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Editorials

HAPPY ACCIDENTS: THAT TIME BOB ROSS DEFEATED DEADITES

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To the glee of horror aficionados, Shudder’s CREEPSHOW is teeming with Easter eggs, and no episode filled the basket quite like the Season 2 debut chaser, “Public Television of the Dead.”

The set-up alone was intoxicating. A play on ANTIQUES ROADSHOW featuring EVIL DEAD veteran Ted Raimi querying about a book he’d had “in [his] fruit cellar for years.” Of course, Raimi was playing himself, the book in question was the Necronomicon, and the Pittsburgh-based station (hello Romero reference) even featured a program with a puppet named–you guessed it–Henrietta. When the host of THE APPRAISER’S ROAD TRIP began reading the “wretched incantations,” all hell broke loose. But in the next studio, a gentleman who struck a striking resemblance to Bob Ross was filming, not THE JOY OF PAINTING but THE LOVE OF PAINTING. Played to placid perfection by Mark Ashworth, the character of Norm Roberts was merely Ross’ given name rearranged: Robert Norman Ross.

Fresh off a floating and brilliantly delivered “pledge to us,” Raimi’s Deadite wandered onto Roberts’ set, and the calm craftsman immediately leapt to action, confronting Raimi with a cool “I don’t know who you are, sir. But if you’re not gonna behave, I’m gonna have to ask you to leave.” Battle ensued. From a 2-inch brush to paint thinner and making a Gattling gun out of a snowblower, Norm went full MacGuyver, utilizing the tools of his trade to decimate Deadites. “We’re gonna beat the Devil out of you.” To the surprise of no one, Roberts saved the day, and his show–which was slated for cancellation–went national.

On its face, the premise of the episode seems outlandish, but it’s closer to the truth than you might think. The Roberts character was supposed to be a Vietnam veteran who fought on the front lines of the Tet Offensive in 1968, and believe it or not, Ross was a service veteran. Joining the United States Air Force in 1961, the not-yet-permed-painter was a medical records technician before being stationed in Alaska where he discovered a love for the snow and mountains that would inhabit so many of his works. Ross rose to the rank of master sergeant, but after acting as the heavy who was “the guy who makes you scrub the latrine, the guy who makes you make your bed, the guy who screams at you for being late to work,” upon discharge Ross vowed he would never raise his voice again.

Simply stated, “Public Television of the Dead” was a love letter to Ross. THE JOY OF PAINTING aired for eleven years (1983-1994) and thanks to its magical host, enjoys a cult following to this day. Bob Ross’ official YouTube channel has over 5.6 million subscribers as of October 26, and one episode alone–the Season 29 opener–boasts of 45 million views. And by the way, the color code for Van Dyke brown is #664228. If you know, you know.

Who among us doesn’t reflect on childhood afternoons watching in awe as Ross painted amazing scene after amazing scene, his words of encouragement and love a ray of sunshine acting as a soothing salve for the lashes of life. To this day, when I need a calm voice to help slow my mind so I can sleep, I pull up an episode of THE JOY OF PAINTING because Bob Ross was who we–and episode writer Rob Schrab–thought he was: a superhero.

“I think each of us, sometime in our life, has wanted to paint a picture.” For many of us, it’s because Bob Ross existed. The serene sculptor would have been 81 today, and as we celebrate the memory of someone who touched us all, we echo Ashworth’s Roberts: “good night, day. Thank you for everything.”

Home Video Releases

The VHS/BETA Home Video History Of “John Carpenter’s HALLOWEEN”

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2023 marks 45 years since John Carpenter made a little movie about a homicidal maniac stalking babysitters, and the phenomena of HALLOWEEN hasn’t wavered once since that initial release. If anything, the fandom has only gotten stronger, more fierce, and completely loyal to one of the first masked slashers on the horror scene.

