I don’t think I’m alone here when I claim there was nothing scarier on Prime-time TV than the glorious sounds and visuals of Unsolved Mysteries. Tuesday nights were always reserved for Robert Stack with me and my grandmother, and it was around the age of 7 when I had first laid my peelers on the majestic stance of the Stack and felt such excitement along with being scared shitless. Upon each week’s new episode of thrills, murder, and the paranormal after a fresh viewing, I would feel a sense of paranoia thinking escaped murderers were lurking in my backyard bushes. But, that was the magic ofUnsolved Mysteries, and watching it again with adult eyes thanks to the likes of FilmRise and other streaming apps, only validates it’s just as creepy now as it was over 35 years ago.
Each featured case was substantially creepy on its own, however, one, in particular, stood out to me in memory, and it has been cut and lost as the syndication gods butchered the episode, (and in truth-many others as well); compiling the segments into other episodes. Which totally fucks with my OCD and my memory. But hey, they released most of the episodes, and they are readily available to watch. I’m trying to keep in mind, a few years ago, it was nearly impossible to find any. So I’ll keep my bitching to a minimum. Anyways, we’re talking about the episode that aired October 26th, 1988- THE UNSOLVED MYSTERIES HALLOWEEN GHOST SPECIAL! Or Spooktacular- I prefer the latter.
We all know the legendary Queen Mary is an infamous supernatural ship. However, Unsolved goes balls deep, probably for the first time ever, on network television with eyewitness reports from employees and guests of the Mary ranging from weird noises to a woman saying she saw the ghost of an old lady diving into the ship’s swimming pool.
The Tallman’s Ghost segment lives in infamy in the minds of every 80s kid who watched this episode, and we’ve never been the same since. Listen, every episode of UM is sufficiently creepy on its own- but this one, however, scared the ever-loving piss out of me- and it seems like everyone else too. A family picks up a wooden bunk bed that is well — apparently haunted as the family’s children begin experiencing severe illness, whisperings of death threats from beyond the grave, and visions of arson to their own home… all wonderful things that come along with a demonic bunk bed from Hell.
Spirits from the 1800s seem to genuinely love this restaurant and Inn-including some famous ones like Edgar Allen Poe who had reportedly stayed there at one point. I wonder what’s on the menu… oh, that’s right, DECAPITATED HEADS! Yummo.
Lastly, we have the adorable Florida retired couple who harbor a ghostly roommate in their home, Jim and Kay Tatum. Occurrences of sounds of coins falling in a bowl, a mechanic drill turning on by themselves, and the ringing of bells throughout the house had Kay, specifically, believing their Floridian dwelling contained some sort of entity.
Was it just paranoia? Or was it ghooOOOosts? Either way, they’re a cute couple, so I couldn’t care less if they’re making up stories. You decide. Let’s watch the full episode in its entirety, thanks to the Internet Archive!
It’s the most wonderful time of year again and AMC is in full swing with their chainsaws, machetes, and kitchen knives, bringing their annual FEARFEST to our horror-loving eyeballs. Starting with the last weekend in September, brought us 48 hours of Michael Myers with their Halloween marathon that they run at various times throughout the schedule with October 1st, 2024 going ham on some familiar favorites and new classics.
And THANK LOOMIS we actually get the 1981 version of HALLOWEEN II this year. It’s not a valid Halloween lineup without it!
Happy binge-watching nuggets!
