Editorials

The Powerful Art of He-Man and the Masters of the Universe!

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It is without a doubt He-Man dominated the toy market of yesteryear. Making his way to our local toy shelves he took his rightful place as the reigning king of figurines and promptly slaughtered the competition. Not even the galactic juggernaut toy line of Star Wars could withstand the power of Grayskull and Eternia’s mighty champions.

He-Man and Masters of the Universe did not have a movie’s storyline to follow and upon initial creation-stages, the classic cartoon wasn’t even a thought at the time. What He-Man did have was his immense look and all the charm each figure brought with them.

That and the breathtaking artwork eruptoing across each package!

These were toys, true, but these were also thrilling works of art. A thing unseen back in the day and it set MOTU apart from its competitors. There was time and passion put into these. Muscles, savagery, feminine beauty (in Teela’s case), and undeniable evil as seen in Skeletor’s demonic visage. The divide between good and evil was clearly revealed in each figure and it didn’t take rocket science to figure out who was who.

Likewise, each figure was a puzzle piece and when all brought together uncovered a fantastical picture of a far-off universe where the never-ending conflict between good and evil raged imperially on the distant planet of Eternia.

The artwork on the display packaging helped fill in the world where swords and sorcery akin to the barbarian world of Conan met technical superiority – such as monstrous tanks and hovering battle crafts – of sci-fi grandeur! It was a brilliant fusion of genres. And power, pure and unstoppable power.

I daresay anyone of us gazing upon Castle Gray Skull was immediately pulled into the vortex of its wondrous world of secrets and sorcery. What exactly was Gray Skull? None of us had a clue. Truth was we weren’t sure if it was meant for good or evil. There’s always been a grim neutrality about the castle and that makes it more wondrous. Plus it looked METAL as all Hell and that made us want it so much more!

First, you’d see the toy but then there’s that Frazetta-inspired artwork on each packaging and it just demanded your attention. It filled the imagination. They didn’t have to put that much detail into packaging, you know, the thing we were going to tear into and throw in the trash. Looking back I now wish I had all the cards and boxes to proudly display and gloat over. Back then we didn’t know better.

Attitude Perspective

Of course, I have to mention the cartoon for a moment.

Originally it wasn’t even in the mind of the creative team behind the toy line. But it was believed that something had to help kids piece together Eternia and the battles for Castle Grayskull. So a daily cartoon was made up out of thin air and pitched. Again, MOTU was an instant hit among kids!

The show was appropriately campy. I guess the laughs and silliness was needed for us stupid kids. For example, Skeletor is a treacherous villain but he’s not too scary, or else kids would’ve had nightmares. And no parent wants to put up with that shit. So he was a bad guy but also kinda a dope. But hey, he’s a lovable dope.

That sort of attitude wasn’t expressed on the package art – or the original comics for that matter. Originally the Masters of the Universe was much more mature in tone and a lot darker. Eternia was expressed as someplace bordering on Hell. A place of dark wonder and sensational battles.

However, rather than being in conflict with each other that darker tone happily balances out the show’s campiness. The two work in harmony. A yin-yang coequality that resonates in fans to this very day. Some look back at the camp and are filled with nostalgic glee. Others look at the inspired art and feel a thrill for dark sorcery and battles in Eternia. The toys fit perfectly into both interpretations thus creating a nice harmony for fans. And both are masterpieces when it comes to art.

Masterful!

He-Man and Masters of the Universe could adorn the walls of any prestigious gallery around the world or be slapped on the cover of heavy metal albums! I mean this was stuff you expected to see on DIO tapes. This was great stuff. It didn’t look sloppy or rushed. There was power displayed in each and every one.

We were too young and innocent to fully grasp what a phenomenon this all was. I know I took it for granted and just came to expect to always have He-Man in my future. And, crazy enough, here I am in my 40’s and I just bought a Viking He-Man and Skeletor, so I guess, in a way, he has been.

Did any of us know we were living through pop-culture history? Of course not. I don’t know if that term even existed back then. We were too busy playing in our living rooms or outside in sandboxes, living and reliving new and bigger adventures (thanks to our toys). We couldn’t have realized people would later covetously look back on our childhoods longing for the magic we all shared in.

For many of us He-Man was all we had and that, at least, gave us something to look forward to. This was something wonderful and we were lucky enough to experience it all firsthand. We all reached up and touched a little bit of magic and it lit our imaginations and really never left us.

Before kids started playing with wands and imagining the wizarding world of Harry Potter we were holding plastic swords aloft in the air and commanding the powers of the universe!