I was pretty damn young when I first saw HALLOWEEN; like, way younger than what should have been allowed at the time- I believe I was around 4 or 5 when I first started catching tidbits of it here and there during one of my Dad’s viewings on TV. It wasn’t until I was about seven when I pressed the play button myself and watched it in its entirety all on my own. I’ll never forget the recorded VHS that held an unholy trilogy of horror on it: a translucent shade of blue VHS tape in a brown clamshell with recordings of Frankenstein (1931), The Exorcist, and Halloween. And thus my love for the franchise was born from an early age, so much so, I, like many others, can utter the whole fuckin’ thing word for word without ever skipping a beat.

Up until the late 90s, I didn’t even own a legit VHS copy. I had merely relied on old faithful blue there along with anytime it was showing on TV- my favorites were when Joe Bob Briggs and MonsterVision would run it, or when the USA Network had a Friday Fright Night.

Also, this is my goddamn favorite promo ever for HALLOWEEN ever; and it’s a double feature!

JOHN CARPENTER’S HALLOWEEN has been released on home video in a myriad of ways over the last 40 years, probably giving this horror film in particular a record for how many different variations of this classic exist to watch at home. In my mind, I never like to live much past the 21st century, so we’re going to forgo the 2,000 releases HALLOWEEN has seen since the DVD coming of age and stick to the nostalgic basics of glorious VHS cover art, where it all began as it had quite the shelf-life on this format. And what the fuck, we gotta throw in BETA with a dash of Laserdisc because they never get their due.

1979 (VHS)

The most coveted VHS of HALLOWEEN is the first-printing, 1979 Meda Home Entertainment Full Screen release that followed one year after the film’s debut. The signature retro orange and simplistic nature of this one, in particular, has been known to sell for thousands to interested buyers in the modern day. It’s pretty much every VHS collector’s holy grail. Mine included.

1979 (BETA)

The BETAMAX was first introduced in 1975 and was basically the 4K version of a VHS with higher resolution and overall better quality viewing. They ran a pretty penny, so you really wouldn’t see this in your average household. But of course, even in 1979 we all knew HALLOWEEN was something special and had to be seen on the beautiful BETA in full screen, so a cassette was made to coincide the release of the VHS. I’ve never owned a BETAMAX myself, but my ritzy friend had one growing up and yep, she had this. I can confirm the visual experience was mounds better, and I was forever jealous I never had a BETA Cassette Player. A second BETA was released in 1985 before the format completely fizzled out and BETA was no more as VHS ultimately won the home video wars.

1981 (VHS)

The second release occurred in 1981 as a promo deal upon the release of HALLOWEEN II. There was another release in 1984 and 1987, but it pretty much had the same box art with nothing really added. In today’s age, there would be hell to pay for that!

1985 (Laserdisc)

1985 brought on the massive Laserdisc format of the immortal classic and ran consumers about $40, which would amount to about $112 in 2023- insane, right? Presented the film in pan & scan, believe it or not, this was the first of a few, Laserdisc releases for Halloween with a really cool Japanese release in 1986, and a Criterion Collection debut in 1994. In 1996, the UK sourced a LD from a new 35mm Panavision print minted from the original negative. Pretty neat, huh?!

1989 (VHS)

1989 brought on one final pressing of Halloween before MEDIA fully went bankrupt, riding the coattails of HALLOWEEN 5 before its theatrical release. Interestingly enough, there was an accidental pressing of the television version that was originally shown on television in 1981 with the extra added scenes. It was pulled from the market shortly after its initial release, corrected, and thrown back into the market, making it a highly sought after collector’s item!

1995 (VHS)

In 1995, Blockbuster which had become the king of VHS home movie rentals, purchased the distribution rights to Halloween and released it as part of their Blockbuster Presents October showcase. This is also the VHS that most people own because in pure Blockbuster fashion, they printed a SHIT TON of these bad boys for purchase. Less is never more with Blockbuster as they always 200 copies of one new movie taking up two walls in their store.

Also, let’s look at that TV promo for it because it’s pretty damn glorious.

1997 (VHS)

In 1997, Halloween distribution changed hands once again, but this time for the last time to Anchor Bay and with that saw yet, another VHS release. But, this is also the first time the film was hawked to home video with a Widescreen version, as the movie has only ever been seen at home in full screen.