Tuesday, October 1 6pm: Thir13en Ghosts 8pm: Jeepers Creepers 10pm: House of Wax (2005)
Wednesday, October 2 5:45pm: Poltergeist 8:15pm: The Exorcist 11pm: Christine
Thursday, October 3 John Carpenter Marathon: 9am: Ghosts of Mars 11am: Vampires 1:30pm: They Live 3:30pm: The Thing 6pm: Christine 8pm: Halloween 10pm: Halloween II (1981) 12am: Series Premiere of Horror’s Greatest: Tropes & Clichés
Friday, October 4 A Nightmare of Freddy Marathon: 9:30am: Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare 11:30am: A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child 1:30pm: A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master 3:45pm: A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors 6pm: A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Revenge 8pm: A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984) 10:15pm: A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010)
Saturday, October 5 Friday the 13th Marathon: 8am: Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter 10am: Friday the 13th: A New Beginning 12pm: Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives 2pm: Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood 4pm: Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan 6pm: Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday 8pm: Friday the 13th 10pm: Friday the 13th Part 2 12am: Friday the 13th Part III 2am: Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday
Sunday, October 6 Final Destination Marathon: 1pm: Final Destination (2000) 3pm: Final Destination 2 5pm: Final Destination 3 7pm: Final Destination 5 9pm: New Episode of The Walking Dead: Daryl Dixon — The Book of Carol
Monday, October 7 Run Michael Run Marathon: 6pm: Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers 8pm: Halloween: Resurrection 10pm: Halloween
Tuesday, October 8 Halloween Marathon continued: 12am: Halloween II (1981) 2am: Halloween III: Season of the Witch 4am: Halloween 6: The Curse of Michael Myers 9am: Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers 11am: Halloween II (1981) 1pm: Halloween 3pm: Halloween: Resurrection 5pm: Halloween H20: 20 Years Later 7pm: Halloween (2007) 9:30pm: Halloween II (2009) 12am: Halloween H20: 20 Years Later
Wednesday, October 9 The Last Drive-in with Joe Bob Briggs Double Feature: 8pm: Friday the 13th 10:40pm: Friday the 13th Part 2
Thursday, October 10 8pm: Final Destination 5 10pm: Final Destination 3 12am: New Episode of Horror’s Greatest: Horror Comedies
Friday, October 11 No Survivors Marathon: 6pm: Final Destination (2000) 8pm: Ghost Ship 10pm: Jeepers Creepers 12am: Last House on the Left
Saturday, October 12 Stephen King Marathon: 6:45am: Cujo 8:45am: Graveyard Shift 10:45am: Children of the Corn (1984) 1pm: Carrie (1976) 3:15pm: Misery 5:45pm: Thinner 7:45pm: Carrie (2013) 10pm: Silver Bullet 12am: Christine 2am: Carrie (2013)
Sunday October 13 Fear the 80s Marathon: 7:45am: The Thing 10:15am: Child’s Play 12:15pm: Friday the 13th Part 2 2:15pm: Poltergeist 4:45pm: A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Revenge 6:45pm: A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984) 9pm: New Episode of The Walking Dead: Daryl Dixon — The Book of Carol
Monday, October 14 5:45pm: Freddy vs. Jason 8pm: A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010) 10pm: Wes Craven’s New Nightmare
Tuesday, October 15 5:30: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning 7:30pm: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003) 9:45pm: Trick ‘r Treat
Wednesday, October 16 6pm: Jeepers Creepers 8pm: Halloween: Resurrection 10pm: Child’s Play (2019)
Thursday, October 17 5:45pm: Christine 7:45pm: Carrie 10pm: Thinner 12am: New Episode of Horror’s Greatest: Stephen King Adaptations
Friday, October 18 House of Horrors Marathon: 9am: The Haunting in Connecticut 11am: The Shining 2:30pm: Misery 5pm: The Last House on the Left 7:30pm: House of Wax (2005) 10pm: Thir13en Ghosts 12am: Poltergeist
Saturday, October 19 Final Destination Marathon: 4pm: Final Destination 2 6pm: Final Destination 5 8pm: Final Destination (2000) 10pm: Final Destination 3
Sunday, October 20 Slasher Sunday: 6:45am: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning 8:45am: Candyman 10:45am: Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan 12:45pm: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003) 3pm: A Nightmare on Elm Street 5pm: Halloween 7pm: Friday the 13th 9pm: New Episode of The Walking Dead: Daryl Dixon — The Book of Carol