I recently walked through Target and I saw He-Man and the Masters of the Universe on the shelves. I also saw retro Transformers toys and some great Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle stuff from NECA. There were G.I. Joes and I even saw Ghostbusters! “What year is this?” I had a moment, a good moment, where I realized I’m honestly not alone.

This stuff not only inspired me but it had to have stayed with all of us. The good old days can’t be relived I guess but they never left us. Not really. A lot of us have kids (well not me personally) and get to now introduce them to the toylines we ourselves grew up with. With the holidays upon us, it might be a good time to go look around the toy aisles. Give Santa a helping hand.

So who knew the Power of Grayskull would follow us this far?

The Power of Grayskull

Art never dies. Not when there’s passion behind it. Today MOTU has been explored across several animated shows, a live-action movie (hey, rise above the hate), and, oh yes, the toy lines. Four Horsemen rolled out their brilliant Classics line that charged new energy (dare I say Power) and searing details into each figure that echoed the original look of the toys we all grew up loving.

Not to mention the Origins line that’s a glorified return of the MOTU toys we all played with. But there’s also the Revelations and New Eternia stuff. I think it’s clear that He-Man isn’t going anywhere. Fans find ways to breathe fresh life into the property.

There are the comic book runs that extend the legacy of Eternia. There’s even a great crossover with Thundercats (I know right???), a thing I always thought should happen. Glad I wasn’t alone because that’s one Healluva cool story! Maybe I’ll do a review on that one. You guys let me know.

And other artists have come out to lend their talents to strengthen the legacy further. One artist of note is none other than Boris Vallejo, legendary fantasy artist. And it’s little wonder considering how Frank Frazetta’s original Conan work initially inspired the look and feel for He-Man. It began in fantasy and continues by it today.

Afterthoughts

I was just speaking with someone this week about MOTU and he said that it’s possible all his collecting could have begun way back then when, as a kid, he had to get everything He-Man related. And that’s it. That could be the gateway for all of us collectors. For some, it was an introduction to high adventures, magic, heroism, morals, and the responsibility of power. MOTU led way to many things we would adapt as adults later in life. A toy line!

In closing, it would be sinful if I didn’t share a small memory.

I fondly remember one figure in particular just because it was given to me by my Great-Grandma Phillips. She (no doubt) had no clue what these things were but she knew her little Manic loved He-Man so she got me an amazing BATTLE DAMAGE Skeletor. Whoa! I never saw a figure that took battle damage before! I loved it. Now looking back I love it so much more because of my great-grandmother’s associated memory attached to it. I think that’s the only thing I got from her, at least it’s the one thing that stands out to me. She wasn’t long for this world and any time I saw that little toy she came to mind.

Manic out!

Editorials

A Thanksgiving Tradition: Rocky and the Holiday That Gave Us One of the Greatest Franchises Ever

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“To you it’s Thanksgiving, to me it’s Thursday.”

The true beginning of the holiday get-togethers is when Thanksgiving rolls in along with an additional ten pounds added to your gut- and it’s also time for a Rocky marathon fellas. I mean, anytime is a GREAT time to go the distance with all the movies, however, I’ve always associated the Rocky franchise, and is played on a good rotation over the holiday season over here, especially the first one, with Thanksgiving, and for good reason.

True, the turkey holiday might not be the first thought that comes to mind when you think of the series, but it’s the holiday showcased in the first half of the 1976 film that begat Rocky’s journey toward his future boxing career and most importantly, the love of his life Adrian. Not to mention most of the franchise with the exception of Rocky III and Rocky Balboa were theatrically released around the Thanksgiving holiday and both Creed movies to boot.

It all starts after a series of unfortunate events that follow Rocky through the days leading up to Thanksgiving. It’s obvious in the beginning when we see Rocky and Adrian’s interaction at the pet store where she works, that he is definitely interested in the girl. It’s subtle, but Adrian seems to reciprocate a shy smile after some bad jokes.

Then there’s the little “yo-yo” Marie. The man tries to do a good deed by giving some equally good advice but instead gets a giant “Screw you creep-o,” making Rock-o look like a giant turkey himself.

We also have the incident with Gazzo the Loan Shark whom Rocky works as an enforcer. But as we’re learning even early on in the film, the heavy-hitting nightclub boxer has a heart of gold and can’t just “break people’s thumbs”. But, that hesitancy hits him in hot water with the guy that’s helping him pay his own bills.

Also, worth noting that Gazzo doesn’t get nearly enough credit in this movie. Ok, he doesn’t have the best reputation as a traditional good guy, but he really helped Rocky out in this film and definitely had a soft spot for the Southpaw. So, I just want to take a moment and say cheers to the guy who helped fund the world’s greatest fictional boxer.

