Well, here we are again nostalgic nuggets for part three of the neverending thread of visually appealing VHS horror movie art! I feel we could go on for at least 20 of these pieces and who knows, I just might! But for now, let’s dive right into it.
It was the Fall of 1990 and after a healthy lunch of Pizza Hut personal pans with friends and staring at the newly displayed Halloween decorations at Osco Drugs, it was time to head to our nearby Video Store in the mini-mall by our neighborhood, Action Video. This was a pretty typical Saturday afternoon for us. If we weren’t at the movie theater or comic book shop, local Mom and Pop rental joint Action Video was the place to hang out and an easy bike ride at that. The only difference was that the sights and smells of the October season were upon us and frolicking our way to the horror section of the store just slapped a little harder and gave me a rush of adrenaline. Or maybe it was the bubble guts from that deep dish pan I just scarfed down my mouth-hole. Either way, it was a good time. The only reason my old ass remembers any of this is that this was the first time I rented Puppet Master, a franchise that grew into an obsession for many years over those little homicidal marionettes. Of course, you don’t need much convincing from me if there’s a film about killer puppets, but the VHS artwork sure didn’t dissuade me either.
Roaming through the newly released horror movies, staring at the glorious box art that served as a pitch for said film beckoning us to take it home and traumatize our eyeballs was one of three ways we discovered some not-so-mainstream horror flicks. The others of course being word of mouth and horror mags such as Fangoria and GoreZone acting as our door to such movies as Popcorn and ReAnimator. With being said, here is another couple of stunning horror VHS box art worthy of being put on a pedestal!
Also, if you need a refresher, here’s parts ONE and TWO of this series.
Credit: @iwantmyvhs
That wraps it up for now- stay tuned for VHS COVER ART Part IV: The Final Chapter coming soon!
I’m having a blast writing these each week, but it occurred to me that the Quintessential Quintuplets title–rather than the ode to Quint I’d intended–may be, perhaps, a wee wordy. So, we’ll try it this way for a bit.
This week, let’s discuss characters who pop up, grab your attention, then disappear before you even realize they’re gone.
Those characters who stay with you. Who even today, have you yearning for more. Brief though it was, what led to the moment we met them?
For me, the five who follow are those characters.
5 — BIG JOHN ELLIOTT (SNOOP DOGG / DAY SHIFT, 2022)
Big John Elliott is a fantastic character all his own, but some combination of director J.J. Perry and writers Tyler Tice and Shay Hatten have the kind of love for Creighton Duke (wait for it), that led to an Easter egg (read wondrous wardrobe) that even a damn bunny would be proud of. is chef’s kiss. That said, Elliott is calm and cool, not unlike Snoop himself, a ride-or-die friend, and when it comes time to vanquish vampires, dude goes full Blaine and leaves no crumbs. It’s simple: horror can never offer enough 90-minute, popcorn fare where we can just enjoy our asses off. So, give us a glimpse behind the curtain to see what led Big John to the events of DAY SHIFT. Oh, and don’t go thinkin’ Snoop can’t carry a film his damn self because BONES (2001) exists. And it slaps.
4 — CREIGHTON DUKE (STEVEN WILLIAMS / JASON GOES TO HELL: THE FINAL FRIDAY, 1993)
There are myriad reasons for more Creighton Duke, that he clearly inspired Big John is just a bonus. First of all, it’s Steven Williams. Having a top tier talent exist within the Friday franchise simply makes me giddy. Few pull off intimidating intensity quite like Mr. Williams, and frankly, we need it. It’s been 14 years since we got a Friday film that wasn’t of the fan variety (no disrespect to Vincente DiSanti), so why can’t this franchise pull a Disney+ and dart off in directions that extend beyond Bryan Fuller’s intentions? We’re not allowed to forget that at one point Duke dropped “remember me?” on our asses in JASON GOES TO HELL. I want–nay–need to know what that meant, and quite certain I’m not alone. This character is mysterious, vulgar, and ultimately a badass who breaks digits in exchange for information. More Creighton Duke, please and thank you. And the best part? No need to find a younger actor for the role because Steven Williams doesn’t fucking age.
3 — DICK HALLORANN (SCATMAN CROTHERS / THE SHINING, 1980)
Look, Scatman Crothers was a once-in-a-lifetime talent, but Carl Lumbly filled those enormous shoes quite admirably in DOCTOR SLEEP (2019), so what’s the hold up? What began as concerned looks whilst Danny (Danny Lloyd) ate ice cream bled into a stern warning about Room 2-3-7 because there can be no doubt Dick Hallorann was intimately wired into the spectral strength the Overlook possessed. “I think a lot of things have happened at this particular hotel over the years, and not all of ’em was good” Mr. Hallorann has a story to tell. And more likely stories, plural. Lest we forget that as a child, the Hallorann had entire conversations with his grandmother without either opening their mouths. Warner Bros., you owe a debt — pay it.
