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Casualties Of Horror: Let’s Look At The Other “Halloween” Victims That Weren’t Killed By Michael Myers

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Casualties Of Horror: Let's Look At The Other "Halloween" Victims That Weren't Killed By Michael Myers

Let’s face it. Generally, most victims of the Halloween franchise don’t deserve to get gutted like a jack-o-lantern; and by an escaped lunatic at that. But what about the “casualties of the horror movie”? You know, the people not directly killed off by Michael Myers, but suffered an agonizing death for the sake of moving the film along. I mean, that’s pretty fucked up when you think about it. These people, who through no fault of their own nor had any connection really to the true victims’ in question, ended up getting fucked over all in the name of the slasher film.

And I’m here to salute the lot of you. So let’s celebrate in remembrance of the victims of the Halloween series for their civic horror service duty.

Ben Tramer

Poor Ben Tramer never got his giddy date with Laurie. Good ol’ Ben was mentioned in the first film as a particular love interest via Laurie, and Annie, later on, spilled the beans to him over the phone; embarrassing the ever-loving shit out of Laurie. In the sequel, we never see his face as he’s wearing the same mask as Myers, stumbling along on Halloween night in the middle of a manhunt for Michael. Spotted by Loomis, the doctor runs after him waving his gun, probably scaring the shit out of the kid who’s already pretty tipsy from a Halloween party. I’m sure the anxiety of the situation disorientates him as he walks in the middle of the road to his dire fate. A patrolman tries to screech to a halt, but the kid is hit and then smashed into another vehicle crushing his body; and then the cars explode, sealing the death deal! What a fucked up way to die.

Anyway, here’s the closest we ever got to see Ben’s actual face and the aftermath of the accident.

Buddy Kupfer Jr

Yeah so ok, everyone in Season of the Witch was killed off by Cochran and his goons while having nothing to do with the rest of the franchise or Myers entirely, but goddamn was this brutal, and hey; he and his family weren’t killed by Myers so I’ll allow it!

Anyway, we all know the masks are a disguised killing machine for kids all over the world that’s activated by the Silver Shamrock commercial. So when Dr. Challis gets to watch a demonstration of the masks work via the companies’ top salesmen and his family, it’s well… beyond messed up and an awful way to die, especially for a kid! I mean, holy shit this is overkill like that poor boy from Toxic Avenger. Cochran really hates children and in many ways, I think is WAY eviler than Michael. Say what you will about Myers, but he’s no child killer. (Not counting the newer films anyway).

Ted Hollister

“Shiiiyet Earl, it’s Ted Hollister!” – never gets old.

Another face we never get to see, (although the shooters claim to have seen it, LOL) is that of Ted Hollister, a random resident of Haddonfield in Halloween 4. Seeing as how the city’s police force had already been mostly wiped out from Myers, this lynch mob of private justice was the town’s only hope. Shot to death by Earl Ford, Allan and Orin Gateway, and Unger in overkill fashion in a frenzy of panic and anger as Myers is on the rampage yet again in his hometown. Guy was most likely sitting there enjoying that wonderful neighborhood ambiance on a Halloween night and got nailed for it with multiple shotgun blasts.

Dr. Terence Wynn

Dr. Terence Wynn is a character who first appeared in the original Halloween, played by Robert Phalen and presumably, Loomis’ superior. We don’t actually find out the “man in black” as presented in Halloween 5 is actually him until Curse of Michael Myers in 1995; but goddamn did he go on a rampage shooting up Ben Meeker and his entire police station in an effort to help Myers escape from his jail cell; AND with a machine gun! I guess being in the Cult of Thorn grants you access to high-powered firearms. ‘Merica.

H20’S Paramedic

Oh boy, this guy was an essential story and plot point to that Resurrection mess and all he get’s credited as is the “paramedic”. Now if that isn’t as fucked up as it gets then I don’t even know what could possibly surpass that. Getting mistakenly beheaded by Laurie and we don’t even have the name for the guy that sets it all up for Myers to return?!

