“You’re dead. Your friends are dead. Your family’s dead. Your fucking pets are being skinned alive. Your mom’s a fucking whore. You suck at life. The whole world hates you. You’re going to Hell. Live with it. Game Over.” – Via the ever so wise Nintendo Sensi, James Rolfe.
He wasn’t wrong you know. Although the original Friday the 13th game for the Nintendo Entertainment System seemed like a horror fan’s 8-bit wet dream, the frustration of gameplay quickly softened any prepubescent boners we may have had going into this pixelated LJN nightmare. I would never refer to it as a giant piece of donkey shit like some may have dubbed it, but the game itself is a goddamn pain in the ass for sure to get through without blowing your blood pressure out of range.
Anyway, today being the 13th of Friday here at Nightmare Nostalgia, I figured now is as a good as time as ever to showcase something that any fan of the NES game would appreciate the Holy Pixels out of. Youtube channel Mega64 brought about this hilarious fanmade movie trailer back in 2015 of you guessed it-Friday the 13th The Game The Movie. And it is goddamn gloriously nostalgic from those days of throwing ineffective knives at zombies and flying Pamela Voorhees rotting heads. Complete with VHS static to give it that retro feel, the fanmade trailer nails every aspect of the game that we love to bitch about endlessly. They even throw in the old joke of Jason’s machete looking like a giant toothbrush gag.
It doesn’t really get any better than that, folks. Happy Friday the 13th campers!
In 1988, slasher franchises were doing much of the genre’s heavy lifting. Freddy, Michael, Pinhead, and even Tarman all had their hand in the melting pot of the horror genre that year, and it was a goddamn glorious time to be alive and a horror fan. With the exception of 1983 and 1987, the Friday the 13th series had been a consistent force throughout the decade, releasing one film a year solidifying Jason as a top contender for King Slasher in the 80s; and with Jason Livesgrossing $19 million off a $3 million budget in 1986, another sequel was bound to happen even with a neat and tidy closure to Voorhees leaving the franchises’ hero Tommy Jarvis victorious. Although the numbers were impressive enough to put them in the green, Crystal Lake still wasn’t doing Elm Street numbers as in 1987, The Dream Warriors raked in 44.8 million on a budget of over $4 million. So an idea was hatched to pin Freddy against our favorite mama’s boy in the spirit of classic monster-mash ups. Studio rights among other bullshit would prevent us from seeing the two square off until 2003 so instead of waiting around, let’s throw Carrie Jr into the ring with Jason and see what results from it!
Filmed under the mystery title Birthday Bash, around Bay Minette, Alabama, Troll director John Carl Buechler took the seat to helm Friday Part 7 which takes a vastly different approach to the franchise than the films before it.
The New Blood follows Tina Shepard (Lar Park Lincoln) who at a tender young age accidentally kills her drunk and abusive father after a nasty fight with her mother using her then uncontrolled telekinetic powers by drowning him in, you guessed it, Crystal Lake. Years later, Tina’s powers which also include Pyrokinesis remain uncontrolled as the trauma over what happened as a child has only fueled, for lack of a better term, fire of her own abilities. Enter Bernie, I mean Terry Kiser as a dick psychologist, “bad news Crews”, who on the surface claims to want to help her, but really wants to put her trauma into crisis mode, so he can document her supernatural powers. How does he do that? Well, by taking her back to Crystal Lake, of course… where it all started.
And in doing so, Tina, whose guilt is immense at this point, unknowingly resurrects Jason who is still chained at the bottom of the same lake where her father met his demise.
Bad idea, Bernie.
The New Blood is so unique among its sister films for so many reasons. Friday movies usually follow the same simple formula where sex equals death, and beyond Tommy Jarvis, we never really get much of a backstory with our hero. This installment breaks the mold by not only giving us that narrative with Tina but takes us along for one hell of a chaotic journey navigating through her trauma. Part VII has a pretty deep social commentary running throughout touching on abuse and aforementioned PTSD. Tina is not only fighting Jason but everyone else around her; especially Dr. Crews (Kiser) who is just gaslighting the hell out of this poor girl. Bad News Crews, to me personally, is an even bigger monster than Jason himself. This piece of shit drags Tina and her loving mother out to the lake, forcing the traumatized teen to do things beyond her will to ignite her powers, all the while threatening to commit her. At the heart of it, this actually does Tina some good as she herself, towards the end, has a better grasp on her abilities which definitely come in handy with a foe like Jason. The abuse and unethical behavior from her doctor might have pushed her over into a forced confrontation within herself and her gifts.
