Universal Studios and its many theme parks around the globe are fairly well-known for their amazing theatrics, imagery, and excitement that comes along with the rides and attractions of the beloved theme park. As time rolls on, the attractions change over to the next “big market” draw for the masses- but one that will never change is the tragically lost King Kong Encounter that I refuse to let anyone forget about.
I mean, it’s pretty hard to forget a 30-foot-tall Kong screaming in your face with banana-scented breath. I know I never did!
I remember my first “Kongfrontation” quite vividly in the Summer of 1993 on a trip to also my first visit to Universal Studios Hollywood. The whole thing was actually videotaped but alas, just as with the fate of this ride, it got destroyed by the flames of injustice. So I only have my memory of watching said videotape several hundred times as a kid and of course, ye’ old faithful Yous of Tubes to light the way of a core attraction memory that seems so long ago.
The ride served as a spectacular ending to the now-infamous Universal Studios Tram ride and debuted in June of 1986- 10 years after the Dino de Laurentiis version bedazzled audiences with a bloody, scarier version of the eighth-wonder-of-the world, and was a prodigal ambition for the time paving the way for the complex themed attractions we know today. Kong’s animatronics were designed by legendary Disney Imagineer Bob Gurr with Kong’s design itself was tackled by Tom Reisenbach. This duo along with the muscle and brains of many others gave the 7-ton, 30-foot-tall, banana-scent-breathing Kong figure in the attraction the reputation of being the largest and most complicated animatronic figure in existence for many years, weighing in at 14,000 pounds and able to perform 29 different types of movements.
Pretty ground-breaking stuff for the mid-80s!
Getting on the tram ride was a real treat for guests at the park and an essential at that. After riding by lots used for Back to the Future and the real Psycho house, JAWS would pop up and give you a scare after riding over a bridge of murky waters and a couple of explosions popping off. Kong was the climactic event to seal the tour’s deal as the must-ride list at Universal Parks. The show began as the tour tram entered the soundstage into a world of New York City where they stopped in front of an apartment building, while a breaking news report about Kong’s rampage on television monitors located inside of the building’s windows showed live coverage of the destruction, informing us Kong is loose, and slightly pissed in the city.
Then, there he was- in all his goddamn 7 million-dollar animatronic glory.
With a news chopper circling overhead giving us a play-by-play, like we really needed that but still cool nonetheless, we were put at eye-level with the eighth wonder of the world and a sweet sniff of that Chiquita banana breath. Police choppers start to fire at Kong to protect us passerby citizens, but this enraged the King even more who then shook the bridge and ripped the suspension bridge cables apart in an attempt to grab us. But, of course, by the grace of RKO pictures, we escaped the giant ape and made it out safely.
It was an extraordinary experience to have and it really is a shame that a fire took out this beautiful piece of history. The infamous Universal Studios fire of 2008 began when a worker used a blowtorch to warm asphalt shingles being applied to a facade. The worker left before checking if all spots had cooled, and a three-alarm fire broke out. The fire lasted a total of 24 hours and damaged the Park quite severely, most notably destroying over 150,000 master recordings of music and, of course, the King King Encounter.
Nine firefighters and a Los Angeles County sheriff’s deputy sustained minor injuries. In the aftermath of the fire, only four walls remained of the entire Kong part of the attraction, with the only option to demolish this innovative piece of Universal history. Eventually, we got King Kong: 360 3-D, which opened on July 1, 2010, and was based on Peter Jackson’s Kong film, but it really wasn’t the same as a giant head of Kong staring directly at you with the mouth the size of a truck.
At the very least, we have our memories of what once was, and by the grace of giant monster Gods of Skull Island (well actually YouTube), we can remanence in the treasure that was the King Kong Encounter.
RIP to the coolest part of the Universal Tram ride.
Well, lemme tell you something Mean Gene: It’s been a hot minute since we covered any Saturday Morning slammin’ 80s cartoons and I can’t think of anything quite more that speaks to the decade than the shameless animated commercial geared towards kids. Yep, let’s dive into Hulk Hogan’s Rock ‘N’ Wrestling!