Get the fuck outta here. Frank. Let’s call him Frank.

WE SALUTE YOU FRANK.

Willy The Kid/ Corey’s Bullies

Oh, Corey. So many people hated Halloween Ends, and in perfect Charles Cyphers fashion, everyone is entitled to one good-or bad opinion. Most of that hate stemmed from the fact most of the kills were performed by the new shape, Corey Cunnigham, as Myers at this point was withering away in a sewer like an old man. But, you know what? I rather enjoyed this fresh take. Sometimes it’s nice to see something new and different, ( Season of the Witch anyone)? I cheered for Corey. I wanted him to take down the bullies in particular. The ending was shit and sloppy as hell but everything else up to that point was pure glee for me personally. Love him or hate him, these kills were pretty cool and Michael Myers approved.

Special Consideration: Everyone Else at Haddonfield Hospital Killed in the Fire?

Why don’t we ever talk about the fact that Loomis, YES LOOMIS, blew up an entire wing of a hospital along with everyone in it just to kill Michael? I mean, that’s basic homicidal maniac behavior. And let’s not forget there were newborn babies in that place! Were they apart of that death count? No one can say for certain, however, if you recall from the Halloween II clip below where the deputy is accounting for “ten bodies so far” leads us to assume and acknowledge that the final death count has yet to be tallied.

Beyond the fire itself, the clinic, as it’s referred to isn’t that big as compared to a normal hospital square footage, and the smoke alone would travel from a gas blast such as that to other areas of the building rather quickly. I’m just not buying it that they all lived just fine through that wreckage. Which is absolutely devastating to even think about.

Anyways, thanks casualties of Halloween for laying down your lives for plot points. You deserve to be recognized.

Cool shit to buy, Home Video Releases

Make it the Ultimate Retro Halloween With Here Lies’ HALLOWEEN COMPANION VHS Collection!

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At this point, it’s almost become cliché to state the obvious: that Halloween wasn’t what it once was 40, 30, or hell even 10 years ago. The magic and beautiful mayhem of it has been lost by flashy, cheap décor, over-the-top yet underwhelming haunted houses, and what little treats given on Halloween night are simply pathetic compared to the spooky delights of yesteryear. I mean, yeah sure, I’m the Halloween nostalgic Queen and all, so I may be a bit biased, but I’d take the Universal Monster Pepsi Challenge any day of the week with anyone that wants to argue with me.

Just don’t forget the Ranch dip to go with some Cooler Ranch Doritos because you’re going to need the calories to fight me on this one.

Speaking of glorious Halloween commercials, exactly how often do we see them these days? Modern technology of streaming apps and social media has pretty much wiped out any television advertising for both big and small business brands and solely rely on platforms such as TikTok and Instagram and willing “influencers” to do their bidding for them without shelling out the big bucks for any advertisement slots. Shit, the commercials we DO see on streaming services such as HULU, are all ads for big pharma and greasy politicians. It’s such an eyesore to my senses and what I wouldn’t give to just see Captain Lou Albano pimping out a local Pharmacy for their on the spot Halloween deals…

Oh, wait… YOU ABSOLUTELY CAN NOW!

Emmy award-winning producer and nostalgic VHS warlock, Eddie Spuhghetti, has opened the doors to the memories of what once was (so long as you have a VCR anyway). Eddie has curated several series’ of VHS tapes dedicated to the Halloween season that are fully-loaded with 6 hours of commercials from the 70s, 80s, and 90s, Halloween special episodes, one movie, and seasonal bumpers galore. It’s enough to make any retro Halloween maniac to have countless spookgasms during a viewing.

