Tag Archives: Retro horror

5 Essential Thanksgiving Specials From Our Childhood

When it comes to Holiday specials, Halloween and Christmas seem to take the lead over all other holidays- and I mean, I’m never opposed to an over-saturation of Halloween TV for my eyeholes. However, Thanksgiving, which is certainly underrated as far as good TV is concerned, has had its fair share of quality holiday-themed episodes and specials that aren’t given as much love as the aforementioned celebratory occasions that come before and after Turkey Day.

Talk about middle child syndrome, eh?

I thought it was always kind of weird no one talks about these specials a lot because what else are you doing on Thanksgiving after eating yourself into a turkey coma? You lay on the couch, snuggled up in your favorite blanket, and zombie out on some TV. Now, when I was a kid, Thanksgiving Day was all about sports and of course, the all-important Survivor Series. But I gotta give some of these other holiday boob-tube feasts their due for amping us up for the upcoming day of gluttony, which has become a November tradition for myself the week leading up to the big day.

So in no particular order, let’s get to it!

Let’s start with the obvious…

A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving

To be perfectly honest, no other special gets me quite in the mood for a jelly bean and popcorn feast quite like the 1973 Charlie Brown fiasco. As a matter of fact, I almost prefer watching this over the “Great Pumpkin”. This installment is everything that is so right about a Charlie Brown special, with the added bonus of Snoopy fighting with a lawn chair, which is probably my favorite thing in that whole episode. I can’t go to long into Turkey Day without humming that soulful tune, of “Little Birdie”, while wanting to strangle a few family members at the dinner table. It’s also brought about my own little tradition of recreating the Snoopy a La Thanksgiving feast every year, and it’s definitely a highlight among the madness throughout the day.

The Simpsons – “Bart vs. Thanksgiving

In The Simpsons’ very first Thanksgiving episode back in 1990, the animated family were peaking into superstardom and Bart’s antics that “ruin” the holiday and lead him into his own Thanksgiving adventure on the streets of Springfield live in my mind rent-free all year ’round. Also, from the moment I saw this, I always refer to that jellied can of blob as Cranberry Sauce A La Bart.

Roseanne- “Thanksgiving” (1991)

Roseanne undoubtedly for years, was the Queen of Halloween in the sitcom world and when Thanksgiving rolled around, this was no different as several seasons of the show made sure to make a Thanksgiving episode full of chaos and smart-ass remarks at the dinner table. Out of the few they’ve done, my personal favorite was from Season 4 simply entitled “Thanksgiving” where Roseanne’s grandmother, played by Shelly Winters and her now husbandless mother are the guests of honor among teenage Becky strife, Darlene’s emo goth phase, and a couple of secrets that come to light. Just another day in the Connor household.

The Star Wars Holiday Special

I’m not an overly enthusiastic Star Wars fan, but I can always appreciate it for what it is, and what I can appreciate the most is this bastardizing, kooky-ass special that ran the week before Thanksgiving in 1978 on CBS. I watch it yearly, mainly because it’s just so batshit crazy as most everything that came out of the 70s usually was… a drug-fueled mish-mosh of chaos, and this is no exception. We got a couple of wookies, Jefferson Starship, and the magnificent Bea Arthur belting out in song at the Cantina, which is obviously the greatest part about this whole thing. I wonder if Bea’s back hurt carrying this entire special?

Garfield’s Thanksgiving

Garfield’s Thanksgiving Special from 1989 doesn’t nearly get the love it deserves, as his Halloween Adventure four years prior seems to remain the nostalgic favorite. But there’s one thing here that this special has, the other doesn’t: and that’s mother fucking Grandma Arbuckle. Voiced by Pat Carroll (Ursula/ The Little Mermaid), only briefly appears, not even staying for dinner but she steals the whole show. Grandma Arbuckle’s ability to make croquettes out of a ruined turkey is inspiring to say the least for those of us who burn shit on the regular.

And with that, my Thanksgiving gift to you my turkey nuggets is the cartoon shown here in full. Now Do the mashed potato, do the candied yam. Do the funky turkey, cause it’s time to jam.

