Category Archives: Editorials

Editorials

We Almost Got An Extremely Violent and Gory R-Rated “Gremlins” Movie

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Unfathomable to believe that GREMLINS hits their 40th anniversary this year, and with that comes four decades of dedicated loyalty to either Gizmo or the rebellious Stripe, (you like one better than the other, admit it). Stripe, technically an offspring of Gizmo, is that punk rock kid that blows his nose on your family room curtains, eats the last of the fried chicken in the fridge, and breaks into the candy store to steal all the yum yums.

Also, I’ve heard he’s an award-winning cannonballer.

Then there’s the loveable Gizmo. Everyone’s favorite cute and cuddly bringer of the apocalypse, even though he doesn’t mean any of it. He’s so damn adorable and friendly, Billy’s dad Rand Peltzer premonition of the Mogwai possibly replacing doggies and man’s best friend could have been a foreseeable outcome. If only it wasn’t for Gizzy’s one little flaw-his ability to mass produce an army of homicidal, albeit humorous, clones that aren’t as friendly as him.

Ahh, well. No one is perfect.

However, Gizmo wasn’t always slated to be America’s furball sweetheart of the 80s. In fact, the original script of GREMLINS wrote him in as the ultimate villain!

In Chris Columbus’ first draft of GREMLINS, Gizmo (who is just referred as Mogwai in the script) is basically what we see in the final product as Stripe, only WAY WORSE. There is no relationship between him and Billy- although Billy DID receive him as a Christmas gift in pretty much the same as the final draft. Instead, the nameless Mogwai has water spilled on him, in the same manner we see in the film by Pete (played by Corey Feldman in the movie), and out pops a couple of little hellraisers. who all hail to King Gizmo, I mean, Mogwai, and they proceed to EAT BARNEY. Yep. You heard that right. They eat Billy’s best friend instead of a hefty plate of leftover fried chicken.

THOSE BASTARDS.

Poor Barney isn’t the first to fall victim to the Gremsters in this original script, but rather, half the goddamn town of Kingston Falls gets murdered! Pete goes Christmas caroling and gets eaten alive by a hoard of gremlins. The sheriff gets a more brutal hands-on send-off, and Billy and friends come upon a McDonald’s where everyone inside the restaurant is dead with half-eaten Big Macs hanging out of their mouths.

I personally would have loved to see that.

Worth noting, the early script version here DID have the Gremlin hoard in the theater head banging to SNOW WHITE AND THE SEVEN DWARVES and they kept that throughout the entire screenplay process where it finally landed in the movie. Some things are just too good to ever throw in the script edits trash can.

Then, there’s Billy’s dear mother, Lynn Peltzer. Stories were going around for quite some time, and in a few articles making the rounds, Lynn had her head cut off by Gizmo and his band of merry maniacs. As far as I know, other than in hearsay or in commentaries, there is no mention of this in the script available on the Internet. In fact, it’s the second draft -not the first, which I will link all of you to at the bottom of this piece so you can read it for yourselves- and people are spreading this as fact. Well, the facts are in black and white here and state: that Lynn was lured to the attic, attacked by the creatures, and killed. That’s for certain. But no decapitation occurred here.

Now, of course, Stephen Spielberg swoops in and convinces everyone GREMLINS would work better at a PG level; so that’s what we got. I’m not mad about it. Hell, GREMLINS is in my top ten movies of all time. Yet still, I also wouldn’t be mad if this film were to EVER get the proper horror movie monster treatment. Can you imagine a homicidal Gizmo? I think they should take a crack at it.

You can read the entire Chris Columbus draft by clicking here, and I highly recommend doing so.

In the meantime, let’s grab some freshly squeezed orange juice from the Peltzer Juicer, and let me oblige you with my personal favorite scene from GREMLINS. While the throwing of Mrs. Deagle through her own window is as close to a second as they come, the snow plow home invasion with Murray and his wife makes me laugh my goddamn ass off. I mean, and that maniacal laugh from Mr. Plow Gremlin? He clearly loves his job! Give that man a raise! Comment below with your favorite scene in GREMLINS and let’s celebrate 40 years of people getting murdered by little hysterical creatures while we enjoyed every damn second of it as kids- and even more as adults.

Editorials

Unsung Heroes: Video Rental Shops Inside Grocery Stores

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Long before Redbox, grocery chains were a formidable competitor for video and game rentals.

Many, MANY moons ago, I grew up in a quaint neighborhood where I had the privilege of having both a community center and a shopping mall about a mile away from my house. Just past the community canter and a bridge to the freeway, stood an array of stores that served my childhood basic needs, such as a McDonald’s, Naugles, Pizza Hut, Sav-On Drugs Pharmacy, the ALL IMPORTANT Mom-and-Pop video rental store Action Video, and our local Smiths grocery store-which also harbored its own video rental shop inside the store walls.

It’s another store inside a store! Cue it Mike!

