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40 Years Later: “Friday the 13th Part V: A New Beginning”, Was Way Ahead of its Time

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It all started with a candy bar. If Vic hadn’t gotten “completely out of line” with fat fuck Joey, we never would have bore witness to enchilada diarrhea death or Ethyl’s grandeur home cooking segments. It’s a hideous thought to ponder, and while some might disagree, A NEW BEGINNING is the definitive breakout star sequel of the FRIDAY THE 13TH franchise.

Yes. I’m as serious as Tommy Jarvis’ stare when I say that.

Every horror franchise seems to have ONE film in the series that goes off the rails. HALLOWEEN had “SEASON OF THE WITCH”, NOES had “FREDDY’S REVENGE”, and FRIDAY the 13th has “A NEW BEGINNING”; and that’s precisely what it was meant to be. A way to veer off from what was definitively “THE FINAL CHAPTER” where Jason had clearly met his demise at the hands of a young Jarvis and an opportunity to pass the machete, so to speak, to a new killer in the franchise. In the past 40 years in horror movies, switching killers in an iconic horror franchise has never really seemed to pan out with the majority of fans and A NEW BEGINNING was no exception as Crystal Lake campers flocked to the theater to see Jason back from the dead in 1985, only to leave confused and pissed off the for the most part. To this day, the fan base seems to be divisive on that matter, while Part V has a cult following, that yours truly is Vice President of the Violet Moraine Fan Club, while others deem it as the red-headed stepchild of the series and a low point for Friday films.

I tend to think those are the same people who hate SEASON OF THE WITCH because Michael Myers isn’t (technically) in the movie. Although I do like to point out that he actually is when that argument comes up.

YEAH, SEE RIGHT THERE! He is actually PIVOTAL in the (assumed) demise of millions of children wearing Silver Shamrock masks, since the original movie is marketed with the BIG GIVEAWAY.

Now back to A NEW BEGINNING– Jarvis, now a teen, is suffering from massive PTSD from his encounter with Jason, and who wouldn’t be fucked up from that? He was institutionalized and then transferred to, of course, a camp institution in the woods for kids with “problems” like himself. And after the death of chocolate-loving Joey at the hands of another unstable teen at the residence, all the teens there are picked off one by one, by well, presumably Jason, Only to come find out at the end of the film, it was Joey’s father, Roy the paramedic who attended to the homicide scene, seeking revenge on the camp for the death of his son. A son of which he obviously told no one about, or was some sort of dirty secret of his. Which at the end of the day, makes perfect sense since Jason was technically DEAD. And the franchise was breathing fresh new blood into the storylines to keep that sequel cash flow going while offering the fan base something other than the same regurgitation of Jason killing teens having sex and trespassing on his stomping grounds.

However, upon release, there was some mixed reviews from fans with the largest complaint being Jason wasn’t actually in the movie. Again, just like HALLOWEEN III, he technically was, via Tommy’s dream sequences and hallucinations. I mean, he sure as shit wasn’t dreaming about a blue-eyed homicidal paramedic. Or maybe he was. I’m not judging.

Director Danny Steinmann told FANGORIA in issue #44 in 1985: “I have complained a lot about other people taking over my films, but on this one I was pretty much allowed to make it happen in a way that I thought would get the biggest response from the audience. I’ve been given a true shot. I can’t complain on this.”

With Tommy and Pam taking out fake Jason, A NEW BEGINNING sets up Tommy to be the franchise’s new slasher, and I can’t help but wonder what could have been if they had gone down that road. Of course, personally speaking my favorite films in the series are actually 5-8, so with that being said, Jason would have never jammed with Alice Cooper or taken a boat, I mean, Manhattan. And I’m not sure I want to live in a world where “the darkest side of the night” never happened. Still, it was a smart move to make if they were indeed going to continue or flat-out end the series. But fans are gonna fan, and they just wanted more of the real Jason.

So let it be written. So let it be done. And he lives.

