Tag Archives: Patti PaulterGeist

No Spells Needed! The Unofficial Hocus Pocus Cookbook for Kids Makes Halloween Cooking Easy!

Come little children (and adults lacking any sense of cooking knowledge), we’ll take thee away to a land of kitchen enchantment where cooking can be easy, spooky fun, and virtually impossible to screw up!

Yes. I am an adult who needs these kinds of recipes in my life, and I know I’m not the only one out there! Enter author and curator of The Unofficial Hocus Pocus Cookbook for Kids: 50 Fun and Easy Recipes for Tricks, Treats, and Spooky Eats Inspired by the Halloween Classic, Bridget Thoreson to guide kids and adults alike through a series of recipes that honors a beloved Halloween classic and creating simple and delicious Halloween meals and treats – don’t worry, there are no kids on toast anywhere in the book.

I recently went through this cookbook, and as a mom and both a kid/teen who grew up in the 90s, I can assure you that these nostalgic recipes are almost fool-proof, so we won’t be screaming like Winifred that, “My eyes have misted over with the tragic tears of a lifetime of failure.” Along with the apparent recipe homages to the film, like “Dead Man’s Toes” and “Black Flame Candle Pretzels”, all the food chapters call back to a time when we were children of after-school Halloween parties or the spread your parents put out on Halloween itself as the recipes transport you back to the glorious holiday as it looked, smelled, and tasted like as kids of the 90s’. And to boot, Ulysses Press and distributor Simon & Schuster has sent over some sample recipes for you to grab your witch spoon and conjure up before heading over to your local retailer and snatching up these simple spellbinding Halloween (or anytime) recipes!

Krispy Rice Booooooks

These books may not have been bestowed by strange and ridiculously beautiful witches in a dark wood, but since they’re treats meant for children, that is definitely a good thing. Like a magical tome containing powerful and evil spells, these treats will tempt anyone from young magicians to “clever white witches.”

You can get as cute or as ugly as you desire with your decorations, but remember that all great boooo—ooo-ooooks have all-seeing eyes.

SERVES 12

PREP TIME 10 minutes

COOK TIME 20 minutes

3 tablespoons unsalted butter

1 (10-ounce) package of marshmallows

6 cups crispy rice cereal

12 White Milk Chocolate Hershey’s Kisses

1 tube black or brown cake-decorating icing

1. Place the butter and marshmallows in a microwave-safe bowl and heat on high in the microwave for 2 minutes. Stir, then microwave for another minute. Stir until smooth.

2. Add the crispy rice cereal to the melted marshmallows and stir with a wooden spoon until evenly mixed.

3. Coat a 13 x 9-inch pan with cooking spray. Evenly press the marshmallow mixture into the pan, using a buttered spatula or wax paper. Let cool completely.

4. Once cool, cut into 12 rectangles, 2 x 3 inches each. Press a white chocolate candy, point-down, into the right side of each rectangle.

5. Cut the tip of the icing tube. Squeeze the tube gently to make eyelashes for the candy eyes, scars, or other decorations.

Enchanting Cheese Gougère

A witch is nothing without thy coven, and a chef is nothing without a deceptively easy go-to brunch recipe. This skillet gougère is mostly egg and cheese, but I guarantee it will put a spell on kids and adults alike—trust me. I’m a witch. I know things.

As a quick personal aside, this is an incredibly easy recipe for a budding chef to help with. It was the very first thing my coven concocted together when my daughter started “helping” in the

kitchen at 18 months. If you premeasure the cheese and flour into plastic bowls, even the littlest kitchen witch can help pour the ingredients and gently mix them together.