1998 (VHS)

In 1998, to mark the film’s holy twentieth anniversary and the release of HALLOWEEN H2O, Anchor Bay put out this gorgeous orange double cassette collector’s VHS edition that also came with this keychain that I still proudly keep on me this very day. This clamshell edition, to me, is the absolute best as far as VHS releases go, and the only one I own personally. The 10.31.78 Edition, as it was called, was limited to only 40,000 copies. The first tape is the widescreen presentation of the film, and the second tape contains all its special features as in television scenes (as well as the slightly censored opening kill of Judith), Halloween Unmasked 1998, the film’s theatrical trailer, and a couple of TV spots, radio spots, and a beautiful photo still gallery. My only regret is not sending in that dollar for the poster.

2001 (Final VHS)

2001 was the final year a Halloween VHS would ever be released and with this, Anchor Bay pimped out the extended edition, which was basically the film’s theatrical cut with the television scenes spliced in. Which has now, become the fan favorite way to watch it.

Soon after, the VHS format completely fizzled out to make way for the advanced DVD technology. However, I have to say, old faithful 40 year VHS’ I own still hold up and play well while you so much as slightly hold a DVD wrong, the thing doesn’t want to play right. Which is why the resurgence of the VHS in the past years has become a splendor to behold to know the cassette tape has found its way back into mainstream households. And most importantly, 45 years later, HALLOWEEN, and its many VHS format releases.

Which one is your favorite?!

Editorials

WHEN FANCY TALK IS ALL YOU HAVE

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“If precautions weren’t strong enough you should have told somebody.”

“I TOLD EVERYBODY! Nobody listened.”

Ironic that HALLOWEEN purists overwhelmingly detest the Rob Zombie re-imaginings because something the polarizing filmmaker once said in an interview with WatchMojo.com perfectly encapsulates Samuel Loomis:

“You just have to go through life knowing you’re right and everyone else can go fuck themselves.”

Whether it was colleagues questioning his observations or local law enforcement scoffing at his warnings, Dr. Loomis (Donald Pleasence) found his assertions challenged at every turn. After all, why would anybody believe the one person who’d spent every day for fifteen years with Michael Aubrey Myers? Time and again the good doctor was met with “probably going” and “I have the feeling you’re way off on this,” but Loomis persisted because sometimes being a leader means having the strength to stand alone.

Sheriff Brackett (Charles Cyphers) referred to Loomis’ words of foreboding as “fancy talk,” but when you appear paranoid and desperate due to a lack of diagnostic evidence, describing the things you’ve seen over the course of a decade-and-a-half is the only weapon at your disposal. Call it fancy talk, but there was nothing fancy about the knot in Loomis’ stomach telling him that he was right.

In vain, Loomis shared those experiences–his fancy talk–desperate for someone, anyone to listen, much less believe him. Despite his efforts, Loomis was met with rejection. Tales of silent alarms and a blank, pale, emotionless face were met with “if you are right, damn you for letting him go” when Loomis was the only one trying to keep Michael Myers locked up, and certainly the only one exerting energy to stop the impending massacre.

But Loomis didn’t let the opinions of others hinder him. The determined doctor traveled the 150 miles to Haddonfield because 9-to-5 didn’t apply to The Shape. Loomis gave nary a thought to his career or reputation, and certainly didn’t allow the notion that “I tried, but no one believes me” slow him down because Loomis understood with perfect clarity the only way to safeguard the people of Haddonfield was to take matters into his own hands.

By refusing to relent, Loomis told every authoritative detractor from Dr. Wynn (Robert Phelan) to Sheriff Brackett to go fuck themselves. That Loomis’ actions proved unsuccessful is irrelevant because stopping evil incarnate in itself is an exercise in futility. What matters is that Loomis refused to quit without so much as an ounce of assistance from those equipped–and charged–with helping him.

In the end, that’s what has endeared us to Loomis for 45 years: his unyielding resolve to protect. Whether it’s a significant other, our children, siblings or friends — when the chips are down, we are all Dr. Loomis — stopping at nothing to protect those we love.

Was it Dr. Loomis fearlessly storming up the Wallace’s stairs to confront Michael Myers alone?

As a matter of fact, it was.