We also have to talk about the great batch of side characters in PART V. The FRIDAY movies usually have a great set of people lined up for slaughter. Some we like. Some, we can’t wait for them to get a machete through the skull. In this movie though, I think we have some of the most memorable side cast in all the films.

We got Reggie the Reckless. THE FIRST BLACK TEEN TO SURVIVE A HORROR MOVIE. And with that kind of charm, it would have been such a waste to kill his character off. I’m only sorry he didn’t make a return as an older teen or adult in later films.

He also has an older brother, Demon, who by far has one of the most memorable death scenes in the entire franchise. His appearance was brief, but impactful-also probably the most quoted, with “Them Damn Enchiladas”. I can’t be the only one who simply can NOT just say enchiladas when they’re around. They are specifically referred to as THEM DAMN ENCHILADAS.

There’s the ultimate comedy relief of Ethyl and Junior. As far as comedic duos go in the Friday franchise, there are none greater than these two dildohs.

And of course, Miss Violet and what was my first introduction to “His Eyes” by Pseudo Echo. Such a perfect song for the characters of Roy and Jason with a cool kid goth dance before getting a machete to the groin. It was actually supposed to splice her genitals . Too bad that never made it into the movie as the first of its kind.

45 years later, A NEW BEGINNING seems to have found its footing with, ironically, a new generation, making it a favorite among some fans, launching it into cult fandom. But it was also 80s kids like myself who were too young to see it in the theaters, but caught multiple viewings of this on cable television; most notably on the USA Network. I swear they must have played this movie a million times in the late 80s and early 90s when that station had its horror marathons and also during the infamous UP! ALL NIGHT with Rhonda Shear or Gilbert Gottfried.

Case in point:

That being said, one might argue a bit of nostalgia plays a part as well, but I won’t label it as cheap as that. It’s a goddamn good movie that was way ahead of it’s time. OoooOO baby I’m just glad the once bastardized sequel now has its rightful place as a worthy contender for one of the best in the franchise with horror fans that can see this entry for what it is: Not just a slasher movie, but a movie that attempted to bring the series back to its roots with the infamous whodunnit horror. Part V at least remembers that this franchise wasn’t just a mindless killer stalking and murdering teenagers to begin with; it was a mystery killer going around and murdering said teenagers. That was part of the initial magic of Friday the 13th, and I think most people may have forgotten that. It’s damn fun, the kills are brutal, and it’s PEAK 80s horror.

What’s not to love? Now sit down and eat yer fuckin’ slop, haters.

Editorials

T-U-R-T-L-E POWER! The Everlasting Nostalgia of the 1990 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Movie

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The date was March 30th, 1990 and nothing, I MEAN NOTHING could have prepared us for the now nostalgic national treasure of the TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES movie. With Turtle Mania running hot via the hit animated series, it was the event of the year for pretty much everyone in my age group and beyond. I was seven at the time and a huge fan of the series. I don’t remember a whole lot at this age, but I do remember going to the theater with my dad to see this and oh man… it really was an event for us kids. We were getting a live-action Ninja Turtle movie, y’all. This was better than the Good Humor truck breaking down in front of my house.

The lights dimmed and after a few trailers I don’t even remember because I was too damn excited, we opened up to the skyline of New York City (which greatly pleased my NY-bred father) with April O’Neil dubbing over scenes of young boys with the Foot robbing people blind; along with a brief shot of what we all knew was Shredder’s hand. It was already fucking amazing.

I was already sold and then this happened.

The theater was jam-packed as it was opening weekend Saturday and as someone who was there, I can validate we all collectively lost our shit when after the title credits when they hit the screen. That music started popping and it was all over from there. We were hooked in for a ride that we never wanted to get off from and are still enjoying it well over 30 years later.

There’s just so much to love about this movie paired with a massive load of nostalgia that comes with a viewing, so I’ll try to keep it light without boring you to death. Beyond the obvious wonderful things about TMNT 1990 like Casey Jones and the Jim Henson magic of the Turtles, let’s talk about some minor stuff that gets overlooked that warm all my nostalgic fuzzies and help make this film a nostalgic masterpiece.

