Tag Archives: Nightmare Nostalgia

Retro Reviews

The Underrated Holiday Special “The Christmas Toy” Sponsored by Kraft Commercials!

Image Leave a comment

Once upon a time in the 80s, I had a VHS tape filled to the very last centimeter of oxide-coated Mylar tape of nothing but Christmas specials that were played over and over again throughout every holiday season for years. The thing literally had every Xmas special episode on it including a lot of the classic Rankin Bass entries like Frosty and Rudolph, and not-so-familiar ones like “Twas The Night Before Christmas” and the deep cut of Holiday RB specials, “Leprechauns’ Christmas Gold“. Over the years we added to it, with the very first Simpson’s Christmas Special, and even further down, the masterpiece of Beavis and Butt-Head Do Christmas. Do I still own this tape? Sadly, I don’t as this 80s relic was damaged due to that son-of-a-bitch thing called Time. However, I do remember it quite vividly and especially, the very first movie on the tape that opened a plethora of Christmas vomit all over the screen-the highly underrated, Jim Henson’s “The Christmas Toy”.

WAY before Disney and Pixar’s Toy Story, the magnificent mind of Jim Henson told a tale of toys coming to life when no one was around. The story opens up with a cameo of Kermit the Frog introducing us to the home of the Jones family, bonus points to Kermit for including Weegee the family cat, and the kids’ playroom where all the magic happens along with our stories’ toy-time heroes: Rugby the Tiger, Apple the doll, and Weegee’s cat toy Mew- who was my absolute favorite because duh, he’s a cat toy! Even though that little fact was held against him for the better part of the movie.

The Playroom is abuzz with excitement for Christmas Eve with all the toys preparing for the new additions to the area, all except Rugby as he expresses fear and jealousy as he was THEE Christmas toy the year prior that his owner Jamie was most excited for. He hatches a plan to wrap himself up and settle himself under the tree so he may experience that joy once more at a new toy’s expense and it’s up to Apple, another prior favorite Christmas toy, and Mew to talk Rugby out of his nonsense.

I firmly believe Toy Story totally ripped off the premise here, as the similarities are just a little too striking for my taste buds. A jealous favorite toy trying to overthrow a new toy? Especially when that new toy is a Space Princess, (ahem, Buzz Lightyear anyone?) With that all-too-familiar morality lesson of acceptance in the end, it’s a hard pill to swallow that someone at Pixar didn’t see this special and sampled from it. The only real difference is the dark turn Jim Henson put as a spin on the story: When a toy is caught out of place when they’re up and moving around, they become “frozen-solid forever”, never to be awoken ever again. Basically becoming a lifeless toy. This happens a few times throughout the movie and one of those instances was brutally sad. But hey, 80s children’s movies went balls to the wall by making kids cry, and Jim Henson’s Christmas Toy was no exception to the golden rule of trauma!

The Christmas Toy debuted on December 6th, 1986 on ABC and was sponsored by Kraft which made this special even more deliciously appealing! Which meant the breaks consisted of commercials featuring recipes you can make at home that helped to make every holiday celebration special. Because nothing says holiday magic like processed cheese, described by the soothing narration of Ed Herlihy. Because hey, “The nicest gifts under the tree are those you make yourself.” These commercials hit the spot man, with a visual existence of holiday happiness in a warm and comfortable home, filled with family and loads of cheese.

Oustanding.

Just look at these beuts of Christmas Kraft commercial Heaven.

80sCommercialVault

In early 1994, years after The Christmas Toy aired and a year before Toy Story was released, there was a spin-off series called The Secret Life of Toys. I honestly don’t remember much about it other than it existed and occasionally caught snippets of it on the Disney Channel because, by that time, pre-teen anguish had set in and as fate would have it, it would have been Rugby’s (or hey, Woody’s) worst nightmare having a child that was growing up. However, The Christmas Toy was, and still is, a magical transport of nostalgia and in my humble opinion, a damn good Christmas story that doesn’t get nearly enough credit for being as awesome as it is.