And finally, we have the incident with Mick, which is also the first introduction we have to this important character as he berates the ever-loving shit out of Balboa the Tomatah’ while taking his locker away.

All this to say leads up to that eventful Thanksgiving evening, or just another Thursday as Rocky would put it as he meets up with his buddy Paulie at the Lucky Seven Tavern, a local shithole dive bar seen a few times throughout the franchise. Paulie is a prick from the get-go and stays that way for the next 5 films, and while it’s hard to see, he does have some good in him. Beyond the fact that Rocky digs him enough to put up with his shit, he must see it a whole lot deeper than the rest of us- but that’s what makes Rocky’s character so likable. The guy is just nice to everyone. After making some small talk in the bathroom expressing his frustrations to Paulie about life and the fact Paulie’s sister Adrian, won’t give him the time of day, a tipsy Paulie takes Rocky back to his house where he lives with Adrian to set them up on a date- on Thanksgiving.

Adrian at first is really not having it and seeing it from a woman’s perspective, I get it, man. The girl is very shy, has been slaving away all day cooking a nice turkey meal, and here comes her drunkard big brother late at night with a surprise date for her after she’s been in the kitchen cooking and sweating for goddess knows how long. She clearly expresses that she isn’t DISINTERESTED in the date itself, but that she isn’t “ready” for this moment and tries to wiggle out of it with the Thanksgiving excuse.

Paulie being the dick he is remedies that notion, sending Adrian over the edge and eventually she succumbs to the date idea. It wasn’t an ideal way to get these two love birds together finally, but if Paulie wasn’t such a shmuck, she may not have agreed not just to the date, but also to the idea of getting away from her jerk brother for a few hours. Two birds, one stone, right?

That seemingly insensitive act on Thanksgiving night sparks the flame at the center of the Rocky movies my friends. Rocky was never supposed to be a boxing movie; Rocky IV totally was, but not the original and certainly not the sequel that came two years later. It’s a love story for the ages, and the Thanksgiving date sequence is just as important as the final round of the 1976 treasure birthed off a spiral red notebook that a down-on-his-luck Sly managed to scribble down in. Because had none of that happened, Rocky probably would have died in the slums of Philadephia with nothing to fight for. Adrian was the reason he took the shot with Creed and went the distance. She was this man’s love and muse; so let us give thanks for the Thanksgiving that brought these wandering souls together and brought forth another cool holiday tradition around this household.

If Rocky ain’t on the TV, it ain’t Thanksgiving.

Wrestling Memories

A Thanksgiving Tradition: The 1987 WWE Survivor Series

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Welcome to November nostalgic nuggets and I’m not the type of asshole that treats Thanksgiving as the bastard step-child of the three BIG holidays skipping it over entirely when Halloween ends and diving balls deep into Christmas. This year, I’ll be serving up several pieces of delightful articles in what I see as essential Thanksgiving traditions, or at least what I’ve experienced anyway, in a nostalgic pie, with the first taste being the all-important WWE SURVIVOR SERIES.

I’ve always enjoyed the atmospheric pleasures of the gluttonous holiday as yours truly grew up in an Italian-American household where food was life and the center of everything. Getting together for these 6-hour long meals was something we looked forward to all year and while waiting for each course like a bunch of fat hobbits anxiously awaiting secondsies and thirdsies, we gathered around old-faithful in my grandparent’s living room (a giant Magnavox TV floor model) and watched the WWE annual Pay Per View event of Survivor Series. This year marks the 35th anniversary of the first-ever battle of survival in the WWE ring so it seems only fitting I focus on the one that started it all, even tho the 1990 SS will forever be the goddamn greatest of all time (umm hello Undertaker debut and Gobbedly Gooker). Not to say the 1987 event didn’t have some exciting moments because it sure as shit did, and a few underrated ones at that. Just a personal preference really.

But first, a little back-story:

With Vince McMahon having the wrestling world under his thumb, remaining independent territories struggled to stay afloat and while moderately successful they remained with loyal fans, it didn’t stop the wrestling mogul from screwing with them to the point of taking every little bit of bread crumbs they could get. Vince started the Survivor Series as an answer to Starrcade- the brain-child of NWA promoter Jim Crockett from 1983-1987 before moving into the WCW and aired on closed-circuit television every Thanksgiving before moving to Pay Per View in 1987. With that being the case, McMahon does what the guy does best and wanted to further his stronghold on the wrestling world by launching his own Pay Per View Event as a giant fuck you to the rest of the already, heavily bruised egos of remaining territory heads. So, the Survivor Series was born out of gluttonous greed and dick-measuring contests.

