medicine of choice. Whether it’s Chucky telling Kyle to “Shut up and drive, before he kicks her fuckin’ teeth in”, or a sampling of Freddy “welcoming Jennifer to Prime Time“, the horrors on the television are a safety net from the horror of reality and a fine form of escapism.

Plus, it’s a good chuckle sometimes too. As ridiculous as this is, can anyone honestly say they can be scared after this?

 Horror movies for me have always been an escape into a familiar fantasy. This type of mind-numbing exit into horror derealization has always been my own way of coping with my anxiety issues; in general, horror films shroud me with a sense of comfort and familiarity.

Sitting down with some old favorites rings my bells of nostalgia and offers a great distraction. Like remembering the first time, at four, I saw Silver Bullet, or my first introduction to Haddonfield’s finest escaped maniac. The obsessive thoughts and lingering anxieties that run like a hamster on a wheel in my head dwindle down to a minimal, if not disappear altogether. Oh man, when those feel-good fuzzies hit, it’s hard to feel nothing other than a calming sense of relief and peacefulness I can only describe as my phantom Xanax with Horror Nostalgia becoming my drug of choice.

Movies, especially those of the slasher genre like Freddy and Chucky, are what I like to refer to as “fantastical horror”; as in, “This shit would never happen in the real world,” (I totally made up that sub-genre term). The more fantastic and crazy the premise, the easier it is to escape into this wonderful world of imagination of talking killer dolls, or an unstoppable force of brutality that dons a hockey mask with no explanation of how he came back from the dead, and furthermore died as a child and is now some undead 7-foot guy throwing a machete around. Horror films are that security blanket or that teddy bear you had as a child and cling onto in times of stress when no one else is around.

As a final punch to the anxiety beast, with every slasher horror film, there’s a villain and hero, right? As it usually goes with the horror film formula, the monster comes face to face with the main protagonist who loves to give them one hell of a time in the final showdown. Facing your anxiety head-on by welcoming it, telling it to do its thing, and then fuck off for the day, can be beneficial. The way I see it, the hero is in comparison to you and the evil force is that bastard anxiety monster. So seeing the horror hero/heroine go against the odds by facing their fears encourages me to relax some and take my control back.

Of course, it doesn’t always come as easy in the heat of the moment to remember to turn your back on your anxiety, the way Nancy memorably vanquished Freddy. And as perfectly exampled here in this clip, the monster never truly dies because there is no TRUE cure for this other than using the best tools you have at your disposal, but you live to fight another day by taking your power back, and hey, that’s really all you can do.

I did my time in nursing school, but I’m no doctor here and don’t claim to be. Everyone who suffers from some sort of anxiety alignment or relative issues has different remedies that work for them. I here am simply offering my own story of taking something I cherish deeply and turning it into a therapeutic refuge in stressful times and as someone with a platform here, I feel it’s important that you know you are not alone in this. So if you can relate in any way, take another look at the wonderful world of the horror genre as a way to escape and free yourself from the anxieties of the world that is more horrifying than any film you can put in front of me.

If this resonates with any of you nostalgic nuggets, drop a line below, and let’s get the discussion going!

‘Texas Chainsaw Massacre’ – The Movie That Scared Me Before I Ever Watched it!

It cannot be stressed enough the impact visual images alone can have over an adolescent mind unprepared to fully process the visual overload it is suddenly forced to compute. And it can be anything. Read Marylyn Manson’s autobiography (Long Hard Road Out Of Hell) and you’ll read in grotesque detail what he and his cousin saw out of their grandpa which went on to scar them for life. Hopefully, none of us have to deal with lecherous visions of perverted grandparents like that, but, without a doubt, there could be something that you saw while you were little that left a searing brand smoking on your psyche. 

I sure did and it stayed with me for years! It helped develop my obscene taste for horror-gore and death metal music too. And though there is a macho Manic pride growling inside me to not reveal any hint of fear over anything I cannot deny the one thing that did really, really mess with my head at an early age.

I stumbled upon it while glancing through the magazine rack at a checkout line way back when. Being an avid horror/monster fan from the time I was in diapers I was eagerly skimming through a Gorezone magazine, my own little happy space when I turned the page to see a girl being hoisted up by a maniac to be hung on a rusty meat hook. 

I cannot tell you why but fuck-a-monk that got into my head! Like could it be possible for a movie – even a scary one – to go a little too far? I was only eight at the time so I hadn’t explored the gorier side of horror yet. This single image alone alerted me to a side of horror I was unaware of. Something that felt genuinely dangerous.