SERVES 6

PREP TIME 10 minutes

COOK TIME 25 minutes

3 large eggs

½ cup whole milk

½ cup all-purpose flour

½ teaspoon sea salt, plus more for sprinkling on top

4 ounces grated

gruyère cheese

3 tablespoons unsalted butter

1. Preheat the oven to 400°F.

2. Beat the eggs in a large bowl using a fork or wire whisk.

3. Add the milk, flour, and sea salt to the eggs. Mix until all the ingredients are blended.

4. Use a spatula to gently fold in the grated cheese.

5. Melt the butter in a 9-inch cast-iron skillet. Use a spatula to coat the sides of the skillet with the butter.

6. Add the egg and cheese mixture to the skillet and sprinkle sea salt on top.

7. Bake until the eggs are cooked through and starting to brown, about 20 minutes. Remove from the oven, and cut into wedges. Serve warm.

Dead Man’s Toes

Unlike newt saliva, oil of boil, or a bit of thine own tongue, a dead man’s toe (especially a fresh one) is not the easiest of potion ingredients to come by. At least it wasn’t in the 1600s.

When you don’t have access to a life potion with young souls already mixed in, the dead man’s toe is a critical component. But now, with modern technology, it’s easy to have access to as many dead man’s toes as you need, whether it’s for a whole party or just a little solo potion-brewing.

SERVES 8

PREP TIME 15 minutes

COOK TIME 20 minutes

8 hot dogs

1 package Pillsbury crescent rolls

Homemade Mustard

½ cup dry ground yellow mustard

½ cup water

⅓ cup apple cider vinegar

1 teaspoon all-purpose flour

¾ teaspoon salt

¼ teaspoon ground turmeric

⅛ teaspoon garlic powder

⅛ teaspoon smoked paprika

1. Preheat the oven to 375°F. Grease a cookie sheet or coat with nonstick spray.

2. Cut each hot dog in half crosswise to make 2 short hot dogs.

3. Open the crescent roll container and unroll the dough. Cut into 16 similar-size triangles.

4. Roll each hot dog half with a crescent roll triangle so that the cut half of the hot dog is wrapped in the dough and the uncut half is sticking out.

5. Using a sharp paring knife, make 2 or 3 thin, shallow slits on the top side of each hot dog right at the edge of the crescent roll dough (this will be the knuckle).

6. Cut a long half-oval out of the top of the hot dog at the uncut end, to look like a fingernail bed.

7. Place the hot dogs on the greased cookie sheet, cut side up, and bake for approximately 12 minutes.

8. While the hot dogs are baking, make the Homemade Mustard. Combine the mustard, water, vinegar, flour, salt, turmeric, garlic powder, and paprika in a small saucepan over medium heat.

Whisk well as you bring the mixture to a boil. Let the mixture boil for 8 minutes, stirring to keep it from burning. Then remove from the stove top and let cool for 5 minutes.

9. Remove the hot dogs from the oven and use the mustard to “paint” the toenails of the hot dogs. Serve with extra mustard for dipping.

10. Transfer any unused mustard to a jar, seal, and store in the refrigerator.

Harvest Festival Pizza

Pizza is a perfect food for young witches to start helping with in the kitchen—there’s limited cutting, the ingredients are easy, and everyone can pick their own toppings. For some added vitamins and autumnal flair, try this harvest vegetable pizza with seasonal squash, onion, broccoli, or even sweet potato. Even a little one who doesn’t normally love vegetables will “lose their head” over the “cheese and Crust!”

SERVES 6

PREP TIME 1 1/2 hours

COOK TIME 20 minutes

4 cups flour (use bread flour for a crispier crust or all-purpose flour for a doughier crust), or more as needed.

1 teaspoon sugar

1 packet instant dry yeast

2 teaspoons salt

1 1/2 cups warm water, or more as needed

2 1/2 tablespoons olive oil, divided

1 small eggplant

1 green zucchini (or one red onion)

1 pint cherry tomatoes

1/2 (28-ounce) can crushed tomatoes

1 teaspoon garlic powder

1 teaspoon Italian seasoning

1 pound shredded mozzarella cheese

1. Attach the dough hook to a stand mixer. Pour the flour, sugar, yeast, and salt into the mixer bowl. Turn the mixer on medium speed to combine the ingredients.