If you want to revisit some “old friends” The Christmas Toy is currently streaming on Amazon Prime free for members. Or, you can just watch it here for free from YouTube uploader Dominic Lujan. And in case you haven’t seen it, get ready for a brand-new tradition to add to the holidays!

Retro Toy Corner

Five Really Cool Vintage Toys Spotted In “Silent Night, Deadly Night” Ira’s Toys!

Image 1 Comment
Five Really Cool Vintage Toys Spotted In Silent Night, Deadly Night's Ira's Toys!

Well, it’s that time of year where we move on from gawking at all the cool, nostalgic shit Halloween 4‘s Vincent Drugstore had buried within that film, and move on to some Christmas toy spotting in, of course, Ira’s Toys from Silent Night, Deadly Night!

Now, when I see a movie of any kind presently from the 80s and 90s and said scenes are in grocery stores, toy stores, or shopping malls, I can’t help my eyes from wandering into the background of scenes and looking for nostalgic treasures from our childhood. It’s a weird tick I have I guess, but nevertheless, actually a fun game for oneself when revisiting old classics and can make them new to you all over again when you watch with a new set of eyes.

Ira’s Toys set the stage for traumatized Billy Chapman to begin his murderous rampage against all the people he deemed as “naughty”; which was pretty much anyone doing anything remotely sinful to him. And the toy shop is undoubtedly, now an iconic image among horror movie fans across the board. So let’s get to some vintage toy shopping, shall we?!

Masters of the Universe: Castle Grayskull

Introduced by the Mattel toy line in 1982, the coveted Castle Grayskull from Masters of the Universe sold a whopping 3.5 million sets during its run in the 80s! The He-Man and Skeletor figures sold separately each came with half of a plastic sword which could be joined into one “complete” sword, corresponding to the storyline in the included mini-comic. Together, the combined sword was used as a key to open the jaw bridge to the Castle Grayskull playset. It was a pretty badass playset.

STAR WARS: RETURN OF THE JEDI JABBA THE HUT ACTION PLAYSET

Released in 1983 in conjunction with the great Return of the Jedi, Kenner spared no expense in its wildly successful Star Wars line. The toy version of the intergalactic gangster was kept strictly under wraps until the debut of Return of the Jedi in theaters, seeing as how the playset mimics a spoiler-y scene in the film complete with a “slave chain”. Pretty sure that wouldn’t go over too well with today’s audience.

Snoopy’s Dream Machine

Now, THIS is a rare find indeed for just about any toy scavenger- the 1979 Snoopy Dream Machine! This motorized contraption of Snoopy and his arch-nemesis the Red Baron required batteries and has a spinning propeller with flashing lights as Snoopy chases The Red Baron in his famous plane. It was hard to spot, but here’s a close-up picture of what the toy actually looks like.

Worthpoint

Dick Smith’s Monster Makeup Kit

Oscar-winning Makeup Artist Dick Smith (The Exorcist, The Godfather, Taxi-Driver) released several how-to books and make-up kits back in the 70s and here we got one right here at Ira’s Toys! This particular set was first issued in 1976, came with 16 molds, a manual, flex flesh, and a bottle of blood. For eye candy purposes, here’s a set I found a google that gives us a better look at it.

Worthpoint

And finally… Glorious 80s Halloween Plastic Costumes!

Ahh. The wonderful sounds and smells of a plastic garbage bag Halloween costume. Going to our local drugstore for the very latest, and greatest in noisy plastic wear was part of the Halloween tradition right along with grabbing a fun horror flick next door from Action Video, (my Mom and Pop rental store growing up). Of course, the Ben Cooper costumes were the heavyweight when it came to Halloween, but even the knockoff brands were just as good- well, I mean if they held up until the end of the night, you were in good shape- and most of the time they did. However, while they may look ridiculous, they are FAR more menacing than any kiddie costume you’ll see at the big chain stores today. I suppose Ira’s Toys here was no exception and stocked the noisy plastic wear all year long! What a great gal that Ira was.