Ivan Drago: The Horror Icon of the Rocky Franchise

As a youngling, and to this very day, Stallone’s Rocky character was and is my goddamn hero. The message of the Rocky films, and the character itself is so powerful-which is why it remains such a time-honored classic. Never give up, chase your dreams, and be the best you, you can be. A solid lesson in life that any adult or child should take and run with. As a kid, I was obsessed with these movies (I still totally am) because of the exuberant heart this franchise lies on the line.

OK, the sweet-ass montages might play a part in this as well. Warning: Watching this video may cause a sudden sprout of chest hairs. 

Now, by the time Rocky IV came around in 1985, our Italian Stallion seemed to be on top of the world. He’s the undisputed champion, gained a best friend in his two-time opponent Apollo Creed, and has more money than I think he knows how to spend- I mean, the guy is buying robot slaves for people’s birthdays. Must be nice, eh? Things seem exactly where they should be in Roc’s life, and seriously, nobody deserves it more than him.

But that’s how most horror movies start out, isn’t it?

An up-and-coming Russian boxer, Ivan Drago, invades into the US with his Olympic Gold-medalist wife, and his evil as Hell political posse looking to pick a fight with Balboa. They figure he’s the best, so why not go straight for it. However, Creed who is a bit past his prime opts to fight in an exhibition match with the silent blonde giant in what seems like the result of both a little jealousy, and the fact he needs to prove he’s still got it as a fighter.

BIG MISTAKE THERE BUDDY- IT AIN’T ALL IN THE HIPS.

The sequence we see before the actual match between Drago and Creed, scared the literal crap out of me as a kid. I mean, his silent stance and glaring eyes are intimidating enough. His character really doesn’t need any extra help to look like a goddamn murderer waiting to snap. But hey, enter composing score genius Vince DiCola, and everyone is about to shit their pants.

Then what happens? Drago KILLS Creed. Completely pulverizes this man’s face and bashes his brain in until Apollo is left twitching on the mat. All as his poor wife looks on in horror. As a kid seeing this for the first time, I just sat there and cried my damn eyeballs out. I couldn’t believe this shit. This monster, glaring into Rocky’s eyes, while wife Ludmilla (Brigitte Nielson)  is sitting at her table smoking and smirking like a jerkoff, expresses zero emotion with no fucks given for what he just did. Them’s are the traits of a classic serial killer folks.

“If he dies, he dies..”

What a heartless asshole.

So of course, Rocky needs to seek his vengeance. He heads to Russia (per the terms to fight Drago), grows an epic beard, and trains like a madman to face his most challenging and scariest opponent to date. While an argument can be made that Drago was controlled and treated like a lab rat by his handlers, I like to think he had some sort of control of what he was doing. Towards the end of the fight with Rocky, he clearly lets the higher powers know he IS running the show. So perhaps he’s been influenced a tad, but I really don’t think they were totally to blame here.

In actuality, we really don’t know anything about Drago or his background before his fight with Creed- expect for he was a soldier. The absence of understanding what makes him tick, his tense presence, and that spine-shivering Drago Suite make him a scary character in the world of cinema indeed. I could even go as far to compare him to Michael Myers. Oh yes, we’re going there. Everything I just said about Drago, applies to Haddonfield’s finest maniac as well. Regarding the first Halloween film, Myers was an effective and scary-as-hell villain because he had no rhyme or reason, no background explanation and John Carpenter’s chilling score made him all that much more frightening.

So yeah, as a child fearing for the life of my beloved hero at the hands of a soulless, steroid-infused boxer was quite terrifying by any means. I’m not going to lie, hearing that DiCola theme still gives me a bit of the skeevies. So here’s to you Ivan Drago: the unnamed horror icon hiding in plain sight inside the Rocky franchise.

Worth noting, however, that they missed a glorious opportunity in CREED 2 to bring back the Drago Suite. I would have had a happy heart attack.

