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Creature Features

[Creature Features] ‘JAWS’ – The Birth of the Blockbuster and Galeophobia

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In the banner year of 1985, 10 years after the initial blockbuster smash release of the holiest of shark films JAWS, I had seen thine shining light they call Bruce for the first time in my tiny life.

I was three.

THREE-FUCKING-YEARS-OLD.

One could argue my Dad was a sadistic fuck in showing me what I absolutely consider, one of the top three scariest films of ALL TIME. Especially given the fact I wouldn’t even set a pair of feet on any beach for close to seven years after. True story: Having family in the Long Island area, Summer Beach days were very much a thing. However, I would make my Dad carry me across the sandy threshold to a spot where I felt comfortable and far enough away from the water. The answer is yes: In my youthful way of thinking, I had concluded that JAWS was smart enough to get me even in the sand. But as long as I was on a towel and far enough away from the shore, all was ok. The answer here is also YES: It makes zero sense, I realize, but hey, I was a kid so don’t judge too harshly!

Now that being said, my story is just one of thousands that were scared absolutely shitless after seeing the film, inducing GALEOPHOBIA into the minds of many. Proving without a shadow of a doubt, that JAWS is, indeed, one of the scariest films of all time. We define horror as something that scares us. It’s a very versatile genre as what scares one, may not necessarily frighten another. Collectively, JAWS pretty much hit the nail on the head and caused quite a bit of both panic and interest in the beautiful monsters of the deep.

The following vintage clip from NBC NEWS uploaded by YouTube user COW MISSING showcases a little snippet of what ‘The Summer of JAWS’ looked like as far as the cultural impact the film had on its audiences.

Now on the other side of the coin, JAWS ultimately caused an almost global catastrophe for the creatures of the deep in the form of fear and panic; something humanity is very much guilty of with the most recent example given is the 2020 shortage of toilet paper. We are very much guilty of acting out in emotions first, and logic later. And these poor animals have suffered immensely for it. Mind you, I don’t place this blame on the book or film itself as that’s complete BULLSHIT. Every one of us is responsible for our own actions, thoughts, and doings. I only place blame on those who have chosen to use their own fears as an excuse to execute these wonderful animals for either sport, food, or pleasure. As a matter of fact, Peter Benchley’s 1974 novel shadows the event dubbed “The Twelve Days of Terror”, that served as inspiration for what we know as Bruce today.

In 1916, a series of shark attacks were recorded over on the New Jersey coastline, killing four people and injuring five others. Also, interestingly enough, during a Polio Epidemic. So of course, under the duress of a record-breaking heatwave and pandemic, the media then fueled an already stressed populous into panic mode. Reports and analysis also suggest that the nature of the attacks were by a lone shark. Later, a Great White was caught during a shark hunt that was found to have human remains in its stomach. Was this shark the culprit? Possibly. I mean, hard to argue if there’s a human limb hanging out inside the belly of the thing.

Anyway, the release of JAWS just helped to reignite a surging fear and interest in the mysterious beast. As time heals all things, however, the humanoids have become much more sympathetic and educated about our friends of the deep. Regardless of how many horribly cheesy SY-FY shark attack movies have been churned out year after year, piggybacking off the back of the ultimate shark movie…. 45 years later and counting.

Now, I can’t simply talk about JAWS without mentioning the John Williams score. It is one of the most recognizable tones in cinematic history that Goddess forbid, you ever hear that shit playing somewhere on the beach while your legs are dangling in the water, I’ll place a hefty bet you’re gonna crap your swim shorts. Per the Film Music Society, Williams described the malicious two-tone theme as “so simple, insistent and driving, that it seems unstoppable, like the attack of the shark. The music could be loud and fast if he was attacking, soft and slow if he was lurking, but always menacing in tone.”

Goddamn right, Mr. Williams. I mean, every time I have an anxiety/panic attack, that fucking theme song pops into my anxious mind as the perfect accompaniment as an indication of a roller coaster of impending doom.