I spent a week watching volume 3 and although you would think most of the placements would be totally random; they most certainly aren’t. Each commercial, bumper, and television special are meticulously placed to keep a flow of what you would naturally see if you were watching television on a crispy 80s October night. Though I don’t want to give too much away as far as what’s exactly on there, because I feel like you should be surprised like I was, I can say it’s a stream of Halloween fuzzies that made me sore from smiling so much. Worth mentioning, the movie I got to see on Volume 3 was custom converted to black and white, and it’s an 80s film. Never did I think this film would look amazing this way, but considering the material, it works- and it works WELL. The only clue I’ll give you is that it’s a 1983 movie and a sequel. That’s actually probably too much of a hint, but it’s devastating to have to keep something like a secret. What I can say, though, in no doubt, is that my absolute favorite thing about the tapes, is the LOCAL bumpers and commercials that are mixed in with mainstream ones. It’s exactly what I would remember watching when I was a kid, with short ads for local pharmacies and costume stores promoting their October specials. Also worth mentioning the movie that’s inserted in each tape, Eddie made custom “We’ll be right back” bumpers to add to the local TV movie feel of it.

It’s just too damn glorious.

Oh, and then there’s this guy. You might see him around from time to time.

Eddie Spuhghetti started creating tapes 12 years ago, and it started with a Halloween companion that was the meal of the hour at Halloween parties. While studying TV Broadcasting, he figured out how to capture and record content to use in course projects, and before he knew what he had, he had created a prototype for what would turn into a series of themed 6 hour-long VHS tapes that range from Halloween, to Summer vibes, to even Christmas ones as well! All without one piece of repeated content!

Interest rose from horror blogger friends, and he made the tapes available through a website and brand he created, HERELIES.COM.

Via Eddie Spuhghetti:

“I made the tapes available for purchase via donating towards my horror project (costs for shipping accessories, the tape media itself, etc…). This evolved into four proper Halloween Companions, one Xmas tape (another one is in the works) and a Summer series that focuses on late night TV during specific time periods. I aim in giving the viewer an experience that entertains but also hits some emotional tones-unlocking some forgotten pleasant memories while bringing new light to things they never knew existed! The tapes also work great for background atmosphere while you work, at parties or live events!”

As someone who watched an entire six hours of footage on one of these, he absolutely hit the nail on the head with what he set out to do.

For the Halloween tapes in particular, each VHS is a flat $15 donation with the exception of the newest addition, Volume 4 which contains 3D parts and comes with 3D glasses which runs at $25; all with a $10 shipping fee. If you own a VCR, and bask in the nostalgia of yesteryear, this is a no-brainer must have companion. Grab your copy of choice HERE at HERELIES.COM!

I also goddamn appreciate the fact that the Halloween 4 intro was placed in my version and remixed with Halloween III synth wave music. You have a fan for life, sir.

You can follow HERELIES on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter for updates!

Saturday Morning Cartoons

“Beetlejuice: The Animated Series” Is Still The Greatest Animated Ghost With The Most 35 Years Later

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Though I know I should be wary, Still I venture someplace scary; Ghostly haunting I turn loose… Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice!!!

Before we knock around a bit of Beetlejuice cartoon history, let’s rewind our minds back a few years and remember what being a kid was like on a gorgeous Saturday morning.

Unlike my peers, I personally, was always up at a decent hour (around 7:30 a.m.). After crawling out of my Ninja Turtle sheets, I would make my way to the dimly lit kitchen and help myself to a bowl of cereal and whatever readily available juice box (preferably Hawaiian Punch or Ecto Cooler) my fridge held that morning. All placed accordingly on my TMNT (1990) movie tray in front of our mammoth of a television set. I was ready to seize the glorious Saturday with the start of some of the greatest goddamn must-see-TV. And one of many of those amazing Saturday morning animated gems was, of course, Beetlejuice: The Animated Series.

After the massive hit that no one saw coming in 1988, Tim Burton’s BEETLEJUICE left the year as one of the top ten grossing (how appropriate) movies of the year- so naturally Warner Bros wanted to capitalize on the Afterworld film graduate. A sequel WAS planned titled Beetlejuice Goes Hawaiian, oh yeah that was going to be a thing, but due to the immense smash that Tim Burton brought forth the following year with BJ star Michael Keaton in tow, BATMAN, Warner opted to shelve Beetlejuice in a grass skirt in favor of focusing on a sequel to the Dark Knight that brought in way more marketing profits for the company.