Rare is the television show that has fans clamoring for more nearly a decade after airing its final episode, but HANNIBAL (2013) is rarer than most. Take that how you will. We only got two episodes of Tobias around the midpoint of Season 1, but those delectable morsels were all we needed to fully comprehend we were hungry. Demore Barnes devoured the screen with each appearance, culminating in a dinner with Dr. Lecter (Mades Mikkelsen) where he revealed that he, too, dabbled in their dark art and had observed Hannibal do what he did — and did well — after following him one night. Of course, we all know that the cannibal counselor had already selected a protege and Tobias was living on borrowed time, but Budge was one of the most fascinating characters on a show brimming with fascinating characters. Should we get a fourth season, perhaps a flashback episode could be arranged providing the backstory we Fannibals are aching for.
1 — BIG JOE GRIZZLY (KEN FOREE / HALLOWEEN, 2007)
For starters, is “we need more Ken Foree” a hard sell? You and I both know good and hell well that it is not. We can talk about taco deluxe supremes, Swank subscriptions, or the fact that Big Joe actually says A-hole all damn day, but let’s get to the naughty, naughty. Our man politely asked Michael Myers to let him pass his beast in peace, but on just the second knock, that all melted away. Dude started talkin’ shit and pulled a knife. We knew that Grizzly was a truck driver, but brandishing a blade because someone interrupted your bowel movement? Big Joe Grizzly has seen some shit! And I want to know what that shit is.
These are but a handful of my personal selections, there are endless genre characters we simply didn’t get enough of, so give us yours in the comments.
Rejoice all you Nasties! Winnie the Pooh and Piglet too are back and they’re not at all how we remember them. Just like a malignant growth that silently mutates in the shadows so have the friendly duo we all grew up with grown to insane proportions with a perchance for murder and torment on their twisted minds. We’re no longer in the nursery here, my dear reader. Pooh is all grown up, like a whole seven feet, and is full of murderous rage.
This title is our newest entry into the slasher genre and, if you’re one of the OG readers, you already know how I feel about slashers. Bring them on! This little movie was something that caught my eye way back last year when it was announced. I couldn’t believe someone had the balls to do this. But fuck a duck am I glad they did. This sick little twisted movie is a rancid wash of toxic air, the kind that makes your mind warp out of control and is pure mutant material.
Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey has already garnered a cult following by its name alone. But if this week is any indication it’s earned that cult status and those few fortunates who saw it this week are already drooling from the corners of their mouths and are a clamoring for a sequel.
One night only, on Feb. 15th, this movie aired in specific theaters. That’s right. It’s already played and is gone. I just happened to catch its screening thanks to happenstance and looking over Instagram stories. I rushed my manic ass to the cinema, snuck in my snacks, and watched a modern-day slasher splatter piece. It was pure dumb violent fun.
This isn’t something for people pissing themselves for the next Hereditary film. This is a movie made for the Drive-In crowd and you know who you are, sick fucks. I’m one of you. Sometimes it’s necessary to watch sophisticated horror movies, but, on the other hand, it’s very good to just see a silly premise and lots of blood.
One thing people ask me about this movie is ‘Is it really violent?’ Like does to go there?
Yes, it definitely goes all the way. It does not shy away from the gore. It’s not Terrifier 2 in its degree of violence, but it’s a red-wet slasher film just like from yesteryear. Plus it has the decency to remember slasher films used to show us a little bit of T and A, as the Good lord intended. So this is the whole package. It’s also a slasher film set in the woods just like other great titles such as Madman, The Burning, and Sleepaway Camp.
Now if you missed seeing this play on its one night only reveal fret ye not. This Spring Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey is being released in a big way. And you know yours truly had to get this special edition set. It’s the book. That little booklet alone made me slap down my hard-earned cash and secure my own copy. That and look at the handsome slipcase it’s released in. As well as a pretty poster.
But this special edition promises deleted scenes and a small making of special. In case you’re wondering if you should add this to your personal collection let me ask you this. Do you like slasher films? Lots of blood? Some inappropriate laughs? And are you a sick fuck like me? If you can answer yes to all of these then you’ll want to consider sliding this one on your shelf.
This isn’t fine dining as it were as far as movies go so don’t expect as much. This is a quadruple greasy cheeseburger with melted cheese still clinging to the wrapping paper and it’s full of pickles, onions, and lots of mustard and ketchup just to make your farts extra toxic. It’s not good for you but it’s good and you know you like it. That’s the kind of movie this is. A greasy delight that you might be ashamed of if you get caught enjoying it. But who gives a flying fuck? Enjoy yourself my Nasty.
So check out the link here and don’t let this escape your collection.
