Another year has gone by, and another batch of movies hitting the big 40 hits me right in the gut—or perhaps that’s just my IBS talking. Either way, it has me reminiscing about the golden age of horror and the best that 1985 brought to the table. And OooO, baby, it was one hell of a year to be a horror fan. In particular, a fan of zombie movies at that. Or Miguel A. Núñez, Whichever you prefer.

The myriad of great films from the genre in 1985 serves as the pillar for what fans truly love about 80s horror. Tons of nonsensical plot lines, gore, boobs, and just enough cheese to grate on top without overdoing it, has evolved these once-regarded “trash horror” movies by snooty critics, into classics held high in the community and even outside the fan club in some cases.

I think Trash herself would just take that compliment.

I’ll just say it: It’s arguably one of the greatest years in horror history. And it sure as hell wasn’t easy trying to rank them either? How the fuck am I supposed to rank movies like RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD, SILVER BULLET, FRIGHT NIGHT, and DAY OF THE DEAD together? That shit just isn’t fair. But here I am, once again torturing myself into doing it. So let’s just get to it, eh?

10. THE STUFF

Director: Larry Cohen

I love how the very first scene of this movie is some random guy who saw a goopy, bubbling substance on the ground and decided to eat it. It just sets the president for the whole film that it’s just absolutely bonkers. Aside from THEY LIVE, THE STUFF is the quintessential Reagan-Era horror satire where corporate control of the food supply and the manufactured desire for its consumption offer an incredible insight masked behind a wild-as-shit horror movie. I love THE BLOB and INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS, and this just feels like the perfect hodgepodge of those movies.

It’s called The Stuff, and, believe me, enough is never enough- and I can’t get enough of this Cohen treasure of the 80s.

9. HOUSE

Directed by: Steve Miner 

DING DONG. YOU’RE DEAD! Man, I love that tagline.

This was an absolute sleepover staple back in the day. HOUSE was that movie where the trailer made the film seem a lot scarier than it actually is. As a matter of fact, it’s laugh-out-loud bat-shit bonkers and I’m here for every flying murderous garden tool second of it. Vietnam vet turned famous writer Roger Cobb returns to his Aunt’s house after her death and where his son went missing to write his latest book when a bunch of unexplained things begin to happen – is it all in his head? (well what do you think?)

If Joe Dante had directed EVIL DEAD 2 it would probably have looked something like this. Slapstick horror but with the gore switched off, HOUSE is a fun ride that I like to ride a few times in a row.

8. DEMONS

Directed by: Lamberto Bava

With Dario Argento writing the script, DEMONS is what happens when a pair of yuppies, a young couple, couple of college girls, a wise old blind man along with his nympho companion, a gang of Class of ’84 reject punks, and a mack-daddy pimp with his two hos all get trapped in a movie theater possessed by demons. It’s fucken chaos and gore galore in a perfect Italian horror event where the heroes of the movie are the goddamn beautiful practical effects that you just can’t get enough of. Nothing happens in this movie for any other reason than for the sake of being cool, and I enjoy the hell out of it.

Moral of the story: never, ever accept free movie tickets from a fella dressed as a bootleg Phantom of the Opera.

7. FRIDAY THE 13TH PART V: A NEW BEGINNING

Directed by:  Danny Steinmann

Jason is back… Or is he? I honestly feel like it’s only been in recent years where, publicly anyway, it’s been acceptable to praise this entry in the Friday franchise without getting absoulty shit on by toxic horror fans. I’ve been there and it was annoying as fuck. So thank Enchiladas, some of ya’ll have seen the light of Roy and have leaned into what I call, the HALLOWEEN III of the F13 sequels. It had its hate run, but now that’s over and you NEW BEGINNING haters are a dying breed. I’m sorry, but how can you NOT love a movie where the slaughter of an entire camp inhabited by mentally ill teenagers started over a fucking chocolate bar? Plus this was also my introduction to Pseudo Echo and I still to this day will get up and dance the Violet whenever their track hits on Spotify.

6. A Nightmare On Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Revenge

Directed by:  Jack Sholder

You’ve got the body. I’ve got the brain.

The red-headed bastard son of a 100 maniacs sequel is wildly considered, even today to many, to be not so much a favorite. Which is just bonkers to me. It’s miles away different from Wes Craven’s masterpiece- almost an entirely different film with Freddy attached to it, but it doesn’t make it bad. Ok, the gym teacher scene picking up Jesse from the S&M Club and getting towel-whipped to death is a bit much, but the pool scene more than makes up for it. In fact, it’s one of the most brutal scenes in the franchise-Freddy running amok at a midnight pool party? YES PLEASE.  But let’s talk about the pink elephant in the room: This film is so blatantly queer in many ways that, surprisingly, many didn’t even notice it when it came out. If you’re not convinced that Jesse is gay after seeing the Kate Bush poster hanging in his room, then I don’t know what else to tell you. I’m just sad we didn’t get an ending with Jesse and Ron running up into the sunset.

