Tag Archives: tales from the crypt

[Watch] Happy Father’s Day with Tales From the Crypt Most F*cked Up Episode Ever!

Father’s Day is upon us once again where we celebrate the initial life-sparker of our little existences. And throughout the genre when it comes to horror films, evil paternal units are an abundant source for the center of storytelling. From Jack Torrance to Jerry Blake, the visual of a father gone insane is something we’ve seen time and again in the past few decades of the horror movie. And somehow, it just never gets old.

We all remember films like The Stepfather and Creepshow honoring thy father in the most twisted ways imaginable. However, as cringing as the psychological terror that fuels such movies, HBO’s Tales From the Crypt gave us the most fucked up primetime spectacle touching on the subject of fatherhood I had ever seen on the small screen. Albeit the whole father bit was the surprise twist, in the end, that’s what makes it SOO messed up.

The second season of the largely popular late-night program hosted by the faithfully ghoulish Crypt Keeper gave us consistently amazing episodes one after another, and the tale of terror in question here “Three’s A Crowd”, was no exception to both awesomeness and cringe-worthy midnight viewings.

“Three’s a Crowd” revolves around husband and wife Richard and Della’s strained marriage and an effort to repair what was once a fairy tale romance. Richard is slowly spiraling into a life of alcoholism and depression due to money issues and the couple’s ongoing troubles with conceiving a child. In his convoluted mind, Richard has the nagging thought that his loving wife will leave him due to his low sperm count. So he pours the booze as a band-aid to his troubles and gives him an even shittier attitude on top of it.  Richard’s negative outlook on life is beyond soul-sucking and quite frankly, it frustrates the hell out of me how Della didn’t just cave and tell her of her plans from the beginning. But of course, where’s the fun in that right?

Moving on, Richard and Della’s old successful friend Alan treats the pair to a lovely getaway to celebrate the pair’s anniversary. While Della is trying to make the most of it, Richard is flinging accusations that his old, and now rich friend Alan and his wife are having an affair. The suspicion is only ignited even further when Alan and Della sneak off together multiple times… alone. On top of a few lavish gifts from Alan to his wife, Richard’s jealousy goes from annoyed to enraged. And that’s when it starts to get ugly.

Richard corners Alan and ultimately kills in a drunken jealous fit and then sets his sight on his wife. Della discovers Alan’s body and attempts to flee in sheer terror. But Richard wants to play cat and mouse with his presumably unfaithful wife. He traps her in a room and strangles her with a piece of lingerie Richard assumes was bought for Alan. As a parting shot to his recently deceased beloved, he drags her over to the departed Alan’s cabin next door to “work on that baby again”.

Uhh. GROSS.

And there it is. He opens the door to the supposed empty cabin with a dead wife in tow to a goddamn surprise party in his honor announcing that Richard was going to be a father. The whole trip was designed by Della and Alan to put a smile on the face of a man who was living life day to day slowly sinking further into a deep depression regarding his troubles and inability to care for his lady the way he thinks should be. I guess now that way is dead, however.

Seriously, that twist ending revealing that this already broken man who wanted nothing more than to have a happy family with this woman, actually killed his wife who was in fact with child, is fucking gut-wrenching. And teaches an obvious moral lesson of that age-old saying, think before you act. Or in much more modern terms, don’t be a dick. Be a dude.

And on that note, I want to wish every hard-working dad out there a very Happy Father’s Day. And a special shout out to my own Hub-beast for putting up with me and our monster children on a daily. Thanks for not ever pulling a Richard on me!

5 Nostalgic Horror TV Shows That Need A Comeback

There’s no doubt about it. Horror TV shows have come a long way from “Alfred Hitchcock Presents” and over the last decade, have become more of the norm when it comes to a variety of series’ available while browsing for that next binge. Shows like Dexter and The Walking Dead opened a can of worms that had long been forgotten, and studios have been forging full steam ahead breaking out, what it seems anyway, a new horror series on the now multitude of platforms at our disposal every few weeks.