That being said, we gotta talk about one of the reasons why this TMNT movie, in particular, is the best- Raphael’s glorious dirty fuckin’ mouth.

Fuck Yeah, Ralph

Before the opening scenes seen above, our hot-headed teenage turtle mutters DAMN and repeats it several times throughout the film with an added Bitchin’ at the film’s end. Honestly, this seems really petty as an adult but in 1990, it was a damn big deal. It was really cool for us kids to see our green machine heroes swear, albeit still PG words but radical nonetheless. However, this paired with the more serious dark tone and use of weapons upset parents because, spoiler alert-people have always been offended by something- and our heroes in a half-shell were toned down immensely for the sequel the following year. I don’t know if anyone ever noticed that in Secret of the Ooze, the turtles do way more hand-to-hand combat rather than relying on their trusty signature weapons of choice, but it’s worth mentioning since that’s the result of pearl-clutching parents of the ’90s.

Fast Food Cameos

Just look at that delightful whopping boxing folks. It’s the little things like this that make the world a better place.

Watching the movie now at 40, it’s fun to see all the retro commercial products inserted for possible material gains like Domino’s and Burger King. Of course, pizza promotions had to be somewhere in this movie, as we all know pizza is GOD to our fab four. Domino’s went pretty heavy in the movie for product placement, but do you remember Pizza Hut had a commercial on the original VHS release right before the movie started? I always found it odd that the rival pizza chains both had a hand in this film, but anyway, here’s a refresher in case memory doesn’t serve you well!

With the huge success of the movie, both Burger King and Pizza Hut went on to do a myriad of promotions within the fast food chains, including BK teaming up with F.H.E to release VHS tapes of the animated series at their restaurants.

Bonus points if you still have yours!

Raphael Meets The Krites

“Where do they come up with this stuff?!”

Just a shameless promotion from New Line for their 1986 film Critters that makes a cameo, but again, it’s the little things like this that have made me fall in love with this movie over and over again. A supposed family-friendly film with a cameo for a horror movie featuring carnivorous little aliens.

Fantastic.

Baby Sam Rockwell

Ahh yes. The Academy Award-winning actor Sam Rockwell played the head thug at the Foot Clan’s hideout. Albeit not his first film, he did appear in the highly controversial Clownhouse a year before, but it’s always nice to know where his adept villainous streak started. Rockwell is great at playing an asshole and let’s face it- anyone happy to keep poor Splinter hung up in a dank smelly hideaway is a pure prick in my book. Just a little tidbit from a superb actor that made us hate the Foot even more.

The VHS Release

October 4, 1990, was the date of infamy when the movie was released nationwide to video stores partnered with Family Home Entertainment and we all ran like there was, a lack of a better phrase, a turtle peeping out our buttholes to the closest retailer to pick up our copy of the film of our generation. Everyone had a copy within the first week and could be seen in every 90s kids’ home for years to come. It was a rite of our passage and youth to have this in our possession, and a beautiful nostalgic revisit as an adult.

While the VHS is indeed our gold standard for nostalgic purposes, Umbrella Entertainment released a special Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Stink-O-Vision Version Blu-Ray jam-packed with fun for your senses to revisit the movie like nothing ever before. The pack comes with scent cards accompanied with a menu of dank and delicious bespoke scents from Scented Storytelling to enhance the film’s stinkiest moments. Simply scratch the corresponding number on your scent card when the icon flashes on the screen and join Raphael, Leonardo, Michelangelo, and Donatello as they fight to become the city’s greatest mutant crimefighters and take down the nefarious Shredder. 

PICK UP YOUR COPY FROM AMAZON FOR ONLY $26.95!