Monday, October 21 5:45pm: A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984) 8pm: Halloween 10:30pm: Halloween II (2009)
Tuesday, October 22 5:30pm: Misery 8pm: Poltergeist 10:30pm: The Exorcist
Wednesday, October 23 6pm: Trick ‘r Treat 8pm: Final Destination (2000) 10pm: Final Destination 2 12am: House of Wax (2005)
Thursday, October 24 7:30pm: Ghost Ship 9:30pm: AMC Premiere Event: The Meg 12am: New Episode of Horror’s Greatest: Giant Monsters
Friday, October 25 Friday the 13th Marathon: 9am: Friday the 13thPart VI: Jason Lives 11am: Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood 1pm: Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan 3pm: Freddy vs. Jason 5:15pm: Friday the 13th Part III 7:15pm: Friday the 13th 9:15pm: Friday the 13th Part 2 11:15pm: Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday 1:15am: Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter 3:15am: Friday the 13th: A New Beginning 5:15am: Friday the 13th
Saturday, October 26 Creature Feature Marathon: 7:15am: The Mist 10am: Gremlins 12:30pm: Christine 2:30pm: Silver Bullet 4:30pm: The Fly (1986) 6:30pm: The Thing 9pm: Jeepers Creepers 11pm: Child’s Play 1am: Sleepy Hollow 3:30am: Eight Legged Freaks
Sunday, October 27 Michael vs Everyone Marathon: 9am: Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers 11am: Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers 1pm: Halloween II (1981) 3pm: Halloween 5:pm: Halloween H20: 20 Years Later 7pm: Halloween: Resurrection 9pm: New Episode of The Walking Dead: Daryl Dixon — The Book of Carol
Monday, October 28 Final Destination Marathon: 4pm: Final Destination 2 6pm: Final Destination (2000) 8pm: Final Destination 3 10pm: Final Destination 5
Tuesday, October 29 A Nightmare of Freddy Marathon: 9am: Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare 11am: A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child 1pm: A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master 3:15pm: A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors 5:30pm: A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Revenge 7:30pm: A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984) 9:45pm: A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010) 11:45pm: Freddy vs. Jason 2am: Wes Craven’s New Nightmare
Wednesday, October 30 Halloween on Halloween Marathon: 9am: Halloween III: Season of the Witch 11am: Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers 1pm: Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers 3pm: Halloween 5pm: Halloween II (1981) 7pm: Halloween H20: 20 Years Later 9pm: Halloween: Resurrection 11pm: Halloween 1:30am: Halloween II (2009) 4am: Halloween III: Season of the Witch
Thursday, October 31 Halloween Marathon: 6am: Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers 8am: Halloween 6: The Curse of Michael Myers 10am: Halloween: Resurrection 12pm: Halloween (2007) 2:30pm: Halloween II (2009) 5pm: Halloween H20: 20 Years Later 7pm: Halloween 9pm: Halloween II (1981) 11pm: Halloween 1am: Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers 3am: Halloween 6: The Curse of Michael Myers
In 1939, the literary works of L. Frank Baum landed on the big screen in the timeless masterpiece TheWizard of Oz opened a portal of visual fantasy and storytelling the likes have never seen before and, for generations, has undoubtedly, reserved its place as a landmark of important cinema. However, fans, then and to this day, of the original books know damn well the movie is lacking in the wild and incubus spirit of Baum’s Oz books.
50 years later, the Wheelers and decapitated screaming heads remedied that complaint.
In the early 80s, Disney Studios had a beautiful streak of what we now know as, the Dark Disney days when the films coming out of the family-friendly studios leaned into an almost horror gateway for kids with the dark and serious undertones. Also, it’s my favorite Disney era where armies of skeletons ran amok in The Black Cauldron with no whimsical, musical interruptions. For years, the studio had hoped to one day create a follow-up to The Wizard of Oz and as such bought the rights to the remaining books in the series. Walter Murch who expressed an interest in the project, (editor for The Godfather and Apocalypse Now), met with Disney and ultimately gave the audiences of 1985 his directorial debut with Return to Oz.