Things sure have changed since the one Saturday Night horror movie given to us once a week on basic cable.

Sure, a lot of these shows are great and all, but nothing, and I mean NOTHING compares to that introductory trip into a desolate graveyard showered with lightening strikes that led into the Crypt keeper‘s lair and a new tale every week from the undead King of puns. And I sure do miss it. Now, while I’m not a huge fan of taking something as precious as that and reworking it for a new generation, I’m not entirely against it either with the right team on board. A genuinely perfect example of such being the newly remodeled Creepshow series that transferred the creativity from several horror masterminds to one in himself, Greg Nicotaro. And it worked beautifully as the anthology turned series remained true to the horror-comic style of storytelling that Creepshow made infamous visually on the big-screen. It can be done! We just need these titles we’re about to break down to get a shot at redemption and a proper send off.

Anyways, here’s at least five nostalgic horror shows I would like to see get a much-deserved reboot.

Full disclosure: Nightmare Nostalgia is an Amazon Associate and if you click on one of these handy links and make a purchase, It’ll buy me a Chalupa Supreme!

Hammer House of Horror

Hammer, who built its reputation on the gothic likes of Dracula and Frankenstein, turned it’s wheels onto British TV back in 1980 with 13 glorious episodes starring witches, werewolves, and even cannibals! On the bridge of a decline in Hammer horror interest, the studios fired back with a vengeance proving the style was never dead by embracing it’s powerful gothic storytelling and showcasing it on Primetime. And it worked!

As far as a reboot is concerned, I feel like this is something gothic visionary Guillermo del Toro could tackle while respecting the legacy that is the Hammer films. The director handled Scary Stories wonderfully and would love to see this happen!

EERIE, INDIANA

Eerie, Indiana, population of 16,661. A beloved cult series about a young horror fan playing Nancy Drew in his strange hometown and uncovering some wild shit deserves a goddamn comeback already! It drives me crazy that this show only lasted one season, but that was enough to brand its legacy into young horror fans clamoring for more as we head into he show’s 30th anniversary!

So how would a reboot work? Well, I believe a continuation of sorts would work with grown versions of Marshall Teller and Simon Holmes to start. However, much like with the Are You Afraid of the Dark reboot airing on Paramount, I’d like to see it grow along with us and become darker to cater to it’s original fans back in 1991. Perhaps, Marshall is now that creepy introvert locked away in his house trying to solve old mysteries. Just throwing out some ideas here.

Friday the 13th: The Series

Once you get over the fact the Friday the 13th series has absolutely ZERO to do with Jason and the Camp Crystal Lake narrative, you come to realize it’s a pretty damn good show that got cut WAY too soon before we ever got a conclusion.

With the likes of David Cronenberg and Mick Garris behind the scenes, the series which debuted in 1987, consists of an antique dealer who made a deal with the devil to sell haunted antiques bound with misfortune. However, in exchange for power, came with greed and the devil took the dealer’s life as a consequence. Now, his niece and nephew who have inherited his store, have to deal with his bullshit curse along with it. To break it, the kids have to obtain these items back and of course all hell, literally, breaks loose in attempting to do so.

Much like with Eerie, Indiana, a continuation would work with the original cast, now older and wiser as the show ended quite abruptly. Give us a real ending please!

Tales From The Crypt

A few years back, the HBO horror series was slated to be revived by M. Night Shyamalan and all systems were a go… until they weren’t anymore and it was a massive bummer to all who were looking forward to a revival of the beloved tales of terror. And I’m here to say- MAKE IT HAPPEN ALREADY.

Much like the prior mentioned Creepshow series, a new slew of tales hosted by the Crypt Keeper would be ideal; however, this is what caused the project to be shelved in the first place concerning legal rights about the character. My thought would be how about HBO take out that protruding stick up their ass and just greenlight the damn thing already. The audience is here and waiting while you buy out horrible films that tank like Wonder Woman ’84. Ugh and GAG.