And for those dying of curiosity, here’s a cool fan-made poster by Redditor Coffin_House on what could have been.

Since WB is no fool, they still knew that had a hot commodity with BeetleGuise a less invasive to the studios’ cartoon was green-lit to be developed by the Juice maker, Tim Burton himself with pal Danny Elfman to compose a whole new theme for the toned-down Bio-Exorcist. Catering to a Saturday morning audience, Beetlejuice went from a slithering snake of a horn dog that manipulates his way into an attempted marriage with Lydia, to the pair becoming pals and the Bio-Exorcist harboring an actual moral compass, (sorry, no crotch grabbing anywhere here). I mean, hey it’s Saturday morning and every show needs a PSA and a message right? Like, lying to your parents might mean you’re going to let loose a hoard of ghostly skeletons that are ready to snitch you out.

LYDIA LIED!

Instead of Winter River, the Deetz family live in Peaceful Pines but it’s mostly set in Beetle’s home The Netherworld. The series ran around some silly adventure or problem week after week involving the duo pf Lydia and BJ. From roaming aforementioned skeletons in the closet ruining someone’s day with the hard truth or Beetlejuice’s entire skeletal system abandoning him in favor of a vacation. The show was a perfect Saturday morning mash-up of wackiness and just a hint of horror.

Lydia’s parents Charles and the eccentric Delia return in animated form as naive supporting characters that never seem to notice their daughter spends most of her free time in another dimension. Then again, in the film, she seemed to be mostly ignored by her self-absorbed parental units until the shit hit the fan- so the relationship stays a tad faithful in that aspect. 

The void felt by the absence of Barbara and Adam was filled with new characters. Beetle’s neighbors in the Netherworld furthered BJ’s awesome sense of sarcasm with most of them being both clumsy and easy to poke fun at. In which case, ole BJ took advantage of on a consistent basis and was the source for a lot of the humor in the series. Jacques, Ginger, The Monster Across the Street, Poopsie, the Mayor, and on Earth, the snooty Claire Brewster, were often the victims of Beetlejuice’s embarrassing pranks.  Even Lyds wasn’t immune to Beetle’s reign of practical jokes as his only friend was even the butt-of-the-joke at times. However, unlike Claire and the Netherworld residents, BJ’s pranks on the teenage Deetz were never meant to cause damaging feelings or humility, but rather all in fun. Which asserts the relationship between Lydia and Beetlejuice in the series. Unlike in the film, the pair was as close as friends could get and the unlikely duo’s friendship remained a constant crucial part of the show throughout the series’ short three-season span.

One newly added character, Barry MeNot, stood out as the only CGI character among the classically animated counterparts and was something a lot of us didn’t see too much of in this cartoon era. He was the TV (Neitherworld Television) personality who appears in various “commercials” that sometimes pop up to emphasize a particular plot point in the show. He sold the hell out of those Scream Puffs to me.

BEETLEJUICE: THE ANIMATED SERIES first premiered on ABC Saturday mornings on September 9th, 1989 running right behind SLIMER! AND THE REAL GHOSTBUSTERS for a ghostly hour of fun on the weekend and later moved to FOX Kids weekday afternoon lineup as one of the FIRST animated shows to be added. And after 35 years since its debut, this little piece of netherworldly nostalgia has remained in our beloved hearts ever since.

The animated series is almost impossible to be able to find on streaming these days, unless you want to buy episodes from Amazon Prime and that’s just a damn shame. However, if you download the  FreeVee app, there’s a channel called Cartoon Rewind that occasionally runs marathons of the show. Unfortunately, it’s not an On Demand thing so you’ll quite literally have to live like it’s 1989 and just wait for it like in the caveman days!

It’s more than worth it.