Ironic seeing as how these are how most Thanksgiving family dinners end up, eh?

Anyways, let’s get down to the glorious matches that came about as a result and begat one of the greatest Thanksgiving traditions.

Team Savage Vs Team Honky

First off, I just want to point out that one of the greatest SS matches ever was spearheaded by Randy Savage with an entire team he had/will have mega beef with. Just goes to show the guy knew who he had great chemistry with, as it’s well-known Savage was a master of organizing a great match for the audiences.

Team Captain Savage paired with Ricky Steamboat, Jim Duggan, Jake Roberts, and Brutas Beefcake to take on his formidable foe at the time The Honkey Tonk Man, who leading up to this match had a pretty great soap-opera-esque type of feud going that involved Honky pushing Elizabeth to the ground and busting Savage over the head with his crap guitar. His team consisted of Harley Race, Ron Bass, Danny Davis, and Hercules.

Jim Duggan and Harley Race were in the middle of a rivalry over the King of the Ring crown, brawled outside the ring, and wound up counted out. Beefcake was eliminated courtesy of a Shake, Rattle and Roll while Team Savage continued to pick apart the Honkey Squad, eliminating Danny Davis, Hercules, and Ron Bass. What’s great about this is that Honky Tonk Man, this smug shit who had claimed to be the greatest Intercontinental Champion of all time, now had three very pissed-off big dudes awaiting their revenge on this guy and this was their time, FINALLY. Honky received quite a berating along with a beating but alas, the coward emerges the current IC champion booked it from the ring and gets intentionally counted out to avoid further embarrassment. Spawning hatred from the fans who already despised this Memphis Shmuck even more than they did before and Survivor Series had its first underrated classic.

DM Credit: NotRobVanDam

Team Moolah VS Team Sherri

Next, we have another severely underrated gem and I’m not talking about strictly confining this to Women’s Wrestling; and that mostly has to do with one of the coolest Tag Team Gals ever in the game: The Jumping Bomb Angels.

Team Sherri Martel, woman’s champion at the time, led the team of Dawn Marie, Donna Christanello with The Glamour Girls Judy Martin and Leilani Kai against Moolah and her clan of Rockin’ Robin (Jake Roberts’ sister for those who don’t know), Velvet McIntire, with Jumping Bomb Angels Itsuki Yamazaki and Noriyo Tateno.

The Japanese power duo of the Bomb Angels were front and center of this match and anyone taking a break because its a “girls’ throw-away match” as some people would refer to the Women’s arena part of WWE of the 80s’, were FOOLS as these ladies did it better than more than half the men on this ticket. Not for nothing but McIntire was fun to watch too with her agility and technical skills.

Christanello was eliminated first by McIntyre with a victory roll with Robin hitting a running crossbody on Marie, pinning her and giving Moolah’s team the advantage of three against five. About this time we see what these Angels can do when Yamazaki bridges out of a pinning attempt from Kai and shortly after reverses it with an unsuccessful pin followed by some flying body scissors that impress even the most unphased of them all Jesse Ventura.

After some back and forth, Sherri comes in with a vengeance and hits Robin with a vertical suplex eliminating her. Then the real action starts with the Glamour Girls hitting a double clothesline on Moolah and Judy Martin, which would ultimately lead to Moolah being pinned and out she goes. McIntyre then takes out Sherri with another victory roll pin. Leilani Kai turns the tables however and takes out McIntyre after an electric chair drop. Now, the Bomb Angels can really shine. Both tag teams come into the match. Yamazaki hits a diving crossbody from the top rope on Kai and pins her with Tateno hitting a flying clothesline on Martin winning the match showing an American crowd what the Japanese culture has to offer and just absolutely pulverizes every lady in that ring as far as showmanship and skill. Team Sherri sucked and never really stood a chance in hell, even without the scripted loss. However, the Angels eventually won the crowd over towards the end and saved this match from being a total wash. It was also the last time we would see a ladies’ match at Survivor Series for a LONG TIME.

DM Credit: NotRobVanDam

The 20-Man Tag Team Match

The 20-man tag team was just that: a team of ten tag teams from the federation beating the hell out of each other. The rules for this one were that if one-half of your tag team member is eliminated then his partner is out too. Had this not been instated, this match could have easily gone on for close to two hours. The match itself runs 40 mins long, so instead of boring you with a really long play-by-play, how about some interesting facts about this particular segment instead!

The “Heel Team” was made up of The Bolsheviks, Demolition, The Hart Foundation, The Islanders, and the New Dream Team and each one had a heel manager at ringside. Although I was always one to enjoy Bobby Heenan’s shit-talking, with the addition of Jimmy Hart, Slick, Mr. Fuji, and Johnny V, that’s enough to give anyone a migraine.