Tina, even in her mental state of grief, confusion, and anger, can see right through that fucker. Although Tina wrestles with her emotions quite a bit, which results in a few things flying at people’s faces (rightfully deserved mind you), Tina holds her ground as one of the more level-headed people in this film ironically. In so many of these slasher films of the decade, we the viewers watching the heroine or final girl don’t get the option to navigate these complex emotions and trauma along with her. Tommy Jarvis had three movies in the series dedicated to him and his mental state, whereas before it was just a simple premise of slash, dash, and there’s a random final girl they’ve chosen out of the bunch. Jason Lives character of Megan (played by Jennifer Cooke) helped pave the way for Tina, but Tina delivered on all fronts in a way that hadn’t been seen since Nancy in A Nightmare on Elm Street. We got mad with Tina. We felt happy with Tina. And we goddamn rooted for Tina all the way.
Now that’s some true Final Girl Power. Rest in peace to one of the BEST horror heroines.
Then, there’s Kane Hodder who is among a fan-favorite in the Friday films as Jason Voorhees. With The New Blood being Kane’s first take on Jason in the films, he made a grand enough impression for him to come back for Manhattan, Jason Goes To Hell and Jason X. Although he isn’t my personal favorite, (I know, le gasp) credit where it’s due as he certainly gave Voorhees a more personable approach with those deep, discerning breaths that spoke for him alone. I hadn’t seen that prior in any Friday films and this was a whole new Jason, folks. His walk was stern yet graceful like a demented zombie ballerina as you could actually feel the anger and rage with each step. When Jason is actually unmasked, the expressions Kane lent to the Crystal Lake killer are something we really have never seen before, either. In previous entries like III and IV, we had an almost stiff and expressionless face. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not knocking that makeup, but Jason has way more depth here that would continue to the sewers of Manhattan where you could see the pain and fear in this monster’s face. That I applaud both Hodder and John Carl Buechler for, as it’s true movie monster art at its finest.
Kane also had the pleasure of dishing out some of the franchises’ most fucked up and brutal death scenes. Unfortunately, most of those scenes need up on the cutting room floor because at the time, the MMPA were absolute pricks about blood in films. And with Buechler, oh boy, there was a lot. Remember the amazing sleeping bag scene where Jason repeatedly beats the horny girl against a tree until bursts of blood visibly stains the bag itself? Or, how about when Dr. Crews is disemboweled? No? Well, those moments sadly only remain to be seen as grainy footage that never made it into the theatrical cut thanks to the Karens’ of the movie business who really hate slasher films, apparently. It wasn’t even the first time the censorial body bitches took aim at the Friday films as the first sequel, Part II was cut to shreds as well. Although, duly note that Part VII was more impressively gory. Sadly, while the grainy cut of death scenes exist in some form, as you can see below provided by The Friday the 13th Network, it’s not likely enough for a restoration of an uncut version to ever be released.
The New Blood was released 37 years ago on but of course, Friday the 13th, and falls in the middle of the pack of either loved or hated by franchise fans. Personally, I’m a huge fan of this one. I mean, clearly, I just wrote a goddamn essay about it. But perhaps also for nostalgia purposes. This was the first Friday film I had ever seen all the way through. Being born in 1982, I had snippets of the other films via family members, but when I was deemed old enough to make my own video rental choices and this being the newer one, well, there you have it. So let’s let’s pop in the old VHS, listen to Crazy Ralph narrate the opening, and relive that thrill of Carrie Jr beating the crap out of Jason.
Oh, and grab some Slice Cola while you’re at it. Can we just agree this is the greatest food spread in all the films? Just look at that retro KFC box!