I was a stupid kid so cut me a little slack.

I didn’t know a thing about cannibalism at that age so I was unaware she was going to be that evening’s main course. I just knew what followed was going to be terrible for her. I later learned about people eating people being an actual thing and – again – that fucked with my head a little more. I didn’t know people did that. In fact, I wasn’t aware that was even possible! 

But one thing that did cross my mind while staring wide-eyed at that macabre image was how very taboo this was. Like I was going to get into trouble just for looking at it. That girl, someone young, pretty, and very helpless, about to hang in agony on that hook. They can’t put that kind of stuff in movies, could they? I closed the magazine and with some newfound trauma stood silently waiting for my aunt to finish up so we could leave. 

What kept repeating around in my head was, That must be the scariest movie ever.

Years Pass

Long story short my parents decided to become missionaries when I was in 4th grade so I ended up spending the next 15 years in St. Petersburg, Russia. I loved it if we’re being honest. The horror and metal scene are both strong in the city, at least when I lived there. Once a year we would travel over to Helsinki, Finland where I would go to comic shops and books stores and load up on comics, figures, magazines, and books.

While skimming the magazines I got hold of a horror mag and, well wouldn’t you know, there was a huge piece on the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Bear in mind I was about seventeen at this time and was still trepid over the fucking movie without ever even seeing it.

Out of obsidian curiosity, I poured over the lengthy article, soaking in each and every grizzly detail, and learned about the puking hot despicable conditions the actors put themselves through.

How Gunner Hanson stank to high heaven and made people sick due to the odor when he was around. Because no one would wash the costumes! And filming under the glaring heat of a Texan sun inside a humid shack lacking any AC was entirely unbearable. 

Sally’s finger really did get cut open to feed Grandpa because actor Gunner Hanson just had enough. And, shit, I can’t blame him. Conditions were disgusting, hot, uncomfortable, and it played through on film fantastically. 

Considering how I hadn’t seen the movie yet I was bewitched by all the details. And then I read it was based on a true story – and not knowing much about Ed Gein at the time – I closed the magazine and let that bit of obscene info sink in. My teenage brain really thought this shit happened! Whatever dread I may have already established in my mind over this little film increased tenfold! 

Oh but that’s not all. For whatever reason when I was seventeen it was totally all about TCM! Day after reading that magazine article I was out and about looking around the Helsinki flea market where I saw a clamshell copy of – yeah you already know – TCM. I was also too chicken shit to buy it. You may all laugh at me. I was seventeen and stupid. Something I rapidly got over while pouring through all the Video Nasties I could later find.

However, I did return back to Russia entirely pissed with myself for not buying the fucking movie. And for some reason it was not at all easy to find a copy of some movies – Last House On The Left, I Spit On Your Grave, and Texas Chainsaw Massacre were almost all impossible to find. And there were no streaming services like Shudder or eBay to order hard-to-find movies. And that’s what made me kick myself over not getting the film. 

A whole year passed before I found myself in Helsinki again and back at the flea market. It was there, the clamshell video of TCM. I swear it was waiting on me like some malevolently patient stalker. My celluloid devil at the crossroads. I had to buy it this time and took the movie back home and watched it that very night. Lights were off and I was in bed watching truly the scariest movie I had ever seen up till that point. 

I don’t need to tell you how great the movie is or the merits of its scares. It works. Still to this day it works. It plays out like a demented dream and allows ghastly visuals to tell a simple story.

One thing the remakes and succeeding movies never quite manage to capture is the hellish simplicity of just letting scary images progress a story. It’s so simple but chillingly effective. The movie starts off with a corpse and it concludes with the ravings of a blood-drenched lunatic.

Added to the macabre images is a soundtrack of grating metal objects, static akin to a geiger counter, and shrill moans. It’s not at all traditional and fits perfectly into the strange and demented story of Leatherface and his family. It’s been said before but it really does feel like you’re watching a grotesque documentary.

Even though I had this film hyped up in my head I was not at all disappointed when I finally watched it. It did give me chills, like what the fuck is with the chicken in the parakeet cage? Weird shit like that just weirded me out and made me love the movie more and more. 

Joe Bob Briggs calls it the best movie ever made and he might be right. It’s certainly one that scared me years before I ever even watched it. It’s a dirty little product of its time and was influential in establishing the slasher genre. 