The Dic Animation series premiered originally on CBS in 1985 and only lasted for two seasons, but even a short-lived cartoon of such a popular subject left its imprint on 80s kids. Wrestling in the mid-80s was peak entertainment for pretty much anyone and everyone with Vince McMahon bringing the sport mainstream with soap-opera dramatics and a superhero archetype for the kids to worship- Hulk Hogan. Love him, or hate him, he made the sport a rite of passage for every man, woman, and child during that time and you just have to respect that. I’m not even sure Wrestling would be as mainstream today if it wasn’t for Thunderlips, I mean Hogan. At night, we had Saturday Night’s Main Event, and in the morning, we had Rock ‘n’ Wrestling.
Image via Mercari
Of course, we can’t have a superhero without a bad guy and the man for the job was Roddy Piper– the man, the mouth, the legend. Each episode took the basic formula that wrestling had of good guys vs bad guys and would feature Hogan leading the good guys against a group of rogue wrestlers led by Piper. Like with other cartoons at the time, we usually had a happy ending and with the good vs bad trope, each episode put both groups into wacky situations that would always result in the goodies coming out on top.
As a young Piper fan, this kind of pissed me off. Yes. I was the little sociopath who really loved seeing Hot Rod get wild and slam coconuts into the skull of Superfly, (and if you know anything about Snuka’s murder charges- that sweet coconut music slaps even harder). But, this was the formula and so it shall be that Piper didn’t get on that goodie-two-shoes train until a bit later. But never wavering with his smartass remarks. I respected that. Don’t get me wrong, as a young girl, I loved the shit out of Wendi Richter because, well as a girl I felt represented. Of course, I didn’t find out until years later how the company did her dirty as she seemed to disappear from the ring almost as fast as she entered it. Which is a damn shame, but I’m happy she was at least immortalized in this crazy cartoon alongside the greats.
Anyways, the show would also feature live-action segments with the wrestlers and songs from their WWF album. “Land of 1000 Dances” which I totally loved at the time and still sing very loudly, “Hogan’s such a yoyo” to anyone that would hear it.
Although we got to see our heroes in the show in these weird live segments, they themselves didn’t provide the voices of their animated counterparts and professional voice actors were brought in. Most notably, Brad Garrett voiced Hogan.
As stated, the series didn’t last beyond two short seasons and that was simply because the cartoon couldn’t keep up with the real-life events of the wrestling world. Most noticeably, Andre, the Giant turned heel shortly after the cartoon started airing, so in the animated series, it just didn’t make much sense. The plan was indeed to keep the cartoon in line with current stories in real-time wrestling but animating at the time, was a slower process and just couldn’t play catch-up.
After its short run on CBS Saturday mornings, the series still continued with reruns on alternate networks. I mostly remember watching it on the USA network around 87-88 in my area, just before one of their late-morning Saturday programs of matches. It was a pretty great cartoon for what it’s worth even with all the flaws, and it serves its purpose of grabbing our attention in a sea of Saturday morning cartoons while also making Hulkamaniacs into those who hadn’t yet caught the wrestling train to 24-inch Python-ville.
So let’s raise our glasses of vitamin D milk to Hulk Hogan’s Rock ‘N’ Wrestling, this badass Rocky-inspired intro, and the poor lady that got trampled towards the end of this intro that never even bothered editing out.
Love in horror films is a common staple in almost every plotline. Boy and girl meet. Boy and girl discover a monster. Boy and girl fight monster. Boy and girl fall in love while doing so, blah fucking blah. However, sometimes, it’s not so simple as that and the focal point in said horror film is the tragic love story in itself and what a shit show the feels can really be.
With the hallmark holiday of St. Valentine is upon us and while some of you may be planning hot dinner dates with your beloved spit-swapper, the rest of you are absolutely wanting to give out throat punches at the idea of celebrating this very commercial holiday where everyone is shoving mushy-mush love down your esophagus. It could be you are coming fresh out of a relationship leaving you wounded, or perhaps you’re in an unhealthy partnership now. Maybe it’s as simple as you just loathe this day altogether and the whole damn thing makes you want to vomit.