DAY OF THE DEAD

Directed by: George A. Romero

The darkest day of horror the world has ever known!

This masterpiece of a zombie flick has it all. The total collapse of civilization, the intersection of scientific ethics and bloodthirsty militarism, and BUB- the greatest zombie to have ever been reincarnated from death. With God-tier Savini gore FX, the emotional, political, and moral realities Romero carves into these people before we see them shredded to pieces are masterfully done in visuals that stick with you well beyond a viewing. It’s the quintessential thought-provoking zombie flick of the 80s, and Romero to the core. Oh, and a badass opener and soundtrack to boot.

RE-ANIMATOR

Directed by: Stuart Gordon

Cat’s dead. Details later.

I’m gonna get shot for this: but I much prefer the ripoff rendition theme of RE-ANIMATOR than the PSYCHO version it was samples from.

This is a movie where I’d love to watch myself watching it because I can feel myself grinning like a goddamn idiot the entire time. It’s a wonderfully campy low-budget horror b-movie with some hilarious scenery-chewing performances from its entire cast, Jeffrey Combs especially, and great practical gore effects. Plus we got quotes like, “Who’s going to believe a talking head, get a job in a side show?!”. It’s just hard to beat with the lovely Barbara Crampton to boot, Noy to mention, the most traumatic/hilarious cat death since Boondock Saints. I love how moments of crazy just escalate in RE-ANIMATOR, especially the bonkers finale that goes off the rails into a pure schizoid panic of insanity—very much my definition of perfection.

STEPHEN KING’S SILVER BULLET

Directed by:  Daniel Attias

Holy balded-headed jumping Jesus palomina. I can hear the people coming for me now putting this and RE-ANIMATOR ahead of DAY OF THE DEAD. But, you know…

I don’t give a fuckkkkk.

CYCLE OF THE WEREWOLF was, and still is, one of my favorite quick novellas’ to read over the span of my life and while this movie strays far and a lot of away from the structure of King’s little book, it does hold faithful regard to the heart of the story- the unlikely hero of Marty. SILVER BULLET expands the twelve-month itinerary novella further into a full-blown werewolf tale of horror with a soundtrack and imagery that is haunting as fuck. Everett McGill as Reverend Lowe was born to play that were-bear (I still don’t think that costume is as bad as everyone thinks), and Gary Busey gives us comic relief with his ‘pissing on the Yankees‘ one-liners and the fact that the man wrassles a werewolf. That’s enough to give this the top 3 spot.

Oh, and this scene right here.

FRIGHT NIGHT

Directed by: Tom Holland

Jerry Dandridge. Making vampires sexy again.

This movie is such a miracle to watch and every single scene steals me away like it’s the first time watching it after well over the 100th time. Tom Holland’s directorial debut is a masterpiece of 80’s horror.  Combining just the right amount of comedy and thrills, it checks all the boxes with a cherry on top with Roddy McDowall as Peter Vincent.  The practical effects by Richard Edlund and Ken Diaz are phenomenal and to this day, feels like it’s the best interpretation of the gothic creature when Sexy Chris Sarandon flips the script into his evil form. Also, Evil Ed is pretty rad too. The fact that this is a teenage 80s rendition of REAR WINDOW with Charley in the seat of James Stewart but with vampires is fucking smart as hell. It’s just about the most perfect 80s film there is.

Jerry Dandridge dancing in the club with Amy and being this illegally horny is the hottest thing I’ve seen a vampire could do. He is for sure, the biggest-dicked vampire in cinema. I just know I’m right about this. I’ve seen Nosferatu’s ween. It’s nothing to write home about.

RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD

Directed by: Dan O’ Bannon

IT’S PARTY TIME!

In my opinion, RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD is the ultimate offering from 1985 because quite simply, it has something for everyone. Dan O’Bannon (creator of ALIEN screenplay) delivered a one-two knock-out punch of comedy and horror with endlessly quotable lines.  The idea of a zombie that runs and can’t be killed is just shit your pants kind of scary, let alone a horde of them.

So many standout performances from the likes of scream queen Linnea Quigley, Clu Gulager, and James Karen that had me running around screeching like a rabid weasel.  When the director offers to eat real calf brains with the actors, then you know you have something special.

I love that the zombies can talk about how much it sucks to be a zombie and make me feel sorry for them. I love that even though they have been decomposing in the ground for years, they still have perfectly formed bright blue eyeballs. I love that they can wag their exposed spinal column’s like a dog’s tail. I love James Karen and Thom Matthews who are ‘turning’ over a ridiculously drawn out and hilarious length of time, like half the movie, and listening to them bitch and complain every step of the way. I could go on and on but I’ll just finish with this:

Is it the best zombie film?  I think arguably so.  “ It’s not a bad question, Burt.“

Donations to the website to keep it running and alive are always welcome and appreciated! Let’s keep the spirit of websites like this running for as long as we can!