Future Past of Chainsaw

Gun Media, the guys behind that little Jason game I’m always yammering on about (check here), have gone and done it again by bringing fans TCM to play. The game is one of the most highly anticipated games among horror fans today as we wait for the chance to traverse the dangerous backwoods of Texas and, oh please let it be, become Leatherface and chase down stupid little fucks with a roaring chainsaw. 

So the legacy of Leatherface isn’t slowing down. And sure the franchise as a whole isn’t all that amazing but the first film alone is more than enough to keep fans screaming and scared. If you’ve never seen that original film it’s high time we fixed that. Grab a beer and turn the lights off as you cozy in for some Texas Chainsaw Massacre. And if you scream a little well that’s ok. 

Manic out! 

Horror’s Forbidden Film: Clownhouse (1989)

Horror's Forbidden Film: Clownhouse (1989)

Clownhouse: A true video nasty if there ever was one. I mind-wrestled since the beginning of Nightmare Nostalgia on the notion to ever even write about this film, and here we are finally. At the end of the day, I got some things to say so we’re diving into this really troublesome movie that has become the true horror fan’s forbidden fruit.

Let’s start with my first experience with it:

Walking around the horror section in 1990 at my local mom and pop rental store Action Video, was definitely a highlight in my childhood. I’ve written countless times about how the hypnotizing VHS art covers opened up a world of horror I may have never known about before. Classic films like The Blob remake and Popcorn would have slid right by me in this era had it not been for those glorious artwork promos on the plastic rental box staring at you from afar like a lonely stranger begging for conversation. And of course, this new film stalking the shelves in the Summer of that year by then-unknown filmmaker Victor Salva caught my attention. The peering eyes of a demented clown taunted me. So duh, of course, I rented it. Brought it home, watched it on a Friday night with my dad, and I absolutely loved it.

I really hate saying that knowing we all know now about the movie.

Clownhouse is a fairly straightforward horror film about three brothers, Nathan Forrest Winters, Brian McHugh, and a then-unknown Sam Rockwell left alone in the house with some lunatic clowns on the loose who so happen to target the brothers in particular. Casey (Winters) has classic coulrophobia, and of course, his asshole big brother (Rockwell) who has a hot date but is also in charge of his two younger siblings while Mom is out of town, takes the clan to the town carnival to kill two birds with one stone. After a scare inside the big tent with a red-nosed nightmare (which was solely based on Casey’s own fears) the brothers head home for the night and the clowns retire to the makeup tents to wash off their faces- but the circus clowns themselves are being stalked by a trio of escaped mental patients. They themselves are killed and the lunatics take their clown gear, makeup, and have a hunt of their own. The prey being the three brothers of course.

As stated, Victor Salva was then an unknown to the industry and came in with this, actually really good B-horror movie flick. Beyond the obvious, this is what is incredibly problematic. The film hardly has any gore but rather plays on a psychological scare and chase theme. I would almost go far as saying it’s like a hardened, and more sophisticated “Are You Afraid of the Dark” episode made into a movie with much better acting. Which could be why I liked it so much as a kid. The film has great tension-filled pacing and eerie cinematography that sets the mood for a terrifying night filled with pained nightmares running around. But alas, it’s so uncomfortable to sit through now.

Is it possible to separate the art from the artist? Well, it’s not easy when the center of the art involves child molestation and really unsubtle shots of young boys in their underwear throughout the picture. I used to be able to think I could. However, the older I get, the more I can not. It hurts knowing what happened to the star, Nathan Forrest Winters and what he must have felt and gone through during production. After the disgusting scandal was made public, and if you do happen to rewatch it, you can just tell in this kid’s eyes the fear he has. The torment that Casey goes through in the film is a disturbing parallel of the heinous abuse Winters was subjected to at the hands of a real monster. That’s not acting, and that really angers me. It angers me even more that this piece of shit didn’t do nearly enough prison time AND went on to make a goddamn movie with Disney of all people: Powder, another really suggestive-looking trope with lots of half-naked young men, and then ultimately, Jeepers Creepers– who fuckface Salva himself said he modeled The Creeper after his own persona.

What a fuckin’ slimeball.

Anyways, if you’re one of those people who can by some magic sorcery separate the film from the behind-the-scenes horrors, then you’ll probably enjoy it; good luck finding it though beyond a free version up on YouTube. Just be prepared for the most uncomfortable hour and twenty minutes of your cinematic life.