[JAWS theme] John Williams with the Boston Pops Orchestra

While I, and many other 80s’ babies’ grew up in the JAWS VHS era, we were terrified as kids but evolved into adults with a healthy understanding of the nature of the beast with education along with a healthy dose of lovely Shark Week programming provided by the Discovery Channel. However, I’d be lying if I didn’t admit I didn’t still ’til this day go to the ocean, dip in, and the thought crosses my mind, “Is today the day my leg gets bit off by Sir Great White of Shark?” All thanks to one of the most horrifying scenes of all time.

Thanks for the memories and the trauma Bruce.




Also, this is totally worth picking up! You can get your 4k Ultimate JAWS experience here through Amazon!

Editorials

Five Horrifically Beautiful Traumatic Movies That Don Bluth Gave Us As Kids

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The 80s were a fantastic time to be a kid and a horror fan. If you were a product of this generation, chances are you were traumatized in one way or another by the dark delicacies of the media that gave absolutely ZERO fucks about not softening any blows when it came to life lessons in the form of movies and television. Whether it was watching Punky Brewster’s friend Cherie almost die in a fridge, or your grandma popping in a freshly rented VHS flick called WATERSHIP DOWN for the grandkids to watch because she thought it was a “lovely Easter movie”, we got hit with some messed up visuals that would never get past a writer’s discussion room in modern society. Which kind of pisses me off because I want my kids to experience something as cool and terrifying as a movie about the beloved Dorothy Gale getting sent to electric shock therapy and then facing off with a headless witch.

That’s some bullshit.

Anyway, one of the greatest culprits of true nightmare nostalgia for our childhood era is the great Don Bluth. For anyone unfamiliar or for Gen Z’ers, Don Bluth was a former Disney animator who made his mark as early as 1959 with Walt Disney’s SLEEPING BEAUTY, with his last animation directing credit with THE FOX AND THE HOUND before he left to start his own company in 1979- DON BLUTH ENTERTAINMENT. During the 1980s and 90s, he made a slew of gorgeous animated films that also, in turn, traumatized the shit out of a generation of kids.

And one animation for a video arcade game that I WOULD DIE TO SEE as a full-length movie.

Don Bluth radically distanced himself from his Disney days with animation he felt was more “pure” to the craft by keeping the hand drawn cel the way to go with his continuing work. The result was always one of passion and masterful craftsmanship that really pushed home some of the dark, and gritty themes Bluth films went balls deep with. That’s how you’ll always know you’re watch a DB movie. It always feels like something sinister is lurking right around the corner with the unnerving way he animated these films and of course, a central character always dies or has some type of serious traumatic event happen that in turn, spills into our own emotions, successfully grounding us into a euphoric depression. And I think somehow, as kids while it may have traumatized us, those moments served also as lessons that we, as children, needed to both see and hear for our own exponential growth and how to grieve in our own way.

Don Bluth never shied away from dealing with the shadows that are the human journey. Dealing with themes of sadness, loss, anger, and death remains a staple in almost all of his films. There were even moments where I felt like he was fucking with us and our emotions even more: Like when Littlefoot sees the shadow of what looks like his recently deceased mother but turns out to be his own, and he just sinks even deeper into depression. I was literally seven and screamed “FUCK YOU” to the screen while shedding my own tears; like goddamn was that necessary? But you know, looking back, it absolutely was. These are stages of grief, and it’s seen from the perspective of a child who had his world shattered. It really showed us kids that life isn’t all sunshine and fairytale castles. Bluth said, “This is life, little people. It’s a wild ride of emotions, and we need to talk about the realities of it.- also, fuck your feelings very much.”

That’s the best way I can describe a Bluth film, anyway. Narrowing it down to the top five movies that stayed with us through our childhood into adulthood from the DON of DARK ANIMATION was slightly challenging, but I think I got it right.