All that being said, I’ll just leave it here with one of the most important life lessons we took from this movie…

Retro Reviews

The Most Terrifying of Them All: Cannon Movie Tales’ “Snow White”

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The Most Terrifying of Them All: Cannon Films' "Snow White"

I was never much of a fairy tale kind of kid, but Snow White is a story that I hold very dear to my heart. It’s dark, gritty, and relatable to me in such a way because I really had an Evil Queen as a mother. Sometimes step-parents can be a Godsend, while our real birth-givers are toxic entities in our lives, and it’s even worse when you’re a child if not traumatic altogether. My real mother is a narcissistic bipolar who was jealous of her own daughter growing up (why? I’ll never get that), which made my life growing up with her until she split pretty much a living hell. Without going into too much detail, I was treated rather poorly and my way of coping was escapism through a lot of horror films. And then there was this movie I ended up watching over a hundred times in my youth because it was not only, what I thought, was the best version of the Gothic fairy tale, but it had elements of horror sprinkled in there that were done rather well. Before Snow White: A Tale Of Terror came around anyway exactly 10 years after the fact.

Dating all the way back to 1916, The Brothers’ Grimm tale of envy and horror has been adapted cinematically over and over again in the past 100 years of film. It may be one of the most tried and true stories to be reinvented every few years or so for audiences, via animation or live-action. While some details differ from each revamping of the 1812 German fairy tale, the central plot remains the same not giving too much room for suspense. However, in the 80s’, Cannon Movie Tales’ version of the fair maiden and her seven little friends came in swinging as the most faithful adaptation of the original story to date; and definitely lives up to the Gothic nature that really is The Brothers’ Grimm as some of it is goddamn visually terrifying.

I mean, the magic mirror is straight-up made of nightmares, y’all.

Albeit the Evil Queen’s fate in the original story, Cannon’s Snow White gets most of the gritty details from the original right, even down to the apple core dislodging from her throat in transport. The movie stars Nicola Stapleton/Sarah Peterson as Snow White, Billy Barty from Willow and Legend fame, and Diana Rigg as the evil Queen who stole the whole show, and also induced a ton of nightmares as she did her job rather well. The rage and tone that comes off from this woman in the film is one for the books and, to this day, unmatched by any Evil Queen’s performance in the myriad of actresses that have donned the wicked crown.

In total, the Queen attempted murder on SW four times. Once as a child in the woods with the huntsman, where she is offered mercy by the hunter and flees off into the forest, coming upon the dwarves’ cottage. Years later when the Queen finds out Snow is still alive, she then uses her master of disguise tactics to cosplay not once, but 3 different times as a Gyspy woman, a Geisha, and finally an old woman to fool the princess by offering her poison combs, too-tight lace, and a delightful deadly apple-which obviously is one that finally did her in. I have to say however, it’s such an insult to women everywhere that any woman would be that stupid to fall for these tricks multiple times, but then again, we would have a bit of a boring story had she used her noodle a bit.

Anyways, once the traveling Prince happens upon Snow just hanging out dead in the woods, he whisks her away to a castle in the middle of a blistering snowstorm. The entourage carrying her has a bit of an accident, causing SW to spill out of the carriage in her glass coffin, and the force of the fall urges her to cough up the poisoned bit of the apple, awakening her and allowing the pair to live happily ever after.

Well, almost. Just like in the book, the Evil Queen finds out about this wedding and freaks out when her trusty mirror tells her that the Prince’s bride-to-be, is way more beautiful than she. She throws a temper tantrum, breaking the mirror which turns out to be the true source of her magic, beauty, and youth. She quickly begins to tatter and age but not before she can make it to this castle to look upon this fair maiden before she dies. Low, and behold, it’s of course, Snow White. She turns from the alter to walk away but her face shatters into a million pieces before she can make it out of the vicinity.

As a kid, this was absolutely terrifying. As an adult, that’s karma bitch.

Cannon’s Snow White is not easy to come by these days but Amazon does have the DVD for sale at a decent price. If anything, skip the few cheesy musical numbers that made their way into this movie, but watch it for Diana Rigg and her downright crazy-good performance along with some visually terrifying imagery that you won’t soon forget.