Freddy’s Nightmares

Syndicated to television hot off Freddy Mania and Dream Master, Freddy’s Nightmares was a horror anthology series set in Springwood with different tales of terror; hosted by none other than Freddy (Robert Englund) himself of course. While the show itself, with the exception of the first episode, left Freddy out of the picture as far as storytelling, it was a glorious piece of nostalgic 80s’ cheese that needs to be revived once more.

If Englund can host again, and I don’t see why not other than his own personal reasons, then this show can and would be dynamite in terms of rebooting. Let’s bring in names like Ari Aster, Rob Zombie (for a fun mix-up), and André Øvredal to write and direct and we got ourselves one killer hit. Shudder, I’m looking at you to get the ball rolling here.

So what do you guys think? What are some nostalgic nuggets of horror TV history you would like to see brought back to life? Let me know in the comments and let’s blow up Shudder’s Twitter to get this idea in their heads!

That Random Car In the Title of ‘Tales From the Darkside’

One of my fondest memories from childhood was staying up late and watching the many glorious horror-themed shows late-night TV had to offer us back in the 80’s. My mom was pretty cool about that back then. I was no more than five and I still recall the greats I spent many nights watching. Twilight Zone, The Hitchhiker, Alfred Hitchcock Presents, Unsolved Mysteries – just to name a few, and their themes still ring loud and clear in the shadowy halls of my memory.

One thing these spooktacular shows all shared was a riveting opening title accompanied by a haunting score. You all know what I’m talking about. The Twilight Zone sports a pivotal theme that remains timeless to this day. And who can deny the impact Danny Elfman’s immortal theme from Tales From the Crypt had on our generation? Remarkable!

All of that is to bring us to the subject at hand revolving around one of my favorite creepy shows, Tales From the Darkside!

From horror maestro himself, George Romero came this grizzly collection featuring beloved short horror tales from the mind of Clive Barker and other renowned writers of horror, Tales From the Darkside brought scary stories to life in various comeuppance morality tales.

The opening always gave me the chills as a kid. That eery as Hell music playing over visions of lovely fields, a country farmstead, a rippling brook and a covered bridge. Sights that should convey a welcoming sense of warmth and meditation, something the dark mind of Paw Paw Romero intentionally planned just so he could pull the rug out from underneath our feet. The sights change as the title is revealed and all of a sudden the pleasant world we have been introduced to is malformed into a sinister realm of shadows and dread, just like the genuine dark world which awaits behind the placid world we live in. Darkness is always just only one bad day away.

Right before the title shows, and I mean like a second or so before, we see in the bottom left corner a car that gets swallowed up in the Darkside. It never was anything I gave much of a thought to until an ex of mine mentioned the car was a blooper. Like it was a mistake and wasn’t supposed to be caught on film. Like while the studio was filming the opening shots some random car photobombed the process.

Funny, because I never once got that impression. I told her that too and explained how I always assumed the car was meant to be there. As if whatever family was in that car had just suddenly been sucked into the void. The idea startled her, because that’s how Hell works, right? One moment you’re out enjoying a lovely drive out in the countryside and the next the Darkside consumes you, your day, and possibly you’re entire life.

A flat tire lands you stranded in the middle of the shadowy woods where you can hear a distant banjo playing.

You’re out by yourself hoping to get some sun by the lake when local rapists come zooming by with oogly eyes all over your body.

The Wolfman Cometh
image via The Wolfman Cometh

You get a puzzle box and suddenly awaken the wonders of Hell.

You have a nightmare that lures the dream demon to your helpless state of mind.

That’s what horror has always been about! The normal and everyday world being consumed by the Darkside. That little car in the opening credits epitomizes what we love about horror. I don’t know who was in that car – and that’s part of the charm, it could be anyone of us in it – but I thank them for providing such a wonderful (but underrated) visual for us.

Ok my Nasties, this has been your good pal, Manic Exorcism once again. I’ll be back later to over-analyze even more things no one in their right mind would give a second thought to. But hey, that’s what we do here.

Let us know your thoughts in the comment below? Was it a simple photobomb, or perhaps there was something more sinister afoot?