Being able to grab a package of Magic Middles, some cherry coke, and a rental copy of Creepshow 2 is an experience that only 80s and 90s kids really got to live through, and I’m pretty happy I was a part of it. Although I have heard some whisperings throughout the Internet of some being active in small towns around the USA, they have mostly been lost to time and overshadowed by their big brothers of local video rental stores and the dreaded Blockbuster mass market for people looking back on video rental days with their nostalgia hats on; and I personally think they deserve a lot more respect dammit.

To be clear, I was a pretty loyal customer to Action Video, the fact that my mother worked at the deli inside Smiths sometimes made it more convenient for me rent or her to pick up and drop off my weekend requests if they were available. Plus, it never hurt that the clerk gave me free boxes of Raisinets. Also, there was something quite charming about them. They were small, quaint, and very personable. Hell, some of them even donned the ever mysterious black curtain!

It was also something to look forward to if you so happened to be dragged against your will to go grocery shopping with your parents because at least you could make that request to rent Sleepaway Camp a lot more convincing since you (or they) didn’t have to walk a few store pegs down to retrieve it; just to the front of the store by the smokey slot machines!

Don’t forget your free kid cookie card that allows you one free fresh chocolate chip cookie from the bakery on the way up there!

I also have to appreciate that if Action Video or your preferred video rental stop were out of stock of your wishlist movie or NES game, you could usually rely on ye-old tiny faithful here to at least have ONE copy of what you were wanting. Yeah, the place was like the size of my living room, (at least this one was anyway) but goddamn if they couldn’t fit at least 3,000 movies in there with their magic bred’ skills. Napoleon Dynamite would have pleased. These places did well enough mind you, but I just don’t think they had the kind of foot traffic a full sized store would have- hence the chances of your beloved rental being there even higher.

So indeed, I just wanted to take a portion of my day and salute these little video shops inside grocery chains. You made that Saturday morning food shopping trip a little more tolerable.

Editorials

Here’s The Story Behind Those Opening Credits In “HALLOWEEN 4: THE RETURN OF MICHAEL MYERS”

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In case you’re new here, I hold HALLOWEEN 4: THE RETURN OF MICHAEL MYERS on a ridiculously high pedestal. It’s the ultimate 80s horror slasher sequel where a lot of nostalgia resides. It brings back characters from a horror franchise in the CORRECT way while giving us new characters to the plot who are actually likable. And it’s the only entry in the series where we get a glimpse as Michael Myers in a very KEN form.

Fun in the Sun Myers is not to be trifled with.

Ok so maybe those are just my biased opinions, but there’s one thing that we can all collectively agree on making it a fact: the opening to RETURN is regarded as one of the greatest things about the movie, and stands as possibly, one of the most atmospheric intros for the Halloween holiday of all damn time. Something so simple as a few eerie scenes of a basic farm shot on the dusk of Halloween Eve in the middle of fuckwhere America, with no context, set the tone and the mood for the whole film. As light slowly fades into dusk throughout the secular shots of the farm in Autumn along with a sinister soundtrack that crescendos into your very spine, the message to the audience is clear: Evil is coming, and it is angry.

Back in October, celebrating HALLOWEEN 4‘ 35th anniversary, I spoke with director Dwight Little about his experiences and memories of the film. Of course, one of the questions I asked was about that marvelous intro and how the inspiration for such a departure from the previous two Myers films’ i.e. pumpkin credit intros, came to be. My instincts on the answer to this being something much deeper than just a few shots on a farm that were taken for budgetary reasons that just happened to strike gold, turned out to be correct.

You know, we put a LOT of energy into that, and I had asked the writer on set, ya know, how much do we actually KNOW about the origins of Halloween? I looked up some references on it and found out there’s some old Scottish agricultural tradition where the fields have gone bare and everyone has to do their last harvest to get ready for the Winter. And so there’s all this iconic imagery of scarecrows and pumpkin men, and looking back into the roots of it all is how we came up with that title sequence that seems so beloved. I just didn’t want to do the pumpkin [intro sequence again] and wanted to try something else.

So when people say, “It ain’t that deep.” Yeah. Yeah, it is. The fact that the opening sequence provides hidden context into old harvest culture and using imagery that we all associate with the Fall and Halloween seasons in a much deeper way was a clever move. To a superstitious agrarian society, not only would scarecrows keep birds away from crops, but they could also scare children away from the fields where there might be strange things hiding. The hanging ghost on the farm, representing Myers returning from the dead, is another, with Danielle Harris’ name (who plays Jamie Lloyd-Myers’ niece) splashed on the screen next to it as if to say he’s coming back just for you, babydoll. Although that in itself is MY OWN speculation, let me just have that theory, fellas.

You can read the entire interview with Dwight Little here.

It’s just a beautiful new way to look at those banger opening credits. Don’t you think? So with that in mind, let’s just bask in all its malevolent glory, eh?