That’s right. His name was Jason, and it’s been 45 years since the massacre at Crystal Lake that led to the birth of a horror icon and, technically, the birth of the 80s slasher.
In the early 1970s, Sean S. Cunningham sat in an editing room with director Wes Craven as the two cut together what would become, one of the most disturbing horror films ever made: THE LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT. Cunningham’s first film, THE ART OF THE MARRIAGE, had attracted Craven, who wanted to be in the film business, a friendship struck and then went ahead and made basically a soft porn film together entitled, TOGETHER. Which is totally what I would expect from the master of 80s perky boob shots and gore.
After Last House, Craven would go on to direct THE HILLS HAVE EYES, but Cunningham had a different vision.
In 1978, John Carpenter’s HALLOWEEN was released and changed the horror game. Cunningham took notice of the huge success of the premise of a stalker going around killing teenage girls and thus began the creation of FRIDAY THE 13TH. A movie that would spawn 9 sequels, a remake, and a crossover with, ironically, one of his old buddy’s own iconic creations, and become one of the most influential horror movies of all time.
So before we go any further, let’s smack a kiss on little Mikey Myers. Because without him, there would be no Jason.
After coming up with a title that like, Halloween, centered around a mysterious date,FRIDAY THE 13TH, the aspiring horror director pulled a massively ballsy move without even shooting one scene of the movie, by making an advert of his movie idea and somehow getting it placed in the July 4th issue of VARIETY magazine. The idea was to maybe secure the financing necessary to start production. The now-infamous and very first ad appeared for the original film in the franchise, proclaiming Friday The 13th “The Most Terrifying Film Ever Made”. The gamble paid off with Paramount picking up the title and a green light to shoot the film for $1.5 million buckaroos.
The slasher film was still in its infancy back in 1979, and though films like BLACK XMAS (which in my opinion was the FIRST true slasher movie), THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE and HALLOWEEN set the bar for the subgenre, FRIDAY THE 13TH set the standard for the 80s slasher-and the absolute crazy oversaturation of it during that decade. And I wouldn’t have it any other fucking way.
FRIDAY THE 13TH set a new slasher standard for young bloods getting picked off one by one in an isolated setting where no adults could be found anywhere supervising the often horny and impaired kids. If they were around, they were usually presumed as drunk or crazy.
Crazy Ralph, anyone?
Not to mention the now cliché horror movie tropes that we’ve seen in almost every slasher movie since. Sex equals death. Drugs equal death. An unstoppable madman (or in this case, woman) with the killer POV camera shot that doesn’t directly show the killer, that keeps us guessing who their identity is throughout the movie. And of course, we need the all-important final girl. The more innocent she seemed, the better her chance of survival. Of course, FRIDAY wasn’t the first to establish that trend (that credit goes to HALLOWEEN), but they sure as hell ran with it religiously for an entire decade and inspired the very film they kind of-sort ripped off, (HALLOWEEN), to cash in on the slasher boom of the 80s with a couple of sequels. The formula set the standard for FRIDAY movies going forward, and the rest of the 80s slashers that came after.
Also, it spawned Randy. Randy is all of us. Thanks to the likes of Friday the 13th.
FRIDAY THE 13THopened nationwide in the US on May 9th, 1980. Nobody expected this little horror movie to do much regarding big Box Office numbers, including Sean Cunningham, but holy shit was everyone surprised when this little film shot at Camp Nobebosco in New Jersey blew up and ending up meaning just shy of 40 million in the US domestically, and almost 60 million worldwide. Not a bad profit for a movie that was shot for half a million.
And then just like that, along with a sequel to HALLOWEEN, a film that never intended to have one, a slew of similar films embracing the same tropes that FRIDAY banked on, absolutely inundated theaters and straight to video stores with movies like SLEEPAWAY CAMP, CHEERLEADER CAMP, and SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE. Not to mention the appeal of associating a murderous madman with a holiday like MY BLOODY VALENTINE, APRIL FOOL’S DAY, and SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT. The trend continued throughout the entire 80s, with the golden era of horror movies busting out 253 slasher flicks. And it’s all thanks to a little mongoloid named Jason and his vengeful mother who started it all.