Category Archives: Editorials

Editorials

HOW 90 SECONDS LED TO ETERNITY FOR ‘GHOSTBUSTERS’

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First of all, how the hell has it been forty years? GHOSTBUSTERS opened on June 8, 1984 (alongside another classic horror comedy that starts with “G”, outlined by our fearless leader Patti Paultergeist) and is one of those magical movies that have transcended cinema to become a part of American culture. And beyond.

What separates GHOSTBUSTERS from the field is what made THE DARK KNIGHT the GODFATHER of superhero films: they took it seriously.

Before anyone throws their arms up in protest because GHOSTBUSTERS is very much a comedy, what I mean by “taking it seriously” is that they didn’t skimp on the horror. Think about Bill Murray’s delivery on “She says she’s the Gatekeeper. That make any sense to you?” which was absent any and all humor long before we knew he could ACT act. Or Sigourney Weaver’s hyperventilation and growling “there is no Dana, only Zuul”, to say nothing of the shot of her looking out at the city through the blown out side of her apartment as Mick Smiley’s “I Believe in Magic” swelled underneath. And if we’re honest, Gozer (Slavitza Jovan) and the “OK, who brought the dog?” gargoyles atop Spook Central are nothing short of creepy.

Though brief, by playing these scenes honest to the horror, it set GHOSTBUSTERS on the path it remains upon today: seminal.

No scene compares to the underutilized Winston Zeddmore (Ernie Hudson) piloting the Ecto-1 as he engaged Dr. Raymond Stantz (Dan Aykroyd) in a conversation about Judgment Day. Look, we all have our favorite moments and lines, but Judgment Day is 90 seconds that shuts down the room. I don’t care how many times you’ve seen it, nor do I care how hilarious and raucous the back-and-forth may be with the friends you’re watching with, when Winston says “Hey, Ray…” it’s Quint talking about the Indianapolis. Everything stops.

When the violins fade in with Ray’s rationalization that every ancient religion has its own myth about the end of the world, the chills still crawl up my spine at the knowledge of what’s coming–and Hudson does not miss.

“Myth?! Ray, has it ever occurred to you that maybe the reason we’ve been so busy lately is because the dead have been rising from the grave.”

The violins intensify and thunder crashes as Ray slowly turns his head to look at his fellow Ghostbuster, a thought whirling through his mind that he has no desire to dance with.

Ray looks to break the tension with “How ’bout a little music?” and Winston offers a scoffed “yeah” as the funky tune plays and the camera pulls back on the Ecto-1 heading toward an inevitable showdown.

The reasons are endless, but GHOSTBUSTERS is as magnificent today as it was when it debuted four decades ago, and will remain so for the rest of time. But for my money, it begins and ends with a 90-second chat between colleagues. Because Ivan Reitman, Dan Aykroyd, and Ernie Hudson chose to leave laughs by the wayside and play it straight. A moment that clearly communicated that there was more at stake than jokes. GHOSTBUSTERS’ Indianapolis scene is what took it from great to undeniable. And if you don’t believe me, go watch the Judgment Day scene right now and tell me you don’t get chills.

Seriously. Go ahead. I’ll wait.

Editorials

We Almost Got An Extremely Violent and Gory R-Rated “Gremlins” Movie

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Unfathomable to believe that GREMLINS hits their 40th anniversary this year, and with that comes four decades of dedicated loyalty to either Gizmo or the rebellious Stripe, (you like one better than the other, admit it). Stripe, technically an offspring of Gizmo, is that punk rock kid that blows his nose on your family room curtains, eats the last of the fried chicken in the fridge, and breaks into the candy store to steal all the yum yums.

Also, I’ve heard he’s an award-winning cannonballer.

Then there’s the loveable Gizmo. Everyone’s favorite cute and cuddly bringer of the apocalypse, even though he doesn’t mean any of it. He’s so damn adorable and friendly, Billy’s dad Rand Peltzer premonition of the Mogwai possibly replacing doggies and man’s best friend could have been a foreseeable outcome. If only it wasn’t for Gizzy’s one little flaw-his ability to mass produce an army of homicidal, albeit humorous, clones that aren’t as friendly as him.

Ahh, well. No one is perfect.

However, Gizmo wasn’t always slated to be America’s furball sweetheart of the 80s. In fact, the original script of GREMLINS wrote him in as the ultimate villain!

In Chris Columbus’ first draft of GREMLINS, Gizmo (who is just referred as Mogwai in the script) is basically what we see in the final product as Stripe, only WAY WORSE. There is no relationship between him and Billy- although Billy DID receive him as a Christmas gift in pretty much the same as the final draft. Instead, the nameless Mogwai has water spilled on him, in the same manner we see in the film by Pete (played by Corey Feldman in the movie), and out pops a couple of little hellraisers. who all hail to King Gizmo, I mean, Mogwai, and they proceed to EAT BARNEY. Yep. You heard that right. They eat Billy’s best friend instead of a hefty plate of leftover fried chicken.