Rocky IV

Tainted Candy: The Most Unnerving Scene In “Halloween II”

I’ve said it a million times. HALLOWEEN II is by far, in my humble opinion anyway, the scariest of the franchise and is rightfully so for many reasons. HALLOWEEN II goes harder in just about every aspect, from the angrier music as a metaphor for a more pissed-off Myers, to the minute details scattered around the film. One in particular, shoved in by John Carpenter that is brief in nature, but perhaps the most fucked up moment in the whole movie.

And it had nothing to do with Michael Myers.

While Laurie Strode is being tended to her wounds by a drunken Dr. Mixter inside Haddonfield Memorial, a car pulls up to the front of the entrance with a frantic mother gently easing her son dressed as a pirate, out of the car and the kid is gushing blood from his mouth as we can see something shiny stuck up in there good. ‘m going to be completely honest because when I saw this as a kid, I thought it was a fuckin’ ice cube. Maybe it was the low definition on my crappy TV, but I went for YEARS thinking this kid had an ice cube stuck in his mouth. Did it make sense? Not a bit. Did I ever question it? Hell no. All I understood was that shit looked like it hurt and when I finally found out it was an actual razor blade from a piece of candy, it was like an emphatic moment of HOLY SHIT for me, and it just made that movie so much scarier.

We only see the mom and son duo two more times-once checking in and being told to wait as the frustrated mom is putting pressure on her kid’s jaw, and then again upon discharge outside the hospital where Gary French (yes, the kid actually has a name) and mom Leigh, (hey, so does the mom!) attempt to have a conversation, but the kid’s words are muddled from the injury and although Gary lives to see another Halloween, he’s obviously scarred for life.

Watching (and realizing) what I was seeing within that scene as a child, and now a parent myself, just makes it that much more chilling knowing these things have absolutely happened. The genius of John Carpenter sticking this out-of-pocket, non-essential plot point in HALLOWEEN II, comes on the heels of mass hysteria of stories of crazed people tainting candy for trick-or-treaters with poison and, of course, razor blades. The first documented incidents go back to the 1950s, where a California dentist laced over 400 pieces of candy with laxatives, sickening over 30 kids. As if kids aren’t scared enough of the dentist! Another incident came in the 1960s where a mother in New York handed out bags of treats containing arsenic-laced ant traps, metal mesh scrubbing pads and dog biscuits. In the 70s, a boy was killed by ingesting a pixie stick laced with cyanide by his own father, who used the legend of poisoned treated on Halloween to attempt to thwart the suspicion away from him. In Minneapolis, in 2000, James J. Smith, 49, was charged with felony adulteration after four teenagers told police they received chocolate bars that were later found to contain needles. As recent as 2022, a child in New York found a razor blade inside a candy bar she got while trick-or-treating. Bringing this John Carpenter’s horrifying scene here, full circle.

PSAs began in the early 70s, warning children and parents about Halloween dangers in the form of educational videos, and after the infamous Tylenol murders of 1982, one year after the release of HALLOWEEN II, the fears of product tampering reached an all-time high, especially around Halloween, and in 1985, another national PSA video was made containing fifteen-minutes beginning with glorious Ben Cooper masks dancing across the screen to some serious disco music. It tackles such pressing issues as the importance of safe pumpkin carving, costume dos and don’ts, and the all-important candy inspection before digging into your sugar haul for the night. 

Seriously, this thing rocks. Sure, it’s slightly dated, but the message still applies.

Many people shrug off the Halloween candy story as just that, a scary story. And while it’s true, most cases of reports seem to be unfounded and the biggest threat of a kid’s Halloween bucket is a sugar-induced stomachache, urban legends notoriously become reality in the minds of crazed folks where the myth turned into a real-life danger for unknowing innocents. Knowing that John Carpenter really didn’t want to do a sequel to his immortal classic and had a vision of his Halloween films exploring the horror holiday’s urban legends and cautionary tales of lore, this scene in itself, doesn’t seem so, out-of-pocket after all. Speaking plainly now, it truly is the most unnerving part of the entire film as the reality lines blur from Terminator Myers hunting down Laurie in a hospital, into something we know has, can, and may happen again somewhere; and that’s what makes it so terrifying.

So, is this scene the most messed up in the movie? I’ll let Dr. Loomis answer that one…