Now the decapitated heads are making a lot more sense, eh? Actually, for those not in the know, that bit was taken from Baum’s “The Marvelous Land Of Oz”, along with Mombi and The Wheelers who made their debut in the second book of the OZ series. So, it was certainly faithful to the source material!
Much like Grimm’s Fairy Tales, Baum’s OZ series had some seriously dark content and, as the books rolled out through the years, they became even more nightmare-inducing as the readers matured and began noticing the horrors of the reality surrounding them. Especially since a few of them were released during the first World War. So much for escapism, eh? Murch very much wanted to capture Frank L. Baum’s true vision, so it was quite a shock to audiences when instead of getting an Over The Rainbow, munchkin giddy, heart-warming tale, we got a rotted and broken Yellow Brick Road, all of OZ pretty much dead by way of turning to stone, and Dorothy sent to the mental institution for shock treatment. And it all takes place in the month of October.
IT’S A HALLOWEEN HORROR MOVIE WITH OZ AS A BACKDROP. And I will die on this hill.
The film opens on an age-appropriate Dorothy (eleven-year-old Fairuza Balk), six months after the tornado hit Kansas. The joyful bedside reunion at the end of TheWizard Of Oz is now replaced with Aunt Em’s (Piper Laurie from Carrie fame) growing concern over her troubled niece who now, can’t sleep and won’t stop mumbling about walking scarecrows and ruby slippers. So what’s their ideal solution? Electric shock therapy, folks. From this point on, the film starts doing what it does best: scaring kids from here to next Tuesday… and I’M HERE FOR IT!
The Patients Have Been Damaged
After being dropped off at a turn-of-the-century hospital, Dorothy is locked in her room, where a young girl appears at her door like a damn ghost holding a porcelain jack-o-lantern, giving Balk a friendly reminder that Halloween is soon… and quickly disappears as quick as she came. The psychiatric hospital sequence is creepy as hell and might be some of the film’s most brilliant and effective shots, especially by borrowing some staple shots from the horror genre. A storm suddenly erupts, a menacing zoom on a closed door, and light bulbs swing from the ceiling. It’s all textbook horror tropes that we all know something sinister is afoot and the fuckery is about to commence.
As Dorothy is strapped down and left alone after, surprise, the storm takes the electricity out, the ghostly girl appears once again and releases Dorothy while telling her this doctor is pretty much insane and has patients damaged… locked in the cellar. It’s time to flee, girls! But alas, a raging river caused by the storm separates the girls and Gale floats off to Oz, while her companion drowns. At least that’s what is presumed, anyway-in a deleted scene, she was never found. Towards the end, the girl is revealed to be OZMA, the Queen and rightful ruler of OZ. All of which leads me to believe, and it’s just my own theory, that she returned to her imprisoned place in Oz, which was back inside the mirrors.
A Gloomy OZ
Once Dorothy reaches her OZ destination with one of her chickens from the Gale farm, Belina, who is magically at her side and able to talk, we’re immediately taken into what a dangerous place OZ truly is. From the Deadly Desert where if your feet touch the sand, you do the Crissy Crumble into sand yourself, to the Yellow Brick Road destroyed-The Land of Oz has become a desolate place where life has just dissipated. The atmosphere itself from Dorothy’s first step back into this once fantastical world is pure doom and gloom with such a sinister presence. Even the trees mock her as she races towards OZ.
Oh and the rocks. Those smirky rocks. The entire sequence gives off a something is fucked up here is a very creepy place and I love it. And the empty Oz sets the stage for the arrival of one of Baum’s scariest inventions, the Wheelers.