5. ANASTASIA (1997)

The legend of Anastasia comes to life in this late 90s Bluth entry about an orphaned Russian girl, the revolution surrounding her country, and the real-life villain of Rasputin (voiced by Christopher Lloyd). The animated reimagining of one of history’s darkest figures for a children’s film consists of the “wizard” in scenes where we see his eyes pop out, his jaws falling off as he lingers somewhere between life and death; much like the real Rasputin, who was infamously hard to kill, or so legend says. I mean, sure, what kid doesn’t love to see a decomposing evil wizard corpse do a full-on song and dance routine with his body parts popping off?

4. AN AMERICAN TAIL (1986)

AN AMERICAN TAIL was a personal favorite of mine as a little kid. The story of mice immigrants coming to America on a ship from Russia with SURPRISE, one little mouse named Fievel getting thrown overboard and being separated from his family; leaving little Fievel Mouskawitz on his own to navigate America on his own while he searches for his loved ones who presume him dead. This movie is where I also started to notice that perhaps Bluth is a dog guy rather than a cat person. I swear every film he makes, cats are villainous, vile creatures! Except for Tiger, anyway. The hoards of cats are almost downright terrifying and they really label them as bad animals! I suppose this was done metaphorically as immigrants, once upon a time, came to America thinking there was no violence in the streets. No cats in America? LOL. Let’s just stick with he hates cats.

That being said, Sir Derp of Derp of Pazuzu would like a word, sir.

With that out of my system, from the wave monster arising from the Atlantic Ocean that beats the hell out of the ship, and the reason Fievel gets knocked out to sea, to the Giant Mouse of Minsk, those two scenes in particular were visually pretty damn horrifying in such a beautifully artistic way. As a four-year-old, it successfully gave me nightmares, so hats off to a giant wooden rat with 20-foot-long teeth and the fact I would never ride on a boat until my teens because I was pretty sure I was going to get pummeled by a 100-foot wave monster man.

3. THE LAND BEFORE TIME (1988)

Yeah, well, we all very much know where this one is headed. One of Bluth’s most tragic films here just exhumes sadness at almost every turn leaning into the age of the dinosaur and the background of historic events that plagued the Earth at this time. Let’s also throw in a heavy scene where a mother is fighting to protect her child from being eaten by a T Rex and getting killed in the process. Exit stage left to an elongated scene of utter turmoil, and the dying mother mutters some final words of wisdom to her little one that “she’ll always be with him”. Make sure you have that Pizza Hut tie-in toy ready to clutch- If you don’t cry at this scene, you just might be a sociopath.

2. THE SECRET OF NIMH (1982)

An animal lover such as myself can find this movie extremely disturbing. Aside from all the beautifully dark imagery, the underlying tale of NIMH is sufficiently evil all on its own. Touching on the very real issues of cruel animal testing, rats and mice were taken to the NIMH labs and injected with needles full of fuck knows what.

One of these experiments led to their advanced intelligence and eventual escape, which brings us to another terrifying tale revolving around the struggles of love, betrayal, and ultimate power with the wife of one of the escaped NIMH mice, Mrs. Frisbey is on a journey to save her dying son.

Oh, and don’t forget again, the vicious terrible cat villain of the film!

Also, I can’t be the only one who thought that damn cave of bones-dwelling owl, was completely terrifying with those glowing eyes and no-nonsense demeanor. In fact, I know I wasn’t. So I’ll just leave Big Daddy Owl here for him to drum up some traumatic memories.

1. ALL DOGS GO TO HEAVEN (1989)

There are a few movies in my life that I make the conscious choice to never revisit, and ALL DOGS GO TO HEAVEN is one of them. It’s not because it’s a bad movie, it’s just that it’s way too sad. Again, being an animal lover, the last thing I wanted to face as a child was that my dog was, eventually, going to die. And while the sentiment of storytelling is that of the main title unless your dog is an absolute piece of shit I guess, is supposed to offer some comfort, all it did was make me cry- and a lot of other kids too. Hell, the story starts out of trauma hell already with street thug Charlie (voiced by Burt Reynolds), our main character mutt, being murdered and sent to Heaven where he of course can’t help himself and steals a pocket watch that allows him more time. Oh, but there’s punishment for that: when the watch stops ticking, he will be sent straight to Hell, where we get a nice sneak of it with dog skeletons and cat demons (because Bluth thinks kitties are the devil, right)!

