In the year of our Lord, 1984, Apple launched its very first Macintosh Computer commercial bringing the wave of the future that would soon enter classrooms-Oregon trail anyone? Wendy’s wondered, “Where’s the Beef?” And Michael Jackson traded his lovely locks for a set of singed hairs on the set of the Pepsi commercial. It was a massive time for Pop Culture, consumerism, and the start of international benefit concerts and albums such as Band-Aid. It was the epitome of the Reagan era-who absolutely walloped Walter Mondale in the presidential primary election of that year. 1984 was also the year we were introduced to several legendary horror icons and franchises, Reaganomics not included, that have become some of the most beloved in the genre fan base. From a jacked, unstoppable Arnold, to a hungry green ghost that loves to slime Bill Murray, to Gremlins cannonballing into swimming pools, 1984 blew the genre into an otherworldly realm: THE BLOCKBUSTER. The two aforementioned films opened on the SAME DAY in 1984. Pretty wild to think that GHOSTBUSTERS and GREMLINS opened against each other on June 8th, 1984 to kick off the Summer and both movies ended up being the highest-performing films at the box office of the year. The combined forces brought in over a whopping $400 million domestically in theaters.

Winston said it best, folks.

1984 horror stood out with the blockbuster numbers for sure, but the year also brought some of the BEST in the Christmas horror game; with a total of three making the top 10 cut here, which is rather unusual for any yearly top ten horror list. One of which was banned from theaters due to a bunch of uptight pearl clutches who can’t differentiate a Santa Claus fiction from, well, another Santa Claus fiction. Crazy concept, eh?

Anyway, let’s get down on it, but real quick: It’s not really a movie but a short and I would never forgive myself for not giving it a spot here, so Honorary Best Horror Short Film goes to:

FRANKENWEENIE

In Tim Burton’s first major debut, his short film FRANKENWEENIE puts a spin on Mary Shelley’s FRANKENSTEIN, and we get our first taste of what I call, “The Burton Touch”. His films’ atmosphere is always immediately recognizable to his taste and character, mashing goth, fantasy, and horror all in one beautiful bubble of his very own genre. This neo-gothic French kiss to one of the greatest horror stories of all time is a virgin Tim Burton popping his cherry to the world, and it’s one of his best.

Before we actually get into this personalized top 10, I have to admit I had a HELL of a time placing these to my satisfaction- and even now writing this I’m definitely struggling because, in a perfect world, no one would EVER ask me to choose between, Slimer, Freddy, Stripe, and the goddamn Terminator. The audacity of this shit has been tasking on my mental health, y’all. So go easy on me.

10. THE TOXIC AVENGER

The only toxic relationship I want in my life. Troma’s 1984 triumph of raunchy cheese with a bullied nerd who, by the powers of toxic waste, becomes-THE TOXIC AVENGER! I still can’t believe this schlocky cult film was ever made into a Saturday morning cartoon for kids where, in the movie itself, had the absolute balls to kill a kid- very brutally! I mean, don’t get me wrong, I respect the hell out of a movie that pulls that kind of shit. When I was a kid in the 80s’, we always used the “points” tally for when we would make each other eat shit on our bikes. Beyond the movie itself being extra over-the-top in true TROMA fashion in gratuitous violence and perky mammary glands, Mop Melvin is the only true Avenger that ever mattered for us horror nerds. We salute you and your tutu, Toxie.

9. NIGHT OF THE COMET

The first of the Christmas Horror films, don’t tell me it isn’t because we WILL fight, is NIGHT OF THE COMET starring Catherine Mary Stewart and horror sweetheart Kelli Maroney, (you can check out our interview with her here!) While the world was waiting for Halley’s Comet to arrive in 1986, in comes a mini zombie apocalypse movie thanks to, well, a comet and leaves us with an end-of-mankind film with two totally ass-kicking women leads. We’re presented with two sisters from the Valley who are not ashamed of their sexuality, nor do they allow themselves to be shamed for it. They are capable of survival with or without a man to save them, and it really kicks that Valley Girl stereotype in the balls. Which is refreshingly different. The soundtrack is amazing. The nostalgia is high, looking back into the golden year of 1984. And it’s Kelli Maroney with zombies. What’s really not to love here?