Ira’s Toys, which is named after the film’s producer Ira Barmak, WAS an actual toy store at the time located in Herber, City, Utah, but has since been transformed into a Crossfit gym named The Mountain Gym. While you won’t be able to go there for any nostalgic toy-gazing horror movie style, you can always work on your sprints and jogging time with the spirit of Billy in the air. That outta get you going gon that treadmill a little bit faster!

Silent Night, Deadly Night – Collector’s Edition [Blu-ray]

Lists

5 Films That Totally Qualify As Christmas Movies

Image Leave a comment

Sometimes the greatest Christmas movies are ones that don’t really center around the jolly fat man or the holiday spirit entirely. Various instances in film have given us the Christmas theme in the background like a New York City cop fighting terrorists during a big Office Christmas party. Or perhaps an army of Gremlins terrorizing a town on Christmas Eve. I’m not even sure why movies like Die Hard or Gremlins are ever up for debate as far as labeling them as Holiday films; because they 100 % ARE an undeniable fact at that. However, there are some true greats I’ve seen that could totally qualify as Christmas movies right alongside that of Stripe and John McLane and it is my mission to stamp a Santa hat-wearing Sico the Robot as a cinematic staple of the holiday season.

HOOK

Bangarang indeed that Hook is undeniably a Christmas movie. I guess maybe with the late, great Robin Williams’ larger-than-life persona, one could easily forget they’re actually watching a loosely based “Peter Pan” version of Charles Dickens’ “The Christmas Carol”.

Before Peter Banning is bustled off to Neverland to save his kids from the dastardly Hook, Peter and his family arrive in London at Granny Wendy’s home is decked out to the nine in Christmas decor with the score of “God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen” playing in the background. After Peter remembers his origins, defeats Captain Hook (Dustin Hoffman), and returns to London with his children, he wakes up in the snow a changed man, grateful to be reunited with his family and determined not to miss another important moment. This, in my mind, mirrors the feel of Ebenezer Scrooge’s newfound grateful attitude and that power/money is trivial; thus reminding us to cherish the time we have we our loved ones. It’s a magical film that represents all the child-like wonder that is felt during the season and was actually released in December of 1991. So I can’t see this as anything but, a Peter Pan holiday movie.

Rocky IV

I’m probably going to hear a barrage of complaints that the national treasure that is Rocky IV is nowhere near a Christmas movie. Lemme stop you right there because you’re wrong and get off my blog right now.

Ok, I’ve gone too far. I apologize, but my feelings are pretty strong on this one.

Case in point: The film’s final fight between Ivan Drago and Rocky takes place on the 25th of December, Christmas Day, in Ivan Drago’s less-than-hospitable home of Russia for 15 rounds of revenge boxing. Let’s be realistic here; my own Italian family has taught me that there is nothing that says Christmas more than two grown men beating the ever-loving shit out of one another. While in my case, it’s usually over something petty, unlike the premise in this film, but eh- close enough.

One of the most tender, feel-good moments of the movie is during the snowy backdrop of the bleak atmosphere of Krasnogourbinsk, Russia where Rocky has just finished one of his many mountain man runs. Rocky is reunited with Adrian in order to give him the final push he needs to avenge the death of his fallen friend. Proving that Christmas time is indeed a magical time to set aside our feelings and be goddamn supportive of one another- even if it is vengeful.

Edward Scissorhands

The Tim Burton Frankenstein/ Grinch hybrid of a yes, Christmas movie has all the makings for a classic tale of that one socially awkward member of the extended family trying their best to fit in at Christmastime while simultaneously not trying to have a nervous breakdown.

I can relate all too well.