2. While the mixer is combining the dry ingredients, add 1½ cups water and 2 tablespoons of the olive oil.

3. Mix until the dough forms into a solid ball. Use your hands to assess the consistency of the dough. For dough that is too dry, add water 1 tablespoon at a time while mixing. For dough that is too sticky, add flour 1 tablespoon at a time while mixing.

4. Remove the dough onto a floured surface and gently knead, then form into a smooth, firm ball.

5. Use the remaining 1/2 tablespoon olive oil to grease the inside of a large bowl. Transfer the dough to the bowl and cover with plastic wrap. Let the dough sit in a warm area for about 1 hour, until it expands to twice its original size.

6. Remove the dough to a lightly floured surface and divide it into 2 equal-size pieces. Cover each piece with plastic wrap and let it sit for an additional 10 minutes.

7. Set the rack low in the oven and preheat the oven to 400°F. If you will be using a pizza stone, insert it in the oven now.

8. Chop the eggplant, zucchini, and cherry tomatoes to the shapes and sizes you want for your pizza toppings.

9. Unwrap a dough ball of dough and stretch and pound it into the shape and size you want. Place it on a rimmed baking sheet or stone.

10. Pour the crushed tomatoes over the dough and spread evenly with a spoon or spatula.

11. Sprinkle on the garlic powder and Italian seasoning.

12. Sprinkle the cheese over the surface of the pizza.

13. Distribute the vegetables over the pizza surface. Repeat steps 9 to13 for the second ball of dough, or you can freeze the extra dough for up to 3 months.

14. Place one pizza in the oven on the pan or stone and bake until the cheese is bubbling and the pizza is lightly browned on the bottom, about 20 minutes.

15. Remove the pizza from the oven and let cool for 5 minutes. Then transfer to a board to cut and serve.

 The Unofficial Hocus Pocus Cookbook for Kids: 50 Fun and Easy Recipes for Tricks, Treats, and Spooky Eats Inspired by the Halloween Classic is available now over at AMAZON, BARNES & NOBLE, and WAL-MART!

If There Were Ever Another Halloween Movie Sequel, We Need To Start From Halloween 4

HALLOWEEN 4: THE RETURN OF MICHAEL MYERS has been and always will be one of my favorite movies of all time. I can’t say with a straight face that I prefer the 1978 classic over Michael’s triumphant return to Haddonfield, because that would just be lying to myself, and you and I have goddamn integrity. While I don’t believe in my dark Halloween heart RETURN to be the best overall in the franchise, it’s the one that, I personally, have the most fun watching and is the most nostalgic for me as an 80s kid. I also believe that this massively magnificent movie got insanely fucked with its follow-up sequel REVENGE OF MICHAEL MYERS, as RETURN laid out the perfect continence of the Lloyd and Myers legacy, just to throw it all away for some shadow-man douchebag and the beginning of the THORN story.

This was a mistake that I can never get past and on the year of HALLOWEEN 4‘s 35th Anniversary, I’m screaming into the void that we don’t want, but NEED that story to continue as originally panned out IF there were ever another Halloween sequel/reboot/remake… whatever.

Because you know, as well as I do, that is eventually going to happen whether you like it or not.

The cat and mouse game between Loomis, Myers, Jamie and the greatest final girl of the franchise, Rachel, is tension-driven throughout the whole film without it ever becoming cheesy or even cliché for a slasher flick. The nighttime aesthetic is gorgeous as hell, with those ominous blues and blacks washing over the screen, falling over a silent street where death awaits. Not to mention during the day when October 31st can practically be smelled through the screen. The opening credits alone set the tone for the entire film, and it never faltered beyond that.

HALLOWEEN 4 provided the fans what they wanted after the box-office bomb and, at the time, mostly universally hated continuance of the HALLOWEEN franchise with SEASON OF THE WITCH. Michael was back from the dead, and so was a now more than ever obsessed Loomis hot on Myers’ track after his escape and brutal murder of some EMTs from a hospital transfer; who is now after Jamie Lloyd, the daughter of the recently Laurie Strode and one and only living relative of Michael. Of course, in pure tradition, Myers has to off every member of his family to appease his homicidal Samhain compulsion, so the eight-year-old is on his most wanted list.