Any one of those reasons is validation enough and if that’s the case, this list is dedicated to all you readers out there who have sworn off love this Valentine’s Day. Instead of giving you the same ol’ “Here’s 10 horror movies for you to watch on Valentine’s Day” list with My Bloody Valentine always seemingly ending up with the top spot, I’ve decided to show you five examples of great tragic love stories in the horror genre. Because in the case this holiday may have you down in the dumps (it happens), at least you didn’t end up like these sad as hell horror movie couples. So bask in these five tales of love and woe readers, and remember, you could be a lot worse off.
Edward Scissorhands
It took a while for Kim to actually warm up to Edward given his awkward appearance and well, handicap. However, Edward loved her from the moment he set eyes on not her, but a picture of her. And once he got a peek at Kim in the flesh, it was all over. She had his heart. Once Kim finally came around by looking deeper into Edward’s genuine and pure as virgin’s blood love for her, it was the most disgustingly adorable on-screen romance you had ever seen. But hey, they’re on this list; It didn’t end with all sunshine and roses.
After a violent confrontation with Kim’s douche canoe of an ex (Jim), that ended with Edward killing the guy, an already angry crowd of townspeople gathered at his deceased maker’s home. Upon the pitchforkers seeing the now dead Jim outside the walls, Edward’s fate was sealed. Facing the ugly truth that Edward just couldn’t fit in with the normalcy of the outside world, and probably facing murder charges, both unanimously came to the conclusion that he was better off disappearing back into the shadows of his lonely castle. A broken-hearted Kim left her love Edward to once again, live a life of solitude and fibbed to the town that Edward had died in the struggle with Jim. They never saw each other again. Pretty heart-breaking folks.
King Kong(1976)
Beastiality without performing the actual act at its finest. The three major Kong movies we’ve received in the past 80 years, the original 1933 RKO, Dino De Laurentiis’ 1976 version, and Peter Jackson’s monster three-hour epic, all pretty much stay true to the same storyline with minor differences in interactions between beauty and the beast. So for this particular list, we will use the underrated 1976 film as our argument.
While the King of Skull Island treated his prize like a queen, Dwan was only interested in fame and glory. Several times, Kong portrayed real feelings of compassion toward the human, and Dwan just ended up selling him out to that dick, Charles Grodin in exchange for money and instant notoriety. And poor Kong goes along with it to appease his beloved until he believes she is threatened. Then all hell breaks loose. Did she feel bad about the tragic end of her protector? Sure she did, and she ends up alone in the middle of what she had initially had strived for all along. Fame. All at the price of losing her relationship with both her human love interest Jack, and her weird connection with Kong for whose death she was ultimately responsible. Kind of a bitch move.
Phantom of the Opera
As with Kong, the beautiful tale of love and woe that is Phantom of the Opera, has been mulled over many times in film and theater; making it possibly one of the greatest and audibly appealing horror films in the past 100 years. However, Universal horror icon Claude Rains’ portrayal of the disfigured man in love, is a classic and personal favorite.
Erique Claudin (Rains) is a bit discouraged after being dismissed from his long years of being a violinist at the Paris Opera House due to the failing limbs in his hands. Now, had Erique had put savings aside he may have been OK. However, this man was secretly in love with a young up-and-coming Opera singer Christine Dubois; and had been quietly funding the future starlet’s music lessons.
In the hopes of making ends meet, Claudin writes and sends off a concerto for the Opera House. After becoming concerned when he receives no word on his operetta status, the man takes a trip to the publishers only to learn they had stolen his music. In a struggle with said concerto thief, acid is thrown in Claudin’s face and the Phantom with an agenda is born.
That agenda is to see his love become successful. Maybe he went a little overboard by murdering the female lead in one of the operas Christine was an understudy for, and dropping a giant chandelier on the audience, but eh, who the hell are we to judge a man’s heart? In the midst of the chaos, Claudin sweeps Christine to the sewer undergrounds and proclaims his love for her. Christine still doesn’t know this was once a dear friend of hers, and Claudin has not revealed his identity, leaving her afraid and at the masked man’s mercy. He begins to play on his piano and urges his love to sing the concerto he had written for her. In the meantime, two of Dubois’ suitors come to her rescue, following the sounds of the music. When they reach the pair, one fires a gun at the ceiling, crushing Claudin to death.