Family and love are two biggies you will find in any traditional Christmas movie, and you’ll find that among the madness here in Edward Scissorhands. The Frankenstein of suburbia has been taken off his Grinch’s mountain by the neighborhood Avon lady in an act of, what she thinks is kindness. Which would most certainly be the case in most situations, but not here I guess as, in the end, he is chased back into his safe space lair to live out the rest of his days where he belongs- unjudged.

While the Christmas scenery doesn’t arrive until the last 30 minutes of the film, the spirit of “kindness” and treating others with humility is most certainly holiday-themed exploitation that would not garner as much effect if the holiday season wasn’t present as in the rest of the movie. The Boggs try their damnedest to make Edward feel like one of the family and community, with daughter Kim eventually finding her once disgust towards Edward turning into love and understanding. In the first and second half of the film, Edward is fairly accepted and treated with admiration- even if some of it is pure curiosity and exploitation at some points. It isn’t until the Christmas season that he is demonized by the neighborhood. The juxtaposition of these themes is a major driving point for the movie’s plot: that even in the season of goodwill we can forget to treat others, especially those less fortunate, with grace, understanding, and love. Pretty much like Frankenstein and the Grinch here.

Ahh well, just a reminder that when it snows on Christmas, we know Edward is still around.

Lethal Weapon

Die Hard gets all the Christmas Action Movie glory, but credit where it’s due: Lethal Weapon came out a year earlier and is absolutely a goddamn Christmas movie. Oh and psst, a better one at that.

In the trailer for the 30th-anniversary edition of Die Hard, 20th Century Fox added the tagline, “It’s the greatest Christmas story ever told,” and not only is Lethal Weapon more authentically a Christmas movie in terms of origin, but it offers more of the sweet holiday feelings that Die Hard just never bothers to attempt to engender in the viewer. Between the initial shoot-out at the Christmas Tree Farm and the climatic Busey/Gibson fight on Murtaugh’s festively decorated front lawn, there’s again, another mirroring of a holiday classic- It’s A Wonderful Life.

When you lose important people in your life, you miss them every day. However, there’s no time when that absence is felt more strongly than during Christmas. Christmas can be stressful under the best of circumstances, and for Martin Riggs, the loss of his wife becomes too much to bear. With no family, Riggs contemplates suicide early on but thanks to a new partner and the circumstances surrounding the case they’re working together, Riggs finds a new lease on life echoing that of George Bailey.

I certainly wouldn’t want to live in a world without Martin Riggs, thank you very much- cue that “Jingle Bell Rock”!

Batman Returns

Well, I certainly feel like this is the one alternative Christmas movie I might get the least pushback on. Most people would tend to agree that Batman Returns, while not a traditional Christmas film, still has more than enough of those Christmas aesthetics to qualify as one along with the fact the entire movie is set during the season with Gotham covered in snow and the streets decked out with trees, lights and candy colors. From the red and white of the Penguin’s umbrella to the snow-covered streets of Gotham, the director is dedicated to keeping us steeped in the Christmas spirit. Even Max Schreck’s prototype power plant is all Christmassy, with its red-and-white-striped smokestacks. Speaking of the bastard, with his tousled white hair, red bow tie, and nefarious plans to steal all of the energy from Gotham’s girls and boys, he plays very well as an evil mirror of Santa Claus. How can anyone really deny the Holiday vibin’ here? Yet here we are. Still fighting the good fight to ensure its place among the Hallmark Holiday Movie classics.

Tim Burton’s Batman Returns is a unique film that explores both its heroes and villains deeply as tragic, lonely misfits trying to find meaning during the holidays. Kind of like the “Island of Misfit Toys” in Rudolph but with homicidal tendencies. This movie succeeds on so many levels in invoking the spirit of the holidays in a dark, and gothic way that is unlike any other film on this list.

And maybe, one day Batman Returns will be held in the highest regard as one of the greatest Christmas stories of all time. Because hey, “Things change”.