8. FIRESTARTER

Stephen King’s FIRESTARTER is basically him writing a horror version of an X-MEN comic, and being a HUGE fan of X-MEN, I AM HERE FOR IT. Starring a young Drew Barrymore, Keith David, George C. Scott, and Martin Sheen, FIRESTARTER is Charlie, a little girl wanted by the government for her pyrokinesis and telekinetic abilities and is on the run with her father, who also harbors mind control powers- a little like Professor X! While Charlie’s powers are inherited, her parents’ abilities are the result of a government experiment, and now the shitheads at power want that little girl for their own personal weapon.

With a fantastic score by Tangerine Dream and an outstanding performance by a 9-year-old Drew, FIRESTARTER is miles better than the 2022 remake and I like to think the blueprint for STRANGER THINGS‘ Eleven. It’s not everyone’s favorite King adaptation, I’ve learned over the years, but it’s hard not to enjoy a film that features a little Drew Barrymore in pink bunny slippers telling Martin Sheen to go to hell. Yeah, she can start fires with her mind, but that is almost just as entertaining.

7. CHILDREN OF THE CORN

Ahh. 1984- the year when we attacked Linda Hamilton. Hear me outlanders, another Stephen King adaptation CHILDREN OF THE CORN had us never looking at corn fields the same way ever again. When the children of Gaitlin kill every adult in town on one fine Sunday morning at the will of creepy kid Issac and “he who walks behind the rows”, the premise of creepy kids in horror movies is thrown up a few notches and remains at the tippy-top of the killer-kid genre in the horror field. Enter Linda Hamilton and Peter Horton coming across this ghost town in the middle of cornfield nowhere full of homicidal kids and we got ourselves a good goddamn movie.

Also, one of the greatest PSAs’ for birth control I’ve ever seen.

6. FRIDAY THE 13TH PART IV: THE FINAL CHAPTER

After a year of absence from Jason Voorhees in 1983, FRIDAY THE 13TH attempted to bring the legacy of Jason home with THE FINAL CHAPTER and a definitive ending to our Crystal Lake killer- but we all know that hella didn’t happen. However, IF, this was actually the end of Jason, I felt it would have been a pretty proper send-off. This movie is a goddamn SLASHERTERPIECE. It has every box checked for everything you could want in a 80s slasher film: Corey Feldman. Naked twins. A pervert called Teddy Bear. A banana-eating hitchhiker. And a cool dog that LIVES toward the end of the movie. Also, with a great cast to boot-probably the best cast of all the Friday films, we are gifted with the national treasure of Crispin Glover and a dance that, to this day, no one has ever forgotten.

5. SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT

Our second Christmas horror film of the list-SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT is a personal favorite of mine and one horror flick where no one ever saw a franchise forming but here the fuck we are. And thank fucks because SNDN 5: THE TOYMAKER is a horrible guilty pleasure of mine. The karens’ of 1984 managed to get this holiday horror movie, that consists of a homicidal maniac dressed as Santa that murders a (shocker) naked Linnea Quigley by mounted deer antlers through the tatas, banned from theaters after only a week of it being released. Jokes on you, pearl clutches. That just piqued our interest all the more and we raise our disgusting eggnog to Billy- one of the most unhinged antagonists of a horror movie of all time that we also all collectively feel devastated and sorry for. That’s one hell of a combo and never easy to pull off. Plus, I love pausing the flick and looking around at all the vintage toys in IRA’s… it’s just an added bonus.

Before we go any further, I literally had a panic attack trying to rank the final four films because I love them all almost equally. So, basically what it came down to was longevity, the legacy, and a tad of a personal opinion.