The Wheelers, Mombi, and The Nome King
Instead of just dodging a pissed off witch, Gale, and company have to duck and dive through an entire gang of entirely fucked up antagonists that are 1000 times worse than “I’ll get you my little pretty“.
The Wheelers are a hybrid of human with squeaky shopping cart wheels for appendages cyberpunk gang, and are the stuff of nightmares folks.
For those that never caught it, the nails on the chalkboard sound they make on their approach, the same screech we last hear from the unoiled hospital trolley wheels as Dorothy is being pushed to shock therapy. Quite a nice touch and devious as hell.
The witch Mombi, for me as a kid, was outright horrifying. When Dorothy meets with Mombi she is taken to a room filled with disembodied heads locked in cabinets that stare at her as she walks past, and then reveals she like Dorothy’s head as well so she’s just gonna keep her locked up in a room until she’s ready to take it for herself.
With the help of Jack Pumpkinhead, who was imprisoned alongside her, Dorothy breaks out and makes her way into the severed head room to steal the Powder of Life while all the heads are asleep.. She accidentally wakes them all up, and they all start screaming their heads off… heh…to awaken a headless Mombi. It’s probably the single most horrifying scene in a children’s film.
That “Dorothy Gaaaaaale!” screech haunts me in my sleep.
And then, there’s the Nome King, who is pretty much responsible for OZ being in ruins and the Scarecrow’s disappearance along with turning the residents of the Emerald City to stone and making trinkets out of the important figures. His claymation minions have been seen throughout the picture to spy on Dorothy and pull Frankie Howerd faces- and he’s been able to do this all with the help of the Ruby Slippers that “just fell out of the sky one day” and he seized them along with an opportunity to rule over OZ’s inhabitants.
This is one gnarly and diabolical motherfucker. Mombi and The Wheelers are horrifying on their own, but they tremble in his presence. And when he learns that Mombi had Dorothy and let her escape… let me rephrase that, “LET HER ESCAPE!!!!!!” he turns into a fucking nightmare and is ready to kill Dorothy and her friends, starting with Jack as he look like a delicious Pre-Thanksgiving pumpkin Pie to him. That is until Belina shits an egg in his mouth. Apparently, eggs are poison to nomes. Go figure, eh?
This entire scene is just a carnival of nightmares. The Scareceow is running around with a very alive head of the Gump, (what is with Baum and severed heads)? The absolute terror on all of their faces speaking of which, gotta love those effects done on Jack where he can express these emotions with the extension of just his head, and the labyrinth of wall nomes screeching along the way. Not to mention the Nome King’s slow death. Dark Disney rules.
Jack Pumpkinhead and the Gang of Misfits
Beyond the obvious horror tropes this movie reeks beautifully of and the fact it’s notably set place in October 1899, perhaps one of the most obvious nods that seals the deal to make this a Halloween treat of a film, is Jack Pumpkinhead.
Put together by OZMA, the Queen of Oz in an attempt to use him to scare off Mombi, he is instead captured by the witch because he basically has the mannerisms of a 6-year-old who just wants his “mom”. He isn’t scary by any means, but he sure is adorable.
Worth noting that Tim Burton himself has cited that the inspiration behind Jack Skellington in THE NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS was good ol’ Jack here from RETURN TO OZ.
With all that said, with the film undoubtedly labeled as a dark fantasy, I’ve always considered RETURN TO OZ even more so, a gateway to horror and a wonderous unintentional movie to watch during the Halloween season. The setting is just right to hit all the notes to give me those pre-Halloween fuzzies. Plus, the movie just rules in itself. In my humble opinion, it’s the BEST OZ movie ever done, outshining the 1939 classic. Yeah, I said it. Fight me.
RETURN TO OZ is currently streaming on Disney+. For me personally, I’ll just watch it on my old Maxwell VHS where it was recorded for me when I was three; right in betweenGREMLINS and GARFIELD’S HALLOWEEN ADVENTURE. It’s the only way to honor this delightful Halloween treat.