Jamie (Danielle Harris), now in the sole care of the Carruthers’ family after the untimely death of her mother only eleven months prior, is mercilessly bullied at school, feels like an outcast and a burden to her foster family, while seeming to not have many friends. The perfect makings of a serial killer, eh? Despite our sympathy for the child, these subtle hints come full-circle in the finale of the movie after Myers is shot down in a cemetery by what’s left of Haddonfield’s finest after Michael done near killed half the town already. In the film, Jamie is sort of pulled towards a laid-out Myers and grabs his hand in a sort of sweet, yet weird way, (like, this guy was trying to kill you sweetie, WHAT THE FUCK are you doing). She’s almost in a trance-like state until the sheriff and Rachel scream at her to get out of the way before unloading 10,000 bullets into Michael, putting him out of the business of Halloween murdering for good. Or, well, at least this year anyway.

Back at the Carruthers’ residence in the aftermath, Jamie’s foster mother is drawing a bath for the child when her screams are heard downstairs among the survivors of the night. Loomis, running halfway up the stairs looks in horror as Jamie is seen in her costume, mask donned with sporting a pair of bloody scissors implying she killed her foster mom, giving new life to the Myers legacy as his spirit lives on inside her.

NOW THAT WAS A PERFECT ENDING.

Some theories would argue that Myers “spirit” leaped into Jamie when she touched his hand in the cemetery. However, I’m inclined to believe Jamie was fighting these demons throughout the entire movie. With the biggest evidence being the scene inside Vincent Drug where she pulls the same costume as her uncle once wore when he was a child. Almost as if it were fate that this was the perfect costume. Is the costume evil itself?! That’s a personal theory that I would love to expand on, or hell even see some sort of sister made from, but nah. I think Jamie just has it in her blood. No matter how hard she tries to fight it, the subconscious compulsion that was buried deep inside her, finally takes over, and it was in Myers death that it was allowed to fully reveal itself.

In the novelization by Nicholas Grabowsky, this theory is actually given some credence as it’s written when Jamie is in the school hiding from Michael, she sees a vision of her dead mother in a nightgown, begging Jamie to “not give in and allow Myers to take her” and to “snap out of it”. This, along with other expanded scenes, was released in the updated version of the book back in 2003- and I HIGHLY recommend any HALLOWEEN fan picking it up.

Also, worth noting in the book, the good Reverend Jack Sawyer has a prominent role being stinkin’ drunk off corn whiskey all through the way and at one point, actually comes face to face with Michael Myers, So if you’re a fan of damnation mister, you’ll definitely want to read on his expanded adventures.

All that being said, IF there were to be a continuance of the Halloween films in any sort of way whatsoever, I think a direct continuation from HALLOWEEN 4 would be the best bet and actually make up for the bullshit storyline that did my girl Rachel real dirty in HALLOWEEN 5. Don’t get me wrong, I have soft nostalgic spots for REVENGE; but it’s not what it should have been.

Seeing as how HALLOWEEN 4 was made 35 years ago, the obvious way to make this story work in continuing form would be an adult Jamie (Danielle Harris of course) rotting away in a mental asylum just like her uncle before her and in traditional fashion, have her escape and go after her foster sister Rachel, WHO IS STILL ALIVE BECAUSE FUCK HALLOWEEN 5, and we have a goddamn movie. Of course, the clown mask would have to come into play as Jamie’s murder shrouds to legitimize it because her picking up her uncle’s mask might just be too cliché and predictable. Jamie would need to have her own persona for it to work, and Harris has the chops to do it.

If Universal is actually listening, far-fetched I know, throw this idea on the writer’s table because we all damn well know you all are thinking about it already!

What are your thoughts? Should we let sleeping boogymen lie, or should the HALLOWEEN franchise take this direction in the future?

Celebrating the Most Nostalgic Halloween Episode of “Roseanne”- “BOO!”