4. The Terminator

Sticking THE TERMINATOR at number 4 hurts my goddamn soul, but hey, these decisions are never taken lightly. Also, I’m sure some would argue that TERMINATOR is NOT a horror movie, and while I tend to agree mostly with that, the premise of an unstoppable force hunting you down and the mass genocide of a human race by machines is enough for it to qualify. Again, we have the lovely Linda Hamilton as Sarah Connor who, in the future, gives birth to humankind’s only hope for survival, John Connor. Enter the Arnold, a cyborg consisting of living tissue over a robotic endoskeleton who is sent from the future to terminate Sarah and her upcoming pregnancy. James Cameron at his finest right here but the million-dollar question remains: according to Kyle Reese, these Terminators sweat and have stank breath. Which begs me to ask: these bots fartin’?

3. GREMLINS

Joe Dante and Stephen Spielberg’s team up of the horror Christmas classic GREMLINS, is undoubtedly, one of my own personal favorite films of all time. So putting it at number 3 hurts my own feelings, but someone has to suffer here, I guess. Writer Chris Columbus has us super emotionally invested in GIZMO, a mogwai given to Billy as a Christmas gift from his father who he found, and kind of stole, from a little shop in Chinatown. As cute as he can be, he comes with massive responsibilities that would be hard for any human to have to follow, let alone a teenager. And when the rule of 3 is broken, chaos ensues and Stripe along with a few other minions are born. This holiday movie is just so much fun and can be watched all year long without batting an eye. Although, I have to admit, it’s not really Christmas until I see Mrs. Deagle flying out a window. I just hope her cats were ok!

2. GHOSTBUSTERS

Listen, this seriously pains me putting GHOSTBUSTERS at number 2, but again, here I am, with my sanity slowing melting away like the sludge that drips off Venkman’s earlobes during the Slimer attack. Released on the same day as GREMLINS in June of 1984, GHOSTBUSTERS hits all the marks for what a great Blockbuster film should be and the concept of the action-horror-comedy genre was basically born as such thanks to this film. The 80s would HAVE never looked the same without the Ghostbusters and the mythic spell they put on its audiences that carried over into cartoons, merchandising, and a sequel five years later; not to mention the movies that have followed the events of the 80s’ films over the last few years with MORE coming. I can’t say much about this movie that hasn’t already been said a million times over, but I will say this: The MICK SMILEY MAGIC scene is by far, one of the GREATEST pieces of mood-setting cinematics in the history of film. Yeah, I said that and will die on that hill. The scene highlights ghosts staking their claim onto New York City, but the real monster is the one who let them out- a man with no dick, a Con Edison employee. If you’ve ever lived in New York, it’s completely plausible that a piece of shit like that would bring about the end of the world.

Anyways, enjoy this scene in all it’s brilliance. It’s so damn pretty. I get chills every time I watch it.

1. A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET

When it comes down to brass tacks boils and ghouls, Wes Craven’s A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET reigns supreme of 1984 for one reason beyond it being my favorite slasher franchise: Freddy became the forerunner into bringing serious horror into the mainstream market. This is not to shit on HALLOWEEN or FRIDAY THE 13th by any means at all. But history doesn’t lie. Freddy became the face of 80s horror luring a young generation in by his very claws. Between the merch, TV specials, music videos, and hell his own hour on MTV, well, Nancy said it best:

Everyone knows who Freddy is.

It also goes without saying that it’s one HELL of a movie that clawed its imprint on an entire generation of not just horror fans, but reached beyond the genre’s spectators into the minds and fears of those who don’t know dick about horror movies. That’s some serious slasher power right there. To this very day, no remake, reboot, or some carbon copy could ever TOUCH the perfection that is A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET. It also has Johnny Depp debuting himself to the world in a crop top. Yeah, that ain’t getting beat today, boys.

Well, nuggets. I can’t imagine literally anyone being happy with this ranking as I’m sure it’s going to cause hell for me via some die-hard fans of these movies. However, I’m ready to hear your praises, complaints, and thoughtful opinions! Let me have it in the comments! And let’s hear it for the massive year that is 1984!