THOSE BASTARDS.

Poor Barney isn’t the first to fall victim to the Gremsters in this original script, but rather, half the goddamn town of Kingston Falls gets murdered! Pete goes Christmas caroling and gets eaten alive by a hoard of gremlins. The sheriff gets a more brutal hands-on send-off, and Billy and friends come upon a McDonald’s where everyone inside the restaurant is dead with half-eaten Big Macs hanging out of their mouths.

I personally would have loved to see that.

Worth noting, the early script version here DID have the Gremlin hoard in the theater head banging to SNOW WHITE AND THE SEVEN DWARVES and they kept that throughout the entire screenplay process where it finally landed in the movie. Some things are just too good to ever throw in the script edits trash can.

Then, there’s Billy’s dear mother, Lynn Peltzer. Stories were going around for quite some time, and in a few articles making the rounds, Lynn had her head cut off by Gizmo and his band of merry maniacs. As far as I know, other than in hearsay or in commentaries, there is no mention of this in the script available on the Internet. In fact, it’s the second draft -not the first, which I will link all of you to at the bottom of this piece so you can read it for yourselves- and people are spreading this as fact. Well, the facts are in black and white here and state: that Lynn was lured to the attic, attacked by the creatures, and killed. That’s for certain. But no decapitation occurred here.

Now, of course, Stephen Spielberg swoops in and convinces everyone GREMLINS would work better at a PG level; so that’s what we got. I’m not mad about it. Hell, GREMLINS is in my top ten movies of all time. Yet still, I also wouldn’t be mad if this film were to EVER get the proper horror movie monster treatment. Can you imagine a homicidal Gizmo? I think they should take a crack at it.

You can read the entire Chris Columbus draft by clicking here, and I highly recommend doing so.

In the meantime, let’s grab some freshly squeezed orange juice from the Peltzer Juicer, and let me oblige you with my personal favorite scene from GREMLINS. While the throwing of Mrs. Deagle through her own window is as close to a second as they come, the snow plow home invasion with Murray and his wife makes me laugh my goddamn ass off. I mean, and that maniacal laugh from Mr. Plow Gremlin? He clearly loves his job! Give that man a raise! Comment below with your favorite scene in GREMLINS and let’s celebrate 40 years of people getting murdered by little hysterical creatures while we enjoyed every damn second of it as kids- and even more as adults.

Editorials

Unsung Heroes: Video Rental Shops Inside Grocery Stores

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Long before Redbox, grocery chains were a formidable competitor for video and game rentals.

Many, MANY moons ago, I grew up in a quaint neighborhood where I had the privilege of having both a community center and a shopping mall about a mile away from my house. Just past the community canter and a bridge to the freeway, stood an array of stores that served my childhood basic needs, such as a McDonald’s, Naugles, Pizza Hut, Sav-On Drugs Pharmacy, the ALL IMPORTANT Mom-and-Pop video rental store Action Video, and our local Smiths grocery store-which also harbored its own video rental shop inside the store walls.

It’s another store inside a store! Cue it Mike!

Being able to grab a package of Magic Middles, some cherry coke, and a rental copy of Creepshow 2 is an experience that only 80s and 90s kids really got to live through, and I’m pretty happy I was a part of it. Although I have heard some whisperings throughout the Internet of some being active in small towns around the USA, they have mostly been lost to time and overshadowed by their big brothers of local video rental stores and the dreaded Blockbuster mass market for people looking back on video rental days with their nostalgia hats on; and I personally think they deserve a lot more respect dammit.

To be clear, I was a pretty loyal customer to Action Video, the fact that my mother worked at the deli inside Smiths sometimes made it more convenient for me rent or her to pick up and drop off my weekend requests if they were available. Plus, it never hurt that the clerk gave me free boxes of Raisinets. Also, there was something quite charming about them. They were small, quaint, and very personable. Hell, some of them even donned the ever mysterious black curtain!

It was also something to look forward to if you so happened to be dragged against your will to go grocery shopping with your parents because at least you could make that request to rent Sleepaway Camp a lot more convincing since you (or they) didn’t have to walk a few store pegs down to retrieve it; just to the front of the store by the smokey slot machines!

Don’t forget your free kid cookie card that allows you one free fresh chocolate chip cookie from the bakery on the way up there!

I also have to appreciate that if Action Video or your preferred video rental stop were out of stock of your wishlist movie or NES game, you could usually rely on ye-old tiny faithful here to at least have ONE copy of what you were wanting. Yeah, the place was like the size of my living room, (at least this one was anyway) but goddamn if they couldn’t fit at least 3,000 movies in there with their magic bred’ skills. Napoleon Dynamite would have pleased. These places did well enough mind you, but I just don’t think they had the kind of foot traffic a full sized store would have- hence the chances of your beloved rental being there even higher.

So indeed, I just wanted to take a portion of my day and salute these little video shops inside grocery chains. You made that Saturday morning food shopping trip a little more tolerable.