Halloween in the 80s ruled, there’s no question about that. It would be easy to say us “old timers” look at Halloweens’ past with beer-goggles, but I contest that those who actually experienced Halloween in the 80s as a kid, would tend to agree. From the school parades, to sacks of great candy from more than just a few houses giving out diabetic comas to eager kids on that night under the orange and yellow glow of a Halloween moon, people seemed to be more than willing to participate by today’s standards. And, lest us never forget, the glorious myriad of Halloween specials that were never in short supply on the boob tube. Syndicated shows often jumped on the holiday bandwagon, creating a special episode for the Halloween spirit, but nobody EVER did it better than ROSEANNE– and you can take that to the garage with a chainsaw.

Running for nine seasons and except for the first and last season, ROSEANNE didn’t miss a beat with those faithful Halloween episodes glorifying the holiday. While they’re all pretty damn great for their own reasons, the most nostalgic is the very first Halloween special, Season 2-Episode 7, “BOO!”.

There’s just so much to love about this particular special. You can practically smell the crisp Autumn morning air from the opening shot alone.

Seriously, the only thing that rivals this is the opening to HALLOWEEN 4.

This episode does nothing more than just reinforce my love for the holiday and stands as basically the ultimate guide on how to do Halloween right folks. And that would be including subtle things like Jackie’s chattering skull pin and orange cassette tape of “Sounds From the Haunted Mansion”.

As the episode goes, it’s Halloween and the Connors are in full-swing of the festivies with a prank war going on between Dan and Roseanne over which of the two are the undisputable “Master of Halloween”. All the while, the fam is gearing up for the night by transforming their residence at 714 Delaware St into… THE TUNNEL OF TERROR. Which is what everybody basically calls this episode anyway because it’s so damn unforgettable.

With little zombie ninja DJ answering the door to welcome the trick-or-treaters, Roseanne steps in and leads them through the living room into Dan with an ax protruding in his head. The room is decorated in all kinds of great stuff when you’re looking for it. One of my favorites is the skull blow mold on the wall by the door!

From there, we’re led into the kitchen, where Becky dressed as an armless Stewardess is cooking up something special for the little ghouls. I would imagine that is Darlene’s hand coming out of the pot since she isn’t seen anywhere else on the tour, but that is just me Sherlocking the shit out of everything until I get a migraine.

And everybody’s favorite jump scare in the tour!

The kids are led out into the laundry room for a hasty exit where the less spooky Crystal and her son Lonnie lead them to safety.

And since Darlene doesn’t visually make an appearance through the Tunnel of Terror, I would be doing a disservice to the world if we didn’t acknowledge her ode to Pinhead for the evening.

Oddly enough, some of my favorite decorations seen in the show don’t even make it into the grand tour! In the aftermath in the garage, Roseanne is shown committing a Halloween crime of throwing out some magnificent die-cuts. It was at that moment when Dan came in dressed as Jason with a chainsaw that I myself, decided Dan was the clear winner of the night. Regardless of how the episode ended with Roseanne scaring the shit out of her husband with telling him that her parents were coming to stay with them for a month. Sorry, but I just can’t overlook that sort of travesty.

Long gone are the days when people would put this kind of effort into kids for Halloween. Although I think folks like this still exist, I would put money on the fact it’s far and in between these days. It’s not something I see much of anymore in my personal experience over the past few years, and unless people start taking hints from these ROSEANNE Halloween extravaganzas’, I highly doubt it will change.

Regardless of your personal feelings on Roseanne in the present, she, and this episode in particular, taught us all that you’re never too old for Halloween. Growing up is stupid, and we all should be letting out that inner demon child residing in our souls that Halloween brings out of all of us. Just as with “It’s the Great Pumpkin, Garfield’s Halloween Adventure, or the standard John Carpenter’s Halloween, the “BOO!” episode is in steady rotation around here as it’s just not Halloween without at least two or three viewings of this nostalgic piece of 80s Halloween history.

That being said, get to streaming it on Peacock otherwise, as Roseanne would say, you might go straight to Hell! And remember, there’s no chocolate in Hell; erm, no chocolate with caramel at least.