In the aftermath, Christine realizes her captor was actually Claudin, and admiringly had said she had always felt “drawn to him”. Thus leaving her two potential suitors behind in honor of the man who loved her into his demise, and focusing only on her singing career.
The Crow
“People once believed that when someone dies, a crow carries their soul to the land of the dead. But sometimes, something so bad happens that a terrible sadness is carried with it and the soul can’t rest. Then sometimes, just sometimes, the crow can bring that soul back to put the wrong things right.”
The tragic love story that serves as the center plot in 1994’s The Crow, and the real-life tragedy regarding Brandon Lee’s death behind the scenes of this beloved film, are enough to make anyone’s tear ducts swell. Shelly and Eric were relationship goals. The depth of Eric’s love for his lady is what every ghoul dreams of one day. Which makes this tale truly one of the saddest that I can personally think of. The brutal circumstances surrounding both Shelly’s and Eric’s murder drives Draven to come back from the grave one year later to avenge their untimely demise. Under the guidance of a crow, Draven tracks down the perpetrators and makes them suffer in the name of his lost love.
However, the satisfaction of seeing one of the main culprits being impaled by a gargoyle (kick-ass scene), doesn’t undo the past as Eric returns to Shelly’s grave. What was once can now never be but, if the people we love are stolen from us, the way to have them live on is to never stop loving them. Buildings burn, people die, but real love is forever.
The Fly (1986)
On top of being one of the top horror remakes of all time, Cronenberg’s The Fly is so much more than a monster movie. Without a doubt, it’s one of the saddest, and most painful love tales one can watch unfold on-screen. Seth and Veronica’s whirlwind romance looks and feels so authentic, as the pair have incredibly believable chemistry that sucks you right into this strange world of telepods, insects, and tragedy. And leaves you in a hot mess of tears and puke- because you and I both know this movie can easily produce projectile vomit for the queasy.
Just as things were heating up for the genius inventor and the journalist, a spontaneous experiment with Brundle’s telepods goes terribly wrong as a fly snuck into one of the pods with Seth, resulting in DNA fusion. Unlike the 1958 Vincent Price film, Brundle’s transformation is not instantaneous, and at first, Seth feels exhilarated and powerful. Of course, we know that’s just the bug juices flowing through his veins. Veronica can see that something is terribly wrong with her newfound love, and as Seth soon finds out, is dangerously right.
One of the key points that really feels like a stab in the heart of viewers, is a half-mutated Brundlefly’s speech to Veronica on “insect politics”. Veronica is desperate to help Seth, however, Brundle knows that he is beyond her help and orders her to stay away as he feels the insect inside of him has at this point, completely taken over.
“You have to leave now, and never come back here. Have you ever heard of insect politics? Neither have I. Insects don’t have politics. They’re very brutal. No compassion, no compromise. I’m an insect who dreamt he was a man and loved it. But now the dream is over… and the insect is awake. I’m saying… I’ll hurt you if you stay.”
GUT-WRENCHING.
The biggest kick in the dick is at the very end, however. Brundle, insane with an idea to fuse him, and a now pregnant Veronica together in the telepods seem like the answer to his problem. With the help of a concerned, although douche ex-lover and co-worker of Ronnie’s, she manages to escape leaving Brundle’s DNA to be accidentally fused with the pod itself. Now we have a mutated human-fly-telepod. Good grief. Seth reaching deep inside to his human counterpart shakily grabs a shotgun a distressed Veronica has in her hand and points it at his head, urging his love to end the madness. A hysterical Geena Davis complies and blows Goldblum’s brains out, giving us one of the most miserable endings to any horror film.
Ugh. Love stinks.
Happy Valentine’s Day Nostalgic Nuggets! Now, I’m off to eat an entire box of chocolates and cry in my pillow.