He then befriends an orphaned little girl named Anne Marie who has been kidnapped and – you guessed it – coerced into forced labor by Carface, an evil dog who is also Charlie’s old partner and yep, murderer. Charlie forms a deep bond with the orphaned little girl, proving that his hardened heart can be softened but of course, dies at the end when she needs him most. However, the change in his attitude allows him to enter the pearly gates this time, for good.

What kills me most I think is learning about the death of Judith Barsi who voiced both little Anne Marie and Ducky (The Land Before Time) in a tragic murder-suicide at the hands of her abusive father after the fact, which really seals the deal in just how sad this movie really is.

Yeah, perfect bedtime story material, folks.

Now excuse me while I go wipe my face from cutting all these onions and go hug my animals.

Creature Features

Believe It’s Magic! The Painstaking Special Effects of “Ghostbusters”

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I think it goes without saying Ghostbusters is a once-in-a-lifetime movie experience that can and never will be replicated, and a lot of that credit goes towards the special effects of the film. In 1984, this sort of visual sorcery wasn’t running rampant across filmmaking. With few exceptions like Star Wars and Poltergeist, (both of which Ghostbusters visual effects supervisor Richard Edlund worked on) audiences were bedazzled with the hypnotic effects the movie presented within.

Let’s take a ride and talk about that.

A mere year after the visual stunner of Poltergiest, Ivan Reitman and his crew were tasked to make Ghostbusters in UNDER A YEAR. In this case, is asking the impossible with the sort of movie that called for such heavy special effects to sell the story. But according to Ivan Reitman, it had to be done in such a way as to balance the comedy with the “ghosts” so as to not make it too silly, or too scary as doing so would damage the film entirely.

“The special effects are just as important as the comedy. We’ve never seen this level of first-class effects in a comedy film before and it has to be evened out.” – Ivan Reitman

Much of Dan Akroyd’s vision for the creatures were on a large scale, some of which even ended up in space if you can just picture that! However, the budget for the film was about $5 million and Reitman worked with Akroyd to rewrite the script and the creatures in a way that would work in a beautiful balance of comedy and terror. Though they ended up around $700,000 over by the time the film was locked, if Dan Aykroyd’s original script had been filmed, according to associate producer Joe Medjuck, it would have had “50 large scale monsters”.

Enter Richard Enlund, head honcho of Boss studios. Launched in 1983 specifically for Ghostbusters, who knew the importance of not making these creatures into flat-out jokes for the film. And what we ended up with was some of the best damn practical effects of apparations still to this day.

In the instance of the Marshmallow Man, Edlund and his team went through dozens of ideas and designs before opting for the simple, yet practical 100-foot monstrosity we all know and love.

Part of what made the effects so, well, effective, was their practical nature. You just can’t beat practical movie magic no matter how much technology you throw in front of it. The clip below from Ghostbusters.net gives us a short and sweet breakdown of some of the wizardry undertaken in bringing the Library Ghost, Slimer, and more to life in the film.

Made in just ten months and filmed in 55 days, Ghostbusters is the prime example of practical effects done in a time-crunch without the technology of a computer. Cliche to say it has aged like fine wine, so we’ll just say it has aged as well as Keanu Reeves in 2022. Charming, beautiful, breathtaking, and as soft and nostalgic as a twinkie.

With that, I’ll leave here with my personal favorite shot from the movie- the ghost escape from the firehouse that wreaks havoc on New York City all leading up to the climax of Gozer. I’m actually kind of obsessed with this scene as it has everything that is great about this movie all rolled into two minutes of spectacular energy. It’s ominous, a bit silly, but not so much to where you can’t overlook the sense of dread that is coming. Paired with Mick Smiley’s “I Believe It’s Magic”, this is just cinematic gold right here. And I believe what Ivan Reitman set out to do in balancing terror and comedy, marries perfectly in this one scene alone.