Back in the day if you watched any of these on the famed Coliseum Video, you might notice a monumental fuck up during this ticket. Mid-way through the match, the British Bulldogs are eliminated when Haku pins Dynamite Kid following a savage kick. The entire elimination sequence was mistakenly (one has to assume) edited from the VHS of the event. So for those that only got to see the event via VHS, I would imagine a lot of confusion when all of a sudden the Bulldogs disappeared after kicking all the ass with no explanation.

Anyways, the “Face Team” of Strike Force, The British Bulldogs, The Killer Bees (who totally rule), The Young Stallions, and The Fabulous Rougeaus with Killer Bees and Young Stallions beating all the opposing team members and were victorious in survival.

WWE

Now here’s a special segment from everyone’s most hated millionaire, Ted Dibiase!

Newcomer to the WWE “The Million Dollar Man” Ted Dibiase spared no expense promoting his wealth and cringe behavior to the rest of the world shooting him straight up the ranks of most hated heels in a really short amount of time. With the show needing some downtown between the 20-man event and the Main Event of the evening, Gorilla Monsoon and Jesse Ventura threw us a video package of the “Million Dollar Wrestling Mogul” in which of all the times he was “thankful” for being able to degrade the common public with a chance of them making a few bucks.

Seen above is a young Rob Van Dam kissing Diabase’s feet, while another shows then unknown, Linda McMahon barking like a dog for some cash.

Even as a young kid, I actually really liked watching Dibiase work the crowd. Everyone thought I was a sociopath for actually digging the guy, I mean hey- the shit he pulled was pretty hilarious, but I was also the kid that laughed hysterically at the live show I attended where The Undertaker who was then a heel, stuffed The Ultimate Warrior in a casket on a Funeral Parlor segment.

Oh well. I’m accepting that I might just be sort of a sociopathic asshole.

The Main Event: Team Hogan VS Team Andre

Here it is- the main event we’ve been waiting for all night ever since that record-breaking crowd event at Wrestlemania III where Hulk Hogan would face Andre the Giant once more.

Hogan’s team of Paul Orndoff, Bam Bam Bigelow, Ken Patera, and Don Muraco were facing a multitude of size and weight against Team Andre who had of course Andre, One Man Gang, King Kong Bundy, Butch Reed, and Rick Rude. Don Muraco, who was Team Face, was actually a last-minute replacement on the team as Superstar Billy Graham was slated to be a part of the ticket. However, Graham was hindered by a real-life hip replacement and was severely limited in his matches. So he was written out of the match and replaced just a few days before with a Butch Reed and One Man Gang assault angle as his injuries were too much for the former champion.

The match itself is fairly standard up until almost half of each team is eliminated giving Andre, One Man Gang, and King Kong Bundy an advantage over Hogan and Bam Bam. However, no one at the time saw this coming, but Hogan got caught being counted out of the ring fighting off Bundy and Gang; leaving Bam Bam Bigelow to take on over 1,200 pounds of meaty wrestlers all on his own.

I gotta say this was one hell of a way to put over Bam Bam as someone to watch in the WWE and it’s well-known to many wrestling aficionados that Andre truly loved the sport and a hell of a guy- doing everything he could to make someone else look great. Andre had not wrestled since the infamous match at Wrestlemania as his health was starting to decline at this point but that didn’t stop him, or anyone else for that matter, from putting on a grand finale.

All for it to be ruined by a dickhead move by the Hulkster.

Don’t get me wrong, I liked Hulk as much as the next gal/guy back in the day but even I thought this was sort of, well, fucked up. Bam Bam SOMEHOW manages to pin both Bundy and Gang (in that order) but is ultimately taken out by Andre, as anyone would be. Bigelow is great but he ain’t Superman. Then, as Andre’s hand is raised as the sole survivor, Hogan comes dashing out from the locker room and beans him with his belt. I’d have to agree with Jessie Ventura on this one, “What a sore loser!”

Sure, I get it. We had to end the program with the soon-to-be-cliche finale of Hogan and his anthem. But damn, that was just so unnecessary and borderline cringe.

WWE

Welp, since you’ve made it this far, let us give thanks over a bowl of my Nan’s heart Italian Christmas Soup that we as a collective of our generation, were the first to experience this wild Thanksgiving tradition that went on for many years after, and even today as I must also give thanks to Peacock streaming for allowing us to watch every Survivor Series ever back to back on bust-your-gut Turkey Day to keep that nostalgic tradition alive.